Friday Night Fury: Smackdown 05.04.07

Posted by Arnold Furious on 05.04.2007

MVP wins himself another title shot

Friday Night Fury: Smackdown 05.04.07

MVP wins himself another title shot

Random irritations and annoyances this week;

1. Spider-Man 3. *SLIGHT SPOILERS* Not all of it but c'mon Sam, is that really the best you could do? Emo-Spidey? Five minutes of half-assed Venom? It was saved by JK Simmons being THE MAN once again as J. Jonah and to a lesser extent by Bruce Campbell just owning as a French maitre-de. But as a wrestling fan I noticed a worrying number of heel/face turns during the film. Some of them with little to no provocation. They tried to get too much into one film and it just fell flat on its face. Much like the last X-Men movie. What the hell is wrong with everyone? Can't we just get a series going and keep good continuity and keep a good thing going? Spidey 1 & 2 were great, especially 2. Spidey 3 was the first film I'd been to see at the cinema since Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. I far more enjoyed my Star Wars experience than my Spidey experience. I went to see it with five other people. Two of which flat out gave it thumbs down, the other three were in the middle so I probably liked it best out of all six and I found it disappointing. I hope this isn't an omen for this summer season. Usually the first big film out sets the trend for the year. After this showing my hopes for the summer are dashed.

2. People bashing Alec Baldwin. It's his child; let him chastise her however he pleases. If he feels it was warranted then fine. COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS. I would mark out like fucking crazy if the WWE debuted a character based on that guy. "This watch costs more than your car". Kind of a cross between a pissed off Matt Striker and JBL.

3. MTV. Seriously, there's nothing on there. Apart from South Park re-runs. The rest of it is an embarrassment. TV should be better than that. Kids are watching total junk like I did when I was there age. I really shouldn't have spent so long watching Beavis & Butthead episodes and whatnot because I swear junk TV makes you stupid.

4. Those late night ITV shows where you call in. Glitterball is it? Good GOD that is bad TV. You'd have to be drunk as fuck to watch that. I sat through about 30 seconds of it and my mind was recoiling in horror.

5. Strongbow. Still running the adverts. Still pissing me off.

We're in Birmingham, Alabama. I've been there. It's the biggest trailer park in the world. Lot of big Jeff Foxworthy fans out there. Hosts are Michael Cole & JBL.

BOOGEYMAN v WILLIAM REGAL w/Dave Taylor

They've brought Little Boogey back. I guess midgets are fun. It's only hitting me now how muted my senses are right now. I literally got in ten minutes ago from watching Spidey 3 and my brain is stuck in cinematic mode where it kicks back and switches off. Cole calls Boogeyman a "must see character". Yeah, someone was stupid enough to let this happen. Someone allowed this shitty wrestler to get a dumb gimmick and go on TV every week. Then realise how bad he really is and fire him. THEN re-hire him and put him right back on TV. Yeah, that's "must see" alright. Regal gets chokebombed and is about to lose clean to this sideshow when Taylor comes in for the DQ at 3.38.

Winner: Boogeyman via shenanigans. DUD.

POST MATCH Kane comes out for the save. Regal and Taylor flee through the crowd and Kane, like a psychopath, chases them. I'd rather see Kane v Boogeyman because at least that limits the crap to one match.

BACKSTAGE Teddy Long talks to Da Dweem. Rhodes finds out he's auditioning his Long's assistant position and says he doesn't want it. Great. Pointless segment that just makes Dusty look like a retard for not realising he was applying for a job that was advertised on TV just last week. MVP arrives and says he had the flu at Backlash. His attorneys demand a re-match with Benoit but Long wants him to earn it in a match tonight against Kane. He leaves in a huff and outside is Sgt Slaughter, Steve Lombardi and the Miz all ready to audition for #2 GM. MVP looks down the line. "Damn". HAHAHA. Who needs Ron Simmons?

SHILL – Judgment Day. We don't really have a card yet but its 20th May. Box office in the UK. Dang.

BRIAN KENDRICK v DOMINO

Paul London is still nursing injured ribs but he's out here anyway. Domino has Deuce and Cherry out here. Is Cherry's chest getting bigger? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Domino is trying at the gimmick at least this week. I think his hair is darker and he's ‘doing' more. Kendrick employs his usual technique of flying around the bigger man to get him discombobulated. Nice tope scores. London has his back so Deuce can't interfere but his very presence is enough to put Kendrick off. Kendrick goes into Ricky Steamboat selling as he's completely dead off nothing. He's crawling for a tag after like two shots off Domino. Why doesn't he just change his name to Ricky? Domino lives in the past by jumping off the top and eating a big boot. That hasn't been done realistically since the Honky Tonk Man. Say, he isn't doing anything. Just sayin. Kendrick makes the big comeback but London gets bumped. Kendrick finally gains some common sense and kicks off Deuce for the Sliced Bread #2 on Domino and that gets the pin at 4.52.

Winner: Brian Kendrick via pinfall. It's about time these guys were booked to not look like total morons as most babyfaces are. *1/2. London is sure going after that Keanu Reeves beard huh? If they come out as Ricky Kendrick and Keanu London next week I want cash money to stay quiet.

MR KENNEDY v MATT HARDY

331 days until Kennedy's title shot. They'd better hope and fucking pray he doesn't get injured. This match is a no win situation. If Kennedy wins then it's because he's supposed to. If Matt wins it helps his potential main event push but at the expense of Kennedy. They really can't push both guys with the same match unless the match is really good. If Matt Hardy is "a main event waiting to happen" why has he been toiling away in the midcard for seven years and why did the WWE release him a few years back? If he was really a potential main event they'd have worked around his issues. Like Randy Orton. They work some counters and that's not quite as tight as it should be. You'd be disappointed at the quality level of the chaining if you were a good chain wrestler. They stand there talking in a headlock for a while. Kennedy has managed to bust his nose in a headlock. Matt backdrops him outside. Yodelling elbow smash gets 2. Kennedy focuses on the arm with a jumping armbreaker. He carries on working the body part. The thing that always bothers me about body part working is whether it goes anywhere (like Cena being weaker on his one side for the FU/STFU during the Michaels match) or not. If it doesn't go anywhere then it's just a waste of time. Matt's selling is certainly not brought into question during this segment. He's very alive to the situation and usually works decent psychology. Of course he can do the Twist of Fate without the left arm being at 100%, which would make you question why Kennedy would go after it when his finisher has nothing to do with an upper limb. He changes up to the back after Matt into the ring steps then the neck. I guess he's going for general weakening of Matt with all this, which works better than the body part psychology as it didn't really have any big pay off. Matt uses his bad arm to elbow out of the cravat. Sigh. Couldn't he have done ANYTHING else there? For an experienced guy like Matt Hardy that's very frustrating. The crowd is at least into this. Next time Matt uses the right arm to elbow out. That's a little better. Kennedy runs his knee clean through Matt's face for 2. Kennedy is able to Irish whip Matt at will because his arm is bad. He's also able to slip out of a bulldog because the arm is bad. Ok, I was wrong! It went somewhere. Kennedy goes after the briefcase but Matt kicks it out of the ring. Matt manages an Irish whip despite his bad arm and hits the bulldog for 2. I take it back, again. What happened there? Kennedy goes up top and hangs Matt up on the ropes. Kennedy runs into the Side Effect though for 2. Why do the crowd pop that as a near fall? Who's he ever beaten with that? They pound away at each other and this has become a war of attrition although you'd think that Kennedy has done more. Matt uses his bad arm to block the Samoan Roller. Kennedy counters back into it for 2. Kenton Bomb gets knees. Surely that would hurt Matt's knees as well? Maybe? Matt with the legdrop minus the Yodelling. That works because the arm is irrelevant. Twist of Fate is blocked. Matt counters back and hits the Twist of Fate for the upset pin at 15.40.

Winner: Matt Hardy via pinfall . **3/4. Not without it's charm but littered with issues regarding the focal point of Kennedy's initial attack. Good match but not as good as the commentators think. Matt didn't win because he was the better man with the better strategy. He won because he fluked it. The ending felt like watching Raw Vs Smackdown on the PS2 it was that devoid of any emotion.

CLIPS – end of Last Man Standing match.

BACKSTAGE Teddy Long makes a re-match and next week Undertaker faces Dave Batista for the title again. He promises a decisive conclusion because it's a cage match. That'll be the end of Undertaker's title run then what with him needing surgery on that bicep tear. It's not a surprise though that Taker has sustained an injury. He was specifically winding his career down and suddenly he's back on the road full time and on every show because he's the champ. Maryse welcomes us back to Smackdown in her underwear.

JIMMY WANG YANG v GREGORY HELMS

Cole yee-haw's along to Yang's entrance. Shame Stevie Ray isn't around to call him a fruit booty. Did I mention how much I hate Helms new entrance music? They run a nice opening sequence where Helms drops down in an International but Yang just drops on top with a headlock. I really enjoyed that but it got zero reaction from the crowd. Not the crowd care about anything these guys do. Yang attempts one armdrag too many so Helms throws him through the ropes. Helms with a version of the half crab and why do WWE wrestlers insist on making that move look really week these days? Backbreaker gets 2. Yang is largely unaffected and comes back with a whirl headscissors. Helms goes back to the spine when the opportunity arises and he's working the smarter match. He goes after a superplex to really fuck the back up but Yang shoves him off and hits the moonsault press for the pin at 5.08.

Winner: Yang via pinfall . That was very…brief. *3/4.

PROMO TIME – The Mighty DAVE~! He is MIGHTY! He talks about pushing Taker to the limit provoking a very pro-Taker response from the audience. He says they pushed beyond the limit at the end of the match so nothing was resolved. He's been thinking is this all worth it? The pain? The destruction? Of course it is ya big silly. He says he's ready to do it again and give everything to get that title back. He wants to follow through on his promise to regain his title next week. Very stoic promo from Dave as per usual. I think that's why some people don't like his promos. Cole calls it emotional, which is isn't.

FROM THE VAULT – Chris Benoit v Matt Hardy. US tournament semi-finals. Hardy is in V-ONEAAAAAHHHH mode with Shannon Moore as his MFer at ringside. Benoit is his usual clinical self. Shannon cheats on Hardy's behalf as Benoit is way too much for him in singles. Shannon tries to interfere again but Benoit throws him out of the ring and Crossfaces Matt but he makes the ropes. Matt goes nuts with Side Effects and his face is busted open BADLY. He's pissing blood from his mouth/nose. Which makes the crossface that much worse. Matt misses a Flying Wolverine, which must sting with all that open face. He looks like he's been in a car crash. The pacing continues as they counter over the ropes and then Benoit misses a Flying Wolverine of his own. Benoit counters a Side Effect into the crossface and that's a tap out. That match had some serious countering in it and the psychology was strong. Benoit should get another title push. I mean, who's better at big matches than him?

CLIPS – Mark Henry is coming back to Smackdown. I thought he due back this week? Did he drive past an all night Waffle House yesterday and got stuck? "Would you care for another plate of food sir?" "Well, I had fiteen already but I could use another".

FIT FINLAY v THE MIZ

Finlay has been nothing but a JTTS for ages so I guess the rebuilding process starts here. Miz is like the Watford of Smackdown. Or the Washington Nationals if you'd like a more American reference. LITTLE BASTARD is under the ring and he pokes Miz in the eye. JBL runs through the little people on Smackdown and I call "Tazz" one second before he does. YUS! Either JBL is getting really obvious with his remarks or we're just at the same level. Little Bastard gets in there and Finlay uses him as a weapon. Cole is shocked that JBL would insult Hall of Famer Dusty Rhodes. Are you kidding me? Dusty is a fat bastard and has been for 30 years. Miz gets obsessed with Hornswoggle and chases him around, which leads to a clothesline off the fighting Irishman. Finlay gets suckered into the big boot that Domino got caught with earlier. God, I hate that spot. Hornswoggle drags Miz under the ring. Hehehe, wuss. Miz gets counted out and that's the match at 5.50.

Winner: Finlay via count out . How lame is Miz for getting schooled by a midget? ½*.

BACKSTAGE Undertaker comments on the forthcoming re-match. He claims he took Dave's soul at Backlash. He did? Looks like it finished as a double count out ya weirdo. He says the cage is the demons playground. Jesus, what a lamewad. His imagery laden promos are no longer cool or good because what happens in the ring has almost no relevance to the emo crap he's spouting. I've never liked the Undertaker's gimmick and as he enters into middle age it's getting more and more embarrassing.

MVP v KANE

Enduring Kane is usually a set up for a proper title match. I guess Benoit & MVP are steadily elevating the US title with their meaningful feud over it. As much as I like MVP I don't really want to see a re-hash with Kane but then he's the resident punishment match. Boogeyman as well but he'd already worked tonight. Haven't they got anything for Kane? He's been the punishment match for like five years or more now. "You can have the match if you survive a match tonight…with Kane". How many times have we seen a variation on that theme? That IS predictable. MVP gets the arm and sees an opening. That works for a while until Kane leisurely hits a clothesline. MVP works the arm some more but then runs into a big boot. A little variety would be nice. MVP with the Yakuza Kick. Kane is moving so slowly in there. Whatever happened to him considering retirement? I would think it's got to be soon. He's saved his money right? MVP with a swinging neckbreaker for 2. This is all over the place. MVP can't even club at the injured body part to break up a potential chokeslam. It's just…messy. Kane with a diving clothesline. "Ball game" – JBL. Regal & Taylor run out here and Regal gets in a cheap brass knucks shot, which sets up the Playmaker for the pin at 12.15.

Winner: MVP via shenanigans. *1/4. That not ideally the match you'd want to see go long. Anything with Kane these days I struggle through.

The 411 –

Not a good show this week. It seems Raw is on a roll so Smackdown just becomes bad at the same time. It's like both shows aren't allowed to be good at the same time. That said Kennedy-Hardy had plenty of effort albeit in a flawed effort so the show wasn't a total bomb.