The Great American Bash 2007 Breakdown

The Great American Bash 2007 by J.D. Dunn July 22, 2007 Live from San Jose, Cali. Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles and Taz. U.S. Heavyweight Title: MVP vs. Matt Hardy. We are told that, like a creature from Greek literature, MVP is “half-man, half-amazing.” Matt knocks him to the floor early and does a little ballin’ of his own. He follows MVP out with a pescado. Back in, MVP takes over with a goku-raku stretch. Matt powers out and goes up, but MVP yanks him off the ropes. The dreaded boot to the head makes an appearance. A guillotine lock kills some time, and MVP hits a press slam. Matt comes back with a desperation clothesline and goes up, but his balance is off from the kick to the head, so MVP is able to catch him and suplex him off. Good psychology there. MVP tries a backdrop superplex, but Matt shifts his weight and gets two. A bulldog gets two more. The second-rope legdrop gets two. SIDE EFFECT! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! MVP counters a second one to a rollup for two. The Kawada Kick misses, and Matt schoolboys him for two. Matt slips out of another press slam and goes for the Twist of Fate, but MVP shoves him into the corner and hits the Kawada Kick. That sets up the Playmaker at 12:54. Both guys continue to entertain. **3/4 Dusty Rhodes tells a story about cows and a bull to illustrate his feud with Randy Orton. Cruiserweight Title, Cruiserweight Open: Chavo Guerrero vs. Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki. Everyone is in the ring at the same time, and whoever scores the first fall wins. Before the match, Hornswoggle runs through the ring and hides. Everyone teams up on Chavo and tosses him out. Yang and Noble do a few nice moves before everyone else gets back in. Funaki hits a crossbody on both Chavo and Moore. Chavo works in the Lance Storm roll-into-a-half-crab spot. Noble hits a Northern Lights into a cross-armlock on Funaki, but Moore breaks it up. Chavo hits Yang with the Triple Verticals, but Yang comes back with a moonsault block for two. Noble wipes out Funaki with a tope, and Yang tosses Moore out on both of them. Noble and Chavo team up for that Electric Chair Superplex spot. That knocks Noble goofy enough for Hornswoggle to sneak in and hit the Tadpole Splash for the win and the title at 6:58. JBL: He’s the shortest champion since Taz. The match was just a collection of spots, which you probably could have guessed from the names involved. The finish was goofy, but in fairness, Hornswoggle is the most over cruiserweight. ** Singapore-Cane-on-a-Pole Match: Carlito vs. Sandman. Carlito spits apple in Sandman’s face early, but he gets backdropped to the floor. Sandman goes up, but Carlito yanks him down. This goes the same way as all pole matches go. One guy goes up, gets yanked down, hits a move, goes back up. Finally, Sandman avoids the back elbow and grabs the cane. He misses a swing, though, and takes the Backstabber at 5:31. Well, that just negates the whole point of the climb. * Randy Orton lets us in on a little-known fact: today is Shawn Michaels’ birthday. In fact, it’s so little-known that Shawn Michaels doesn’t even know because Orton kicked his head in. WWE Women’s Title: Candice Michelle vs. Melina. Mat wrestling to start. No, really. Candice hits a Hennig-neckbreaker early and then a Fireman’s Carry into a cradle. Where am I? Who are these people? Melina stretches her across the second rope and stomps her, drawing “oooohs” from the crowd. Melina chokes her on the ropes with a Tarantula Chinlock. A goku-raku takedown gets two. Candice roars back with clotheslines and a dropkick. She comes off the top with a crossbody for two. Ross calls it Steamboat-like. Uh, I wouldn’t go *that* far. Candice goes for a Tomikaze but has to settle for a standing bulldog (the Candy Wrapper, tee hee) at 6:22. See, women can be beautiful and wrestle, which is all I ask for. **1/2 In the back, the Hardy Boys meet up. Matt tells Jeff to stay focused, which is difficult because a sweaty Candice Michelle comes in, cues up the soft-core porn music and proceeds to give herself an Evian shower. Ron Simmons provides the lip-quivering punchline. Intercontinental Title: Umaga vs. Jeff Hardy. Umaga tears Jeff a new cornhole early. Jeff gets absolutely *nothing*. Eventually, he fights his way out of a Trapezes Hold, but he collapses under a bodyslam attempt. That’s what we in the recapping biz call a “very bad idea.” Jeff blocks a vertical splash but comes off right into a flying Bossman Slam. Jeff is a grease spot. It only gets two, and Jeff avoids a diving headbutt. Jeff fires off a reverse giri and a sends Umaga spilling to the floor. He follows him out with a pescado. Back in, Umaga punches Jeff down in the corner but backs off before getting disqualified. Nice play on the Vengeance match where he *did* get disqualified. He misses a buttalanche, though. Jeff hits Whisper in the Wind for two. The Swanton gets two more, but Umaga blocks the Twist of Fate and hits a thrust kick. That sets up the buttalanche and the Samoan Spike to put the pesky Hardy away at 11:20. This was about as good as a match like this can be. Jeff just threw everything he had at Umaga, but Umaga just kept swatting him aside and eventually hit him with the big move he was looking for. **3/4 ECW Heavyweight Title: John Morrison vs. CM Punk. Feeling out period to start. Punk hits a slingshot suplex and monkeyflips Morrison so hard that Johnny falls on his face. Morrison rolls to the floor and trips Punk facefirst on the steel steps. Back inside, Morrison hits a sit-out facebuster for two. Punk blocks a superplex and hits a facebuster, but his crossbody hurts him just as much as Morrison. Punk O’Connor Rolls Morrison for two, but Morrison reverses and grabs a handful of ropes. ONE, TWO, THRE-the ref catches Morrison using the ropes. ENZUIGIRI! Punk hits a corner knee, but Morrison ducks out of the bulldog and runs away. Punk chases him down and tosses him back in. Punk sets up for the springboard clothesline, but Morrison catches him with a mid-air kick for the win at 7:50. Morrison picks up a clean, if flukish, win. There’s just no heat for these ECW matches because there are no real angles. One guy has a belt. The other guy wants the belt. That’s all well and good if that’s your only belt, but when you have to compete with two other World Titles for attention, you have to do something to stand out. Give these guys something to work with WWE. **1/4 Bull-Rope Match: Dusty Rhodes vs. Randy Orton. Orton stalls quite a while before allowing himself to be strapped to Rhodes. Dusty actually looks to be in better shape than when I saw him in ROH. Orton misses a wild swing and gets elbowed for his trouble. He runs to the floor, but Rhodes yanks him back. Dream misses a cowbell shot that sounded like it would crush Orton’s skull. Back in, Orton trips up Rhodes and starts smashing the cowbell over his knee. Orton…HITS THE CHINLOCK! Rhodes flips, flops and flies his way back. The Bionic Elbow misses, though, and Orton is able to wind up and NAIL Rhodes with the cowbell at 5:40. Well, that was a disappointing finish. I was hoping Rhodes could provide some violent brawling, but instead he only provided a bunch of elbows. ** After the match, Orton threatens to kick Rhodes’ brains in, but Cody Rhodes runs in to get in the way. World Heavyweight Title, Triple Threat: The Great Khali vs. Batista vs. Kane. JBL says this match will be “monkey-butt ugly.” I’m guessing that’s a lot more ugly than a “bowling shoe.” Kane and Batista team up on Khali but get clotheslined down. He chokeslams both guys. Finally, they team up on the outside and double chokeslam him through the announce table. That leaves Kane versus Batista. Batista hits a powerslam for two. Kane comes back with the flying clothesline and signals for the chokeslam. Khali returns to the ring, though, so Kane chokeslams Khali! Batista tosses Kane and hits a spinebuster on Khali. DEMONBOMB ON KANE! Khali yanks him off the cover, though. He whips Batista into the steps and Tree Slams Kane for the win at 10:01. Some of the big spots, like Kane and Batista teaming up for the chokeslam, were pretty cool, but this otherwise lived up to JBL’s description. *1/2 King Booker comes out to demand that Triple H cease and desist calling himself “the King of Kings.” He also wants Jerry Lawler to relinquish his crown. Lawler tells him to come get it if he wants it, but Booker declares this an act of treason. WWE Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. Bobby Lashley. Lashley’s music now has lyrics. Epic test of strength to start. Lashley overpowers him early and then outwrestles him. Cena drop toeholds him for the STFU, but Lashley ducks out of the ring. Ross: Cena has that smashmouth, in-your-style face. That was a point good. Cena blocks a charge but runs right into a T-Bone Suplex. At some point, the top of Lashley’s head gets cut open. A hanging suplex gets two. Cena comes back with the Throwback. A top-rope Rocker Dropper gets two for Cena. Lashley hits a weird sort of reverse Derailer gutbuster to cut off Cena’s momentum. Lawler wonders if Cena’s ever faced a man with this kind of amateur experience. Um…I know he wrestles for a rival company now, but you just had a video package with Kurt Angle in it. The Five-Knuckle Shuffle sets up an FU attempt, but Lashley counters to a powerslam. A Torture Rack Drop puts Cena down, and Lashley plays to the crowd, drawing a lot of boos. It sounds like the male contingent doesn’t like either guy. Cena pops up and hits the FU, but he can’t cover in time to get the three. Lashley sets up for the Spear, but Cena avoids and drop toeholds him down into the STFU! Lashley claws his way to the ropes. Cena stops to argue with the ref and gets Speared by Lashley! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Lashley sets up for a superplex, but Cena counters to the Super FU at 15:02. After the match, Lashley offers Cena a handshake. Cena eventually accepts in a show of sportsmanship. The match was good give-and-take, and they played off Lashley’s strength advantage nicely. Nothing great, but good enough for a WWE main event. ***1/4 The 411: I know that they say buyrates are better with all of the superstars on the PPV, but since they went to the tri-branded format, there really hasn’t been a huge upswing. Here, we see one of the problems of having three World Title matches in one show in that two of them look like secondary titles. With three brands now, and none of them operating independently of each other like we thought was the plan in 2002, maybe the time has come to resurrect the idea of one unified champion working all three brands. And not to harp on it, but with three brands and over sixty wrestlers on the roster, neither of the tag team titles was on the line here. These are the small problems that start to become big problems when you lose wrestlers. The show has one match that’s really worth your money. The rest are okay-to-good but nothing you haven’t seen before. Thumbs in the middle, leaning down.