Friday Night Fury: Smackdown 06.01.07
Posted by Arnold Furious on 06.01.2007
Edge & Batista demonstrate their childish sides in Smackdown’s “main event”
Friday Night Fury: Smackdown 06.01.07
Edge & Batista demonstrate their childish sides in Smackdown's "main event"
Random Irritations and Annoyances…
1. Time. I don't have enough. Specifically I don't have enough time to do this introduction. That time has now gone. It was used up by the 25 minutes I instead spent emailing my brother. BUT…
Monday marks the start of my new Monday Raw Report. I need a name. Suggestions so far are;
• Raw is Furious (a "flashback" to the old days where I used that)
• Monday Night Mayhem (a sort of generic version. No real anger unlike with the "Fury" in this title)
• Arnold's RAWzenegger (a tremendous play on words)
• Monday ‘Nold Raw.
So let me know if you like anything off that list or have your own suggestion. The new Raw report arrives this coming Monday/Tuesday. Providing we have a new recapper for the live report! It's coming soon anyway so get your ideas in while there's a chance.
We're in…fucked if I know. That's what happens when I don't write it down ahead of time. Hosts are Michael Cole & JBL.
MONTEL PORTER/MIKE MIZANIN v CHRIS BENOIT/MATT HARDY
Matt's reactions these days seem legitimately strong. Top of the card strong, if you catch my drift. There's this big debate as to whether Matt Hardy can win the title. If the WWE gets serious about him and puts him over a few uppercard guys (hell, he already beat Edge. They have that footage) then the sky is the limit. The problem they have is whether he can appear to be a legitimate threat to guys like the Undertaker, Batista or Cena. You'd buy him beating everyone up to that main event level. I think it comes down to whether they think he'd be marketable and I'm not convinced the WWE believe that themselves. Benoit looks a class apart from everyone in this match and the crowd respect that. It's a good idea to have him move down the card to help get people over lower down but the job isn't fully accomplished at the top end. He's probably needed more in the main event scene. The crowd know they'll get great matches. The longer he's not in the main event scene the more you have to ask the question why? Benoit even makes Miz look great with his selling. By selling as much as he does for Miz he makes the guy a legitimate superstar. Matt gets a hot tag and now it looks more effective when Matt steamrollers Miz. He hits a sit out powerbomb and a Side Effect and the crowd goes mental. They've done a good job putting this together. There's also a nice side story where MVP dives in there and Benoit suddenly gets an adrenaline rush just seeing and pops off a German suplex. It used up quite a bit of his energy but he had it because he was pissed off. We take a break and Matt gets isolated during it. The heels focus on hitting him in the head a lot as that's been a common theme of matches against Matt of late. Hey, continuity. Dig it! Miz gets his only good looking move with the corner clothesline. MVP follows with the Yakuza kick in the corner for 2. See, they're working over his head thus rendering him unable to kick out because he's unconscious. MVP even works a front facelock instead of the standard chinlock. Miz works a chinlock. Well, you can't polish a turd can you? Matt comes back with a bulldog. Benoit gets the hot tag. Miz doesn't stand a chance against fresh Benoit and he gets taken apart. CROSSFACE~! You know he isn't getting out of that and taps at 16.41.
Winners: Benoit & Hardy via submission . ***. Benoit made his point in a nicely straightforward tag match where the main protagonists (Benoit & Porter) barely touched. It had a slight vibe of puroresu about it, which I really like. Obviously.
BACKSTAGE Hornswoggle warms himself up with some shadow boxing. He looks pretty warmed up.
JILLIAN HALL v MICHELLE MCCOOL
I have a theory that they've given Michelle over music so the music gets a pop. It's not her! When she's out here the crowd don't care. She just doesn't have the tools of a star. She's trying to add in a little butt wiggle but it's nowhere near as good as Torrie Wilson's. Crowd is pretty bored with this feud it seems. It's probably because it doesn't go anywhere and it can't go anywhere because there's no title. Unless Melina gets drafted to Smackdown in two weeks. Even then I don't think the crowd would be that interested. They're only really cheering the personality void that is Michelle because they don't like Jillian. Their sole reason for disliking Jillian is that she can't sing. Michelle needs some personality badly. Even if it's dancing. That butt wiggle is a nice try but it's not her. That's not what she can do. Find out what she can do and use it. The wrestling between these two is getting slightly better. They've worked so many matches that they have new stuff every week. Unfortunately there wasn't a lot to start with. ASHLEY ends the boredom by walking out here. Jillian is retarded enough to let that distract her and Michelle finishes in short order with a spinning backbreaker at 5.12.
Winner: Michelle via pinfall. ½* Again, I fail to see where this is going. There are only three women on the brand. Michelle was subbing in for Ashley but she's had some success against Jillian. Why should I care that we're now back to Jillian v Ashley? Surely Ashley, kayfabed stronger wrestler of her & Michelle, will win with ease.
BACKSTAGE Boogeyman "trains" Little Boogeyman. I still hate this guy. If I was looking for something nice to say about him then I think his walk amuses me somewhat. It's nice to see he stays in character all the time. But the character is stupid.
LITTLE BOOGEYMAN v HORNSWOGGLE
Both midgets are accompanied by their respective handlers. Hornswoggle tries the ODDBALL hat throw but Boogey Jr just catches it, vomits worms into it, and puts it on the wee fella's head. JBL protests that this was the same ring he won the world title in. Hornswoggle with GREEN MIST~! He kicks the fuck out of Lil Boogey and the crowd love that. Finlay comes up short with a clothesline but luckily it connects, yanno because Little Boogeyman is 2 ½ feet tall. He also can't satisfy a woman and smells of cabbage. Boogey saves but Hornswoggle jumps on him with the THESZ PRESS. Finlay uses the distraction to bash Lil Boogey with the shillelagh. Hornswoggle, the little bastard, heads up top and hits the "tadpole splash" for the pin at 2.55. That was Michael Cole's call not mine.
Winner: Little Bastard via pinfall. * for shits and giggles. I guess I'm a mark for mist and James Bond.
VIA VIDEOTAPE Mark Henry talks shit about Kane. He's sticking with the "silverback" metaphor.
KANE v MARK HENRY
Kane is getting revenge for his brother the Undertaker. Henry has new music with the lyrics "beat him up, beat him up, break his neck, break his neck". Henry is shown to be more powerful and too heavy for Kane to lift. Henry promptly slams Kane to show him it's no big deal for him. The problem with Henry is his offence is incredibly ponderous. He makes Khali look exciting and fast paced. I realise he's a big man but it's not like he's saving his energy for an hour broadway here. Viscera worked a decent paced match against Lashley last week. If he can do it and he's even larger, than Henry can. He hits a big powerslam with decent whip on it and that shows he's capable of looking good but he's got no consistency. Kane isn't really the guy to make his stuff look good either. And they have a fuckin' PPV match on Sunday. One would hope it's brief. Kane's only offence is the diving clothesline, which arrives at just after 6 minutes. Henry sits on his ass to avoid the chokeslam. "Brilliant" says JBL. Fucking lazy more like. Henry bails and they go for some ringside stuff. Henry BORE-HUGS him into the ring post and Kane gets counted out at 7.19.
Winner: Mark Henry via count out. ¼*. It's only not a dud because I'm relieved it's over. Sadly I have to watch it again on Sunday. I have no problem with big men matches as long as there's something different going on. Kane lumbers through the same match almost every time out without fail and Henry is even worse.
FROM THE VAULT – Edge/Rey Mysterio Jr v Matt Hardy/John Cena. Weird seeing a young Cena who looks incredibly bland. White trunks and even more white bread hair. I don't know who's on commentary with Cole but they suck. It's hard to understand the dynamic of this match because it's weird seeing Cena relying on B2 (Bull Buchanon) more than himself and Edge as a babyface. The characters are so different now the match just seems weird. It's an interesting look into the past though. Hard to believe that Cena became such a big star after such humble beginnings.
BACKSTAGE Edge is interviewed by Kristal. He's debuting the Cutting Edge on Smackdown tonight. Edge's voice is going. He says that when he's finished beating up Batista he'll be begging to get drafted off *his* show.
ELSEWHERE Deuce, Domino and Cherry gets asked about the draft. Domino says he didn't sign up to be in the army. Heh, *character*. The random announcer guy says they could end up on three separate brands but Deuce gets tired of listening to him and threatens to "crack him in the mouth". That was better. Thumbs up for this week. More of the same gents. Glad to praise the improvement.
Tag titles - DEUCE & DOMINO (C) w/Cherry v PAUL LONDON & BRIAN KENDRICK v WILLIAM REGAL/DAVE TAYLOR
No Ashley suggesting the relationship between her and the former tag champs is now over. Given that previous promo I'm now confident that the champs can get the job done and actually get a run in the WWE. I always felt Deuce could but Domino had an equally strong promo. They need to get that kind of material written for them more frequently. Domino's hair still doesn't look right. I was reading spoilers for this show and the guy who wrote in said that "It was their usual '70s type of speak". Oh boy. 50's man, 50's! I'm guessing you're not as old as I am. London is still working the injury angle on his torso but not so much that it limits his movement. Londrick has to compensate for their lack of size but Taylor just wails on Kendrick. Londrick has better fortune with Domino when he comes in. They're more familiar with him. When Taylor comes in again he gets the same joy and seems able to beat Kendrick down at will. He's kind of a throwback. It's like watching a World of Sport guy who dropped out of 1985 and ITV on a Saturday afternoon. The three way dynamic of this match really hurts it. They can't get any flow going as people keep tagging in and out. Not in a good, productive and innovative fashion either. Double teams are rare. Kendrick gets picked off in several heat segments but doesn't have the common sense to tag anyone of the three guys he could tag. It's not like anyone can cut the ring off with three teams in there. Kendrick ends up getting worked over by both heel teams because neither one of them can cut the ring off. I really don't like multiple person matches. Or in this case multiple team matches. When Kendrick attempts a comeback Taylor just punks him out with the European uppercut. Man, Taylor's strikes look awesome. The European uppercut always looks effective though because you can get contact without hurting someone. Regal comes in with the great facial expressions. When he gets caught in a backslide he tags right back out showing his ring experience. Kendrick clocks Taylor with an Enzuigiri but Regal blocks the tag and hits the half nelson release suplex. Deuce picks off Regal because he's going to win the match but that allows Kendrick to hot tag London. It's made sense to keep one of London or Kendrick in there throughout because they're the babyfaces. It's kept the crowd in it. London throws kicks like they're going out of fashion. He sure has that higher gear and then some. Standing SSP gets 2. Kendrick wipes out Regal & Taylor with a pescado. London has a chance against just the two guys now but Cherry shoves him off and Domino just pins for the win at 17.37. Now what the fuck kind of finish was that?
Winners: Deuce & Domino via pinfall. **. The finish really takes away from the match. London didn't take that much of a beating to get picked off with that. Pushed off the top? Into the ring? It's basically the height of a backdrop. That's what he's jobbed to. The heat was on Kendrick not him. I could buy it on Kendrick. The only thing in favour is that London was hurt from before where they lost the belts. But that wasn't hinted at before a relatively low key bump that suddenly finished the match. If it had been then it was a good finish. But it really wasn't and you can tell the crowd didn't buy it from the reaction.
BACKSTAGE Teddy Long talks about the draft. Kristal is worried about getting drafted to another brand. Long hopes he gets drafted to whatever brand she's on. Long says he'd give up being GM of Smackdown to be with her. Sucker. I would guess this is setting up exactly that happening at Raw in two weeks. Long leaves Vickie Guerrero in charge for the rest of the night. Is there a single person who doesn't know this is going? Hey, I hope it's all a swerve but it's kinda sad that Teddy doesn't see it coming. I feel bad for him.
THE CUTTING EDGE
This is the main event. Edge talks to his guest Dave Batista. He promised to ask the "hard questions" earlier on in the night. I'm guessing "are you on the fucking gas, or what?" isn't one of them. Edge is still losing his voice. Edge let's Dave know this is "entirely verbal" so they actually sit down for a change. Edge points out he pinned Dave at Judgment Day and suggests that Dave is intimidated by him. Dave prepares to make this entirely not verbal by removing his jacket. Dave says he's just warm so he's taking his jacket off. He's fucking with him! Mind games! They go over the "I did in three seconds what you couldn't do in three months" and Dave finishes it showing how repetitive that promo has been from Edge of late. "You're afraid", "No, you're afraid" is the format for the remainder of the interview. They wish each other good luck and Dave insists that Edge needs his good luck. "No, I don't". "Yes, you do". This has been very childish. It turns into a shoving contest and there's only one winner of that. And that's the show.
The 411 –
The wrestling had highs and lows this evening. If the tag title match had been more exciting it could have stolen the show. Or even if it had a decent finish. Considering there's so little time between PPV's it makes almost every show a plug for the PPV. Smackdown tends to go on autopilot a whole lot quicker than Raw does. This was one of those autopilot shows. Big man match, women's match and a midget match. Then finish with an interview where nothing smart or interesting is said. Kinda bland.
