411’s WWE Heat Report 08.26.07

Posted by Scott Slimmer on 08.26.2007

We’ve got massive wood in the ring on Heat. And I’m not even talking about Val Venis…

Hey guys and gals, I'm Scott, and this is 411's WWE Heat Report.

You're probably aware that unlike Raw and Smackdown!, Heat is now available exclusively on WWE.com. You may also be aware that Heat is now only available as full-length episodes instead of individual segments. This change in presentation means that the previous Preview / Review format of the Heat Report is now somewhat obsolete. So from now on I'm going to be using a more traditional recapping style that will be most similar to the Review section of previous Heat Reports. Be sure to email me and let me know what you think of the new format. I want this Report to be as useful as possible, so I'm always open to suggestions. Okay, enough with the boring stuff. Let's get to the wrestling.




Match 1: Val Venis vs. Charlie Haas

We start off with the new WWE: The Power is Back video followed by the Heat opening video. Todd Grisham, alongside Jonathan Coachman, welcomes us to Heat. "Hello, ladies." Val Venis' music hits, and The Ayatollah of Gloryhollah makes his way down the ramp. Venis climbs into the ring, hits the corner to shake it for the ladies, strips off the towel, and flings it all the way into the cheap seats. Venis heads over towards Lillian Garcia and grabs… the microphone. Get your mind out the gutter, you sick perverts. But Lillian does look a bit disappointed that he didn't grab anything else.

Val Venis: "Hello, ladies. You know something ladies, as always, The Big Valbowski has come here to put a smile on…"

Charlie Haas' music hits and cuts off Venis mid-sentence. Lillian looks rather disappointed. I'm sure Venis will be more than happy to, um, give her the full show in private later in the evening. Anyway, Haas makes his way down the ramp and climbs into the ring. Haas is sporting a bizarre Shawn Michaels / Batista / Kip James style tank-top this evening. I'd make a joke about his masculinity, but he's bumpin' uglies with Jackie Gayda, so he's got nothing to prove to me. Anyway, both men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Venis and Haas circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Venis muscles Haas to the ropes, but Haas spins around and traps Venis against the ropes. The referee calls for the clean break, and Haas briefly obliges him before shoving Venis back towards the ropes. Venis comes off the ropes and shoves Haas down to the mat, but Haas quickly climbs back to his feet. Venis and Haas circle each other for a second time before locking each other up in a second collar-and-elbow tie-up, but Haas quickly switches into a hammer lock. Venis then reverses and switches into a hammer lock of his own, but Haas breaks the hold with a back elbow shot to Venis' face. Haas connects with a clubbing forearm shot to Venis back and then sends Venis down to the mat with a kneeling fireman's carry takedown. Haas covers Venis but only gets a one count before Venis kicks out.

Haas gets up to one knee, raises Venis up into a seated position, and locks in a rear chin lock, but Venis fights back up to his feet. Haas transitions to a standing side head lock on Venis, but Venis muscles him to the ropes and whips him to the opposite ropes to break the hold. Venis waits for Haas to rebound and charges towards him, but Haas levels Venis with a running shoulder block. Haas hits the ropes, leaps over Venis, and hits the opposite ropes as Venis springs back to his feet. Haas charges at Venis and Venis goes for a hip toss, but Haas counters into a hip toss of his own. Venis gets right back to his feet, but Haas immediately catches him with a scoop slam. Haas goes for an elbow drop, but Venis just manages to roll out of the way. Both men get back to their feet, but Venis quickly catches Haas with a deep arm drag takedown. Both men again get back to their feet, but Venis hits the ropes and levels Haas with a running shoulder block. Venis covers Haas but only gets a two count before Haas kicks out.

Venis gets back to his feet, raises Haas up to his hands and knees, and locks in a rear arm submission. Venis forces Haas down to the mat and transitions into a hammer lock. Venis maintains the hold and drives his knee into Haas' shoulder, but Haas eventually makes it to the ropes to break the hold. Both men get back to their feet and circle each other for a third time. Venis goes for a third collar-and-elbow tie-up, but Haas catches him with a front kick to the gut followed by a clubbing forearm shot to the back. Haas whips Venis to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and ducks his head to telegraph the back body drop, so Venis puts on the brakes and kicks Haas right in the chest. Venis whips Haas to the ropes, connects with a knee shot to the gut, whips him to the opposite ropes, and goes for another knee shot to the gut, but Haas counters with a forearm shot to the side of Venis' head. Haas hits the ropes and charges towards Venis, but Venis catches him with a knee to the gut. Venis drags Haas back to his feet and connects with a side Russian leg sweep. Venis covers Haas but only gets a two count before Haas kicks out.

Venis pins Haas arm down to the mat, but Haas won't allow him to inflict further damage. Venis rolls Haas onto his stomach and locks in a rear arm submission. Venis transitions to a hammer lock, cinches in the hold with his feet, and then drops backwards to really torque Haas' arm. Haas crawls to the corner to try and escape, but Venis traps him and stomps a mudhole in him. Venis drags Haas back up to his feet and connects with a chop to the chest. WOOO! Venis tries to whip Haas to the opposite corner, but Haas reverses and instead whips Venis to the corner. Venis slams back-first into the top turnbuckle and crumbles down to the mat. Haas gets back to his feet and gives Venis four stomps to the back. Haas drags Venis back to his feet and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex that sends Venis flying across the ring. Haas gets back to his feet as Venis sits up, but Haas immediately catches Venis with a STIFF kick to the back. Venis gets up to his knees, but Haas catches him with a STIFF kick to the chest. Haas covers Venis but only gets a two count before Venis kicks out.

Haas gives Venis three mounted punches, raises him up into a seated position, drives his knee into Venis' back two times, and locks in a rear chin lock. Venis refuses to submit, so Haas flings him back down to the mat and gives him two knee shots to the side of the head. Haas covers Venis but only gets a two count before Venis kicks out. Haas raises Venis up to a seated position and locks in another rear chin lock. Haas maintains the hold and drags Venis down to the mat. Venis eventually fights back up to his feet and breaks the hold with two elbow shots to Haas' gut followed by a forearm shot to Haas' face. Venis catches Haas with a front kick to the gut and goes for a suplex, but his back gives out before he can complete the move. Haas then goes for a suplex of his own, but Venis catches him with a small package. Venis has Haas covered but only gets a two count before Haas kicks out.

Both men get back to their feet, but Haas immediately levels Venis with a running clothesline. Haas drives his knee into the side of Venis' head, drags him back to his feet, and connects with a suplex. Haas covers Venis but only gets a two count before Venis kicks out. Haas locks in another rear chin lock, but Venis again fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with three elbow shots to Haas' gut. Venis hits the ropes and charges towards Haas, but Haas catches him with a standing sleeper hold. Venis reverses into a sit-out spin-out powerbomb (i.e., a sit-out Protobomb), but both men slowly climb back to their feet. Haas goes for a running clothesline, but Venis ducks underneath his arm to avoid contact. Haas spins around to face Venis, but Venis catches him with two chops to the chest. Venis whips Haas to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and levels him with a running elbow shot to the face. Haas gets back up to his feet, but Venis quickly sends him back down to the mat with a back elbow shot to the face. Haas again gets back up to his feet, but this time Venis catches him with a back elbow shot to the chest. Haas once again gets back to his feet, but Venis connects with a hangman's neck breaker. Venis gets back to his feet, climbs out onto the ring apron, and heads up to the top rope, but Haas gets back to his feet and catches Venis with a forearm shot to the face. Haas climbs up to the second rope and goes for a superplex, but Venis catches him with four punches to the ribs before shoving him back down to the mat. Venis connects with the Money Shot and gets the three count. VENIS WINS! VENIS WINS! VENIS WINS! Venis music hits as the referee raises his hand in victory. Venis hits the corner to pose for the ladies and Haas writhes in pain on the mat.

Match Result: Val Venis defeats Charlie Haas with the Money Shot.
Match Length: 8:19
Best Spot: Haas' belly-to-belly suplex

We move on to a commercial for Batista vs. The Great Khali for the World Heavyweight Championship at SummerSlam, live this Sunday, August 26 at 8e/5p, only on pay-per-view.

Match 2: The Highlanders vs. David Owen & Brad Allen

The Highlander's music hits, and Vito's favorite tag team make their way down the ramp. The Highlanders climb into the ring where David Owen and Brad Allen are already waiting for them and hit the corners to pose for the crown. You might recognize Brad Allen as the poor schmuck that Mark Henry destroyed on Smackdown this past Friday. Anyway, all four men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Robbie and Allen head for their respective corners and climb out onto the ring apron, so it looks like it's going to be Rory and Owen to start. Rory and Own circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Rory muscles Owen to the corner and the referee call for the clean break, but Rory simply slaps himself and informs the referee of his name. It's as if he honestly believes that people names Rory don't have to break for the referee. Anyway, Owen comes out of the corner and shoves Rory in the chest. That… probably wasn't smart. Rory responds with a forearm shot to the face before locking in a standing side head lock. Owen whips Rory to the ropes to break the hold, but Rory comes off the ropes and levels Owen with a running shoulder block. Rory hits the ropes, drops down to the mat, and catches Owen with a rear chin lock. Owen fights back to his feet, but Rory transitions to a standing side head lock and drags Owen over to the corner.

Robbie tags himself into the match, climbs into the ring, and drops Owen with a head butt. Rory climbs out onto the ring apron as Robbie drags Owen back to his feet and slams his head into the top turnbuckle. Robbie tags Rory back into the match and then holds Owen as Rory climbs into the ring. Rory slams Owen's head into the top turnbuckle as Robbie climbs out onto the ring apron. Rory tags Robbie back into the match and then holds Own as Robbie climbs into the ring. Robbie slams Owen's head into the top turnbuckle as Rory climbs out onto the ring apron. Robbie drags Owen back to his feet, but Owen catches him with a knee shot to the gut before stumbling across the ring and tagging Allen into the match. Owen climbs out onto the ring apron as Allen climbs into the ring.

Allen charges towards Robbie, but Robbie catches him with a double ax-handle shot to the chest. Robbie drags Allen back to his feet and whips him to the corner. Allen slams chest-first into the top turnbuckle and rebounds back to the middle of the ring before falling to the mat. Robbie tags Rory into the match, waits for him to climb into the ring, and then scoop slams him onto Allen. Robbie climbs out onto the ring apron as Rory gives Allen a head butt drop. Rory drags Allen back to his feet and punches him in the face. Allen stumbles over to the corner, so Rory traps him there, punches him in the face a second time, and tags Robbie back into the match. Rory holds Allen as Robbie climbs into the ring and gives Allen a head butt to the ribs. Rory climbs out onto the ring apron as Robbie drags Allen back to his feet and connects with a European-style uppercut. Allen stumbles backwards, hits the ropes, and walks right into a second European-style uppercut from Robbie. Allen again stumbles backwards, hits the ropes, and wearily stumbles towards Robbie. Robbie whips Allen to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and ducks his head to telegraph the back body drop, so Allen puts on the brakes and flings Robbie down to the mat. Allen makes it to his own corner and tags Owen back into the match.

Allen climbs out onto the ring apron as Owen climbs into the ring and connects with a front kick to Robbie's face. Owen gives Robbie two stomps to the chest, drags him back to his feet, and connects with a scoop slam. Owen covers Robbie but only gets a one count before Robbie kicks out. Owen raises Robbie up into a seated position and locks in a rear chin lock. Robbie fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with two punches to the gut, but Owen retaliates with a clubbing forearm shot to the back. Owen whips Robbie to the ropes and charges after him, but Robbie gets a boot up and plants it squarely in Owen's face. Robbie and Owen both stumble towards their respective corners and tag their partners into the match.

Rory and Allen climb into the ring as Robbie and Owen climb out onto the ring apron. Rory and Allen charge at each other, but it's Rory that connects with a running clothesline. Allen gets back to his feet, but Rory immediately levels him with a second running clothesline. Allen again gets back to his feet, but Rory immediately levels him with a third running clothesline. Allen once again gets back to his feet, but this time Rory catches him with an inverted atomic drop. Rory hits the ropes and connects with a fourth running clothesline to Allen. Owen charges into the ring to defend his partner, but Rory catches him with a sweet power slam. Owen rolls out of the ring as Allen gets back to his feet and Rory tags Robbie into the match. Robbie and Rory hit the Slingshot Scot Drop on Allen, and Robbie covers Allen and gets the three count. The Highlander's music hits as the referee raises their hands in victory.

Match Result: Robbie defeats Brad Allen after the Slingshot Scot Drop.
Match Length: 3:54
Best Spot: Rory's power slam.

We move on to a commercial for John Cena vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship at SummerSlam, live this Sunday, August 26 at 8e/5p, only on pay-per-view.

Match 3: Super Crazy vs. Jay Bradley

"I am super! I am crazy! I am Super Crazy!" Super Crazy's music hits, and the last Mexicool standing makes his way down the ramp. Crazy slides into the ring where Jay Bradley is already waiting for him, hits his spectacular head-stand forward flip kip-up, and then heads to the corner to get some lovin' from the crowd. Bradley actually looks like a combination of like Mike Awesome and old-school Bradshaw. He's just a big dude that looks like he could put a hurtin' on ya. Anyway, both men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Crazy and Bradley circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Crazy switches to a standing side head lock on Bradley and Bradley tries to take him over with a belly-to-back suplex, but Crazy regains his balance and gets his feet back on the mat. Bradley muscles Crazy to the ropes to break the hold, whips him to the opposite ropes, waits for him to rebound, and drops him with a shoulder block. Crazy gets back to his feet and Bradley goes for a running clothesline, but Crazy ducks underneath his arm to avoid contact. Bradley spins around to face Crazy, but Crazy drops him with a basement drop kick to the knee. Crazy connects with la magistral but only gets a two count before Bradley kicks out.

Both men get back to their feet and Crazy connects with a punch to Bradley's face before whipping Bradley to the corner. Crazy charges after Bradley, but Bradley connects with a back elbow shot to Crazy's face. Bradley drags Crazy back to his feet but then sends him right back down to the mat with a clubbing forearm shot to the back. Bradley drags Crazy back to his feet and whips him to the corner, but Crazy leaps up to the second rope and connects with a flying cross-body. Crazy had Bradley pinned by only gets a two count before Bradley kicks out. Both men get back to their feet, but Bradley damn near decapitates Crazy with a straight right hand. Bradley gives Crazy a clubbing forearm shot to the back, drags him back to his feet, and connects with a scoop slam. Bradley drops down to the mat and locks in a head lock, but Crazy fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with three elbow shots to Bradley's gut. Crazy hits the ropes and charges at Bradley, but Bradley catches him with a big power slam. Bradley covers Crazy but only gets a two count before Crazy kicks out. Both men get back to their feet, but Bradley immediately levels Crazy with a clubbing forearm shot to the back. Bradley stomps on Crazy's head and covers him again but once again only gets at two count before Crazy kicks out.

Bradley drops down to the mat and locks in a head lock, but Crazy fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with three punches to Bradley's gut. Bradley retaliates with a clubbing forearm shot to Crazy's back, drags Crazy back to his feet, and connects with a second clubbing forearm shot to Crazy's back. Bradley hits the ropes and charges at Crazy, but Crazy catches him with a spinning back heel kick. Grisham calls it a mule kick, but it looked like a spinning back heel kick to me. Anyway, both men get back to their feet, but Crazy immediately catches Bradley with a standing drop kick. Both men again get back to their feet, but this time Crazy hits the ropes and catches Bradley with a running drop kick. Bradley crawls to the corner and gets back to his feet, but Crazy charges towards him and hits a beautiful monkey flip. Bradley gets back to his feet but walks right into a punch from Crazy. Crazy tries to whip Bradley to the corner, but Bradley puts on the brakes and instead whips Crazy to the corner. Bradley charges towards Crazy and Crazy gets a boot up, but Bradley catches Crazy's leg. Bradley maintains his hold on Crazy's leg, so Crazy simply kicks Bradley in the face with his free leg. Bradley falls to the mat, so Crazy climbs up to the top rope and connects with a top rope moonsault. Super Crazy's music hits as the referee raises his hand in victory. Crazy rolls out of the ring and heads back up the ramp as the referee checks on Bradley in the ring.

Match Result: Super Crazy defeats Jay Bradley with a top rope moonsault.
Match Length: 3:32
Best Spot: Crazy's top rope moonsault

We move on to a commercial for SummerSlam, live this Sunday, August 26 at 8e/5p, only on pay-per-view.

Match 4: "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs. Daivari

We're back on Heat, and it's time for our MAIN EVENT! Daivari's music hits, and the man that still has nightmares about The Great Khali makes his way down the ramp. Daivari climbs into the ring, drops to his knees and prays to Allah, and grabs a microphone. This… never ends well. Daivari begins to cut a scathing promo in Farsi, but suddenly "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan's music hits and the man that still has nightmares about Eugene makes his way down the ramp. And yes, you guessed it, he's brandishing a lethal 2 X 4 and waving Old Glory. Duggan begins to climb into the ring, but Daivari immediately attacks him with four kicks to the side of the head and punch to the face. The action has clearly begun, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Daivari gives Duggan two kicks to the gut, guides him over to the corner, and tries to slam his head into the top turnbuckle, but Duggan grabs the top ropes to block. Daivari again tries to slam Duggan's head into the top turnbuckle, but Duggan again grabs the top ropes to block. Duggan retaliates with an elbow shot to Daivari's chest and then slams Daivari's head into the top turnbuckle. Duggan whips Daivari to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and catches him with a running clothesline. Daivari gets back to his feet, but Duggan immediately catches him with a second running clothesline. Daivari again gets back to his feet, but Duggan immediately catches him with a third running clothesline. Daivari crawls to the corner and slowly gets back to his feet as Duggan leads the crowd in a rousing chant of, "U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" Daivari comes out of the corner and tries to kick Duggan in the gut, but Duggan catches Daivari's leg, spins him around, and connects with an atomic drop followed by a scoop slam. Daivari rolls under the bottom rope and out to the ring apron to catch a breather as Duggan leads the crowd in a second rousing chant of, "U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" Duggan heads over to the ropes and grabs Daivari by the head, but Daivari grabs Duggan by the neck and drops him neck-first down onto the top rope. Daivari slides back into the ring, gives Duggan four clubbing forearm shots to the back, and then chokes Duggan against the second rope. Duggan gets back to his feet, but Daivari drops him with a pair of punches to the face. Daivari covers Duggan but only gets a two count before Duggan kicks out.

Daivari gets back to his feet, raises Duggan up into a seated position, drives his knee into Duggan's back three times, and locks in a rear chin lock. Duggan fights back to his feet, breaks the hold with three elbow shots to Daivari's gut, and connects with a punch to Daivari's face. Duggan hits the ropes and charges towards Daivari, but Daivari catches him with a knee to the gut. Daivari covers Duggan but only gets a two count before Duggan kicks out. Daivari presses his advantage with a stomp to Duggan's face and an elbow drop to Duggan's chest. Daivari again covers Duggan but again only gets a two count before Duggan kicks out. Daivari gets back to his feet, raises Duggan up into a seated position, repeatedly drives his elbows down into Duggan's shoulders, and locks in a rear chin lock. Daivari drags Duggan down to the mat, but Duggan valiantly fights back up to his feet. Duggan breaks the hold with three elbow shots to Daivari's gut, but Daivari retaliates by flinging Duggan back down to the mat. Daivari drops and elbow down onto Duggan's chest and covers him but only gets a two count before Duggan kicks out.

Daivari gets back to his feet, raises Duggan up into a seated position, and locks in a rear chin lock. Daivari again drags Duggan down to the mat, but Duggan again valiantly fights back up to his feet. Duggan breaks the hold with two elbow shot to Daivari's gut and follows up with two punches to Daivari's face. Duggan hits the ropes, charges towards Daivari, blocks a pair of punches, and levels Daivari with a pair of punches of his own. Daivari gets back to his feet, but Duggan levels him with another punch to the face. Daivari crawls to the corner and gets back to his feet, but Duggan traps him, gives him two more punches to the face, drags him all the way across the ring, and slams his head into the top turnbuckle. Duggan gives Daivari an elbow shot to the face, whips him to the corner, waits for him to rebound, and catches him with a back body drop. Daivari crawls to the corner as Duggan heads to the opposite corner and goes down into a three-point stance. Duggan waits for Daivari to get back to his feet and goes for the Three-Point Stance Clothesline, but suddenly he sees that Daivari has grabbed Duggan's patented 2 X 4. Duggan puts on the brakes, kicks Daivari in the gut, and sends the 2 X 4 flying. Duggan grabs the 2 X 4 and prepares to send Daivari all the way back to Mecca, but the referee grabs the 2 X 4 out of his hands. Duggan turns to plead his case to the referee, but Daivari sneaks up behind him, catches him with a school-boy pin, and gets the three count. Daivari's music hits as Daivari slides out of the ring. Daivari retreats up the ramp as the referee follows him to raise his hand in victory. Daivari continues to make his way up the ramp as Duggan defiantly strides around the ring.

Match Result: Daivari defeats "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan with a school-boy pin.
Match Length: 4:35
Best Spot: Duggan almost getting the chance to crush Daivari's skull with a 2 X 4

Okay kids, that's it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I'll see you back here next weekend.