The Final Fantasy Heat Report: 05.13.07
Posted by Jeff Small on 05.13.2007
I Think I Need a New Gimmick...
Yes kids, the rumors are true. The WWE Fantasy League has officially been canceled due to a high payroll, too many romance elements, and most importantly, low ratings. So yes, the WWE Fantasy League has gone the way of Studio 60.
So the big question is what happens to my gimmick now? For the last year and a half (Jesus, I've been doing this shit that long), I gave fantasy stats to our underappreciated Heat stars. Not only was it a fun way to show what wrestlers got the best "C" push (normally Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch) but it also gave me something to do. But that's now over with and I need something else. Readers, please send me suggestions (or else).
So for tonight, I'm just going to do a straight-up recap.
Taped from Raw, it's Online Heat.
Our announcers for this evening are Jonathan Coachman and Todd Grisham.
Match 1: Hacksaw & Eugene vs. Xavier & Scotty Charisma
Match Description: Fun fact: Xavier was the first ROH Champion and has done B-show duty many times in the past. So has Charisma, but I don't care for him as much.
Finisher Fun Facts: Oh wait… sniff sniff.
"USA" chants to start. Hacksaw and Xavier lockup which only heads to a three clotheslines by Hacksaw. He scoop slams Xavier before dropping a knee for 2. Charisma tags in and runs into a back elbow. Eugene tags in and he unloads with rights and lefts before leveling Charisma with a windmill punch. Eugene goes after Xavier allowing Charisma to back suplex him for 2. Charisma applies a chinlock. Eugene powers out of it but is placed in a headlock. Xavier tags in and pounds Eugene in the corner. He hits a nice corner dropkick. Snapmare leads to another chinlock. Eugene powers out of it. In a nice convoluted spot, Eugene and Xavier run into each other. This allows Hacksaw to make a HOT TAG! Hacksaw punches away before hitting a scoop slam on Charisma. He hip tosses Xavier before leveling Charisma with the 3 Pt. Stance Clothesline for the win @ 4:26.
Winners: Hacksaw and Eugene
Match 2: Val Venis vs. Sean Reynolds
Match Description: I'm always surprised when Val Venis gets booked in a squash. It's not like he's going to get pushed in the long run.
The two men lockup to start. Val works the arm with a couple of wringers and shoulder thrusts. An armbar is applied. Reynolds unloads a couple of haymakers to break the hold. He chokes Val down with his boot. Val fights back with two clotheslines and his typical 1999 offense, which gets 1. He chops Reynolds in the corner before scoop slamming him. A knee drop misses, however. Reynolds doesn't take advantage as Val continues to pound away until he hurts his knee some more on a leapfrog attempt. This time Reynolds kicks Val in the knee. Of course, he then settles for some mounted punches. He elbows the knee before wrenching it in a submission hold. Val kicks out of an attempted boston crab maneuver and fights back. His half-nelson suplex is blocked but a spinebuster is not. The Money Shot ends @ 4:00.
Winner: Val Venis
Our "Segment of the Week" focuses on Edge's great week from winning the Money in the Bank shot to successfully cashing it in on Smackdown. Plus, he gets to stay away from a returning Triple H. Lucky boy!
Main Event: Cryme Tyme vs. Johnny Nitro & Kenny Dykstra
Match Description: Well this is definitely a step-up from Viscera and Chris Masters. I doubt this random pairing will last however.
JTG warms up the crowd before starting off with Nitro. Nitro punks Shad which allows Kenny to jump JTG from behind. Nitro chokes away at JTG. JTG fights back with a hiptoss and a dropkick for 1. JTG dances away which distracts Nitro long enough for Shad to take off Nitro's head with a clothesline. Kenny comes in and is hip tossed. Cryme Tyme then eliminates their opponents from the ring.
Shad and Kenny are now your legal men. Kenny's kick to the gut is blocked and he's clotheslined. A scoop slam sets up a double team slingshot for 2. Nitro tags in but is drop toe hold by JTG. Nitro slaps JTG and then bails which leads to JTG being jumped by Kenny. Kenny rams JTG into the barricade as we lead to a…
Randy Orton vignette! Punishment, my ass!
We are JIP with a chinlock on JTG. Kenny tags in Nitro who flips into the ring with a cherry for 2. He mounts and punches JTG. He knees JTG in the face before tagging in Kenny. He hits a double axe handle. Kenny's vertical suplex attempt is countered to a small package for 2. Kenny takes over again before tagging in Nitro. A nice double team move follows. As my lackey puts it: "Kenny drags JTG to the heels corner and slingshots him into the elbow of Nitro. JTG falls back over the knees off Dykstra and while still in that position, Nitro slingshots over and drops another elbow." Nice job, lackey!
Kenny tries a pin attempt for 2. He applies a chinlock to kill some time. A dropkick gets 2 by Kenny. Nitro tags in and chokes JTG in the ropes. JTG tries to make the hot tag but is caught off by both heels. He kicks off both of them and makes the HOT TAG! Shad comes in with (what else) clotheslines! A huge back body drop takes out Nitro. A snake eyes/running forearm gets 2 on Kenny (as Nitro saves). Big boot takes out Nitro for good. G9 finishes off Kenny @ 8:29. Good match.
Winners: Cryme Tyme
Thank God for that main event or else this edition was quite boring. Here's hoping the quality of Heat picks back up again and I find myself a nice new gimmick. Or else this might be a long summer. Until next week, have a good one!!!
