Double Ms TNA Impact Recap 11.16.06
Posted by Michael Melchor on 11.17.2006
Something about this seems familiar.
The views and opinions expressed herein are those solely of the author and may not necessarily reflect those of the rest of the human race.
Wow. Been a while since I did this, aye? As you may have noticed, I am not Ryan Byers. He has the next couple weeks off to do the family holiday thing, so I'll be stepping back in to cover these two shows.
In case you're not familiar with how I do this (and you're probably not), don't expect any blow-by-blows for the matches. Damn sure won't be any star ratings. What I do is try to tell the story of the match. Ring psychology, what each guys' strategy is, stuff like that. You're being warned now, because I'm almost expecting several e-mails bitching about it.
And what a time to pick to do this again TNA's prime time debut. Let's just skip the dumb shit (since this is a recap, not a column, anyway) and get right to business...
Okay, This Is Boring What Else Is There To Read?
I'm running late as hell as it is.
TNA Impact 11.16.06
Show opens with a new video opening before Don West and Mike Tenay nearly break their arms patting the company on the back for making it to prime time. Who can blame them? Scheduled for tonight:
Christian Cage vs. Rhino Barbed-Wire Six Sides Of Steel
Kurt Angle vs. Abyss
Eric Young and a gaggle of followers come out with a ton of "Don't Fire Eric" signs. I thought he wasn't...? He has an announcement before LAX's music sytarts, prompting Young to yell "Sniper!" and duck for cover. Heh. LAX hit the ring and promise to burn the American flag "something that's so sacred to every one of [us]". Just as they do, AMW is out to kick some ass and defend the country's honor. LAX scatter before thinking better of it and taking the fight to them. Gail Kim returns to hit a hurracanrana before Hernandez grabs her for another Border Toss. However, James Storm rescues her so Chris Harris can hit the Superkick and send the heels packing. No, not back to Mexico...
Video package of Samoa Joe takes us to:
Samoa Joe vs. Jay Lethal
Lethal poses on the ropes before Joe snatches him and starts kicking his ass. See, Joe has a big match coming up you may have heard a little about, and this is his last warm-up. He's out to show how fired-up he is for his shot at Angle. Joe softens him up with high-impact blows to the head and chest, starting the set-up early for the Muscle Buster/Kokina Clutch combo. Letahl, being a little more resilient, only takes that for so long before deciding to hit-and-run with some aerial moves and some quick gymnastics. Lethal has to do that against a guy like this, but it still does no good as Joe is tougher than your average...Joe.
Finish comes when Joe the Muscle Buster/Kokina Clutch combo and Lethal taps. Post-match, Joe refuses to let go before Sonjay Dutt comes to the rescue. Dutt gets in a long-range shot or three before Joe fucks him up, too. Kokina Clutch on Dutt before Jerry Lynn comes out (since Chris Sabin won't) and takes them away. Joe gets on the mic and calls for Angle's blood
Backstage, Christy Hemme catches up with LAX outside the arena. You mean she does more than the commercial buffers? Petey Williams shows up and is invited along with Hemme to follow LAX to see the flag-burning before we go to:
Commercial.
Back to video package of Angle vs. Joe.
Paparazzi Productions is in the bathroom. Eww. Austin Starr is upset because Alex Shelley cost him a match last week. Harvard Law Graduate Kevin Nash is in the stall pinching a loaf (uggh) before he puts on a judge's wig and declares Wrestling Court is now in session right there in the can. Someone will be guilty by the end of the night.
Backstage, Jeremy Borash is with Team 3D. Brother Ray congratulates the Naturals for having some nuts before welcoming them the 3D's world a Tables match.
The Naturals (Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas) w/Shane Douglas vs. Team 3D (Brother Ray and Brother Devon) Tag Team Tables Match
Team 3D hit the ring and clear it immediately, pissed over last week. The ideal here is to beat the hell out of your opponent so bad that it's easy to toss them through a table and end the match, but, if the tables had been outside already, 3D could have ended this already as they toss The Naturals outside. The ideal strategy is followed as Team 3D stick with their specialty brawling and not giving the Naturals a chance to breathe. Diving headbutt on Andy Douglas and Brother Ray calls for the tables, wanting to end this early and prove a point. Shane Douglas makes the save only to eat a 3D through a table. Brilliant move Shane sacrificed himself to buy some time for Stevens to rejoin the fray and add insult to injury by hitting a 3D on team 3D! These kids are out to make a statement and fast.
Finish comes when The Naturals hit a double sidewalk slam on Brother Devon through a table, taking us to:
Commercial.
Back to a video package of Abyss leading to Eric Young & his posse coming out again. Young thinks the sniper is gone (hah!) goes to make his blockbuster announcement (again) and gets interrupted by the arrival of Kazarian, "Maverick" Matt, and Johnny Devine dressed like The Flock 2.0.7. Kazarian says there's a new movement and that their "Great Redeemer" has opened their eyes and taught them it's about sacrifice. Lights are out before a video announces the arrival of the Voodoo Kin Mafia Kip and BG James.
The James Gadammit, the VKM clear the ring before BG declares they're back for "creative control". They've been given carte blanche (by who?), and their first act is to declare war on "Paul Levesque, Michael Hickenbottom, and Vince McMahon". Kip says they were told they weren't good enough to be in that group before but now they're back together and sinking. Kip calls them "pieces of sh"woops, BG yanks the mic and says Kip almost had his mic priveliges revoked. But wait, if they have total creative control...? BG says they're bringing the war to VKM's front door.
Video package hypes the Barbed-Wire Six Sides Of Steel before taking us to:
Commercial.
Back to Wrestler's Court in the bathroom. Nash says he's going back to "his chambers" to make a decision before making disturbing noises from behind the stall door.
Borash is backstage with Rhino, who promises Christian Cage all kinds of pain and blood in the Barbed-Wire Six Sides Of Steel.
Christian Cage vs. Rhino Barbed-Wire Six Sides Of Steel
You must escape to win kinda weak for a barbed-wire cage match, but that's just my feeling. Christian is mentally plotting his escape route before both men let the hatred explode. The strategy should be to beat the other man bad enough that they can't stop your escape, but that's almost secondary to these guys. As much as they've hated each other recently, that goal will come by default as they destroy each other.
Weapons are present outside held by referees. The accoutrements are reserved for whoever grabbed them in the "match" Rhino and Cage had a week or two ago. Rhino is whipping Cage from pillar to post before Christian takes the momentum and climbs the cage, but thinks twice about the barbed wire. Rhino has him where he wants him and uses his power to break him down. Rhino grabs the key from the referee and, in a great mind game, taunts Christian with it before throwing it back outside. This now means that both men have to escape through the barbed wire before we go to:
Commercial.
Back to a bloodied Christian pulling at the barbed wire up top to escape and Rhino stopping him. During the break, Christian got the bolt cutters and cleared a path through the wire. Rhino stopped him and Christian showed his willingness to win with a frog splash. Rhino is out for pain and blood, as he said, and drags Christian's face through the barbed wire. Not only does it hurt, but Christian should be blinded now. Rhino receives the strait jacket and tries to bind Christian, but Christian is now desperate to get this over with. Christian climbs again and Rhino meets him, so Christian goes for the deathblow and hits the Unprettier from the top rope (!). Christian had to put his body on the line praying Rhino would be knocked cold to grab the strait jacket and put it on Rhino, tying the arms over the top rope. Christian, in a brilliant sequence, now has Rhino helpless, and uses the opportunity not to escape (like he should), but to attack with a chair. Out of desperation and rage, Rhino frees himself and fires off on Christian several times and shows he's not above sadism himself. Rhino goes for a Conchairto but Christian avoids that as the combination of blood loss and concussion would be dangerous. Christian attacks with the chair and, again, instead of escaping, tries to hit another Unprettier on both chairs. Both guys are definitely more intent on injury than winning. Rhino counters and drops Christian with a TKO through the set-up chairs before finally wanting to put him away with the Gore the final act of poetic justice.
Finish to one of the better grudge matches I've seen in quite a while comes when Rhino hits the Gore and sends Christian through the cage wall. Christian wins the match as he is the first to escape, but the war belongs to Rhino after the way he punished Christian, and both men know it.
Commercial.
Back to video package of the X Division wrestlers.
Jim Cornette is in Louisville, KY at the Louisville Slugger museum. Aw, c'mon, Jim don't wanna be in Orlando with Russo? Cornette talks to World Series MVP David Eckstein about some of the guys on the TNA roster.
Daniels starts out with his patented 3-weay strategy stand back and let the other two rough each other up. (Excellent moment by Daniels comes when Styles drops Sabin and Daniels covers his mouth like, "ooooohh, snap!") Styles and Sabin get into a game of one-upsmanship before Daniels joins in and actually hinders Styles, allowing Sabin to dominate for a moment. Daniels again gets involved but, this time, he drops both of them. Daniels works over Sabin while the champion is down. Styles is up and they decide to teach the cocky Sabin a lesson, but in a match like this, team-ups can't last long. Nature of the beast. Daniels is down now while Sabin rubs his new attitude in Styles's face, but Styles rallies back to drop both Sabin and Daniels in one move much like Daniels did earlier. All three men break up counts by the others (as there's no way to win if someone else beats you to the pin) before they gather in the corner and punish each other in s "Tower Of Doom".
As that happens, Christian Cage comes down to declare he's still undefeated and Styles gets distracted by the opportunity to pay him back for last week when Cage cost Styles his shot at the NWA Title. Fatal mistake.
Finish comes when Daniels reverses Sabin's Cradle Shock in the ring to pin Sabin and become the new X Division Champion. Styles doesn't look happy, but it bees that way sometimes.
Wrestler Court in the bathroom concludes as Nash states it was almost a "hung jury" (yuck), but, as he did with Shawn Michaels and the Blu Brothers in Madison Square Garden in 1995 (I'll have to see if Steve Cook knows anything about that), he finds for the Plaintiff in this case, Austin Starr. Nash orders Shelley to fork over $100 before Starr sues everybody in sight. We get to see Nash's bare ass (why, God?!) before we go to:
Commercial.
Back to a remote location where Christy Hemme catches up with LAX and Petey WIliams trying to burn the flag. Konnan gives Petey the honors of dousing the flag in gasoline and taking the torch to it, but Petey has second thoughts. LAX jump Petey for not going through with it and try to burn him along with the flag (!) before the cops show up and LAX runs like hell. Surprised me; I was ready to type that AMW made the save, but this thing with Petey may work out better.
Back to the Impact Zone where Mike Tenay dogs on LAX for wanting to burn the flag and putting over Petey Williams for not giving in. Don West shills the TNA 50 Greatest Moments DVD and runs down the card for Genesis.
Abyss heads to the ring and we head to:
Commercial.
Back to the entrance of Angle for:
Abyss vs. Kurt Angle
Abyss is out to use his size and power to intimidate and dominate, respectively. After a few shots by the monster, Angle realizes he's been there and done that and takes Abyss down to size. Classic big man strategy chop down the oak. Angle is tenaciously after the ankle of Abyss and alternates that with solid forearm shots to daze his larger opponent. Abyss does his best to methodically take Angle apart, but Angle keeps coming after that leg. Abyss is limping but not badly enough hurt to use his strength to punish Angle's back. James Mitchell comes back with a wheelbarrow full of thumbtacks and spreads them on the floor as we go to:
Commercial.
Back to outside the ring and Abyss is in his element where he can do some real damage. Angle regains his bearings just in time to avoid being thrown into the tacks and Angle shows he's willing and able to turn this into a fight. Abyss turns it around and brings Angle back in the ring to continue the punishment on his back. Angle kicks out after two after a high-powered suplex and Abyss then goes after Angle's real weakpoint, his neck. Abyss now knows that he's been taking Angle too lightly and has to do something about it. Angle counters and both are down before Angle's conditioning comes into play. He's the first up and pounds Abyss with three German suplexes. Angle drops the straps, wanting the end to be near, but Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam, surprising an overconfident Angled. However, Angle has a surprise of his own in terms of overestimation as he kicks out of the Slam. Abyss goes for the Chokeslam but Angle reverses into the Ankle Lock. Abyss is one tough monster as he fights through it, but Angle won't let go.
Finish comes when Abyss taps to the Ankle Lock a first ever for Abyss. Post-match, Samoa Joe is out to confront Angle and the fight is on! Angle counters the Kokina Clutch and Joe counters the Ankle Lock before Joe opts for the chair. Joe and Abyss stare each other down before they decide to double-team Angle. The lights go down and Sting is out to splash Abyss right into the tacks outside (you know somebody had to eat it). Sting continues to unload on Abyss as Joe heads for higher ground. Sting chases Abyss away and Joe takes the opportunity to hook Angle in his own Ankle Lock, gaining a psychological advantage for Genesis. In the back, Abyss has Sting tied upside-down and is now working him over with the bat. Joe gets Angle in the Kokina Clutch to end the show.
Two hours suits Impact a lot better, it seems. Russo's biggest weakness as a writer is that he moves too fast to begin with. Given only an hour, that's too much going on to make sense of. On a bigger platform, Russo can pace a little better, making for a better but still flawed show. I'll be back in seven days to see how he handles the aftermath of Genesis given an hour to do so.
