The Furious Flashbacks – WWE Cyber Sunday ‘06

Posted by Arnold Furious on 11.06.2006

You’re better off surfing the ‘net for porn for 3 hours. That’s the real Cyber Sunday

The Furious Flashbacks – WWE Cyber Sunday ‘06

You're better off surfing the ‘net for porn for 3 hours. That's the real Cyber Sunday

PLUGS – Before we get going I have a few things for you to check out. Firstly Mediocre Films on You Tube or Mediocre Films.com. The song about Jesus being a gun toting Ford driver is pretty good but my personal favourite would be The Phone Call to God, which won me over in the first place. I'm a fan. Elsewhere I had an email from my old pal Gavin Niven who informs me he has a new forum he'd like plugging. Consider it plugged sir.

We're in Cincinnati, Ohio. Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler. The hosts on the voting are Todd Grisham & Maria. First decision today is the opponent for Umaga. The choice the viewers had were; Kane, Chris Benoit or Sandman. The fans vote 49% for Kane thus giving us a match we've already seen several times. Way to go guys!

Umaga w/Armando Alejandro Estrada v Kane

I hope Benoit realises we just didn't want him jobbing here on the IWC. Much like the other matches these two have had the action is fairly slack. Umaga actually does his best to counter the general zombie style of Taker's brother. He's getting an array of relatively over stuff like the belly to belly, which is followed by a kick to the face on the zombie sit up. Spinning heel kick impresses with it's speed. Kane's attempts at a comeback are met with the Flatliner. Umaga continues to dominate and hits the diving headbutt off the second rope for 2. Umaga beats Kane down in the corner and adds in the butt avalanche. LONG delay on that suggesting that Kane was going to move but he just sat there and took it. This Kane looks like a shadow of his former self. Umaga lines up the Spike…FOR SAMOA…but hits the ring post. Kane's offence consists entirely of punches until he gets caught in the Samoan Drop. Estrada seems to think it's over but Kane sits up again. Goozle! Umaga goes to the eyes to stop that but misses a corner charge. Kane back suplexes him. Hey, a wrestling move! Nice one Glenn. Kane heads up top and kicks Estrada off the apron but Umaga punches him on the way down. SAMOAN SPIKE! Hmm, that looked like crap. Match is over anyhow as Umaga takes the predictable win at 8.38. *1/2. Plodding opener that really didn't get the fans going. Umaga is heading in the right direction but the WWE still don't seem to realise why Samoa Joe is over but they're sure trying to get Umaga as over as he is.

BACKSTAGE Queen Sharmell tries to get the Big Show's support in defence of whatever belt comes up. Show is more interested in being the champion of champions and doesn't trust either Sharmell or King Booker. Sharmell isn't impressed telling Show he'll live to regret his decision.

Cryme Tyme v Charlie and the Chocolate Factory v Highlanders v Texas Rangers

Thanks to Dunn for the awesome Vis/Haas name. The voting here is for what kind of match we have and Texas Tornado wins hands down leaving us with all eight men in the ring at the same time. Way to go WWE fans – vote for the Mongolian Cluster Fuck match. Cryme Tyme start fastest only for Vis to throw Shad around a bit. Shad picks up JTG for the slingshot splash, which gets 2. Cade & Murdoch break that up but the Highlanders bring the Battering Ram action and clean them out. FLYING SCOTSMEN! Double pescado's there. Haas puts the boots to JTG who seems to be ‘the guy who gets isolated' on this team. Haas levels him with a German suplex but Shad runs in to big boot Haas down. Vis-Shad again and this time Shad runs into the Black Hole Slam. JTG drags Haas into the squash in the corner. Highlanders in to dropkick Vis out. Cade & Murdoch get in there to isolate Robbie and he takes the HIGH & LOW. Cryme Tyme throw them out though and pin the fallen Robbie at 4.25. They stole the win. ½*. Just a bunch of spots but then giving that kind of match air time on PPV is asking for just that.

POST MATCH Cryme Tyme run distraction with the commentary team so Shad can lift Lawler's laptop.

BACKSTAGE Shawn punches the space bar repeatedly as he struggles to decide who the referee is for their match. HHH comes in to advise him suggesting that they've offended Vince McMahon and The Coach already. That just leaves Eric Bischoff who they haven't offended much. HHH says Bischoff said they don't know controversy. Shawn brings up Montreal and says HHH married "whatshername". Shawn is very upset about being told he's not controversial and superkicks "Stan". Another production guy eats a superkick then another one. Heh, Shawn randomly superkicking people backstage makes me chuckle.

SHILL – Disciple who recorded the theme music to Cyber Sunday.

IC title – Jeff Hardy (c) v Carlito

This one was always pretty obvious. The Internet votes Shelton into second spot but Carlito has 62% of the vote. Sign in crowd – Jeff Hardy sucks. He nearly blows a roll up, which JR calls "somewhat unorthodox". Yeah, or blown as it is in the real world. Speaking of blowing Jeff hooks up a side headlock where he has no leverage at all. So it looks like crap. Jeff gets in the way of a leapfrog or a rana or something and that's another blown spot from the Fraggle on PCP. Carlito decides it's time to turn this into a carry job and dropkicks Jeff's knee away. Suplex gets 2. Jeff gets up a head of speed and dropkicks Carlito in the ribs. Clothesline and that's the one thing Jeff can do that looks realistic. Jeff with his mule kick, which barely connects. Carlito bails out after that and Jeff dropkicks him through the ropes. Railrunner gets cut off with a dropkick. Long chinlock from Carlito leads to the corner double kick from Jeff but Carlito counters with boots to the ribs for 2. That's twice he's used the same approach of just sticking his feet in Jeff's way and letting Jeff injure himself. Grounded BORE-HUG, which actually makes sense but doesn't stop the crowd chanting "boring". Jeff hits a jawbreaker out but Carlito rolls him up with a handful of tights for 2. Back to that BORE-HUG, which still makes sense but still isn't winning anyone over. Jeff elbows his way out so Carlito hits him with a Flapjack for 2. Next up in the cavalcade of rest holds is a chinlock again. Jeff blows something else and eventually strolls over and hits a DDT, which is a mess. Well, Jeff, the honeymoon is over. You suck again. Jeff with the vicious GOURDBUSTER for 2. Jeff goes up top for the Swanton but Carlito gets his knees up using the same strategy as twice before. That gets 2. Carlito goes lucha with a springboard senton and the quebrada gets 2. Another springboard misses entirely. Jeff goes for the Twist of Fate but gets shoved off but keeps moving into the Whisper in the Wind…for 2. Jeff goes back up top but he takes too long and gets caught. Carlito can't get the super rana and falls off. The Swanton finishes at 13.22. Have they lost their minds? Jobbing Carlito out, a potential main event guy, to a has been like Jeff Hardy? * for the match although Carlito did a superb job of dragging Jeff through it and keeping it just about together. Whenever Jeff got the chance to take over he just blew it. Being over with the kids will do a lot for your career though, which is lucky for Jeff because otherwise he'd be unemployed.

SHILL – the new Hulk Hogan triple DVD set "The Ultimate Anthology". Next up is the guest referee spot for the DX v ELO match. We don't even see the competitors for that honour, which should tell you Vince McMahon lost. With any luck he'll take the hint and stay off TV for a while.

DX v Edge/Randy Orton

No Lita because she's in action later. To no one's surprise Eric Bischoff is named guest referee. Quick sidenote – Maria dropping in and out of character is really hurting her. Is she stupid, or what? What's the deal? Bischoff starts out letting practically everything go and his counts are deliberate both ways. Shawn wins rock, paper & scissors to start. "Good old rock, nothing beats rock" – HHH's brain/Bart Simpson. Shawn chops Edge around before pulling his tights down on a sunset flip. Edge's ass is hanging out. I REALLY don't like the look on Orton's face. Eye contact, dude. Shawn chops Edge's ass. Well, there's something I never thought I'd see. HHH tags in and goes to come off the top but decides it's too high up. HHH with a few punches, which still look horribly gimmicked and have done since…forever. You'd have thought he'd have learnt to throw strikes by now. Orton tags in and HHH suplexes him. DX are sure making ELO look like bitches here. Finally Orton backs HHH into the heel corner and they blind tag to set up an Orton dropkick. HHH still has the audacity to kick out at 1. OR was he doing that because he wasn't sure if Bischoff's count would be fast or not? Hidden Highlight! Bischoff vaguely admonishes Orton for giving HHH the boots in the corner. Edge tags in to run more heat on HHH but gets caught in a DDT. That's enough for Shawn to get the hot tag. Flying forearm and Shawn nips up. HHH walks in to slam Edge. Shawn goes up top – SAVAGE ELBOW! He's thinking about tuning up the band. HHH monkeys around distracting Bischoff and allowing Orton to trip Shawn up and post him groin first. HHH complains but Bischoff is actually right in his assertion that he was busy with HHH in the corner so didn't see anything. Orton comes in to knee drop Shawn a few times. Shawn eats up a heat segment now. Edge draws HHH in with the crotch chopping. Edge with a nice standing dropkick for 2. Orton comes in to demonstrate his own standing dropkick for 2. Then it's the chinlock. Yawn. Shawn eventually chops his way out but gets caught in the round the backbreaker. Orton smartly tags Edge in to keep their guy fresh. Edge sets for the spear but misses and hits Eric Bischoff. What the hell was Bischoff doing standing there? Now we get some really stupid stuff as Shawn clocks Edge with the Enzuigiri and the other guys (HHH & Orton) just stand on the apron waiting for a tag. The referee is lying face down on the mat. You don't need to wait for a tag. There's no one there to see it. And they BOTH did it. High knee for Orton, facebuster for Edge. Spinebuster for Orton. HHH is all fired up. Edge stops the Pedigree though with the spear. Shawn is back up and throws Edge outside. Pescado! Orton sees his chance…RKO! We get ourselves a new ref who counts…TWO! So Triple H gets to kick out of the RKO, eh? He stalks HHH looking for a second RKO but HHH shoves him off into the superkick. HHH gets the pin but Bischoff pulls the referee out. To be fair he WAS the appointed official. Shawn takes offence so Edge chair shots him. Hold up here a second. Bischoff got speared by Edge and that somehow makes them buddies? Anyway he lets that chair shot go so we're blatantly into the cheating part of the match. HHH was going for the Pedigree but Orton hits him with a chair and then does the RKO on the chair for the win at 18.10. Erm, the RKO on the chair is only going to hurt Orton because the impact is chin on shoulder. So Orton just back bumped onto a chair for no reason. **1/2. Perfectly acceptable formula tag until the weird booking kicked in at the end. It really didn't make any sense.

SHILL – The Marine. This time we focus on the swamp scene. Do you think they're getting desperate to get their $15M back? It actually has now btw, which means The Marine will actually make money. Well colour me surprised.

BACKSTAGE ELO have a chat. Lita is all set for the women's title while the other two are off to the hotel to celebrate. Orton's look at Edge is once again gay. His reputation probably isn't helped by those photos on the ‘net and his Dad's reputation.

Women's title – Mickie James v Lita

This ends up as a Lumberjill match with all the other WWE diva's surrounding the ring. Like anyone would vote for a submission match. Both participants get thrown to the lions only to fight them off and we get a respectful stand off. The idea being that both ladies are proving why they made this match not any of the scrubs at ringside. Some of the ladies get a "Mickie James" chant going that no one in the crowd joins in with. Lita with a shoulderblock but Mickie trips her up as she goes towards the ropes. That was a nice touch. Shame the follow up dropkick sucks. I think JR's tone in this one tells us what he thinks of the match. He sounds bored and disinterested. Mickie has lost her edge and without Trish she doesn't seem to have much purpose. Meanwhile Lita hasn't got the skills to make the match on a par with her usual heat for being a slut. Lita just about manages a whirl slam for 2. Mickie goes all MMA by going after the leg but Lita gets the ropes. Mickie with a few elbows for 2. Lita runs into another one. Urgh, that looked terrible. Mickie just about rana's Lita over the top. The other ladies run over to give them a kicking. Mmmm Layla. Mickie goes for Stratusfaction or a DDT or something. "What in the hell was that?" – JR. That, JR, was a fuck up. Lita uses the ropes on an improvised roll up but Candice saves her. Victoria starts badmouthing Mickie so she dropkicks her. This allows Lita time to hit the DDT for the pin though at 8.08. ¼*. Horrible match. Botched spots left, right and centre. And for once it wasn't Lita's fault. Mickie just seemed to self destruct during that one. They should have killed this division when Trish left.

SHILL – Wrestlemania. They're back in Detroit 20 years after Hogan v Andre. Rumour has Hogan v Show on that card.

BACKSTAGE the Spirit Squad get all worked up. Kenny calls them a bunch of losers and he's the only winner. Johnny seems to have an issue with him although Mikey is back on Kenny's side as they're teaming tonight against two fossils.

Tag titles – Spirit Squad (Kenny/Mikey) (c) v Ric Flair/Roddy Piper

I voted for Piper. The other choices were Dusty Rhodes & Sgt Slaughter who also come out here because there are Squad members all around the ring. I used to be the biggest mark for Piper. Probably because I hated Hogan and so did he. Piper sadly decides to opt not to wear a t-shirt here. Looks like he ate…the buffet table. The actual table. The Squad have held the belts since April. This is probably the only reason they've stayed together this long. The split is clearly coming soon. Kenny starts out with Flair because he's the only Squad member to beat him. He manages a dropkick for 2. Lots of dropkicks tonight. Mikey in but he can't hit an elbow drop despite trying hard. Piper gets the tag and wails away before biting. At least he hits a decent looking punch. Sleeper! Kenny makes the save. Piper is suitably slowed up by the attack that he ends up eating a heat segment. Kenny gets all up in his grill. Mikey with a few crossfaces for 2. Piper escapes into a backslide for 2 but Mikey beats him down again. More heat on Piper. Kenny tries to put him to sleep but can't get it done. Piper nearly escapes after thumbing Mikey in the eye. Kenny gets a quick tag back in though to prevent a tag. JR suggests that Piper isn't in "long match shape". Or short match shape for that matter. Kenny fails to land Mikey on Piper off the top and Flair gets the tag. Old age clotheslines! Old age double suplex. Figure Four on Mikey but Kenny drops the leg jam to break that up. Nice positioning from Flair. In Kenny's mind I'm sure he's already saved Mikey from losing once. Flair chops Mikey back down and straps on the FIGURE FOUR. Piper stops Kenny from saving and Mikey taps out at 6.56. ½*. Bad match, good nostalgia pop.

POST MATCH the old timers celebrate. Great to see the crazy old guys running around with the belts. This could well be a 24 hour reign though. Flair and Dusty's wacky dancing is good for a few chuckles.

BACKSTAGE King Booker seeks an audience with John Cena. Booker talks strategy suggesting they should team up and eliminate the Big Show expecting to get shot down but Cena thinks it's a good idea. BUT he wants one night with King Booker's queen. HAHAHA. Booker gets Sharmell to leave before saying ok. HAHAHA. Seems that Cena was only playing around because he wanted to see if Booker would pimp his own wife out. Hey, Booker, if you're still selling I have a few spare bucks. Cena decides to stir it up anyway. "So Booker, it'll be Sharmell, Duggan's 2x4, a case of Jaeger, Finlay's midget and I get to watch" – Cena. Sharmell goes nuts. Oh, it's Ron Simmons. What will he say this week. DAMN. Funny segment.

SHILL – Survivor Series. November 26th. At ringside are the Bengals. Do they still suck? They always used to suck. So we go to the vote and the fans have put King Booker's belt on the line. Cena's WWE title came in 3rd in the voting, which is a big shock.

World title – King Booker (c) w/Sharmell v John Cena v Big Show

This would also be the Champion of Champions match although only Booker's title is on the line. 67% of the vote goes to Booker. He tries to get Cena on his side from the off but Cena sucker punches him. Show beats Cena down while Booker hangs around outside watching. Booker waits for his chance then clocks Show with a scissors kick. Booker kicks the knee away to try and keep Show down. His knees look to be in bad shape. He's struggling to walk. He has enough raw power to subdue Booker though and Cena gets booted off the apron as well. Final Cut gets 2. Cena dives into to save, which gets heat. And he's the only babyface in the match! Booker throws knees to rock Show and Cena helps out in a double clothesline sending Show out to the floor. Booker sneakily rolls Cena up for 2. Out to the floor where Show grabs the ring steps but Cena trips him up and he falls face first into the steps. Now that's fine but the sheer length of time he's going to sell it, isn't. BOOK END! That gets 2. Back kick from Booker gets 2. Sideslam gets 2. Show is still motionless. Cena with a belly to belly for 2. They do some ugly chaining into some sort of headlock from Booker. Cena powers out. Still no sign of Show who's been down for about 3 minutes. Cena almost hits the Protobomb for 2. More like a back suplex this time. Cena goes up top but misses a splash. A splash? The hell? Booker pins for 2. Booker misses the axe kick and Cena sets for the FU but Booker counters into a DDT for 2. Cena breaks out the Russian legsweep for 2. Is he deliberately not doing the "same old shit" offence. STFU! Booker is too close to the ropes though. Show is STILL down. That has to be what five minutes? Booker takes control again with a backdrop. He heads upstairs and Show's sell has gone on for so long that even JR is questioning it. Cena cuts Booker off but FINALLY Show is back up. He picks up Cena allowing Booker to missile dropkick Show over taking Cena off his shoulders at the same time. That's the first three man spot they've done and it took nearly 16 minutes. They go to double suplex Show but he blocks and suplexes them both. Show racks them up and squishes them in the corner. Show calls for the chokeslam. Booker is in the wrong place at the wrong time. CHOKESLAM. Cena tries to battle back so Show hits him with the spear. Good lord that has some serious impact on it. Show ends up on the floor though as Cena falls outside. They prep the announce table but end up using the ring post, which Show is run into. Cena spies his chance and takes down Booker with some shoulderblocks. Protobomb. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Booker couldn't see him. In the midst of it Cena stops to kick a steel chair into Show's face. BUT in comes Sharmell with the belt. Cena picks her off with the FU. That had an unsavoury feel to it. STFU. Should be over but out comes KEVIN FEDERLINE to break the hold up with a belt shot. Cena is pissed as K-Fed bails. Booker has the belt though and he smacks Cena with it for the pin and Booker retains at 21.09. *3/4. Well that sure was a mess.

The 411 –

The third bad interactive PPV in a row from the WWE. There were a few good moments like Shawn's superkick rampage, the oldies getting the tag belts and Booker in general but not enough to make this a PPV worth getting. In particular the WWE will probably be shocked when they look back at the general quality of the wrestling, which was very poor. Thumbs down, don't bother with the replay.