The Final Fantasy Heat Report: 04.08.07
Posted by Jeff Small on 04.08.2007
Celebrate Easter with a Playboy Bunny!!!
Welcome back to another edition of the Final Fantasy Heat Report. First off, I would like to wish a Happy Easter to all my readers! Sadly, the WWE does not wish to reward me with a clip-edition focusing on all those lovely WWE Easter moments throughout the years (most involving Torrie Wilson in a thong). Rather, I am stuck with a Viscera squash and a bald Eugene. Ew, gross.
Taped from Raw, it's Online Heat.
Our announcers this evening are Todd Grisham and Jonathan Coachman.
Match 1: Chris Masters vs. Eugene
Match Description: This is a battle of WWE superstars that hit the upper mid-card for the time span of a month before crashing back down to curtain jerking. This is actually a pretty significant match as both men are coming off embarrassing moments in their careers. For Eugene, this is his first match back after being shaved and as for Masters, this is his first match after Lashley broke his Masterlock.
Finisher Fun Facts: Eugene can earn points if he hits his Stone Cold Stunner while Masters will earn points (and most likely the win) if he can lock in his Masterlock).
The two men lockup to start. After breaking the hold in the corner, Masters poses for Eugene. Of course, Eugene must return the favor and does some rump-shaking. They lockup again and this time Masters works the arm by locking in an armbar. The crowd helps Eugene power out. Eugene does a couple of his own arm wrenches before running into a shoulderblock. Masters scoop slams Eugene before dropping a leg for 2. Masters pounds away before deciding to work on Eugene's knee (???). He hits a neckbreaker for 2. I guess all that knee work paid off. Masters applies a neck vice. Eugene powers out but is raked in the eyes. Turnbuckle smash and of course Eugene TARDS up. Rights and lefts stagger Masters allowing Eugene to put him in an airplane spin. Shouldertackle gets 2. Rock bottom is elbowed out of. The Master Lock ends @ 5:30.
Winner: Chris Masters (10 points)
Loser: Eugene (2 points)
Match 2: Candice vs. Victoria
Match Description: I love to see grudge matches take place on Heat. For those who have short-term memory loss (or work for the WWE), Victoria broke Candice's nose in December with an errant kick to the face.
Finisher Fun Facts: Victoria will earn points if she hits the Widow's Peak. Her opponent, Candice, cannot earn any finisher points. Why? Because according to WWE.com, she has no finisher.
The two ladies lockup to start. A headlock takedown sends Candice to the mat. She uses the power of her legs to break the hold before succumbing to the move once again. Candice breaks the hold again and gets a snap mare of her own. Neck snap follows. Victoria fights back with a kick to the gut and a hair toss. Camel clutch follows.
Victoria lifts Candice up by her hair but has the move reversed! Candice kicks Victoria in the gut only to run into a back elbow for 2. Victoria tries another kick but Candice catches it and dragon whips her! Candice slugs away and hits a back elbow of her own. She hits her upside-down headscissors move before climbing to the top. Top rope crossbody connects for 2. Victoria fights back and scoop slams her. Jigglesault misses allowing Candice to kick away and nail a spinning wheel kick for the win @ 4:34.
Winner: Candice (5 points)
Loser: Victoria (2 points)
Match 3: Viscera vs. Patrick Busch
Match Description: Squash.
Finisher Fun Facts: Vis can earn points with two different ways. He can either hit the Sex Drive powerbomb or flatten his opponent with the Viscera Drop (VD) big splash.
Man, how many words is this going to need? Vis shoves Busch to start. Busch hits a dropkick which barely moves Vis before running into a clothesline. Open hand chops follow. Headbutt. Back elbow/elbow drop combo. Ho train misses which lets Busch fire away. Too bad he runs into a spinning wheel kick. VD ends @ 2:13.
Match Description: I could have sworn these two men fought each other about a month ago. Why yes I was correct. Though it looks like I missed that particular edition of Heat so you know how the adage goes "If You Haven't Seen It, It's New to You."
Finisher Fun Facts: Kenny can earn points if he hits his top rope legdrop. Considering he has switched over from that to an inverted swinging neckbreaker, I am not sure if he will earn points tonight. His opponent Venis will if he nails the Money Shot.
As usual, the two men lockup to start. After a shoulderblock by Kenny, Val arm drags the youngster and hits a dropkick. Kenny bails to regain his composure. In the ring, Val's 1999 offense gets 2. Val continues to knee the gut before hitting a gutbuster for 2. The half-nelson slam is blocked as Kenny throws Val into the top turnbuckle. After a forearm drop, Kenny pins for 2. He chokes Val in the ropes before hitting two short-arm clotheslines for 2. Chinlock follows. Val fights out but runs into a dropkick. An elbow drop gets 2. A flying spinning back elbow connects for Kenny. Another chinlock is applied. Val powers out but is scoop slammed. An elbow drop misses. Kenny charges at Val but runs into a back elbow. Clothesline by Val. Back body drop connects. The Blue Thunder Bomb gets 2. A fisherman's suplex gets 2 ½. Val runs at Kenny but is hot shotted on the ropes. The inverted swinging neckbreaker ends @ 6:27.
Winner: Kenny (8 points)
Loser: Val (5 points)
Our Fantasy winners this week are Viscera and Chris Masters!
Well this year's Easter edition was not too shabby. Personally, I would have a liked a little more tail (Mickie James perhaps) but at least there was no appearance by Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Until next week…
