411’s WWE Raw Report 08.27.07

Welcome to 411’s Raw Report. Let’s get on with it shall we?

The WWE intro video rolls. We see highlights of John Cena retaining the WWE title last night at Summerslam against Randy Orton.

We’re kicking things off with Randy Orton. JR and The King are ringside as always, and Lawler is still hung up on that “iceman” thing he went on about last night. Orton has some major heat here tonight unlike last night where he was the fan favourite. Orton says he has spent all day in church. Funny how that gets booed. He’s convinced he witnessed a miracle when Cena walked out last night as champion. He had an epiphany. He had that match won and he should be WWE Champion. But the guy who needs to be praying is John Cena. He should thank God he survived last night and that he walked out WWE Champion and thank God he didn’t have his career ended. Next time, John Cena won’t be so lucky. There will be a next time because he is demanding a rematch for the WWE title. John Cena, you have two choices; come out here and accept or two…

Cena doesn’t want to wait to here the second choice. The champ is here. We’re in Boston, Cena’s hometown. There’s 15,000+ in attendance, apparently. Cena’s dad is front row. JR puts over the match they had last night. Cena wants to no “or what?” He thinks Orton will whine about what happened last night but he couldn’t get the job done. Cena says all Orton’s talk about killing legends and the bravado about being a third generation superstar, but at Summerslam, with everything on the line and everything in his favour, he still failed to get it done. No hard feelings, because Orton has been whipping Cena’s ass trying to make a statement but Cena has one of his own tonight. The champ is here.

And there goes my picture. Sorry about this folks, but all I have to report is a “SkySports” logo so I’m assuming there is a technical fault.

The picture is back but there is no sound. King Booker is here. Cena is looking pissed. Orton attempts an RKO but gets shoved off and sent to the outside. Orton is frustrated. King Booker leaves as Cena stands tall.

The good old forumers here at 411 informed me that Cena said Orton should go to the back of the line and that he thinks Triple H could be next, but then William Regal came out and named Booker as Cena’s opponent tonight.

Thanks to Samer who reminded me last week of the promo rating system that I introduced. This segment, for what I saw of it, was what we’ve come to expect. **

Tomorrow night on ECW, CM Punk vs. Big Daddy V vs. Boogeyman vs. Miz!

Mr. Kennedy vs. Jeff Hardy

He’s back! Elbow tie-up and Kennedy gets the advantage but Hardy reverses into a side headlock but they go to the corner and break. Lock up again and Kennedy reverses Jeff into the corner and slaps Jeff, only to get two slaps in return. Kennedy backs off. Hardy has the crowd behind him but Kennedy attacks and pummels Hardy in the corner with right hands and clubbing shots. “Hardy!” chants fill the arena. Hardy goes over the top and bounces Kennedy face first off the canvas. Kennedy hits Hardy with some knees to the gut and plants some elbows in the back of the head of Hardy. Kicks in the corner by Kennedy but Jeff comes back with rights. Hardy stomps Kennedy down in the corner but the referee forces him back. Kennedy charges and gets back-dropped onto the apron. Baseball slide by Jeff sends Kennedy flying. Hardy flies over the top and on to Kennedy. Both men are down as we go to break.

We’re back as Kennedy has a body scissors locked around the mid section of Hardy. During the break, Hardy got tossed over the top and landed on the back of his head. Hardy elbows his way out but gets tossed ribs first into the ring post. Kennedy stretches Hardy’s body around the steel post. Kennedy back in now and delivers vicious stomps to Hardy. Kennedy goes for a cover and gets 2. Stomps now from Kennedy but Jeff fights back only to run into a knee to the gut for 2. Kennedy drags Jeff up and applies an abdominal stretch on the rainbow-haired warrior. Kennedy grabs onto the ropes for leverage. Hardy fights back but Kennedy scoops him up and slams him onto the top turnbuckle back-first and leaves him in the tree of woe. He kicks away and then sets Jeff up. Kennedy goes up for a back suplex but Hardy elbows him off the top and nails the Whisper in the Wind! Both guys are down as the referee counts and gets to 6. Kennedy misses a clothesline and gets Russian leg-sweeped. Hardy’s unique pinning combination gets 2. Clotheslines by Hardy now and he sends Kennedy to the corner. Hardy nails the rope-assisted dropkick. Hardy heads to the top rope now but the Swanton finds Kennedy’s knees. That looked ugly. Umaga’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. Kennedy looks scared. Kennedy bails leaving Jeff alone in the ring. Umaga picks up Hardy. Umaga stares down Kennedy and KILLS HARDY with a superkick! He sets him up in the corner and nails the ASSALANCHE! Kennedy cheers him on from ringside. SAMOAN SPIKE!

No Contest

This was a really fun match, especially after the commercial where they really picked it up. Usually I’d down-grade it for the no contest but I’m glad they went back to Umaga being heel as the fans forgot they were meant to cheer him just last night. Plu, that super kick was hella swank! ***

King Booker vs. John Cena tonight. So that’s what I missed. The sound is once again a little off. Oh, it’s JR’s mic. They show highlights of last night, more specifically the return of Triple H. Triple H returns tonight.

Vince McMahon and Coach are backstage and Coach wants to know what announcement Vince will make but he’ll know later. Kennedy is here and wishes Mr. McMahon a happy belated birthday. Vince points out that his middle name is Kennedy. Vince – “Not a bad kid, walks a little funny.”

Carlito’s Cabana – With Mr. McMahon

Carlito says this is the coolest cabana ever. Vince is here. No Coach, by the way. Vince says it’s a pleasure to be here. Carlito says it’s an honor and happy belated birthday. Vince says he was 50 on Friday and still growing, even his grapefruits. They had to because of the embarrassment over the bastard son ordeal. He says he doesn’t need to be embarrassed because he is Mr. McMahon. Vince says it is time to intimidate the woman who gave birth to his son and he will sue here if she doesn’t reveal the identity of his son within two weeks. Carlito says everybody answers to Mr. McMahon.

Time to play the Game!

Triple H is here complete with jeans/T-shirt and shades. The Game has something, a piece of paper, in his back pocket. Just an observation, not that that’s where I usually observe. Vince tries to shut the crowd up to little effect. Vince says Triple H answers to him. Triple H wonders why he gets this reception from Vince. He understands that they are upset because he’s out here celebrating his 75th birthday and should be worried about whether he is going senile but he has to worry about this bastard son. Never fear, because Triple HG is here. While he was gone, he had plenty of down time to do some research. He searched high and low and found all these women that could be the women and narrowed it down to 4 women. They will solve his dilemma and are here tonight. He understands he hasn’t seen this women for 25 years so he will help him out. The first one, he slept with at WrestleMania 3 and he had thought it was Aretha Fraklyn. Mary is a fat black chick. The next one he was intimate with for some time, one-eyed Wendy who has a patch over her eye. Carlito says he missed the target once or twice. Trips says he hit a hole in one. Vince poked her in the eye. Trips says this next one will be embarrassing too – it’s Carlito’s sister! A chick with a massive ‘fro and an apple. Vince tells Carlito he was only 4 years old and they thought he was asleep. Triple H says there’s nothing to be ashamed of as everyone has been with is sister. Trips – “What gives? She’s not spitting.” He brings out the last one – Frank. Frank has a mic – “what up Vincey, how you doin’? There’s a “Frank” chant. Please raise your hand if you have had intimate relations with McMahon and raise your hand if you had a child that could be Vince’s son. Raise your hand if you have a penis. Frank raises her hand. That’s not cool. Vince says he’ll kick everyone of them in the baby-maker.

Triple H wanted to do something nice and he’s disappointed. He should be worried about his new problems that have surfaced today. He goes to leave but Vince calls him back. He says they all know and not to deny it. He says he’s running a rooster fighting ring. Carlito says that is legal in Puerto Rico. Trips says Vince loves animals. He hates cats and dogs but Vince says he loves them. Trips says he hates roosters and cock. Vince says he loves co-. Awkward silence. Vince wishes Triple H had never come back and says he hates him. Vince leaves. Carlito threatens to put The Game out for another 8 months. Trips knows he’s upset but he doesn’t have to kiss ass. He knows he can spit apple but he also sucks a few grapefruits. Carlito takes a bite of his apple but The Game gets in his face, daring him. He does it. Triple H is smiling and nails Carlito. Spinebuster! SUCK IT! PEDIGREE! Trips takes a seat and kicks back.

Tremendous segment. Triple H is still gold on the mic and Vince and Carlito got in some great lines. Just wonderful stuff. ****?

Daivari and The World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Cody Rhodes, Paul London and Brian Kendrick

Benjamin has died his hair blonde. London and Daivari stat off, lock up, hammerlock by London reversed and a slam by Daivari but he misses an elbow and gets arm dragged. Kendrick in and they double team Daivari and get a one count. Arm wringer by Kendrick but he runs into an elbow. Tag to Haas who tosses Kendrick with a belly-to-belly and a kick for 2. Benjamin in now with a straight kick to the side of Kendrick. Suplex by Benjamin gets a 2 count. Shelton tags Daivari who gets a snapmare and reverse bear hug. Fans get behind Kendrick who elbows out but gets knocked down. Kendrick counters a back suplex, rolls through and tags Cody who takes down Rhodes and nails a knee drop. He gets telegraphed but catches Daivari with a powerslam. London and Kendrick toss the World’s Greatest Tag Team and then take them out with a pair of suicide dives. Daivari runs into an elbow and gets caught with a crossbody for 3!

Winners- London, Kendrick and Rhodes

It was fun but how good can three minutes really be? *¼

Daivari is still in the ring and ranting. Cryme Tyme is here! Man, I love this guys. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! What are you saying? Shad says no one knows that ying-yang he spitting. But they understand that they like to make that money, money… yeah, yeah! They nail Daivari and steal his turban thingy. $5! Cade and Murdoch, the World Tag Team Champions, are here now. They want them in the ring now. Cryme Tyme seem to have a better idea. JTG nabs Cade’s hat and run out through the crowd. Normally, Shad would sell this but tonight he will give it away! And he tosses it out! Money, money, yeah, yeah! That section of the crowd is hopping!

I’m really into Cryme Tyme’s shtick at the moment as are the live audiences. Plus, it’s building to an actual tag team feud! ***

Vince is backstage with Coach. Coach apologizes. Orton walks in and gets in Vince’s face. Vince wants to know what he wants. Orton wants a rematch and he demands it. Give it to me! Vince tells him to hang on a second. He doesn’t deserve it. Not until he can show him he deserves it. No. Orton leaves. Hissy fit!

Maria is getting ready for her match looking… so good.

The Next Mrs. Wilcox aka Maria vs. Beth Phoenix

Phoenix attacks from behind and slams Maria in the ring but misses an elbow. Maria comes at her with forearms, but Beth hits a dominator-like move putting Maria on the top turnbuckle. Fisherman’s delayed suplex. Apparently the match never started as Beth is sent away from ringside.

No contest

I can’t complain because it was angle advancement and they are trying to get Beth over as dominant. And my future wife looked tremendous.

Backstage, T-Grish interviews Candice Michelle. She says she is not intimidated. Snitsky is here and Candice no sells him. He says it’s a challenge to know the limit to his destruction.

Vince has a feeling he won’t have to wait two weeks to find out the identity of his son. William Regal is here. He tells Vince his attorney called and his entire family will be at Raw next week to confront him. Shane, Stephanie and Linda with a bunch of attorneys.

King Booker vs. John Cena

Cena is one pay-per-view win away from holding on to the title for a year, just so you know. They lock up and Booker backs Cena into the corner. They break but Booker fires off with rights and knees, Cena ducks a heel kick and fires off with rights and slams Booker’s head into the corner. Running bulldog by Cena gets a 1 count. Cena shoots Booker but gets telegraphed. Chops by King Booker send Cena down. Cena ducks a clothesline and nails the fisherman suplex for 2 this time. Cena puts pressure on the shoulder of Booker and torques the arm. Booker to his feet and nails the champion with a right hand. Booker misses another heel kick and gets caught with a drop toehold and the STFU is locked on but Booker is too close to the ropes. We head to commercial as Booker goes to the floor.

We come back to Booker hot shotting Cena on the top rope. He finally nails a heel kick. He gets a cover for 2. Cena comes back but misses a charge in the corner and Booker takes him out with a spinning heel kick. Booker works a key lock variant. Fans behind Cena who powers out but Booker gets a knee to the ribs. Shots by Booker and Cena goes down. Booker with kicks but Cena gets a spinebuster for 2! Cena comes back and takes Booker into the corner only to run into a big boot. Booker back on the offensive and knocks Cena to the apron. Back in and Booker connects with a sidewalk slam that gets a near fall. Booker goes back to the key lock as the fans get behind the champion who works his way up to his feet and he again powers his way out. Up for the FU but Booker elbows out and connects with a super kick straight to the face. He goes to the cover and gets 2. Booker sets him up for the Scissors Kick but Cena avoids it and nails a clothesline before taking Booker to the corner. Randy Orton is here and there’s the DQ. The heels beat him down and stomp away. Orton holds him up while Booker nails him. Backbreaker by Orton now! **?

Winner – John Cena via DQ

Booker pulls Cena up and kills him with the Scissors Kick! Booker leaves Cena to Orton. Orton looks like he wants to punt Cena. He backs off to do it, charges but doesn’t do it. He stopped at the last moment. He grabs Cena’s dad from the front row and KILLS HIM WITH A PUNT TO THE HEAD! Jesus that was a shot. Cena goes to check on his dad while Orton leaves. EMTs are out as we go off the air…

Thoughts: You know it’s a good show when I’m still wide awake at four in the morning. There was two good matches in Kennedy/Hardy and Booker/Cena along with some fun promo work. The two hours just seemed to fly by and they’ve made Orton into an evil S.O.B. again heading to an inevitable rematch.