411’s WWE Heat Report 05.13.07
Posted by Daniel Wilcox on 05.13.2007
Duggan, Val, Cryme Tyme and me, your special replacement!
To be taken advantage of by one Heat Recapper is unfortunate, but to be taken advantage of by TWO Heat Recappers makes me a damn idiot. But that's life I guess. Anywho, Slimmer is not around this weekend to care of this weeks Heat so for the second time in as many months I am here to save the day. Since I last recapped Heat I have actually started watching it on a semi-regular basis because most of the matches get decent time and usually aren't too bad. Now my main man Johnny Nitro is showing up on a regular basis it gives me even more reason to watch, and you should to! Look what you're missing out on!
Tonight on Heat:
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! - Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Eugene are back in action this week, taking on Xavier and Scotty Charisma! HELLLLLLO, LADIES! - Check out Val Venis in action against Sean Reynolds! CASHING IN - Take a look back to SmackDown as the ever-opportunistic Edge cashed in his Money in the Bank contract! CULTURE SHOCK - Da Hood meets the A-list in this weeks main event, as Cryme Tyme take on Johnny Nitro and Kenny Dykstra!
From hereon in, my thoughts will be printed in italics.
Cue Heat into.
Todd Grisham welcomes us to Heat, he and Jonathan Coachman are our hosts as usual and we're kicking things off with Hacksaw and Eugene who get a decent sized pop!
Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Eugene vs. Xavier and Scotty Charisma
Our jobbers are already in the ring. Eugene rides Duggan's 2x4. The jobbers bail as Duggan gets a "USA" chant started. Duggan starts off with one of the jobbers, I have no idea which because our commentators neglect to commentate and instead go off on one about Bobby Lashley dismantling Coach on Raw last week. Nevertheless, elbow tie-up, clean break, HOOOOOO! Rights by jobber #1 one. Hacksaw reverses a whip and hits jobber #1 with a stiff clothesline. And another one. And a third followed up by a big scoop slam and a sloppy looking knee drop. Lateral press gets broken up by jobber #2 who gets quite a bit of heat just for breaking a cover. Jobber #1 backs Duggan into the corner and gets a tag as Hacksaw wails away with clubbing blows to the back of jobber #1. Jobber #2 in and beats Duggan to the other corner with some forearms to the jaw. Irish whip to the other corner but jobber #2 eats an elbow allowing Hacksaw to make the hot tag to Eugene! He winds up the arm and there's a big right hand followed up with some stinging jabs and a big knock down. Jobber #2 reverses a whip but Eugene knocks the other guy off the apron. OK I'm going to make an educated guess and say jobber #1 is Xavier. So Scotty Charisma is #2 and he hits back suplex and gets a cover for 2. Charisma looks like Lance Storm mark II. Chinlock by applied by Lance Storm mark II as the crowd starts a "USA" chant. Now we get a "Eugene" chant. This is depressing. Eugene fights to his feet although Charisma doesn't give much resistance. Front facelock now by Scotty who brings Eugene to the heels' corner. Xavier tags in. Some sloppy offence by Xavier, Irish whip to Eugene into the corner and a indy-riffic dropkick gets a big reaction out of the crowd. The Grish finally confirms that jobber #1 is Xavier. I'm glad we got that cleared up. Snapmare by Xavier and a chinlock. I'm begging this crowd to stop with the "USA" crap. Collision of heads off an Irish whip and both men are down. Both guys get the tag and Duggan meets Scotty "has no" Charisma with rights and lefts. Off the ropes, big clothesline and a scoop slam. Where have I seen this before? Xavier in now and he gets hip-tossed by Hacksaw. Eugene's back and he clotheslines Xavier over the top and to the floor. 3 point stance, clothesline and that's gonna be it.
Eugene and Hacksaw beat Scotty Charisma and Xavier via pin @ 4:28!
I hate these two guys with a passion. Please, fire them! They suck.
SHILL – Ric Flair and The Four Horseman DVD. Doesn't that imply that there were 5? Anyway, I need to get this DVD A.S.A.P
Val Venis vs. Sean Reynolds
Ugly chicks take photos of Val as Coach tells us that this is Val's year. For what? Sean Reynolds looks like Mr Kennedy and Hulk Hogan's love child. Grish thinks he looks like a cling on from Star Trek. I prefer my line of thinking because Star Trek sucks. Oh, so does Hogan. We'll call that a wash. Venis is working the arm of Reynolds. He gets some killer right hands in that send Venis to the corner and then Hulk Kennedy chokes him in the corner with his boot. Reynolds gets bitchy with the referee which allows Val to nail a pair of big clotheslines and then works through his whip-knee-leg sweep routine. Into the corner now and Val chops away. Irish whip, back elbow and Venis is dominating this. Reynolds even sells like Kennedy as Val misses a double knee drop because Mr Hogan rolled out of the way. Val remains on offence though with right and left hands and a chop in the corner. Val hops over Reynolds in the corner and tweaks his knee. Low dropkick by Reynolds now to take control. Reynolds works the knee. Really, the resemblance to Kennedy's mannerisms is uncanny. Val tries a suplex but can't get Reynolds over because of the knee and Reynolds goes right back to work on it. He looks like he's going for a half Boston crab but gets kicked off by Val. Venis with a stiff kick and starts coming back with right hands and chops. Clothesline, back elbow, double axe handle across the chest of Reynolds. Venis now gets a neck breaker, pulls Reynolds up and goes for a half nelson overhead throw but Reynolds nails an elbow square to the jaw of Venis to escape, only to run straight into a big spinebuster! Venis, still selling the knee, goes up top and the Money shot connects! He is still selling that knee as he makes the cover and gets three!
Val Venis pins Sean Reynolds @ 4:00!
Fun little match. It was slow to start with but really picked up towards the end. Reynolds looked impressive both in his selling and his aggression and Venis sell of the knee injury was great, putting over Reynolds offence even more.
SHILL – John Cena in The Marine. The Unrated DVD is available now.
Grisham welcomes us back to Heat and introduces clips from Friday Night SmackDown. It's the closing moments of the Cage Match for the World Heavyweight Championship between Batista and the Undertaker. We join the match as the two are fighting while stood on the top rope. Taker gets knocked off so Batista climbs, Taker recovers and they both end up on top of the cage at once. Both guys drop down at the same time so the match is a draw, thus Taker retains. This night is not over, however, as Mark Henry returns and beats down Taker with a bunch of big man moves. I was actually a fan of his work last year but he looks even more sluggish here.
Of course this is where Edge cashes in MITB and beats the Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship after a Spear. Edge winning that world title was a complete mark out moment for me, which could only have been made better if that skanky Lita was there to make out with our new champion. So Taker is now injured and Batista is made the #1 contender for Judgment Day.
SHILL – WrestleMania 23 available on DVD from May 22nd. I have to get this. The 4 hour event, plus 5 HOURS OF EXTRAS including the Hall of Fame induction ceremony, bonus matches and the Trump/McMahon press conference where Trump slaps McMahon, and "much more."
And it's now time for our MAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNN EVENT!
Johnny Nitro and Kenny Dykstra vs. Cryme Tyme
JTG and Johnny Nitro start us off and lock up, into the corner. Break and JTG avoids a charge. Nitro is jaw jacking with Shad which distracts the referee and JTG long enough to allow Kenny Dykstra to come in with a shot to the back of the head of JTG. Nitro with some kicks to the back and now chokes JTG using the second rope while taunting the crowd. Irish whip reversed by JTG, Nitro hops over him but runs back into a hip toss. Nitro now misses a clothesline and JTG comes back with a diving spinning back elbow. Dropkick now by JTG, into the cover, gets 2 before Nitro lifts his shoulder up. JTG now grabs a side headlock. Nitro buries a right hand into the gut of JTG, they fall back on the ropes and Shad gets a blind tag whilst Nitro forces JTG off the headlock. JTG dances around a bit and Nitro turns around and eats a clothesline which he sells with the inside-out flip thing. Dykstra in and takes a hip toss from JTG. Shad and JTG clothesline Nitro and Kenny over the top rope respectively. Cryme Tyme play to the crowd on the second turnbuckles as Nitro and Dykstra attempt to regain their composure. Nitro slides back in but Kenny immediately calls for the tag which he gets. Shad and Dykstra are now the legal men. Kenny calls for a test of strength and Shad cautiously accepts. Dykstra goes for a kick to the gut but Shad is wise to it and catches the foot of Kenny and takes him down with a hard clothesline. Dykstra quickly back to his feet but is taken off them again by a slam from Shad. Shad tags in JTG who sits on the top turnbuckle, JTG wraps his legs over Shad's shoulders and Shad slams JTG onto the prone Kenny Dykstra. JTG covers with the leg hook but only gets 2. JTG wastes too much time posing for the crowd and gets caught with a knee to the gut from Kenny who then quickly tags in Nitro. Nitro in, charges but gets stopped by a drop toehold. Reverse elbow by JTG knocks Nitro down, but he responds in kind with a slap to the face. This is only seems to piss JTG off so Nitro bails to the outside only for JTG to follow suit. Nitro quickly back in and Kenny comes off the apron with a double axe handle to stop JTG doing the same. Dykstra tossed JTG back-first into the guardrail. The heels are in control as we head to a commercial break!
Randy Orton vignette. He's a legend killer, don't cha know.
We rejoin the match with Kenny Dykstra holding a chinlock on JTG. JTG comes back with elbows to the gut which breaks the grip of Dykstra. JTG off the ropes but Kenny quickly reacts and baseball slides under the bottom rope, pulling JTG's leg out from under him and tagging in Johnny Nitro at the same time. That looked cool. Nitro slingshots over the top rope and connects with an elbow drop to the lower back. Cover for 2. Nitro now in the mount position and fires off on JTG with right hands and forearms. Elbows now to the back of the head but JTG fights back with a right hand only for Nitro to connect with a stiff kick to the temple of JTG. Nitro then tags Kenny Dykstra. Nitro holds JTG up while Kenny goes to the top rope and drops a double axe handle to the face of JTG. Big right hand from Dykstra knocking down JTG. Kenny drops a knee across the throat of JTG, then sets him up for a suplex but stops to taunt Shad allowing JTG to get a quick inside cradle for 2. Kenny is first to his feet and meets JTG with a clothesline. The Grish informs us and The Coach that JTG stands for Just That Gangsta. Kenny drags JTG to the heels corner and slingshots him into the elbow of Nitro. JTG falls back over the knees off Dykstra and while still in that position, Nitro slingshots over and drops another elbow. That was swank. It got a good reaction from the fans, too. Nitro goes quickly for a cover but Shad is in to break it up even quicker. JTG starts crawling to his corner but Nitro holds on. Nitro drags him back towards Dykstra and tags out. Kenny comes in and applies a chin lock which JTG quickly fights out of, only for Dykstra to connect with a dropkick for 2. Dykstra tags in Nitro now who chokes JTG using the middle rope again. The referee pulls him off allowing Dykstra to get a cheap kick in off the head of JTG. Both guys come in now and they whip JTG into the opposite corner, but he leaps over them both and gets the hot tag to Shad! Big Shad Gaspard in and nails a pair of clotheslines on Dykstra. Nitro gets huge elevation off a back body drop! Shad tears his shirt a la Hulk Hogan and delivers snake eyes in the corner to Dykstra. Big forearm shiver from Shad. Kenny is folded up like a pretzel as Shad makes the cover but Nitro breaks it up before the three count. Nitro shoots Shad off the ropes but the big man comes back with a boot to the face of Nitro. Shad gets Dykstra up on his shoulders, JTG in, G9 connects and it's over!
Cryme beat Kenny Dykstra and Johnny Nitro via pinfall @ 10:15!
That was good. From the sounds of it Nitro and Dykstra will be teaming up more often which I think is bad for Nitro because he could be a singles star if booked right over the next year (eg feud with Foley, then Michaels and he'll be a main eventer) but it's good for the tag ranks as these guys worked well together and could probably have some great matches with the Hardys.
Grisham and Coach thank us for joining them and that's another edition of Heat over.
If you've got time you should check out the main event tag match but the other two matches were both squashes and need to be avoided. Slimmer will be back next week, so you have that to look forward to and feel free to stop by Schmozzes & Screwjobs on Tuesday for more from me.
