Your hosts are Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield, who gets in a good 9-10 great lines tonight.
MVP & The Miz vs. Chris Benoit & Matt Hardy.
Either of the faces would make good foils for Edge after ONS. Feeling out process to start. MVP saves Miz from an ass-kicking by distracting Benoit. Miz jumps Benoit from behind. Miz looks okay again this week, and MVP shouting instructions from the apron is a nice touch. Benoit snap suplexes his way out of trouble and tags in Matt. Matt and Benoit clear the ring as we go to break. When we come back, Miz is beating Matt down in the corner. Matt crawls to the apron, so MVP boots him right in the head. Miz gets the Sydal Clothesline and holds Matt for a Kawada Kick from MVP. Matt blocks a charge, though, and bulldogs MVP. HOT TAG TO BENOIT! Benoit cleans house and goes for the Sharpshooter on Miz. Matt takes MVP out with a pescado, allowing Benoit to finish off Miz with the Crippler Crossface at 14:32. Nothing wrong here. **3/4
In the back, Fit Finlay tries to psyche up Hornswoggle.
Jillian Hall vs. Michelle McCool.
I guess Michelle is on the verge of a big push. Funny stuff as JBL sets himself up for a story by saying he has a history with FSU All-Americans, and Cole ignores him, so JBL goes into the story anyway (former APA partner Ron Simmons and former softball star McCool, btw). Michelle gets a rolling legscissors, allowing JBL and Cole to start riffing on each other and everyone else. JBL: "[Jillian] thinks she can sing. She's like Michael Hayes in that respect." Cole: "And she won't shut up; she's like you on commentary." Michelle belly-to-boobies her over for two. Jillian handsprings into a legdrop and gets several three counts. She screams after each one, which would be fine, but Melina already has that gimmick. Jillian turns to the ramp and sees – FERGIE! Oh, wait no, it's not Fergie. It's Ashley Massaro, which is almost as good. Jillian is so distraught that Michelle is able to finish her with a spinning backbreaker at 5:14. What the spin adds to the backbreaker, I don't know, but it seemed to work. They did a pretty good impression of competent wrestlers, which isn't entirely the same thing as being competent wrestlers, but it's a start. *
Boogeyman gets Mini-Boogey ready for his fight.
Mini-Boogey (w/Boogeyman) vs. Hornswoggle.
JBL wonders how these guys even get through border security. Maybe they stowaway in the luggage of the guy with Tuberculosis. JBL: "Koko B. Ware would look like Andre the Giant in this match." Hornswoggle tosses his hat at Mini-Boogey, so Mini-Boogey spits chewed-up worms into it and puts it back on his head. Hornswoggle takes it out on the referee. JBL: "They're attacking Gulliver!" Hornswoggle erupts with the IRISH MIST! Manly, yes, but Hornswoggle likes it too! That sends Mini-Boogey to the floor where Finlay attacks him. Boogeyman comes around to save him and gets mauled by Hornswoggle. That distracts the ref long enough for Finlay to knock Mini-Boogey out with the shillelagh. Hornswoggle finishes with the Tadpole Splash at 2:56. This was the Rock-Austin of midget matches. **1/4
Kane vs. Mark Henry.
Henry overpowers Kane early but runs into a boot. He gets on the floor to think things over. Back in, Kane chokes him down, so Henry goes back to the floor again to stall. Cole and JBL have their own codes for saying Henry sucks the same way JR does. JBL: "He is…methodically…working Kane over." Well, not really because "methodically" implies he has some sort of plan. He's just doing power moves with no rhyme or reason. Henry heads to the floor, so Kane follows and gets caught in a bearhug. Henry slams him into the post. That's enough for the countout at 7:19. Kane pops right back up and chases Henry off, presumably to set up a "much-anticipated" rematch. If Henry's such a bad-ass, why didn't he return and take Kane on? 1/4*
Edge says he's not intimidated, and he will ask Batista the tough questions.
Deuce & Domino give their thoughts on the draft. Turns out they didn't fill out their draft cards. This is about 500-percent more interview time that London & Kendrick got during their entire run, so it's nice to see they're learning.
WWE Tag Team Titles, Triple Threat: Deuce & Domino (w/Cherry) vs. London & Kendrick vs. William Regal & Dave Taylor.
Hey, three teams. That's almost a division! London tags himself in over Deuce's objections. Regal outwrestles him and comes up with the perfect counter to a monkeyflip – just let go of him and let him fall on his head. No real flow or story to the match. One guy controls on another. The third team tags in and takes over on the guy that was in control. Rinse and repeat. You know, the old "rock, paper & scissors" formula. Kendrick takes Taylor to the floor with a crossbody, and we go to break. We come back to Kendrick controlling, and the crowd actually gets in a "Let's go, Kendrick!" chant. He tries to skin-the-cat, but Domino kicks him in the ribs. Kendrick plays face-in-peril, and the conflict becomes which heel team will be able to finish him off. Regal and Taylor nearly let Kendrick get counted out, and JBL points out how stupid that is. Kendrick avoids a charge. HOT TAG TO LONDON! London superkicks Deuce off the apron. I guess they have permission to do that as Shawn disciples. London hits a standing moonsault, but Regal makes the save. Kendrick thrust kicks him out. London goes up for the SSP, but Cherry shoves him off the top. Domino covers and gets the win at 16:36. Neither of the challenger teams are happy with that result. Started slow. Got much better at the end. ***
Apparently, Vickie Guerrero has suggested a Kane vs. Mark Henry lumberjack match. I TOLD YOU SHE WAS UNQUALIFIED! Kristal is worried that she'll be drafted to another brand and have to leave Teddy. Teddy says he would give up being Smackdown GM if it meant being with her, so Vickie suggests they take the rest of the night off while she runs the place. Teddy decides to let his little peanuthead to do the thinking tonight and takes her up on it. I'm guessing that the same thing will happen around draft time, and Vickie will wind up trading Teddy Long away. You heard it here first.
The Cutting Edge.
Edge reiterates that he's not afraid of Batista, but his quivering voice and trail of urine belie this fact. Edge says Batista is the one who's intimidated because he has the fear of choking again. They fall all over themselves wishing each other good luck. This is like that Simpson's episode where Homer and George Bush were arguing. "Oh, there'll be trouble all right!" "Oh, I want trouble" "Good! Because you'll get trouble" "Yeah, there'll be trouble all right." "For you!" "D'oh!" Batista finally just slugs Edge down, and Edge cowers. That pretty much seals Batista's fate, I think.
The 411: This week's show had a little bit of everything: good wrestling, sports entertainment, angle advancement. They've got some good stuff going for the long-term and the short-term. It will be interesting if they get raided again this year, or if they get some help from the other rosters.
