Friday Night Fury: 08.06.07

Posted by Arnold Furious on 06.08.2007

Edge gets a big win over Chris Benoit, which earns him yet another match against Batista at the forthcoming PPV

Friday Night Fury: 08.06.07

Edge gets a big win over Chris Benoit, which earns him yet another match against Batista at the forthcoming PPV

Random irritations and annoyances…

1. So I'm crossing the road or trying to anyway and this guy slows down in his car and flashes his lights, thus signifying he's letting me cross the road. Alright! Sweet. Someone gives a shit about a pedestrian for once. But he's not looking at me. He's looking at his ancient guy in his older car just down the road and flashing him to turn. One small problem; the old guy isn't looking at him. At all. So this guy is slowing down and holding up traffic behind him but not slow enough that I can get across in front of him. So this ass-hat slows up another minute's worth of traffic before driving on his way delaying me on my way into work and very nearly making me late. I felt bad though. I probably shouldn't have called him a cocksucker.

2. Then there's this person who works for me. They're supposed to be in work at 2pm. Simple right, 2pm. Who can be late for 2pm? She can. She turned up a little after 6pm. Wisely avoiding me for fear of eating the backside of my hand for tea. I don't make a point of hitting women but she's a lesbian so I don't think it'd count. Anyway later on after about an hour and a half of "work" she's heading out the front door. "What are you doing?" as I gestured back towards her working position with my thumb. She gives me the thumbs up sign. "This is not a thumbs up sign. Get back to fucking work". There are times when I feel my patience is tested but I think of it like this; it's a shit job. It pays shit. But that doesn't mean you can walk all over me because if you do that then I get it in the fucking neck and I lose my job and my reasonable salary. Now get back to fucking work or find alternative employment.

3. "I thought you were angry so I didn't speak to you". I wasn't, now I am. I can see why people think I'm angry all the time because I'm angry a lot of the time. But not speaking to me is not a good way of going about my rage issues. If you speak to me and I only grunt back, ignore you entirely, tell you to fuck off and die or punch you in the face then yes, I'm angry with you. But give me the benefit of the doubt.

4. Bad shootfighters. Stop getting in there. Just stop it. There's nothing worse than watching a couple of guys fight who have no training, no variety and no defence. Or offence. Bad shootfighting is perhaps the worst sport in the world. It's totally unwatchable. I've seen better fights in the pub.

5. Beckham fever. Look, he's a good crosser of the ball. We knew this, ok? Apparently Steve McClaren didn't. He can play a bit but it's fucking Estonia and a Brazil team that didn't give a stuff because it's a friendly. I didn't think England even played that well against Estonia. I thought we were chronically one dimensional. Lampard & Gerrard both looked uncomfortable. Some of our fringe players looked woefully inept. In particular I'm thinking Kieron Dyer who can't beat an Estonian full back or even find one of his own players with a pass. This is International football! We're supposed to be one of the best sides in the world. It's a fucking joke. Get rid of that ginger tit McClaren and get someone who isn't tactically naïve in there. Against sides like Estonia you should be creaming them for about 25 minutes totally killing the game off and taking the crowd with it then play possession football for the rest of the game and coast in at 3 or 4-0. They say there are no easy games in International football anymore but that's bullshit. It's an excuse for playing badly against poor teams. At least Estonia tried to play a bit but that should have just made matters easier. As soon as we come up against a competitive and hungry country like Croatia or Russia they'll eat us alive. Unless we come out looking determined to win. The only thing this bunch look determined about are their contract negotiations.

On with the show. We're in Orlando, Florida. Hosts are Michael Cole & JBL.

THE CUTTING EDGE – Edge opens the show by saying he wants to be named in tonight's big main events. Edge outdoes himself with a bigger guest that Batista last week by bringing out Vince McMahon. Cole talks about Vince's mood swings this week. JBL defends him saying he can do whatever he likes. Edge wants to know how Vince is doing. He looks like one of the Muppets and sounds like Eli Wallach as he goes off on a rant about walking through the valley of the shadow of death but he fears no evil because he is evil. What the hell is he doing? He's lost his mind. Edge tries to cheer Vince up and puts the world title on him before giving him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. Vince cranks up the insane sounding an awful lot like Mickey Goldmill before calling Edge a sycophant and booking him in a match against Batista. What the hell is with his occasional Southern accent? Is he going back to his North Carolina roots or something? Or is he giving it the old Strother Martin? "What we've got here is…failure to communicate". I swear I would mark the fuck out if he did that. His restrained grapefruit walk is kinda funny. Like he's still making room for the boys but doesn't want to really stress it too much with any hand waving or anything elaborate like that.

• A little tagged on highlights package for Finlay & Hornswoggle makes them look insanely entertaining. Which they are from time to time. I think they could get even more over as a duo if they actually had anyone to interact with that didn't suck.

The Boogeyman w/Little Boogeyman v Mark Henry

According to JBL the "Silverback" Mark Henry has won numerous "world's strongest man" contests. Bill Kazmeier won it three times before competing for WCW but I'm not seeing Mark Henry's name among the list of winners. I expect some form of proof when you're making a statement like that. He has a few weightlifting records but that's about it. The match is just a squash to help build Henry as a legitimate title threat. Shame they didn't give up on Boogeyman earlier. Why even bring him back when he was let go? Surely they knew enough about him to know it was relatively pointless carrying on. Anyway, Henry finishes with the World's Strongest Slam at 1.24. If you want to be called the World's Strongest Man though you should win the world's strongest man competition.

Winner: Mark Henry via squash.

POST MATCH Little Boogeyman gets destroyed by a slam himself and then a splash. JBL talks in hushed tones about King Kong Bundy doing the same thing. It was comedy! A grown man killing a midget is funny regardless. On the continuing upside that could be the end of Little Boogeyman in the WWE. I'm starting to like Mark Henry.

BACKSTAGE Vickie Guerrero books tonight's main events. I wish she'd stop talking through her nose. The main events are Edge v Chris Benoit and MVP v Batista. Teddy just stares in the background. Oh no, Teddy has gone catatonic! I know Vickie's promos are pretty bad but come on man. Pull through! You get to kiss Kristal and get paid for it. I'd kill for that spot. Watch yourself Peanuthead! They're joined by Vince McMahon who talks to Vickie like she's a house cat or something. "How good was that? How good was that?" Peanuthead wants a word with Nutjuice McMahon but bipolar Vinny has issues with Kristal. He's lost the plot. On an epic scale. He puts Teddy on notice.

Chavo Guerrero/Jamie Noble/Khosrow Daivari v Paul London/Brian Kendrick/Jimmy Wang Yang

That's certainly an eclectic bunch of heels. I guess that's all the healthy cruiserweight heels they have. This is fun though as Noble kicks things off and he's such a great all round wrestler. On the other side are three guys who can go. All of which have experience in the ring with Noble. Chavo comes in and the faces keep making tags to keep him looking foolish as well. Chavo is always good for selling for guys further down the card. He crawls over to Daivari and brings him in. Much the same story as the other guys until Yang gets himself picked off by missing off the top. Yang is the weak link on the babyface team because he's less experienced in tag teaming (from the WWE perspective). On the heel side is an assortment of guys who could get picked off by the babyfaces high flying offence. Chavo bosses Yang around and hits a nice Saito suplex. Daivari's "praise Allah" rest hold is a little much. I'd prefer a "USA…PAH" Sheik tribute. Noble fucks up and let's Yang tag. Kendrick comes in and here comes the dropkicks! He's popping off flying forearms and leaping leg lariats all over the place. Noble trips Kendrick into a Chavo "brainbuster" – Cole. "Ala Dick Murdoch" – JBL. That was a Falcon Arrow. Way to go guys. The cruiserweights start to fly until London assists Kendrick and they hit the superbomb/super Shiranui for the pin at 7.32.

Winners: babyfaces via pin. **1/2. I wonder if this entitles Kendrick to a title shot seeing as he just pinned the cruiserweight champeen? I notice the commentators talk about the possibility of Londrick splitting up. I'd hope they didn't but if they were going to; London to Raw and push him for the IC title. He has that babyface vibe down like very few others. Turn Punk heel and you have a ready made title feud.

FROM THE VAULT – Feb '03 and its Rey Jr v Jamie Noble. I'm hoping the WWE guys are watching so they can remember how great Noble is and what he can do given quality opposition. I also miss the Noble & Nidia relationship and how they completely blew that. Nidia is currently unavailable for a reunion because she just gave birth. This match is really good with Rey constantly countering the Tiger Driver before both the heels eat the 619 and the West Coast Pop finishes.

Edge v Chris Benoit

Cole talks about Vengeance and how it's Edge v Batista for the world title there regardless of who gets drafted where. I would guess Dave is getting drafted then. Edge only just got here. You know they want to do Cena v Batista before Dave is past it. This would be Edge's first match on Smackdown this time around. Good place to start. Benoit gets the better of some otherwise meaningless opening scrambles. It's a sign he's a superior wrestler. Benoit tries to take his arm but Edge is ring aware enough to get the ropes. Edge briefly gets the upper hand but walks into some chops. Benoit really let's fly with those don't he? He goes back to the arm and uses it to create leverage and Edge nearly gets pinned. Benoit is such a quality mat technician that Edge can't really compete on the mat. So he gets it stood back up and tries his luck there. Benoit pummels him and Edge again takes refuge in the ropes. Benoit looks for the Crossface because Edge is now disorientated but he still knows where the ropes are and uses them to survive. To the apron and that sick fuck Benoit tries for a German off the apron. Edge desperately elbows his way out but gets backdropped outside instead. Benoit seems to have an answer to everything here. But he would, he's experienced and capable. Edge is always taking advantage of mistakes and Benoit doesn't make many. Looks like he'll have to make his own luck in this one. Edge tries to take it to striking again and gets slaughtered with chops. Chopped clean out of the ring. Benoit sees him getting back up and hits a baseball slide. That was Benoit's first risk so that was a chance for Edge but he didn't see it coming. Benoit's content with the odd risk so he won't get many other chances. Snap suplex gets 2. Edge reverses an Irish whip and Benoit takes a big front buckle. Edge is slow to take advantage because he needed a breather. Edge therefore can't follow up and Benoit headbutts him off the top. Speaking of headbutts here comes the Flying Wolverine but Edge moves and there's the risk AND the mistake. Edge suckered him in. He wasn't that badly hurt by the headbutts up top. Benoit didn't have a lot of leverage to deliver pain. Edge has an opening now and he dropkicks Benoit in the arm. Cole retroactively suggests Benoit went shoulder first into the turnbuckle. That'd be bullshit then. Edge just picked the arm because Benoit was working his. An eye for an eye. Benoit gets out and levels Edge with an Enzuigiri. Edge didn't do much damage with his period of dominance. He just worked at the arm. Yeah, it was focused but it was a bunch of moves that won't do a lot of damage. Benoit comes back with a Northern Lights as if to show that Edge's work counted for squat. THREE AMIGOS…INTO THE ROLLING GERMANS! Six consecutive suplexes! Edge is now down and the FLYING WOLVERINE scores the second time around. BUT Edge kicks out. That would show the difference between an MVP and an Edge. MVP lost to that. Edge runs Benoit into the corner shoulder first thus causing him to struggle with that arm. Edge looks for the spear but Benoit counters into the CROSSFACE. Edge would tap if the ropes weren't so close and Edge survives. Edge runs him into the buckles shoulder first again. That was a little samey. He's doing the same setup twice. And the spear hits this time for the pin at 16.12.

Winner: Edge via pinfall. ***1/2. That was a really good match but the finish was just lazy. It's a pity they felt the need to setup both the false finish and the finish the same way.

FROM THE VAULT #2 – Mark Henry v Tajiri. This isn't a good match. Probably just another reminder that Henry is a total monster by showing him squash some guy that doesn't even work here anymore.

BACKSTAGE Ashley is getting her makeup done until Jillian walks in to call her ugly and untalented. BURN! Ashley tells her that she sounds like Roseanne Barr trying to sing the national anthem. This triggers a brawl.

ELSEWHERE Matt Hardy is signing autographs when he's joined by Vince McMahon. Matt recaps Monday and Vince can't remember forcing the Hardys to defend the titles on Raw. Ashley chases Jillian into the scene and knocks Vince's coffee onto his suit. That costs more than your house! Vince says it's ok but then changes his mind and tells Ashley she did it on purpose. Then he offers her some coffee. Then he asks her how she feels. Then he laughs. Then he suspends her. Then he mocks her crying. Wow. Well, that's what you get for horseplay at work.

Deuce & Domino w/Cherry v Matt Hardy

This seems a little odd. I guess they're saying that Matt can't be on the same show as Jeff so he's stuck 2 on 1. But it's a handicap match! How is that fair? It'd make more sense if he was wrestling one guy and then lost because the other guy was interfering and then Jeff gets drafted and they have a tag match. See? That's sensible booking. This is nonsensical booking because there's no reasoning for a handicap match. Jeff is wrestling in Europe and that's pointed out by Cole but why is it a handicap match? That's just never explained. The team he's up against are tag champions although Domino gets knocked off the apron pretty quickly. Also Cherry is out here so it's almost 3 on 1. She's gotten good at distractions lately. I want Jeff on Smackdown incidentally because it could set up Hardys v Londrick, which could be superb. Matt also has injured ribs, which are exploited by Deuce. He even counters the Twist of Fate because Matt's ribs are bad. You can't do anything with bad ribs. He doesn't even YODEL on the Yodelling Legdrop. He's after the quick win but Domino charges back in there and throws knees into the rib area. This drags through an ad break as they attempt to build some suspense. Side Effect can't even put Deuce away showing how that move is just not a finisher. Bulldog/lariat combo is nice because he does it usually and now he's able to work it in easily. Domino gets caught with a Twist of Fate but Deuce is on hand to kick Matt in the face for the pin at 9.44.

Winners: Deuce & Domino via pin. *1/4. I'm just not a fan of handicap matches. It's like; who really cares if Deuce & Domino beat one guy? Plus it sends Matt backwards. Regardless of having the odds stacked against him (two on one, rib injury) he still lost to these jokers.

BACKSTAGE MVP gets interview time with Random Interview Guy. He says he's a champion and he's better than the people watching. He's better looking, richer, a better athlete and just plain better. BALLIN'!

MVP v Dave Batista

Ok, here's a major grumble. Why is Dave the #1 contender? Who did he beat? He's choked and lost twice to Edge. Before that he lost multiple title matches with the Undertaker. I know they're billing it as his "last ever shot at Edge as champion" but what does that matter? He'll just choke and lose again. It's been a long time since someone's star waned as quickly as this guy. You can feel his heat disappear. They need to rush the Cena match as quickly as possible because this time next year he won't be worth shit. MVP bounces around Dave and leaves the ring to stall for time. He clips Dave's knee and Dave's selling is getting worse from one match to next now. This time he doesn't bother at all and then hits a shinbreaker. Why even bother trying psychology in a match with Dave? It's not like he'll do anything during the entire match that makes sense. Why even bother watching his matches? They're all the same these days. He eats a little heat but can't ever remember to sell his leg. Then he fires up and hits all his trademark stuff regardless of whether his injury during whatever match he's in applies and always tries to win with the Demonbomb. MVP has his work cut out here. If Edge struggles to get anything out of this guy then MVP is in trouble. He doesn't have the experience to know how to deal with it all. MVP finally gets something going and hits Dave with something that'll make a difference (because Dave will only sell power) and it's the Yakuza kick. MVP kicks him clean out of the ring. JBL tries to compare MVP's kick to Bruiser Brody's although they're different heights and I think Brody's looked better because he was bigger. MVP busts out a DDT and it seems like he doesn't know what to do. He tries to boot again, this time with Dave lying face down on the apron. At least MVP is being consistent with the use of the boot. He goes for another one but Dave is up and backdrops him. MVP charges again and this time gets caught in a Black Hole Slam. It's like MVP is having to run in to every move. He then runs into a spinebuster. See? Now the really stupid bit. Edge runs in for the DQ but does nothing as Dave spears him first at 14.00.

Winner: Batista via DQ. *. Batista's matches just feel so cookie cutter these days. It's a case of "same old shit". I expect more of the same at the PPV. Poor Dave. At least Cena is getting fed fresh guys. Dave is getting his offcasts. It's enough to make you turn heel.

The 411 –

The show was going really well first half. Everything up to Benoit-Edge was fine. I was enjoying the show. All was right with the world. Then we got the handicap match that made no sense and the main event, which was very middling. I actually found the blandness of it offensive. Thumbs in the middle for the show although Benoit-Edge was really very good. Shame that's not the PPV match though.