411's WWE Heat Report 12.31.06
Posted by Scott Slimmer on 12.31.2006
Yeah, Heat really is the only show that could screw up a freaking year end review…
Hey guys and gals, I'm Scott, and this is 411's WWE Heat Report.
I want to start out this week's Report by sending a huge thank you to Stuart Carapola for taking over the Heat Report duties last week while I was reveling in the holiday merriment. I loved the fact that he even recapped the advertising promos that ran before each segment. I've gotten kind of attached to that dude who does all that nice shit for his stoner buddies. Then again, that spot would be monumentally better if it was CM Punk reading the lines with RVD and Sabu in the back seat. That might just be the greatest thing ever… Anyway, thanks again to Stuart. You'll be receiving my first born child soon.
Anyway, I think we have some wrestling to discuss. You're probably aware that unlike Raw and Smackdown!, Heat is now available exclusively on WWE.com. The video-on-demand nature of Heat allows me to screen each episode for you while still allowing you to watch all or part of the show after reading my report. I want this column to be a resource to help you decide which segments are worth watching and which segments are worth skipping. However, I also want to cover each segment in detail for those of you who do not have the time, the desire, or the ability to watch Heat yourself. I'm going to try and meet both of these goals by separating this column into a preview and a review. The preview will include the title of each segment, the tag line for each segment, the running time for each segment, and the non-spoiler bottom line on whether or not the segment is worth watching. The review will include a detailed description of all of the action in each segment. Okay kids, enough with the boring stuff. Let's get to the wrestling.
The Preview
Segment 1:Climbing for Gold Tag Line: Jeff Hardy defended the Intercontinental Title against Johnny Nitro in a Ladder Match on the Nov. 20 Raw. Running Time: 7:26 Bottom Line: This segment contains footage of Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro in a Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship from the 11.20.06 episode of Raw. That was a great match, and it's also a great way to kick off this episode of Heat. Watch it.
Segment 2:Who's the Quitter? Tag Line: Ric Flair and Mick Foley took each other to sadistic and bloody lengths in a brutal I Quit Match at SummerSlam. Running Time: 6:36 Bottom Line: This segment contains footage of Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley in an I Quit Match from SummerSlam 2006. That was also a great match, but there's a HUGE problem with how it's presented in this segment. In order to minimize the visibility of the copious amount of blood lost by both Flair and Foley, the match is presented here entirely in BLACK AND WHITE. I shit you not. WWE actually decided to show us a match from this year's SummerSlam ENTIRELY IN BLACK AND WHITE. That absolutely ruins the feel of the match and makes it more or less unwatchable. Skip it.
Segment 3:Rage in a Cage Tag Line: Longtime rivals John Cena and Edge clashed in a Steel Cage Match for the WWE Title on the Oct. 2 Raw. Running Time: 6:11 Bottom Line: This segment contains highlights of John Cena vs. Edge in a Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship from the 10.02.06 episode of Raw. As was the case in the second segment of this episode, this was a great match with a pretty serious problem in how it's presented here. The color thankfully remains in tact, but the match ends up so clipped that it feels much more like a choppy highlight reel than any sort of real match. Hell, there's even some cheesy dramatic music playing in the background just to cement the segment firmly in mediocre highlight reel territory. Skip it.
Segment 4:The Triple H Report Tag Line: Check out Triple H's interview with someone he says is a very good friend of WWE Chairman Mr. McMahon. Running Time: 4:48 Bottom Line: Skip it. I really shouldn't even have to dignify this steaming pile of crap with an explanation, but suffice it to say that there's absolutely no reason for any self-respecting wrestling fan to watch Triple H interview a guy in a giant cock suit. This is the kind of shit that gives sports entertainment a bad name, so don't waste your time. Like I said, skip it.
The Review
Segment 1: Climbing for Gold (Footage of Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro in a Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship from the 11.20.06 episode of Raw)
We start off with the new WWE: The Power is Back video followed by the Heat opening video. Todd Grisham then welcomes us to Heat from the Heat Studio.
Todd Grisham: "Hello, and welcome to this edition of Heat, where you played a huge part, by the way. My name is Todd Grisham. Yes, it's me, Todd Grisham. I know, I've changed the look a little bit. Maybe less attractive, perhaps more attractive. Either way, I'm better looking than you are, hahahahaha. Just kidding. Sort of. Anyway, let me know what you think, by the way. Todd@WWE.com. Tell me what you think about my new look. Tell me what you think about Heat here on WWE.com. Any, uh, concerns, comments, as we head forward into the New Year, we want to make this show as, uh, good as we possibly can. So we want to hear from you, and who knows, maybe I'll read one or two of your comments, right here, next week. But as for the here and the now, we asked, you voted, ladies and gentlemen, on the top four rivalries from the year 2006. And coming in at Number Four is a rivalry that's, well, it's still going on. Johnny Nitro and Jeff Hardy. Ever since Jeff Hardy made his return to the ring earlier this year, he's had his sights on that Intercontinental Title. He's won it, he's lost it, they've gone back and forth, and in fact this rivalry has another epic chapter coming our way at New Year's Revolution. It's a Steel Cage Match. But how ‘bout what happened just last month? The Intercontinental Title was on the line. It was a Ladder Match. Johnny Nitro's first ever Ladder Match, and of course Jeff Hardy is a Ladder Match specialist. And this one was a classic."
We then jump to footage of Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro in a Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship from the 11.20.06 episode of Raw.
Arnold Furious covered this match in his 11.20.06 411's WWE Raw Report.
J.D. Dunn covered this match in his 11.20.06 RAWtopsy.
We finish up with a commercial for John Cena vs. Kevin Federline on the 01.01.07 episode of Raw.
We're back on Heat, and Todd Grisham once again welcomes us from the Heat Studio.
Todd Grisham: "Welcome back as the countdown continues on the best rivalries of 2006. You voted, and we're giving you the results right now. In fact I kind of feel like, uh, Casey Kasem's Top 40, remember that? (Grisham then pops into his best Casey Kasem voice.) The Weekly Top 40 with Casey Kasem. Coming in at Number Three, you voted, Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley. (Thankfully, Grisham drops the Casey Kasem voice.) Hahahaha. I quit, ladies and gentlemen… my Casey Kasem impersonation. And, that was the type of match it was. SummerSlam. Mick Foley vs. Ric Flair. These two men absolutely despised each other. And the only way to win this match was to make your opponent say the words, ‘I quit.'"
We then jump to footage of Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley in an I Quit Match from SummerSlam 2006.
We finish up with a commercial for WWE New Year's Revolution, live, Sunday, January 7th at 8e/5p, only on pay-per-view.
Segment 3: Rage in a Cage (Highlights of John Cena vs. Edge in a Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship from the 10.02.06 episode of Raw)
We're back on Heat, and Todd Grisham once again welcomes us from the Heat Studio.
Todd Grisham: "We're counting down the top four greatest rivalries of 2006, with your help. After all, we asked, you responded, logging on to WWE.com and voting for your favorite. Coming in at Number Two, ladies and gentlemen, this rivalry had it all. A shocking title change, a TLC match, and live sex in the ring. No, I'm not talking about me and Maria. I'm talking about Cena vs. Edge. (Wait, did Grisham just say that Cena and Edge had sex in the ring? I must have missed that part…) Oh yeah. It started way back in January with Edge cashing in that Money in the Bank, remember? Title match opportunity? And then he beat Cena after Cena had been in the Elimination Chamber? They went back and forth, Saturday Night's Main Event, TLC Match at Unforgiven, I mean, it had it all. And let's go to the big one, baby. It's a Steel Cage Match from just a couple of weeks ago on Raw. Cena vs. Edge, the WWE Title is on the line."
We then jump to highlights of John Cena vs. Edge in a Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship from the 10.02.06 episode of Raw.
Arnold Furious covered this match in his 10.02.06 411's WWE Raw Report.
J.D. Dunn covered this match in his 10.02.06 RAWtopsy.
We finish up with a commercial for the new Hulk Hogan: The Ultimate Anthology DVD set, available now.
We're back on Heat, and Todd Grisham once again welcomes us from the Heat Studio.
Todd Grisham: "Now for our Number One rivalry of 2006, as voted by you, our WWE fans, right here on WWE.com. And you know what it is. DX versus the McMahons. And DX had been a thorn in the McMahons' sides ever since they rejoined forced, Shawn Michaels and Triple H, that is. In fact, they've been tormenting the McMahons to the point that every arena that Mr. McMahon walked into, the crowd could be heard chanting, ‘Vince likes cocks.' In fact, you can get that shirt, right here, I've got it handy. WWEShop.com. Maybe it'd be more appropriate if I held it down here… Hahahahahaha. Get it? Haha. Anyway, Jonathan Coachman, uh, made sure that I was unable to show any footage of DX humiliating Mr. McMahon, but I found some, uh, pretty good alternative stuff. It's Triple H interviewing that very rooster that you saw on the shirt. It's called Cock Talk. Enjoy."
We then jump to Cock Talk with Triple H. It's Triple H interviewing a guy in a giant cock suit. I shit you not. And you know what? There is no way in hell that I'm recapping this clusterfuck. Seriously. Fuck this. I don't want to deal with this shit, and there's no way that you want to read about it.
We then rejoin Todd Grisham back in the Heat Studio one last time.
Todd Grisham: "So there you have it. DX versus the McMahons, the Number One rivalry in the WWE this past year, thanks to your votes here on WWE.com. But DX is involved in a pretty big rivalry right now with Rated RKO, Edge and Randy Orton. But Rated RKO, listen, don't play yourself, okay? You may think you're going to destroy DX forever, but DX always seems to have some sort of trick up their sleeve, right? And hey, to reiterate, at the top of the show I told you I goy a new email address, Todd@WWE.com. Send your comments, concerns, questions. Talk about my face, and how I look. A little bit better than K-Fed, right, huh? Speaking of K-Fed, ladies and gentlemen, John Cena versus Kevin Federline this week on Raw. You got it. It's gonna happen. What will happen? Who knows. But I have a feeling it ain't gonna be pretty. Thanks for watching Heat. I'm Todd Grisham, and I'll see you, right here, next year.
Okay kids, that's it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Hell, I just hope you didn't waste your time watching that freaking Cock Talk segment. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I'll see you back here next weekend.
