411’s WWE Heat Report 08.19.07
Posted by Scott Slimmer on 08.19.2007
We’ve got Triple H and Rey Mysterio on Heat! Yeah, this episode is like an orthopedic surgeon’s wet dream…
Hey guys and gals, I'm Scott, and this is 411's WWE Heat Report.
Oh it's true, it's DAMN true. FINALLY, I have COME BACK to the Heat Report. And baby, it's good to be home. At least, it SHOULD be good to be home. I love watching professional wrestling. I love working for 411. And I love writing the Heat Report. So like I said, it SHOULD be good to be home. But there's one problem. One small problem…
I've been gone for a month, and during that time Small has been running his damn mouth and calling me a hypocrite. Yeah, Small, I have said that I love writing the Heat Report. And yeah, Small, I did take a month-long hiatus. But does that make me a hypocrite? Does that prove that I really don't love writing the Heat Report? Not by a long shot, bitch. Let me explain, Small. You see, I took a hiatus BECAUSE I love the Heat Report. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I write THE BEST DAMN HEAT REPORT ON THE NET. PERIOD. I realized that my schedule during the past month wouldn't permit me to give the Heat Report the time it both needed and deserved, so I gladly stepped aside and found someone to replace me so that in my absence the Heat Report would continue to be THE BEST DAMN HEAT REPORT ON THE NET.
Oh, and I didn't just find some random smark to replace me. Oh no, bitch. I got DCF'NW, the man that Larry trusts with 411's Raw Report. I got DCF'NW, 411's new Man of a Thousand Columns. I got DCF'NW, the man who broke out of your shadow to become the future of 411. I got the fuckin' best. Because I wanted the Heat Report to continue to be THE BEST DAMN HEAT REPORT ON THE NET. And you know what? Wilcox did a fucking amazing job. And I thank him from the bottom of my heart. Because I know that the Heat Report isn't about me. I know that the Heat Report isn't about ego. And I know that the Heat Report sure as hell isn't about selling cheap panties. It's about providing our readers with THE BEST DAMN HEAT REPORT ON THE NET. And that's exactly what Wilcox did in my absence.
But now I'm back, Small. And my time away has given me a new clarity. You see, I tried to be the bigger man. I tried to take the high road. I tried to avoid falling into your little trap and playing your little game. But that's not going to be possible, is it Small? You're going to drag me down to Hell with you, aren't you Small? Then so be it. You wanna dance, bitch? Fine, let's dance. Let's finish this thing once and for all. We've been going around in circles for almost two years, and that's two years too long. You wanna sell t-shirts asking, "Where's Slimmer?" I'm right here, bitch. I'm right fucking here. And I'm going to end this, Small. Mark my fucking words. I'm going to end this.
Anyway, I think we have some wrestling to discuss. You're probably aware that unlike Raw and Smackdown!, Heat is now available exclusively on WWE.com. You may also be aware that Heat is now only available as full-length episodes instead of individual segments. This change in presentation means that the previous Preview / Review format of the Heat Report is now somewhat obsolete. So starting this week I'm going to be using a more traditional recapping style that will be most similar to the Review section of previous Heat Reports. Be sure to email me and let me know what you think of the new format. I want this Report to be as useful as possible, so I'm always open to suggestions. Okay, enough with the boring stuff. Let's get to the wrestling.
We start off with the new WWE: The Power is Back video followed by the Heat opening video. Todd Grisham then welcomes us from the Heat Studio.
Todd Grisham: "Hello, and welcome to another edition of Heat. My name is Todd Grisham, and we've decided to devote this episode to the return of two major superstars. Triple H and Rey Mysterio suffered what could have been career-ending injuries, but instead they'll make their return next week at SummerSlam. So, let's take a look at some of Triple H's and Rey Mysterio's greatest matches. We start at Royal Rumble 2006, and guess who the first two entrants in the Royal Rumble that year were? Hehehe, Triple H, and Rey Mysterio."
Match Result: Rey Mysterio eliminates Randy Orton to win the Royal Rumble. Match Length: 6:20 (shown) Best Spot: Mysterio and Van Dam's suplex splash / Rolling Thunder combination
We move on to a commercial for Matt Hardy vs. Evander Holyfield in a boxing match at Saturday Night's Main Event. Todd Grisham then welcomes us back to the Heat Studio.
Todd Grisham: "Ever since Rey Mysterio shocked the WWE foundation by winning WrestleMania 22, becoming the biggest underdog champion ever, you know everybody wanted a crack at Rey Mysterio. But one man put more up for grabs than anyone else. JBL told General Manager Theodore Long, ‘Listen, if I don't beat Rey Mysterio, I'll quit. I'll hang my wrestling boots up forever.' Was that good idea? Well, for JBL haters it probably was an exciting idea. But would JBL be able to knock off Rey Mysterio? Let's find out."
Match 2: Rey Mysterio vs. JBL for the World Heavyweight Championship from the 05.26.06 episode of Smackdown
Match Result: Rey Mysterio defeats JBL with the 619 / Drop the Dime. Match Length: 5:50 (shown) Best Spot: JBL's Three Amigos / Shimmy
We move on to a commercial for WWEShop.com. Todd Grisham then welcomes us back to the Heat Studio.
Todd Grisham: "You know, there's been some pretty shocking moments in WWE history, but as far as personal family bonds are concerned, few top this one. Chavo Guerrero turning his back on Rey Mysterio. Their feud got hotter and hotter as the weeks and months progressed, and it all came to a head in an I Quit Match. Chavo Guerrero versus Rey Mysterio. Who would say the words, ‘I quit'?"
Match 3: Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero in an I Quit Match from the 10.20.06 episode of Smackdown
Match Result: Chavo Guerrero defeats Rey Mysterio when Mysterio says, "I quit." Match Length: 5:08 (shown) Best Spot: Mysterio's seated senton off the entrance stage.
We move on to a commercial for Rey Mysterio's return at SummerSlam, a commercial for John Cena vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship at SummerSlam, and a commercial for Triple H's return at SummerSlam. Todd Grisham then welcomes us back to the Heat Studio.
Todd Grisham: "Rey Mysterio, not the only Superstar making his return to SummerSlam. The King of Kings, Triple H, will face off against King Booker to determine who the true King of Raw is. Now let's take a look back at some of Triple H's greatest matches. And we start in the year 2002 as the World Heavyweight Champion, Triple H, faced off against the Intercontinental Champion, Kane, in a Champion Versus Champion Match. Who would unify the titles? Let's find out."
Match 4: Triple H vs. Kane in a Champion Versus Champion Match to unify the World Heavyweight Championship and the WWE Intercontinental Championship from No Mercy 2002
Match Result: Triple H defeats Kane with the Pedigree. Match Length: 4:23 (shown) Best Spot: Kane chokeslamming Triple H through the Spanish announce table.
We move on to a commercial for Summerslam, live on Sunday, August 26 at 8e/5p, only on pay-per-view. Todd Grisham then welcomes us back to the Heat Studio.
Todd Grisham: "There aren't many matches in which Triple H would be called the underdog, are there? Well, maybe a few, including this one. Triple H facing off against the largest athlete in the world, The Big Show. And to make matters worse, throw RVD in the mix, Mr. Monday Night. That's right, RVD, Big Show, and Triple H in a Triple Threat Match. Enjoy."
Match 5: Triple H vs. The Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam in a Triple Threat Match to determine the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship from the 02.20.06 episode of Raw
Match Result: Triple H defeats Rob Van Dam with the Pedigree. Match Length: 4:31 (shown) Best Spot: Van Dam's off-angle Five Star Frog Splash
We move on to a commercial for WWE 24/7 Online. Todd Grisham then welcomes us back to the Heat Studio.
Todd Grisham: "You know, things were looking good for Triple H and his partner, Shawn Michaels, earlier this year, but they were about to get ugly in a hurry as DX faced off against Team Rated RKO."
Match 6: DX vs. Rated RKO for the WWE Tag Team Championships from New Year's Revolution 2007
And in case you're wondering, somebody did a really nice job of editing out the spot where Orton completely whiffed on a chair shot.
Match Result: No Contest Match Length: 6:16 (shown) Best Spot: Michaels' elbow drop from the top rope through the Spanish announce table
Todd Grisham welcomes us back to the Heat Studio one last time.
Todd Grisham: "So Triple H, who's been out of action now for eight months, makes his return next week at SummerSlam when he'll square off against King Booker to determine who truly is the King of Raw. Also, Chavo Guerrero will face off against Rey Mysterio again, and of course Rey, very upset with a man who he once considered part of his family, Chavo, because Chavo injured Rey Mysterio almost a year ago. What a night SummerSlam is going to be. The triumphant return, hopefully at least, for Triple H and Rey Mysterio. Thanks for watching this edition of Heat. I'm Todd Grisham, and I'll see you, right here, next week."
Okay kids, that's it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I'll see you back here next weekend.
