411's WWE Heat Report 11.05.06
Posted by Scott Slimmer on 11.05.2006
What happens on this week’s episode of Heat? You decide in this special one-year anniversary edition of the Heat Report!
Hey guys and gals, I'm Scott, and this is 411's WWE Heat Report.
Okay, so that part about you deciding what happens on this week's episode of Heat? Yeah, that was a lie. So sue me. We are, however, going to be treated to four matches from Taboo Tuesday 2004 and 2005, and you did have the power to decide what happened in those matches. See, so it was just a little lie. Kind of a, "No, I did not have sexual intercourse with that woman" kind of lie, not a, "Yes, we have confirmed reports of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq" kind of lie. Ooh, the Heat Report gets political. Hey, the times they are a-changin'.
In other news, this Heat Report marks my one year anniversary here at 411. In fact, my very first column for the site was my special pre-Taboo Tuesday edition of 411's WWE Heat Report 11.01.05 featuring Joey Styles' first match as a WWE commentator. A year later, I'm sure that Vince and Larry are both quite shocked that Joey and I still show up for work every week. On the flip side, I'm also sure that both Joey and I have absolutely no idea how we've lasted a year without getting fired. I've learned alot of important lessons during this past year, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to share with you just a few of them:
1. I am a better Heat Reporter than Jeff Small could ever even hope to be.
2. Rob Conway rules all.
3. I hate Eugene and Hacksaw Jim Duggan in a way that the English language does not have the words to express.
4. Comparing Small to me is like comparing a flashlight to the sun.
5. Larry Csonka works in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It is his true medium.
6. The best 411 column to use for "releasing some tension" is undoubtedly Bayani Domingo's Truth B Told.
7. I'm still upset about that time Small lost his smile and quit the site.
8. The level of homoerotic sexual tension expressed in the 411 Super Secret Staff Forum is terrifying. Seriously, even Mark Foley would get creeped out in there.
9. Burning your hand on the heating element in your oven hurts like a bitch. I learned that one last night.
10. Small's mom makes REALLY good pancakes.
Anyway, I think we have some wrestling to discuss. You're probably aware that unlike Raw and Smackdown!, Heat is now available exclusively on WWE.com. The video-on-demand nature of Heat allows me to screen each episode for you while still allowing you to watch all or part of the show after reading my report. I want this column to be a resource to help you decide which segments are worth watching and which segments are worth skipping. However, I also want to cover each segment in detail for those of you who do not have the time, the desire, or the ability to watch Heat yourself. I'm going to try and meet both of these goals by separating this column into a preview and a review. The preview will include the title of each segment, the tag line for each segment, the running time for each segment, and the non-spoiler bottom line on whether or not the segment is worth watching. The review will include a detailed description of all of the action in each segment. Okay kids, enough with the boring stuff. Let's get to the wrestling.
The Preview
Segment 1:Raw vs. Smackdown Tag Line: When Edge & Chris Masters challenged Smackdown, the fans chose Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio to face them. Running Time: 9:38 Bottom Line: Okay, I know I'm not supposed to give away any spoilers in the Preview, but it's only fair to mention that Edge was injured at the time and actually replaced in this match by Gene Snitsky. Thus we're actually looking at Chris Masters & Gene Snitsky vs. Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio, and having both Masters and Snitsky in the same match never bodes well for the quality of the match. That being said, Hardy and Mysterio worked really hard and bumped their asses off in order to make this match into something that was actually quite entertaining. It was simply great work by both Hardy and Mysterio to carry Masters and Snitsky through a hot little match. Watch it.
Segment 2:Fulfill Your Fantasy Tag Line: Candice was one of several challengers to Trish Stratus' gold in 2005's Fulfill Your Fantasy Diva Battle Royal. Running Time: 8:02 Bottom Line: Dude, this match is worthless even by Diva standards. The only purpose of this match was to further the saga of Trish Stratus and Mickie James, but the in-ring action was almost non-existent. The Fulfill Your Fantasy Diva Battle Royal from Taboo Tuesday 2004 at least featured Stacy Keibler in a school-girl outfit, but no such luck here. Skip it. Seriously. Skit it.
Segment 3:A Legendary Partner Tag Line: In 2005, WWE fans chose "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka to team with Eugene against Rob Conway & Tyson Tomko. Running Time: 9:44 Bottom Line: Hmm, we've got Rob Conway, Tyson Tomko, Eugene, and a "slightly past his prime" WWE legend. Yep, this one has "Heat Match" written all over it. You all know how much I loathe Eugene, but I've got nothing but love for the other three guys in the match. Sure, this may have been a pretty weak pay-per-view match, but it's actually pretty good by Heat standards. Go ahead and watch it.
Segment 4:Shelton's Chance Tag Line: In 2004, WWE fans voted for Shelton Benjamin to face Chris Jericho for the Intercontinental Championship. Running Time: 9:33 Bottom Line: There's pretty much no way you can go wrong in a match with Shelton Benjamin and Chris Jericho. Benjamin was still a plucky young face at this point, and that role suited him much better than his current arrogant prick gimmick. Jericho was also a face at this point, but Jericho always was one of the few guys that could work equally well as either a face or a heel. Anyway, the resulting match may not have been the absolute best that these two guys are capable of, but it was still pretty darn good. Be sure to watch it.
The Review
Segment 1: Raw vs. Smackdown (Chris Masters & Gene Snitsky vs. Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio from Taboo Tuesday 2005)
Segment 2: Fulfill Your Fantasy (Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James vs. Victoria vs. Maria vs. Ashley Massaro vs. Candice Michelle in a Fulfill Your Fantasy Diva Battle Royal for the WWE Women's Championship from Taboo Tuesday 2005)
Okay kids, that's it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I'll see you back here next weekend.
