Your hosts are Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield.
YOUR World Champion Edge comes out to tell everyone to quit whining because it doesn't matter how he did it, the point is he's the champ now. General Manager Theodore Long interrupts to announce Edge will defend the title at One Night Stand against the winner of a Fatal Fourway between Batista, Kane, Mark Henry and Finlay! I can think of at least two people who have absolutely no shot.
Brian Kendrick & Paul London vs. William Regal & Dave Taylor. Deuce & Domino come out to scout the competition. Hey! Just like on Raw. London and Kendrick use their speed early, but Taylor tosses Kendrick to the floor, tweaking the kid's knee. Kendrick plays face-in-peril. Did Michael just call Regal & Taylor's style "in your mouth?" Kendrick eventually avoids a charge and hits Sliced Bread #2. HOT TAG TO LONDON! London cleans house until Domino sticks his nose in for the DQ at 5:30. Taylor and Regal are pissed, creating a three-way brawl between the tag teams. *3/4
Recap of Randy Orton being mean to Shawn Michaels.
In the back, Hornswoggle steals the World Title and hands it over to Finlay who gives it back to Edge…for now.
Jillian Hall graces us with a concert. Her singing is so awful that it opens the gates of Hell, and the Boogeyman emerges. Jillian runs away, but Michelle McCool tosses her back in for a worm bath.
Teddy Long official announces that Vickie Guerrero is his new assistant. Hispanic person with limited qualifications – Smackdown assistant or Attorney General?
Matt Hardy vs. Mike Mizanin.
The Miz snaps Matt's neck on the rope early on and takes over on offense. Matt tries to slam his way out of a cravat, but Miz rolls through. Matt fights his way back but takes a reverse elbow. Miz runs right into a clothesline, and Matt comes back for real. Matt hits a bulldog and a diving elbow for two. Miz reverses the Twist of Fate to a Jackknife Rollup for two. The Side Effect only gets two, but Matt punches him right in the face and finishes with the Twist of Fate at 8:36. Miz looks entirely carryable. **1/4
MVP rides out to a mini-parade in celebration of his US Title win. He talks about being the MVP of Smackdown and how he's lived up to his lucrative contract. He demands Chris Benoit come out and shake his hand. Let me give you a conversation that demonstrates what's going on via metaphor:
MVP: Hey, what is that? Crowd: That's my pet wolverine. MVP: Can I pet him? Crowd: No. He's dangerous. He gets mad real easy and will bite and claw you.
Benoit reluctantly shakes his hand, but that's not good enough…
Crowd: HEY! What are you doing? MVP: I'm poking your wolverine with a stick.
…MVP demands that Benoit raise his hand in victory to show who the better man is.
MVP: Ha! This is fun. Look at how pissed off he's –AARRGGHHH! OH MY GOD! GET HIM OFF! HE'S GOING FOR MY JUGULAR!
Benoit smacks MVP around and gives him ROLLING GERMANS!
Maryse attempts to introduce Timbaland's new video.
Non-Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Jimmy Wang Yang.
Chavo controls with a headlock early, but Yang reverses to his own. Yang goes up, but Chavo dropkicks him off and goes right after his knee. MUTALOCK~! He one-ups that with the Horse Collar (Argentine Kneerack). He segues to a half-crab. Yang reverses to a small package for two. A backslide gets two more. He tries a moonsault, but his knee buckles. He manages to kick Chavo off the top rope anyway, and when Chavo goes for a sunset flip bomb, Yang counters to a rana for the win. (7:45). Chavo did some good legwork, but it didn't really figure into the match. Yang's knee buckled on a landing, but the whole idea is to neutralize that move in the first place. **
Batista is getting pumped up for the fatal fourway.
#1 Contender, Fatal Fourway: Batista vs. Kane vs. Finlay vs. Mark Henry. Edge joins the commentary crew for this one. Big four-way trash-talking session to start. Henry and Batista battle out to the floor where Batista goes after Edge. Henry jumps him from behind, though. Finlay tosses Kane into the steps as Henry works Batista over in the ring. Finlay tries to choke Henry out á la The Princess Bride. Kane cleans house and hits a flying clothesline. He and Henry go toe-to-toe. Batista runs in and spinebusters Kane. Henry hits the World's Strongest Slam on Batista, but it only gets two. The ref checks on Batista, so Finlay knocks Henry out with a pair of shillelagh shots. The ref turns his attention to Henry, so Finlay hits *Batista* with the shillelagh. Ha! Awesome. Hornswoggle hops in, but Finlay takes a spear from Batista, so the little bastard runs back under the ring. Spear to Kane. Spear to Henry. Batista finishes Finlay with a Demonbomb that drops the Irishman on his shoulders. OUCH! Batista becomes your #1 contender at 10:35. So, I guess Batista goes on to face Edge; Henry and Kane will face off, and Finlay has a date with a spinal surgeon. **
The 411: Okayish night. I think the Batista win was a given, and that's kind of a problem because after Batista, who else is there that could realistically face Edge on PPV and draw money? Gotta get to work on building those stars – and keeping them healthy. Speaking of star-building, MVP really looked at home tonight as the brash young stud. The US Champion is interesting again for the first time since – well, Eddy Guerrero really. The show was good, but it needs more starpower (and not through importing other stars, but by making stars of some of the midcarders who are already here).
