Friday Night Fury: Smackdown 20.04.07

Posted by Arnold Furious on 04.20.2007

New tag champs (not often you say that on Smackdown) plus Kennedy & Finlay go looking for trouble

Friday Night Fury: Smackdown 20.04.07

New tag champs (not often you say that on Smackdown) plus Kennedy & Finlay go looking for trouble

Random irritations and annoyances this week;

1. Mark Bright and to a lesser extent Gavin Peacock. What was with the B Team on Match of the Day last week? The utterly clueless duo rambled incoherently between match highlights to the point where I muted the TV. Although that was after Ray Stubbs got in a sweet burn on Bright for stumbling all over himself, his words and his point. The latter of which never showed up. Alan Hansen, Mark Lawrenson and Alan Shearer; no problem. These guys; give me a break. Because it's a week ago I don't remember specifics that annoyed me just that they did. I remember shouting "bullshit" at Gavin Peacock at least once. Usually football gets me quite worked up but I like pundits with a sense of competence. It may then get exposed as they continue to talk but appearing competent to begin with helps a great deal.

2. Tottenham. I've never been a big fan of Spurs. In fact I hate them with a fiery passion. They could well be my least favourite football club, ever. I hate Liverpool, sure, but that's because I'm an Everton supporter. Spurs just have this knack of pissing me, and everyone else, off. For example; when Everton needed Blackburn to lose to Tottenham on the last day to give them a spot in the UEFA Cup Spurs quite happily rolled over and gave Blackburn an easy three points. Spurs have been utter shit away from home all season up the point where they score four goals at West Ham and virtually relegate them. What a bunch of assholes. And last weekend they were at it again. I bet on Wigan to beat Spurs because Spurs have very little to play for while Wigan need points to stay up. Home win. Wigan took the lead three times and Spurs, suddenly feeling inclined to do something after an entire season of being pushovers away from home, went and equalised every time. It finished 3-3. Spurs cost me my 3 for 3 on Sunday because for only the second time this season they refused to lie down and die. Just a little consistency and I might hate them less. Nah, forget it; they've been pulling this bullshit for my entire life they're not going to change anytime soon. Spurs are the one football club I would gladly blink out of existence given the opportunity. I'll settle for relegation so they can go into a division no one cares about.

3. Strongbow. What the fuck is that "first pint refreshment" advert all about? Could they have made that anymore annoying? I want to punch my TV set when it comes on. And the radio one is even worse. If I knew for sure 100% who is responsible I would go to their house and punch them square in the nose. There have been some pretty irritating adverts over the years but this one has already driven me to a stage where violence seems like the only option. It's like Crazy Frog only worse because it's happening right now. By means of boycott I will never buy Strongbow ever again. That includes abstaining on a round system if the person I'm drinking with has Strongbow. Fuck you Strongbow! You've brought this on yourself.

4. Email servers. The bastards prevented me from receiving any mail. Notice a slight change in email address now to my Virgin.net one. Now, unlike for the past month or so, you should be able to email me. I should have known when people were using the PM function on the forums to contact me.

5. Chinlocks. I swear I like any hold in wrestling, even ones that are blatant rest holds, apart from the chinlock. I can't seem to get past it either. It's gotten to the point where people know damn well I hate chinlocks. Even Dragon Aisu put one in a fucking match in Gloucester last year while he was looking right at me. "That's for you" shouted Gabriel Grey, his Damned Nation handler. Great. I hate chinlocks. It always strikes me as the hold where you know damn well someone has forgotten where they are in the match or what spot is next or someone is tired. I can't remember where we are…CHINLOCK. Or in Randy Orton's case, the match is just beginning…CHINLOCK.

6. Cardboard cuts. I'm typing right now with a huge cut along the side of my thumb. I can tell it's bad because I'm aware it hurts when I'm not even using the thumb. I seem to get cardboard cuts every day. It's getting to the point where my fingers are a total mess every day of my life. Some of my knuckles are just scar tissue. From fucking cardboard cuts! It's insane. No wonder Abdullah the Butcher's head looks like that.

We're in Milano, Italia. Hosts are Michael Cole and JBL.

The Mighty DAVE~! v FINLAY

Finlay has the shillelagh. Batista generally overpowers even when he's doing technical stuff like armdrags. JBL talks about how Dave has changed his technique because he's preparing for the big re-match with the Undertaker. It's Finlay who brings the smash mouth style with striking and a European uppercut takes Dave down. It's like a role reversal so far. Finlay takes a knee because he has something in his eye. When he eventually suckers Dave in he fucks up throwing him through the ropes. They repeat the spot. Oy. I'm not feeling this match already but that spot was a fine example of what was wrong with it. An ad break follows. Outside Dave pounds away a bit until MR KENNEDY runs in for the DQ at 9.30. Nearly 10 minutes of virtually nothing and they can't even book a finish? Not that this match was worth a crap.

Winner: Dave via DQ. *. Poor effort. Pointless match.

POST MATCH the heels continue the beatdown. Heat plays well in Italy btw. The reactions are louder than they would be in the US. Whistling and jeering. Although heat doesn't seem to run that well anywhere these days. I think that's really sad.

PROMO TIME – Jillian Hall

Jillian has a little opera for "all of my adoring Italian fans". "Awesome" – JBL. HAHAHAHA. Seriously, could his timing be any better? Jillian's opera is the worst of her singing ventures to date, which is saying something. Thankfully MICHELLE MCCOOL comes out here to interrupt it. Michelle calls Jillian horrible in Italian. Jillian goes for the cheap shot but gets herself beat down. Since when was Michelle a babyface? And whose music has she stolen? I think it used to belong to Candice Michelle. I guess from one Michelle to another. This REALLY came off as pointless filler. At least Jillian has gotten over as a heel based on her terrible singing.

CHRIS BENOIT/HARDYS v MVP/CHAVO GUERRERO/GREGORY HELMS

This would be an extension of the Benoit-Porter feud. Quite why Raw's Jeff Hardy needs to be here is anyone's guess. Glad they're using Chavo & Helms as a team. I'd be in favour of the entire Smackdown tag division being made of cruiserweights. Essentially that allows feuds over the cruiserweight title for teams that split up. And you get two sets of belts that mean something. Whereas right now Londrick has no competition and neither does Chavo. BOOK THAT WWE! It's a great idea and you know it is. Who are you going to upset? There's only one other team on Smackdown, Untouchables, and you can offload them to someplace else. Trade ‘em for a couple of cruisers abandoned in the void elsewhere. BOOK IT! MVP is quite sneaky and has teamed up with the two cruisers here to have them wear someone down. Either by absorbing Benoit's offence or picking someone off. MVP really doesn't care because what happens to them doesn't really affect him that much. The Hardys work some teaming on Helms, which works because they're been wrestling in similar circles for the best part of the decade (as Helms used to compete in OMEGA, which was booked by Matt Hardy). Jeff misses the Whisper in the Wind, which is the turning point. He went for too early, natch. Heel beatdown ensues and again the heat is better than usual or perhaps the WWE is just pumping more volume in on the taped show. JBL name drops Bruiser Brody AND Masahiro Chono in the same sentence whilst referring to MVP's straight big boot. The frequent tags from the fresh Chavo/Helms team keeps Jeff isolated. Now MVP comes in more frequently with Jeff isolated. Chavo draws Benoit in, they feuded quite recently, and that allows Jeff to get a bigger shoeing. MVP goes after Benoit but Benoit headbutts him and that allows Jeff to tag out. Benoit comes in with some serious hard hitting offence. MVP tags out ASAP. Helms is up for being taken apart instead but Chavo prevents the headbutt. Matt gives him the Side Effect. Twist of Fate and Helms catches the Swanton Bomb. Benoit goes for the Flying Wolverine to finish it off and has to shrug MVP off. SHARPSHOOTER! MVP charges again but Benoit backdrops him without even loosening up on the hold. Helms taps out like a spaz at 9.12.

Winners: babyfaces via submission . **3/4. Now THAT was good honest fun. I could have easily sat through another ten minutes of that.

Tag titles – LONDRICK (c) v UNTOUCHABLES (Deuce/Domino w/Cherry)

"Nearly a year as tag team champions" – Cole. Oh way to go jackass. Kiss of death or what? No Ashley because she's now out getting surgery on her ankle. It was the break from last year. She's having pins removed. The crowd is more appreciative of high flying in Italy, what with it being a Latin country. They pop ANYTHING off the top rope. Kendrick uses an elbow strike to the shoulder off there and THAT gets popped. London increases his use of kicks probably to give them a more ‘hard hitting' feel on offence. Cherry draws the referee, which marks her start as something useful. London attempts a moonsault off the apron on Domino but misses. He lands HARD chest first on the floor and that's him done. You sense not only is that a turning point in the match but the excuse that will be made by Michael Cole for them losing the belts. Kendrick is left two on one, which is pretty strong protection for them. I think that shows what an advancement they've made as a commodity since capturing the titles from MNM. The WWE actually thinks highly of them now. Kendrick has no one to tag and that's your story. He's already in trouble and it's only made worse facing two men. Sadly Deuce has no urgency about his approach. You'd think they'd want to finish Kendrick off while London remains immobile. I personally don't like the lengthy selling on a moonsault off the apron. After all London has taken some serious bumps over the past couple of years. You have to believe he's been hurt before and carried on. Maybe he didn't win but he didn't lie on the floor like a bitch. That said if the audience buys it then who cares. A couple of minutes later Deuce hits the Crack him in the Mouth for the win at 8.51.

Winners and NEW tag team champions: Deuce & Domino. *1/2. In some ways its good this run is finally over because Londrick has had virtually no competition (Armageddon aside) and losing the belts makes them THAT much more over when they are both fit and win them back. Probably with Ashley back in their corner when they enjoyed their biggest successes. On the other side Londrick lost the straps to the ONLY other tag team on Smackdown. Who challenges for the titles other than Londrick? No one. I guess you have Regal & Taylor but that's not a good idea. It would have been nice if they'd let Londrick have the belts for a year. After all is the booking situation SO desperate the belts need to change hands right this second? Will the re-match make the Backlash card? Again they'd be better off going with my cruiserweight tag division idea from earlier. You have Chavo/Helms, Daivari/Noble, Yang/Funaki (imagine that gimmick if Funaki went Western?) and Rey/Scotty. I guess you could use a better partner for Rey. Super Crazy would be nice. Seeing as he's gotten over now. Then you could dump Scotty with that freakwad Shannon Moore, the princess of puke, and that's another team. And that's just using what's already there. Six tag teams and that my friends is a division. Plus they could all interlink for the cruiserweight title. Everyone wins. The show gets better.

FROM THE VAULT – Lance Storm v Randy Orton. YES! Lance is awesome. His punches look superb. AWWW, special referee is Bobcore. Everything Storm does looks awesome. Orton looks pretty green around the edges. Weird seeing Orton as a younger guy because his whole style changed during his run with the company. Storm wins with a half crab after Bobcore's officiating is somewhat biased against Orton. Even more biased is the post match beatdown. VAL VENIS saves. I really don't remember that feud. I don't remember Val being involved in any feud since the Attitude era. And because this is the VAULT~! We get two for the price of one and the tag match that followed pitting Bobcore/Lance v Orton/Valbowski. The heels would have made a really solid team IMO. This match looks really fun. Orton debuts for the Overdrive but Bobcore breaks the pin. Storm with a superkick but his lazy cover allows for Orton to reverse the fall and get his win back in record time. I quite enjoyed that.

RAW REBOUND features the superb Santino Marella angle. Be interesting to see where they go with this. Are they merely freeing up Umaga to win the ECW title?

BACKSTAGE Kane grins. That's it. You don't look creepy dude, you look hideous.

SHILL – Mark Henry. He returns in two weeks. Oh boy.

WILLIAM REGAL/DAVE TAYLOR v KANE

They make tags, thank Christ. I hate handicap matches because no one wins. If the team win then they won because they had the numbers advantage. If they lose then they got beat by one guy. I hate handicap matches. They only work if it's two jobbers v a superstar. Regal is the former Intercontinental champion and both these guys are tough as two dollar steak. The Italians get some support for Kane going. They mention Raw being in England next week. Wouldn't it be nice if the English fans didn't act like America Jr for once and actually cheered Regal? Gave him the respect he deserves for once? We used to do that. We used to have an identity. Regal owns Kane by repeatedly stamping the back of his head. That'll learn ‘im! The heels finally get some teaming going after five minutes and hit a double suplex. Kane gets slowly, and I mean SLOWLY, worn down. The double teaming only works for so long before Kane mounts a comeback. Double clothesline. Regal gets sideslammed. Diving clothesline. Why does Regal keep being used as cannon fodder? He's had enough of this one and takes a powder. Ref counts him out and there's another match without a finish at 9.12.

Winner: Kane via count out . ½*. What a yawner that was. Let's not go booking Kane in any more 10 minute matches on TV eh? I understand he's an attraction because of his name value but he can have name value and have a two minute match as well. They could have run this match in two minutes for all that happened. Plus it would have extenuated their point; that these guys could beat Kane up but not finish him off.

BACKSTAGE Regal and Taylor, the latter in Northern dialogue, complain about being oppressed by Kane. Regal wants to get away from him. Teddy Long books them against Kane & the Boogeyman. Regal tries to save another terrible segment with "you're bang out of order". They head off and in comes KRISTAL. She's been shopping. Teddy makes fresh moves on Kristal and they kiss. Teddy is 51. Kristal is 23. I'll leave your own conclusions as to what Kristal sees in Teddy's wallet, erm, personality. I'm sure this is all part of a bigger angle involving sexual harassment and Vickie Guerrero. I'd rather it just went nowhere and got dropped ASAP.

MR KENNEDY v UNDERTAKER

Non title. Kennedy gets some promo time pointing out he's Mr Money in the Bank. Undertaker's entrance is up to about 2 months now. It's gotten to the point where I know he'll take forever to get out here so I read through some forum posts while he's taking his sweet fucking time. But then I hate the Undertaker and I always have done. This match has been done to death with their long feud but at least that means they know how to work each other. Kennedy cuts off Old School for example selling the familiarity. Kennedy is able to turn it into a superplex but Taker breaks out the zombie sit up. I don't mind it so much this early in a match but it pisses me off in big matches. But then generally no selling, in a cartoony way, annoys me. Hogan, Warrior, Tatanka and that zombie sit up. I don't mind badass no selling like Taz in ECW or even Sting in WCW or especially anyone from Japan who no sells.

Sidenote – Cage Rage is on Sky Sports 3 with their biggest card ever. That's one up on UFC who are on Setanta Sports with the UFC show in Manchester. So they're on PPV while Cage Rage runs on free TV. Tank Abbot, Vitor Belfort and Murilo Rua are the name guys on the card, which has changed several times. No Bob Sapp. Boo!

Back from the ad break and Taker is choking away like the cheat he is. He intimidates the referee, like a jerk, and then misses in the corner because he had taken his focus of his opponent. Honestly the disrespectful jackass deserved that. Kennedy takes his knee apart before hitting the FACE WASH~! Taker gets back in charge by using his strength and then legdrops Kennedy on the apron. Since when is that "vintage" Cole? JBL makes the same complaint right as I'm typing it. JBL has completely won me over as an announcer. I was damn opposed to him getting the job but after hearing him I think he's the best they have at colour. He's way better than Lawler and Tazz. And I like Tazz. Snake Eyes and the big boot. Crowd gets all excited for the finish. Chokeslam. It's over but Taker showboats like a jerk instead of pinning and that gives time for FINLAY to run in here for the DQ at 12.50.

Winner: Undertaker via schmoz . **. Daniel Wilcox has a few schmozzes for his count. Seeing as they made Kennedy & Finlay look like bitches last week it's nice they're getting some heat back. Also Batista doesn't come out to save because why should he care if Undertaker gets beaten up? They send the crowd home happy by having Kane save but that doesn't air on TV because it'd be stupid.

The 411 –

The six man tag was fun. That's about all the positive I found this week. The rest of the show I could leave. Changing the tag belts makes sense as long as they're not planning on leaving them on the Untouchables because that would suck. Short reign with the returning Ashley winning Londrick their second titles would be nice. Then they can actually build a feud resulting a gimmick match where the losers leave Smackdown and Londrick win. Then do my cruiserweight tag team thing, you don't have to call them "cruiserweight tag titles" just only use cruiserweights. Good matches result. Everyone goes home happy. Plus you have a way of utilising the popularity of the X division and TNA's spot heavy style without directly stealing the concept. DO IT! You know you want to.