The Royal Rumble 2007 Breakdown

Royal Rumble 2007
by J.D. Dunn

January 28, 2007

Live from San Antonio, Texas.

Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Taz, Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield.

Opening Match: MNM (w/Melina) vs. The Hardy Boyz.
Mercury still seems pretty pissed off about his “Armageddon” injury. Nitro distracts Matt while Mercury jumps him from behind. MNM’s dominance doesn’t last long, though, as Jeff tags in to a big pop. He hits an atomic drop and his double-legdrop splits. Nitro punches Hardy in his “injured jaw.” JAW PSYCHOLOGY~! MNM takes over, working Hardy’s upper body. Mercury misses an elbowdrop, though, allowing Jeff to get the hot tag. Jeff hits the facebuster and the Whisper in the Wind on Nitro, but Mercury makes the save. The Hardyz run through the usual doubleteams, but Nitro gets his knees up on the legdrop/splash combo. That makes Jeff the face-in-peril now. Mercury goes after Jeff’s injured ribs (from the failed splash). Jeff elbows out of a reverse bearhug, but Mercury kicks out of his schoolboy and pounds the ribs again. A doubleteam rib-breaker gets two, and Nitro slaps on a bodyscissors. Jeff backdrops Nitro and gets the much-needed tag to Matt, but the ref doesn’t see it. Gotta love the classics. Jeff tosses Mercury into Nitro and finally gets the hot tag to Matt. Matt cleans house. VEEE ONEUHHHH! He hits MNM with the bulldog/clothesline combo and gets two on Nitro. MNM catches up with him and goes for the Snapshot, but Jeff breaks it up. Poetry in Motion takes out Mercury, but Nitro avoids a second try and rolls Matt up for two. Nice! Matt hits the Twist of Fate, but Mercury spears him to the floor. Jeff tags himself in as they’re spilling to the floor and finishes Nitro with the Swanton at 15:28. The crowd heat was hurt by these not being regular teams, but it really picked up down the stretch. Pretty good work from all involved. **3/4

Edge draws his number and makes fun of Kelly Kelly. Randy Orton also draws a number and tells Edge he won’t hesitate to toss him if it comes down to it.

ECW Heavyweight Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Test.
Joey retro-justifies booking this same match on last Tuesday’s ECW show by saying Test might have learned Lashley’s weak points because he’s more experienced. Test slaps Lashley in the face and gets tackled. Nope, didn’t learn. Test fires away but charges right into a T-Bone suplex. A delayed suplex sends Test rolling to the floor. Lashley tosses him back in but gets caught on the apron and tossed into the post. Test gets two and goes to an armbar. An armbreaker gets two, as Test can’t really capitalize on the psychology because he doesn’t have a believable moveset that works the arm toward a submission, so he has to go for pinfalls. Really, how hard is it to put on a Fujiwara armbar or something believable? Lashley drives the good shoulder into Test’s gut but he gets booted in the face for two. Lashley counters the TesTKO to a belly-to-belly. Test rolls to the floor again and decides to take the countout at 7:11. Oh my God, does that ending suck! Lashley chases Test down and gives him a powerslam. Fans didn’t care about the match anyway, but they hate the finish. Lashley just seems too unsure of what to do with himself at some points. It will come with time, but he needs a good wrestler to carry him. Test isn’t it. 3/4*

Vince McMahon, in one of Rod Roddy’s old jackets, mocks John Cena and his injured ribs.

World Heavyweight Title: Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy.
Kennedy avoids Batista early and goes to the eyes. He runs into a boot, allowing Batista to take over with a suplex for two. To the floor, Kennedy whips Batista into the steps and stomps on the knee. Back in, Kennedy continues to stomp on the knee and turns Batista over into a reverse figure-four. The ref catches him using the ropes and breaks the hold, but Kennedy drapes Batista’s knee over the apron and stomps it again. A running knee to Batista’s head sets up the single-leg crab. Batista powers out and small packages him for two. Kennedy clips the leg to maintain control, but he runs into a spinebuster. Kennedy tries to go back after the leg, but Batista fires away and hits a Finlay Roll. Kennedy shoves him into the ref and goes low. A DDT gets two because Nick Patrick was groggy from getting bumped. The crowd starts a sizeable “Kennedy” chant. Kennedy goes up but jumps right into a clothesline. The Demonbomb finishes at 10:32. Kennedy got most of the offense, thus this was a much better match. Sadly, Batista doesn’t really sell so much as keep doing what he’s doing and grab his leg from time to time. Gotta work on that. Kennedy is money, though. **1/4

In the back, Kevin Thorn and Ariel go off to enjoy their number. The Leprechaun comes in to draw Finlay’s number and runs into the Great Khali. Boy, that Khali has a lot of balls. No, I mean he literally grabs a handful of balls out of the bin.

Saliva is in the house. They’re doing the WrestleMania theme this year (which I knew as soon as I heard it a few months ago).

WWE Heavyweight Title, Last Man Standing: John Cena vs. Umaga (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada).
JR notes, for us Karma buffs, that it was 36 years ago today that Bruno Sammartino lost the title to Ivan Koloff. So…Bruno was reincarnated as a Samoan for all his good deeds? Maybe numerologists would get a bigger kick out of the year thing. There are five letters each in “title” and “Umaga.” They jawjack early, and Umaga tosses Cena to the floor. “Floor” also has five letters. They brawl (also five letters) in the aisle (five), and Umaga goes to the ribs. Back in, Umaga continues to go after the ribs with shoulderblocks in the corner. Cena blocks a charge but runs right into a clothesline to earn a seven count. Umaga tosses the steps in, but Cena knocks him off the apron and launches the steps into his face. Umaga shakes it off and grabs a bearhug. That gets an eight count as Umaga sets up the steps in the corner. He puts Cena in front of them and goes for the buttalanche, but Cena dives out of the way and rams the steps into Umaga’s face again. Cena hits the Throwback to the steps and a spinning backdrop. He adds the Five-Knuckle Shuffle to break up the count but his ribs give out while he’s trying the FU. See, *that’s* where good psychology comes in. The replay shows Cena’s head got caught between Umaga and the steps when he collapsed. Cena tries to hulk up but gets caught with a Samoan Drop. Cena blocks the Samoan Spike and avoids the tree-of-woe headbutt. A guillotine legdrop knocks Umaga silly, and Cena tosses him into the post. Cena grabs one of the monitors and smashes it into Umaga’s head. Umaga still won’t die, so Cena knocks him to the floor. Umaga catches Cena and slams him into the post. Umaga and Estrada set Cena on the ECW table, and Umaga runs atop all three tables before missing his splash and taking out the table. NO WATER IN THE POOL! Umaga nearly gets counted down before staggering to his feet. Back in the ring, Armando undoes the entire top rope, but Cena avoids Umaga’s charge and chokes Umaga out with the ringrope. Great visuals on that one, combining “the Austin Scream” with Raven’s creepy passed-out grin. Umaga stirs, so Cena puts him in the STFU and chokes him out again. This time, it’s enough to get the win at 22:39. Innovative spots and great storytelling lead to a surprising early MOTYC. ****1/4

Ric Flair draws his number and grinds with Kelly’s Expose.

Royal Rumble
No offense to Lillian Garcia, but I miss Howard Finkel’s old introduction. Ric Flair is #1. Fit Finlay is #2. They actually do a bit of wrestling before Finlay gets rough and tries to toss Flair to the floor. Kenny Dykstra is #3 and goes right after Flair. They all turn on each other before the bond of heeldom brings Kenny and Finlay together. Matt Hardy is #4 (pulling double-duty when it really isn’t needed), evening up the face/heel scales. Edge is #5, and he spears Ric Flair. Matt Hardy avoids him, though, and delivers the Twist of Fate. Flair brings a couple chairs in to give Edge a Conchairto, but Kenny jumps him. Edge tosses Flair and then tosses his intern Kenny as they’re celebrating.

Tommy Dreamer is #6. He goes after Edge before Finlay intervenes. They pair off. Sabu is #7, and he sets up a table. Dreamer and Sabu brawl, and Sabu hits a sloppy DDT. Gregory Helms is #8, marking a year with the cruiserweight title. He attacks Matt as Sabu goes after Finlay. Shelton Benjamin comes in at #9. He goes after Matt and Dreamer, teasing tossing them over the ropes. Finlay and Benjamin both go over, but they squirm back in before touching the floor. Kane is #10, and he destroys everything in sight. There goes Dreamer. Sabu attacks Kane but gets chokeslammed through his own table “for all you Karma buffs.

CM Punk is #11, getting the “flukish” big pop. He goes after Edge but gets jumped by Finlay. King Booker is #12. He attacks and tosses Helms. Super Crazy is #13. Things get pretty boring, so I’ll point out that Lawler really seems to be sucking up to JBL for some reason. Jeff Hardy is #14 as Booker nearly eliminates Finlay. The Hardyz doubleteam Finlay and then Super Crazy. They go after Kane, and that can’t be smart. They hit him with Poetry in Motion as The Sandman comes out of the crowd at #15. He canes everyone but gets tossed by Booker. Jeff Hardy gets tossed by Finlay but skins the cat.

Randy Orton is #16. He and Edge team up to toss Super Crazy. Rated RKO tosses BOTH Hardy Boyz. Chris Benoit is #17, and he goes after EVERYONE. Finlay takes a German Suplex. There’s one for Booker. There’s one for Shelton. Rob Van Dam is #18. He boots Booker in the face, dazing him long enough for Kane to eliminate Booker. Booker gets pissed and attacks and eliminates Kane. Vader? Who’s Vader? Viscera is #19 as Booker and Kane continue to brawl. You get the feeling they’re just stacking up fodder for one of the big guys. Johnny Nitro is #20, but he runs right into Rated RKO. Shelton is hanging by a thread, but 20-year veteran just can’t figure out how to finish him off, so he just watches him crawl back in.

Kevin Thorn is #21. Nothing’s happening. Hardcore Holly is #22, and he cleans house. Everyone teams up on Viscera. Benoit and Punk go at it in one corner, Thorn and RVD in the other. Shawn Michaels is #23, using the DX music. He goes right after Finlay, who is free. THESZ PRESS! He clotheslines Finlay out. A superkick knocks Viscera silly, allowing the gang to toss him out. Shawn eliminates Benjamin but gets jumped by Holly. Sadly, we never got a Holly vs. Finlay brawl. Chris Masters is #24 as Rated RKO goes after HBK. Nitro gets tossed by Benoit for going up to the second rope. Rookie mistake. Chavo Guerrero is #25. Oddly enough, he goes after Chris Masters. Benoit tosses Thorn. Everything bogs down again.

MVP is #26. He goes after Benoit, but HBK and Benoit team up to give him some chops. RVD dropkicks Masters to the floor. Orton hauls Punk up but can’t get him over. Carlito is #27. He goes after everyone. Van Dam nearly eliminates Michaels. The Great Khali is #28, and you can bet he’s going to thin the herd. Edge and Van Dam attack him but get piefaced. CHOPS TO EVERYONE! He tosses Holly as The Miz comes in at #29. Khali tosses the Miz as JBL corrects the record to say the Warlord had the record. There goes Benoit, Van Dam, Punk, Carlito, and Chavo, all by Khali. He chokeslams Michaels as Cole ponders who can stop the Great Khali. Oh, what a great setup line! The Undertaker comes in at #30. He fires away on Khali, and they slug it out. Taker eventually clotheslines Khali over. Taker busts out the Old School Ropewalk Forearm on MVP, which is a really stupid move, but it works for him. There goes MVP.

Your final four are Taker, Shawn Michaels, Edge & Orton. MVP tries to get in with a chair, but Orton takes it away from him and waffles the Undertaker with it. Edge readies for a spear on Orton, but Randy catches him in mid-move and chews him out. Shawn interrupts and takes an RKO, but it gives Edge a chance to smooth things over. Rated RKO teams up to pummel the Undertaker, but there are only two of them, so they don’t stand a chance. He hits them with a double-clothesline. Sadly, it looks like he’s gassed even though he just got there. He readies for the chokeslam on Orton, but Edge breaks it up with a spear. Edge nails Taker with a chair, and they set up for the one-man Conchairto. Shawn Michaels recovers from the RKO and tosses Orton. Edge takes a swing at him but gets superkicked out as well. That leaves Shawn and Undertaker laid out in the ring. Taker does the Zombie sit-up and pummels Shawn in the corner. Shawn nearly goes over off an uppercut but comes back with chops. Taker reverses a corner whip, sending Shawn into the Shawn flip. He tries to finish him off with a big boot but goes over to the apron himself. Shawn nail him, but Taker hangs on and gets back in. Shawn hits a neckbreaker but runs right into a big boot. Taker lifts him over to the apron, but Shawn fights back. Taker catches Shawn on the top, and they brawl precariously on the top. Shawn knocks him back into the ring and hits the Picture-Perfect Elbow. He tunes up the band, but Taker catches his foot and counters to a CHOKESLAM! He signals for the Tombstone (big boos from Shawn’s hometown crowd). Shawn slips out of it, though, and hits SWEET CHIN MUSIC! He sets up for another one, but Taker ducks and dumps Shawn over the top for the win at 56:19. The final four saved this Rumble from being one of the most boring of all-time, but they saved it in spades. The field was quite odd, with the Hardyz and Nitro doing double duty while London & Kendrick, the Boogeyman, and others were nowhere to be found. Shelton got in, but Charlie Haas didn’t. I realize they were going for star power, but if those bigger names aren’t doing anything interesting before they get tossed, it doesn’t do you much good. Thankfully, not only did Taker finally get a Rumble win, but #30 finally got a win. ***

The 411: A high-quality title match (one out of three ain’t bad, I guess) and a decent end to the Rumble get this the mild nod. There are still a lot of problems with building new stars, though, which is evident from the dead spots in the first — oh, forty minutes of the Rumble. Shawn looks to be a lock to face Cena, but hopefully, Edge & Orton aren’t forgotten in the mix either.

Mild thumbs up.