The Final Fantasy Heat Report: 05.06.07
Posted by Jeff Small on 05.06.2007
The Tag Team Division is Heating Up!!!
Welcome back to another edition of the Final Fantasy Heat report. This week is all about the tag team division as the teams of Cade & Murdoch, the Highlanders, and Cryme Tyme are all here!!! So is the team of Hacksaw & Eugene but I'll do my best to forget they ever existed. But anyway, time's a-wastin' so let's get to the action…
Our announcers for this evening are Todd Grisham and that annoying doucebag from last week.
Taped from Raw, it's Online Heat!!!
Match 1: Cade & Murdoch vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Eugene
Match Description: Now wasn't Hacksaw & Eugene never supposed to tag again after Eugene turned on Hacksaw? You don't remember that? Well neither does the writing staff.
Finisher Fun Facts: Cade & Murdoch can earn extra points if they hit the Sweet N Sour on either of their opponents. Eugene and Duggan really have no chance here considering Cade & Murdoch are coming off of a PPV match.
"USA" chants to start. Eugene refuses to let go of Hacksaw's wood prompting an elongated stall. Finally, Eugene puts down Hacksaw's 2X4 and the match officially begins. With more Eugene taunting of course. Nothing of note happens between Eugene and Cade until Hacksaw tags in. Hacksaw hits two clotheslines on Murdoch and a third sends him packing. And yes after all of that thrilling non-action we hit a…
-Commercial Break –
We are back with Cade pounding away on Hacksaw. Hacksaw blows a hard irish whip to the corner (which I never knew was possible). Cade repeats the spot only to miss on a corner clothesline. Eugene tags in and hits a windmill punch and a shouldertackle. A blind tag to Murdoch turns the tide as the two cowboys hit their infamous inverted atomic drop/big boot combination. Cade tags back in and hits a short-arm clothesline for 2. He applies a chinlock to kill some time. Eugene fights out of it but runs into a SIT-DOWN SPINEBUSTER for 1 (Hacksaw broke the count)! Nice move by Cade.
The two cowboys continue to work over Eugene until Eugene kicks out of a Cade back body drop attempt. Cade misses an elbow drop but luckily catches Eugene before the hot tag. Murdoch tags in but is kicked away allowing Eugene to make the HOT TAG. Hacksaw comes in and he punches a lot. He connects on a back elbow/knee drop for 2. Eugene dumps Cade to the outside. Hacksaw attempts his 3 point stance clothesline but runs into the turnbuckle! A DDT ends @ 10:08.
Match 2: The Highlanders vs. John Everett & Christian Jacobs
Match Description: It's been a while since I've seen the Highlanders so here's hoping they aren't that rusty.
Finisher Fun Facts: The Highlanders can earn extra points if they connect with their Scot Drop.
After a sequence of reversals, Rory takes the advantage with a couple of headbutts onto #1. Robbie tags in and hits a dropkick. Rory tags back in and the two men hit a double shoulderblock. Rory hits a polish hammer and hip tosses #1. Robbie tags back in and pounds away with European uppercuts. Robbie misses a shoulder into the corner which allows #1 to tag in #2. #2 tags in and works the arm before tagging out again. #1 scoop slams Robbie for 1. He applies an armbar. Robbie fights out of it and hits an inverted backbreaker (shades of Christian or Kenzo Suzuki, take your pick). Robbie is able to make the HOT TAG which brings in Rory. Rory cleans house and the faces hit the Scot Drop onto #1 for the win @ 4:13.
Winners: The Highlanders (10 points)
Losers: The Jobbers
Our Raw Rewind this week looks back at the Great Khali's massacre of every upper-midcarder on his way to punking out John Cena. Bring on Khali/Cena, kids!!!
Main Event: Cryme Tyme vs. Chris Masters & Viscera
Match Description: Looks like Masters will be taking the fall here! We haven't seen Viscera in months so here's hoping he lost some weight.
Finisher Fun Facts: Cryme Tyme can earn points if they hit their G9 special on Chris Masters. Because they surely won't be able to do it to Viscera.
JTG and Masters start. JTG escapes a couple of quick Masterpunches which allows him to taunt the Masterpiece. Masters connects with a Masterkick to the gut and then Masterslams him. A Masterelbowdrop misses, however. Shad tags in and he scoop slams Masters. A double team slingshot gets 2. Shad tags back in JTG which allows Shad to whip JTG into Masters before Shad clotheslines Masters in the corner. The Masterpiece fights back with a Masterake to the eyes and tags in Vis.
Shad and Viscera have a staredown which brings back memories of Andre/Hogan or maybe just Khali/Kane. Shad punches away but his first running clothesline barely jiggles Vis's belly. A second attempt is countered into a Boss Man Slam. Masters tags back in and goes to work on Shad with Masterstomps. Vis tags in and applies a chinlock (!) Shad elbows out of the hold but rungs into a back elbow. Masters tags back in and hits a couple of Masterknees to the back for 2.
A vertical Masterplex gets 2. Vis tags back in and taunts a fallen Shad. The VD misses however. JTG gets the HOT TAG and unloads on Masters. A spinning back elbow and a dropkick connect for JTG! Missile dropkick connects too!!! Vis comes in and punks out both members of Cryme Tyme. Unfortunately for him, he misses the Ho Train in the corner allowing both Cryme Tyme members to eliminate him to the outside. Masters tries another Masterplex but this one is countered into a rollup for the win @ 8:00. Match of the night which really doesn't say much.
Winners: Cryme Tyme (13 points)
Losers: Chris Masters and Viscera (5 points)
Well kids as much as I like tag team wrestling, this isn't the edition that will bring back this lost-art in the WWE. All three of the matches were nothing to write home about which is a perfect segue into the end of this report. Until next week, have a good one!!!
