Non-Title: John Cena vs. The Great Khali.
Cena attacks before the bell, but he can't get *anything* going. Khali does a lot of clubbering and no-sells anything Cena throws at him. The Tree Slam finishes at 6:22. Cena got NOTHING in the way of serious offense, so it should be interesting to see how they work the match. Sure made Khali look dominant, though. 1/4*
Arm-Wrestling Contest.
It's supposed to be Vince McMahon versus Bobby Lashley, but Vince stalls forever and then announces that Mark Henry is taking his place. And to top it off, Henry doesn't even bother with the arm-wrestling contest. He just cheapshots Lashley and distracts him long enough for Vince to hit a chairshot from behind. I don't think there's ever been a clean, honest arm-wrestling contest in wrestling.
I should point out that the Divas have been given announce duties tonight. I'm not sure what the point of that is because their voices are shrill over the microphone. Maria keeps her usual job, though, interviewing Edge about his role tonight. Edge thinks he's the greatest.
Batista & Chris Benoit vs. Edge & MVP.
We're JIP to Benoit chopping the hell out of MVP. He goes into the Crossface early, but MVP is in the ropes. Edge tags in but tags right back out when Batista gets in. Batista has to settle for beating up MVP for a while. Benoit tags in and hits ROLLING GERMANS! Edge distracts Benoit long enough for MVP to recover and roll out of the way of the Diving Headbutt. Benoit gets caught in the wrong corner for a while. Edge holds a reverse bearhug for a while, but Benoit fights his way up and enzuigiris him. Batista gets the hot tag and cleans house, so Edge gets his title and walks out, leaving MVP to take the spinebuster and Diving Headbutt at 8:22 (shown). **
Mixed Tag: Fit Finlay & Hornswoggle vs. Boogeyman & Mini-Boogey.
Boogeyman hasn't improved much since his last extensive ring action. Thankfully, he's not in there long before tagging Mini-Boogey. Mini-Boogey goes toe-to-knee with Finlay and hits a DDT. Boogey tosses him a worm treat. Hornswoggle gets the tag! He hands over his hat in a play on their Smackdown match, but this time it's just a ploy to distract him while Finlay hits a dropkick. Finlay and Hornswoggle dance a celebratory jig. Nice. Boogeyman chases Hornswoggle up the ramp, allowing Finlay to boot Mini-Boogey in the face for the win at 3:48. If you liked this match, you are seriously deranged. I know this because I thought it was hilarious, and I'm seriously deranged. If I had a complaint, though, it's that the match was *ahem* too short. 1/2*
In the back, Mini-Boogey chases Hornswoggle throughout the arena. Boogeyman tries to help and gets nailed by Finlay. Finlay mocking Boogey's shaking is one of the funniest things I've seen all year. Mini-Boogey chases Hornswoggle all the way out to the ring where they break up an Extreme Exposé dance segment. Hornswoggle picks up Brooke; Mini-Boogey picks up Layla, and an impromptu game of chicken breaks out!
Kane, Eugene & Doink the Clown vs. Umaga, Kevin Thorn & Viscera.
Eugene now has a superhero gimmick. This looks like Steve Lombardi as Doink. Doink does a lot of playing to the crowd until Thorn gets sick of him and stomps a seltzer hole in his ass. Eugene tags in but gets smacked around by Umaga and Viscera. Viscera catches him with a Bossman Slam. We come back from a break to Umaga holding Eugene in a nerve pinch. He hits a Samoan Drop. Kane gets the hot tag and cleans house on Kevin Thorn. I can only assume that will be Kane's next program. Viscera tags in but misses an avalanche. Kane chokeslams him for the win at 8:40. *1/2
A retrospective of all the stuff we just watched takes us out.
The 411: This was fun show for the most part, even if the wrestling wasn't that great. The concept of the show still suffers from the fundamental flaw of being totally unnecessary. Remember when Randy Savage blasted Hulk Hogan with the title to set up their feud, or Andre the Giant beating Hulk for the title? This is nowhere near that magnitude, and it feels like one of those old Sunday Night Heats that led into the PPVs.
