Your hosts are Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield.
John Cena comes out to give Cole some nuts. King Booker and Finlay interrupt the holiday festivities to show their beatdown of Batista last week. Book promises that Batista will not be able to appear tonight. Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive. Of course, Batista does show up to prevent a beatdown. It sounds suspiciously like Cole says Batista looks like he swallowed spunk, but I guess he looks like "he's full of spunk." Teddy Long comes out to make a Finlay vs. Cena match.
Jimmy Wang Yang, Brian Kendrick & Paul London (w/Ashley) vs. Gregory Helms, Dave Taylor & William Regal.
I'm distressed by the release of Amy. Helms, who Cole points out is the longest-reigning champion in Smackdown history, starts with London. I assume that's to familiarize themselves with each other after London & Kendrick needlessly break up. London winds up playing face-in-peril. He hits Taylor with a back heel kick and makes the hot tag to Yang. Yang cleans house and hits a spinning wheel kick. Taylor and Regal walk out, leaving Helms to fend for himself. Yang hits the moonsault bodyblock for the win at 4:25. **
Matt Hardy vs. Joey Mercury.
Joey looks even more like gay Predator now with the black dreads. Speaking of gay, someone needs to start a drinking game based around how many gay jokes JBL makes about Michael Cole. Matt dominates early, but Mercury yanks him off the turnbuckle and grabs a chinlock. A second-rope forearm gets two. Matt makes the big comeback with a clothesline and finishes with a Twist of Fate (which Mercury totally oversells) at 4:00. *
In the back, Kennedy and MVP are nervous about their tag match tonight and argue about who has the worse stipulations on Sunday.
Undertaker & Kane vs. Kennedy & MVP.
Kane opens by pummeling Kennedy in the corner and giving him a double-arm chokeslam. Um, wouldn't that hurt you worse than the normal one that's his finisher? Meh, go look for consistency in wrestling. Cole and JBL continue to worry about MVP's prospects in the Inferno Match, despite the fact that Kane has never won one. The heels isolate the Undertaker, but Taker comes back with the Old School Ropewalk Forearm. Kane gets the blind tag and boots MVP in the face. JBL explains the psychology of their multiple breakups and make-ups by saying they'd kill each other, but if you mess with one of them, you have to deal with both of them. MVP saves Kennedy from a Tombstone in a bit of an out-of-character moment for him. That takes the brawl to the floor where Kennedy DDTs Kane and tries to run him over with the hearse. Suddenly, the lights go out, and when they come back on, the Undertaker is in the passenger seat. ROADS? WHERE WE'RE GOING WE DON'T NEED…ROADS! Kane and Undertaker spook the heels and send them both running. There was a countout or a DQ at 6:37. It's not really important. *1/2
Chavo Guerrero vs. Funaki.
Chavo invites Chris Benoit out to apologize, but Benoit says he has nothing to apologize for. Michael Cole walks right into one as JBL accuses him of beating women, and then Cole defends himself by saying he'd never touch a woman. Chavo squashes Funaki and finishes with the frogsplash at 1:57. After the match, Benoit grabs Chavo and locks in the Sharpshooter to send a message. Vicky slaps Benoit to make him break the hold and then cowers in the corner as he stalks her. 1/4*
Vito vs. Sylvan.
I think this match just exists to give JBL fodder for jokes. "One man's wearing a dress, and the other one's jealous!" Vito dominates and prances around. Sylvan knocks him off the apron, but Vito comes back with a legdrop. Sylvan drops Vito on the turnbuckle and press slams him for two, but Vito comes back with the Thesz Press and a Pat O'Connor roll for the win at 3:29, and both of those guys are probably rolling over in their graves. 3/4*
The Miz is out to prove that Miz has no fear. He's done things that would disgust average people…even Trishelle. Sadly, he makes that joke right after I type it. Krystal just happens to be out there to help him out. He eats some monkey brains to prove he can't be disgusted. You had me at "Trishelle," actually. He can't bring himself to eat the worms, though. That's okay because the Boogeyman pops his head up through the platter and freaks Miz and Krystal out.
John Cena vs. Fit Finlay.
Cole actually calls Cena's and Finlay's styles similar. Has he been watching wrestling all these years? Finlay pummels Cena and grabs a Trapezes Hold. Cena comes back with a belly-to-belly for two. He actually gets a splash for two. Finlay drives his shoulder into Cena's gut in the corner. To the outside, Finlay tries to toss the Leprechaun into Cena, but Cena catches him and tosses him back. Finlay ducks, and the Leprechaun winds up in JBL's lap and attacks him. Then, in the greatest moment in wrestling history, JBL grabs his cowboy hat and starts swatting the Little Bastard with it. The Little Bastard chases JBL off commentary as we go to break. Meanwhile, Finlay tosses Cena into the ring steps to take over. Finlay methodically tears Cena apart, alternating between brawling and working the arm. Cena comes back with the spinning backdrop. FIVE-KNUCKLE SHUFFLE! Cena's charge meets the post, though, and Finlay drops the Celtic Cross. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Ah, crap. That's a perfectly good finisher. The Leprechaun slips in a chair, but Cena boots it into Finlay's face and finishes with the FU at 14:58. Cena looks good with someone who can work and give his match direction. Finlay can certainly do that. After the match, King Booker charges the ring and brawls with Cena. Finlay hits Cena from behind with the shillelagh, bringing out Batista to make the save. **3/4
Final Thoughts: The usual hard-sell for WWE's best brand. The sheer hype that their giving the Brothers of Destruction matches actually bodes well for at least one of the heels, and the smart money is on MVP since Taker is allegedly slated for the main event at WrestleMania. I'm not excited about the main event tag, outside of the prospect of a heel turn by one of the champs, but there's some potential in the undercard.
