411's WWE Armageddon Report 12.17.06
Posted by Arnold Furious on 12.17.2006
London & Kendrick steal the show and Jeff Hardy puts Joey Mercury in hospital. Yes, surprise ladder matches rule!
WWE's Armageddon PPV has been their traditional year ender since it's inception in 1999 (with the exception of 2001 where it was dropped due to 9/11). Armageddon is frequently a downbeat show and often one largely ignored. The first Armageddon saw Triple H defeat Vince McMahon when his own daughter turned on him. This kick-started the McMahon-Helmsley regime. Armageddon 2000 saw Kurt Angle retain his WWF title in a 6-way Hell in a Cell. Often called the "Armageddon" Hell in a Cell in following computer games. In 2002 Triple H beat Shawn Michaels in the main event in a Three Stages of Hell match. In 2003 Triple H won the WWE title from Goldberg in a three way dance also featuring Kane. In 2004 JBL retained his world title in a 4-way match. This was the first Smackdown version of the PPV. In 2005 the Undertaker defeated Randy Orton in a Hell in a Cell match. Frequently the WWE's December PPV's tend to get overlooked. They mostly feature filler and the WWE makes no effort to push the PPV on anyone. This year they've gone with a few gimmick matches to try and sell the show. Undertaker faces Ken Kennedy in a Last Ride match. The Last Ride match is a variation on two themes. Firstly the Undertaker's traditional casket match given the added dimension of the vehicle and secondly WCW's Ambulance match. The idea being to incapacitate your opponent enough to throw them in the back of the hearse and drive off. Elsewhere MVP faces Kane in an Inferno match. This is only the 4th Inferno match and the first since 1999. Kane has featured in all of them but has yet to win. The "main event" this evening sees the duo of King Booker and Fit Finlay face off against world champions John Cena and Dave Batista. The WWE has been throwing the word "historical" around in the lead up to this match to make it sound more important.
Armageddon is actually a great name for a PPV, especially the last of the year, as the word translates into a final battle between good and evil. Seeing as many other companies, including ROH, use the show name "Final Battle" it's appropriate that the WWE has a similar theme only with more jazz and glitz attached. It's almost a pity Vince McMahon's "McMahonism" didn't continue through to this PPV as they could have directly quoted from the bible and had "And I saw three foul spirits like frogs coming from the mouth of the dragon, from the mouth of the beast, and from the mouth of the false prophet" going on.
December 17th 2006. We're in Richmond, Virginia. Hosts are Michael Cole & JBL.
The match I'm most looking forward to this evening is the tag titles bout pitting London & Kendrick v Regal & Taylor. I'm a mark for 3 out of the 4 guys in that match. I think Regal is one of the most solidly entertaining wrestlers, ever. The match I'm least looking forward to is Taker v Kennedy. Unlike seemingly everyone else I don't care about the angle. I've never cared about the Undertaker unless he's had a great opponent (Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin, Kurt Angle) and as much as I dig Kennedy he's not made me care about Taker in this feud. Every match they've had seems to be worse than the one before. I predict boredom in that one.
Hey, the WWE's blurb to kick off the PPV is almost word for word the same as mine in the introduction. Sweet. They go on to quote Revelations anyway. I didn't even notice the "kings of the world" part. That links right into a couple of shots of Booker.
KANE v MVP
This would be the Inferno match. MVP sells the heat of the flames. Cole says the flames will be eight feet high during the match and 500 degrees. Kane seems happy for someone who's 0-3 in Inferno matches. This match looked cooler when they dropped the lights on it. MVP gets beaten down before he goes up top and gives up on that because it's too hot. Kane with a backdrop and the flames shoot up. Kane with a wheelbarrow and MVP uses the ropes to get out but Kane just dumps him on his face. To the ropes and Kane sets for the superplex. MVP shoves him off causing the flames to shoot up and nearly burn him. High crossbody but of course there's no referee so there's no pin. MVP with a big boot in the corner. Kane gets laid out but sits right back up. MVP can't follow up and takes Kane's punches. Big boot from the big man. Chokeslam and those flames are getting really high. I don't know about eight feet but they're getting there. Kane tries to set fire to a turnbuckle pad but the flames no sell it so he torches it on another side instead. MVP kicks him and throws it out. Knees and a neckbreaker. MVP tries to dropkick Kane into the fire but slides into it himself. He crawls away before going up in flames. Kane with a sideslam. The crowd cheers the flames, again, rather than the wrestling. Kane provokes MVP into punching him. No dice. MVP jumps out over the flames, just. Kane goes up top then hits the diving clothesline over the flames. They battle in front of the flames at ringside. MVP uses his foot to block it. Kane uses his foot to boot MVP in the face. MVP tries to escape under the ring but Kane drags him out and tries to set him on fire. And his back is on fire at 7.35. MVP runs around ringside and somehow doesn't die until the fire extinguishers save him.
Winner: Kane. *. The environment is somewhat constrictive so it's to be expected that it wasn't up to much. The Kane flying clothesline didn't really have the same impact as the Undertaker tope over the fire in 1998. MVP did a fine job of being burned though. Kudos to him for allowing that spot.
BACKSTAGE the Divas are joined by TEDDY LONG. He has a special guest here tonight: Santa Claus. Long books a "Naughty or Nice" lingerie match tonight. Layla, Ashley, Krystal and Jillian are the divas involved. We then get a dozen or so replays of MVP getting burned while they get rid of the flames.
Tag titles – PAUL LONDON/BRIAN KENDRICK (c) v WILLIAM REGAL/DAVE TAYLOR
No Ashley because she's focused on her "match" later. Teddy is out here as well. He's in the Christmas spirit. He has a present for these guys making this a ladder match. He has ladders brought out here. He adds in two more teams. What?
Tag titles - PAUL LONDON/BRIAN KENDRICK (c) v WILLIAM REGAL/DAVE TAYLOR v MNM w/Melina v HARDYZ
Aren't Jeff Hardy and Johnny Nitro RAW wrestlers? And why not book this beforehand and maybe pop a few extra buys? Anyway my tag match is now an eight man schmoz. RUSSORIFIC! Hardyz v Hooliganz is a nice little battle pitting past against present. Kendrick ends up isolated and getting an ass kicking. Washing Machine for him off the Hardyz. Everyone back in for a brawl. Regal suplexes London while Taylor beats down Kendrick. Regal suplexes Kendrick around too. Nitro bails for a ladder but that just ends up as a big brawl between MNM and Hardyz in the entrance. Matt throws a ladder in but Regal & Taylor throw it out. Matt gets another in there and bashes them with it. Poetry in Motion for Taylor. SNAPSHOT~! For Taylor too. Hooliganz double superkick Regal. Matt with a non Yodelling elbow drop. Regal & Taylor out to the floor now. Kendrick dropkicks Nitro out of the ring. Matt bashes Kendrick with the ladder. Jeff dropkicks London in the face. More good past v present stuff there. Jeff goes up but London shoves him off. London goes up and Nitro tries to slingshot dropkick him but London jumps off the ladder causing Nitro to crash and burn. Mercury is in there with the ladder and no one around. Up he goes but Kendrick grabs him. The Hardyz move the ladder and shove it over causing Mercury to fall out of the ring onto Nitro. Ring clears out again leaving Matt and Kendrick. Matt drags Kendrick down. Hardyz set the ladder up in the corner and single out Kendrick before whipping him into the ladder. London gets the same treatment. Jeff goes for Poetry in Motion but London moves. Heh, awesome. Jeff beans himself there. Hooliganz double suplex Matt. We get a slo-mo of Jeff bashing his head. Noice! London charges Matt but runs into a clothesline. Kendrick has one hand on the belt but Matt just drags him off the top. Neckbreaker on London. Nitro suplexes Regal on the floor. Taylor has been a none factor since the start. Matt goes for a suplex on the ladder but London dropsaults him onto it. Kendrick goes up while London holds the ladder up. DOUBLE STOMP! MNM are back in now and London takes a double gutbuster. MNM set up the ladders and go to suplex Jeff on them (they're set like a seesaw). Make that superplex. Matt saves. Jeff jumps over all three guys and lands on the ladder bashing Mercury SQUARE IN THE FACE. HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Don't stick your face in a ladder! He's busted WIDE open. From the middle of the face no less. SICK slo-mo replays of that spot. Regal and Taylor are back in for the first time in like 10 minutes. Ladder on the top rope and Kendrick gets dumped on it. London tries to battle back but Regal Kobashiplexes him into the ladder. London flips all the way over luckily for him. Regal goes up but is scared of heights. HAHAHA. Awesome. Taylor tries instead. Regal steadies the ladder. Kendrick stops them. Regal throws him out. Matt is back in. Mercury is off to hospital already. That was SICK, I tells ya. Twist of Fate on Regal. Twist of Fate on Taylor. Oh, there's blood everywhere from Mercury's face. Jeff sets up a ladder outside the ring and goes to dive off it but Nitro dropkicks it away leaving Jeff to fall into the ropes. That could have been really bad. Great spot. Nitro bashes everyone with the ladder looking to go for the belts solo. He rides the ladder across the prone Regal. Nitro goes up but Kendrick stops him. Nitro shrugs him off but London dropkicks him off the ladder. Kendrick v Matt and Matt hip tosses Kendrick off the ladder. London pulls him back down. They battle up the ladder but Matt backdrops London over the top. Everyone down apart from Jeff. He's a little off centre. Nitro climbs too. Jeff with the sunset flip powerbomb! Matt looks to go back up again but uses a second ladder so we have duelling ladders. He uses both but Regal & Taylor pull them away so Matt just drops. Taylor racks Matt and Regal knees him in the head. They both go up ladders. Kendrick knocks them both off. He has one hand on the belt but Taylor pulls him down. London clotheslines him outside. Regal is up top but Kendrick runs up – SLICED BREAD #2 OFF THE FUCKING LADDER. Kendrick lands on his head. London v Matt then. Everyone else is down. Others are stirring. London and Matt battle on the top of the ladder. London wins at 20.15 and London & Kendrick retain.
Winners: London/Kendrick. ****. That was tremendous fun. Yeah, the selling was all over the place and some of the spots were pre-set up, which looked a bit odd but everyone out there busted their asses to get the kids over. London & Kendrick worked especially hard and this has to be their biggest win to date. The Mercury spot was SICK. His eye was shut after a few seconds.
BACKSTAGE Krystal prepares for the lingerie match.
THE MIZ v BOOGEYMAN
Miz gets the mic. He says he dominated the face your fears challenge last week. Tonight Boogeyman faces his biggest fear: the Miz. He's going to hand out a reality check, Hoo Rah. JBL talks over his promo calling him irritating. Boogeyman is dripping worms. Miz freaks and hides in the ropes. Boogey with a few clotheslines so Miz bails. Boogey hip tosses him back in and hits another clothesline. Boogey charges, slowly, and gets thrown into the ring post shoulder first. Miz works at the arm and hits his own clothesline for 2. Armbreaker gets 2. Cole gives us updates – MVP and Mercury are in hospital now. Mercury's nose was broken. Miz jumps off the top into the chokebomb and Boogey gets the win at 2.52.
Winner: Boogeyman via pinfall. ¼*. Well it sucked, but that's what everyone expected.
BACKSTAGE Jillian and Layla "warm up" for their diva match.
ELSEWHERE Chavo dedicates tonight's title match to Vicky Guerrero. Vicky whinges about how she's been through so much this year and now her neck has been killing her for weeks. Vicky tells us that Benoit will get what's coming to him tonight and lose his US title.
US title – CHRIS BENOIT (c) v CHAVO GUERRERO w/Vicky Guerrero
Vicky is still selling that neck. Chavo jumps from behind. Benoit fires back with chops and strikes. Snap suplex gets 2. Benoit hammers away with rights. Back suplex and Benoit drops an elbow to the back of the neck. Chop and a backdrop. Scoop slam sets up the Sharpshooter but Chavo kicks him off. Benoit switches and catapults Chavo over the top. Benoit throws him back first into the rail. "Let's Go Benoit" – Richmond. ROLLING GERMANS! Release on three. Benoit calls for it and goes up top. Chavo is back up though and he cuts Benoit off. Chavo with a superplex and both guys stay down selling. Chavo bails to drag Benoit around the ring post. He adds in a baseball slide to the back. Chavo gets a chinlock and the crowd are behind Benoit. Benoit tries to suplex out but Chavo falls on top for 2. Chavo chokes Benoit on the ropes and knee drops the back again. Chavo tries to set for a showboat chop but Benoit takes him into the Crossface. Chavo gets the ropes though and goes back onto the offensive. European uppercut to the back. Saito suplex. Another one. "Who sucks now?" – Chavo. Pin gets 2. Tree of woe for Benoit and Chavo dropkicks the ribs. Chavo goes for a longer run up and slides into the ring post. Benoit frees himself but can't get down before Chavo is back up. He pounds on Benoit's back but Benoit counters and chops away. Chavo goes to the eyes and hits the Three Amigos. But Benoit escapes in the middle into the Rolling Germans. He doesn't release on three. Or four. Of five. Six! Seven! He releases on eight and the crowd are loving it. Cole's "standing ovation" is bullshit but they were happy. Pin gets 2. Benoit drags Chavo into the middle of the ring and looks for the Sharpshooter. Vicky grabs the US title and comes into the ring. Benoit shouts "don't do it" at her. Benoit breaks the hold and Vicky just crumbles again. Benoit grabs her and Vicky is STILL selling the neck. Chavo gets the predictable roll up with the tights but Benoit rolls out of it into the SHARPSHOOTER and Chavo taps out at 12.18.
Winner: Chris Benoit via submission. Weird booking to have Benoit get his back worked over all match and then not have it factor into anything. Or Vicky for that matter. **1/4.
BACKSTAGE Ashley is getting ready also.
Cruiserweight title – GREGORY HELMS (c) v JIMMY WANG YANG
Yang's girlfriend got herself released last week. Apparently she didn't even know who Stephanie McMahon was. Helms gets frustrated during a shoving contest and takes off his lid. To the mat and they run counters at speed. Crowd pops it. Whoa. Helms brings the heat with a slap. Yang punches at him and hits a back elbow. Moonsault but Helms bails out to avoid it. Yang lands on his feet. Yang with a headscissors and a dropkick. Suplex gets 2 and Yang goes right into a keylock. Yang throws a few knees but misses his corner spin kick. Helms follows out and hits a swinging neckbreaker on the floor. Helms works at the neck using the ropes. Legdrop and Helms works at a chinlock with the arm in there too. Yang runs into a back elbow after fighting out. Neckbreaker over the knee gets 2. Yang with a chop and he baits Helms in to backdrop him over the top. Yang goes up and hits a plancha to the floor. "This card is as loaded as a Freebird on a Saturday night. Or a Brisco" – JBL. Helms takes back over and chokes away pushing the referee's count to the limit. Yang elbows out and gets a roll up for 2. Crowd is bored. JBL calls them bloodthirsty for not paying attention to the wrestling. Yang with a backdrop and he's all fired up. Now he connects with the corner spin kick. Missile dropkick gets 2. Yang misses in the corner and posts himself. Helms takes it up top and hits the swinging neckbreaker off the top. Both men stay down selling it or it'd be over. Helms goes up top rather than pinning and he comes off right into a spinning heel kick…for 2. JBL goes off on a rant about how Richmond was the capital of the south and with people like this living here it's no wonder they lost. Yang Time! Misses! Helms with the single leg jawbreaker for the pin at 10.53.
Winner: Gregory Helms via pinfall. **. If only they'd kept doing the chaining maybe they'd have kept the crowd. Once they got into the high spots the crowd had already gone.
UNDERTAKER v MR KENNEDY
Last Ride match. Kennedy gets the mic to remind the crowd he's the future of Smackdown. No, he IS Smackdown. He says he's beating the Undertaker for the third time. Crowd chants "rest in peace". Taker spends forever getting out here and they try and stare each other out before the match even starts. I hate the way the WWE always uses Taker as a measuring stick for their new guys. No one gets advanced working Taker. He's a main event guy. If you work Taker and you don't go on last then you get nothing. Apart from a series of boring matches and at some point a job. This one starts methodically. Kennedy tries to dodge a little but Taker just pounds him. Taker throws him onto the announce table and follows up with punches. Then he throws Kennedy off the table and into the apron. Taker chokes away and then backs the ref down. He follows up with a knee charge and collides with the buckles. Kennedy puts the boots in. Kennedy jumps off the apron but gets caught and driven into the post. Taker walks Kennedy off towards the hearse but Kennedy pushes him into it. Taker gets driven back first into it. Kennedy punches away and opens the door. Kennedy tries to shut Taker in there but Taker boots him off. Kennedy tries to run into the crowd but Taker pulls him back. Kennedy gets laid out on the apron and Taker drops the leg. Taker crotches Kennedy on the bottom rope. To the ropes and Taker hits a superplex. Zombie sit up! He tosses Kennedy outside and looks for the hearse. Kennedy escapes into a sleeper. Kennedy takes him down with it. Taker is out and Kennedy goes to drag him into the hearse. He's in, and the doors shut but he has to drive the hearse out of the arena. Kennedy goes to get into the drivers seat but Taker is there and he goozles him. Back to the ring where Kennedy gets bounced off the post. Taker preps the announce table. Cole asks a stupid question: "what does the Undertaker have in mind here?" Kennedy hits a few chair shots though and turns the tide back. Back in the ring and Kennedy hits Taker in the head with a chair shot. He doesn't sell that so Kennedy does it again. Another zombie sit up so Kennedy freaks and bails. He runs so far he leaves the arena. Taker chases and Kennedy has climbed up the entranceway. It's a castle of some sort and Kennedy is treed up it. Taker chases him up and they're up 20 feet in the air. At least. They scrap around up there like it's a scaffold match. Taker calls for the chokeslam but Kennedy kicks him low and throws Taker off. The camera angle doesn't show where he landed but another angle reveals it to be an air pad thing. Love the "thunk" sound on the landing. The referee tries to back Kennedy down because Taker isn't moving. Kennedy goes and drags Taker. Cole brings the Owen Hart Voice claiming that this fall could be Undertaker's "last ride". Taker is in the hearse. Kennedy goes to drive it away but Taker does the zombie sit up and drags him into the back of the hearse. Nice visual on that. Taker drags Kennedy clean out of the back of the hearse and this fight will continue. Taker with a series of punches and Kennedy has exhausted himself dragging Taker around. Taker misses with a chair shot and a steel pipe shot. The hearse takes it instead. Chair shot connects at the second attempt and Kennedy is busted open. Taker pounds away and hits a big boot. Taker heads up to the roof and looks for something on the top. Chokeslam on the roof of the hearse. Taker calls for the finish and hits a Tombstone on the roof too. Kennedy gets thrown in the back and Taker drives out of the arena to claim the win at 20.50.
Winner: Undertaker. **1/2. People will remember the high spots but forget how boring the match was to start with. The stunts saved it from being yet another mediocre match in a series between these guys. The wrestling left a lot to be desired and the crowd didn't react to any of the lifeless brawling.
BACKSTAGE King Booker and Finlay prepare. Finlay reassures Booker that he won't double cross him tonight. Booker gives him the same promise. Queen Sharmell interrupts a potential fight by reminding them of the stage they're on. She's sure no one will double cross anyone else tonight. "I've got the luck of the Oirish" – Finlay. And the little fella but all Booker has is Sharmell. This causes Sharmell to break character.
SHILL – New Year's Revolution. DX horse around with the Declaration of Independence. DX v Rated RKO is booked. Cena v Umaga too.
KRISTAL MARSHALL v LAYLA EL v JILLIAN HALL v ASHLEY MASSARO
Santa is out here to celebrate with the fans. JBL goes off on a rant about barbequing reindeer. Santa gets the mic to tell us he's taking a break from the cold of the North Pole with a Naughty or Nice lingerie match. Odd how divas always seem to lose their surnames. This isn't so much a match as a "contest". Kristal brings her good first. A little too much coverage for the fans. Layla by comparison is wearing very little indeed. She rubs against Santa for bonus points. Jillian has the Mrs Claus look. Dancing isn't her strong point. Ashley is last up seeing as she's about to be in Playboy. Again. She's wearing something very typical for her, which is good because it shows she has a little personality. Off comes the skirt so she has almost as much flesh showing as Layla. Speaking of Layla, she wins on dancing too. Ashley gets the win via crowd reaction and Layla was second. Santa hears differently and thinks that "everyone" won. His "music" kicks in and, oh lord, it's BIG DICK JOHNSON. Kristal is horrified and bails but Layla dances with him.
SHILL – Royal Rumble. That's January 28th in San Antonio.
KING BOOKER/FINLAY w/Queen Sharmell v JOHN CENA/DAVE BATISTA
Cena comes out first at least putting DAVE~! over as Smackdown's top guy by having him come out last. Everyone shoves at everyone else to start. Booker ends up squaring off with Batista but Cena starts instead. Cena starts with an armdrag but Booker pushes him into the corner to avoid getting caught in an armbar. Another armdrag from Cena and he keeps the armbar on this time. Batista wants in so he gets the tag. Booker gives him a lot of space then tags out. Batista headlocks Finlay and won't let him out. Batista has heavy tape on the arm again. He still catches Finlay as he jumps off the ropes. Finlay tries a kick but Batista catches that and catapults into the ropes before double kneeing him in the spine. Batista breaks out the Musclebuster for 2. Not the best of versions of it. Horrible, in fact. Booker breaks it up and tags in. Booker with kicks and chops. He goes for a hip toss but Batista stops that and hits a clothesline for 2. Cena in but Booker thumbs him in the eye. Back kick from Booker gets 2. Cena reverses and hits a bulldog. Protobomb. Booker can't see him. Five Knuckle Shuffle. FU is called for but Booker gets out so Cena drop toeholds him into the STFU but Finlay breaks it up. Batista charges in to beat him down. Sharmell gives Booker the sceptre and he nails Cena in the throat with it while the ref is busy with Batista. Thrust kick gets 2. Finlay in with a grounded chinlock. Cena gets a cheeky roll up for 2. Finlay cheap shots Batista and while the ref deals with him in comes LIL BASTARD. He kicks himself in the head going after Cena and knocks himself out. HAHAHA. Finlay throws him out again and Booker comes in to slap Cena in a top wristlock. Booker knees out but Cena counters into a DDT. Batista tries to get Cena going and there's the hot tag. Batista runs through the heels. Powerslam for Finlay. Spears for both guys. He racks them up in the corner but Finlay gets boots up. Booker accidentally thrust kicks Finlay. Batista with a butt ugly Black Hole Slam on Booker. Finlay saves but that brings in Cena to hit the belly to belly. Finlay baits Cena out to the floor where he hits a clothesline. Lil Bastard is back out. Finlay uses a chair on Batista's leg. Booker is able to take over but he runs into a spinebuster. DEMONBOMB! That gets the 3 count on Booker at 11.30.
Winners: Cena/Batista via pinfall. *3/4. Well that sure was vanilla.
The 411 –
That ladder match sure saved the show by cranking the surprise entertainment way up there. The problem I have with Armageddon was they put on a load of gimmick matches on the same show thus rendering some of them unimportant. Plus the main event was weak. Thumbs in the middle but try and check out the cool ladder match that totally stole the show.
