411’s WWE Heat Report 09.16.07

Posted by Scott Slimmer on 09.16.2007

We’ve got a pay-per-view rematch on Heat! Hint: It’s probably not Austin / Rock IV.

Hey guys and gals, I'm Scott, and this is 411's WWE Heat Report.

You're probably aware that unlike Raw and Smackdown!, Heat is now available exclusively on WWE.com. You may also be aware that Heat is now only available as full-length episodes instead of individual segments. This change in presentation means that the previous Preview / Review format of the Heat Report is now somewhat obsolete. So from now on I'm going to be using a more traditional recapping style that will be most similar to the Review section of previous Heat Reports. Be sure to email me and let me know what you think of the new format. I want this Report to be as useful as possible, so I'm always open to suggestions. Okay, enough with the boring stuff. Let's get to the wrestling.




Match 1: The Highlanders vs. Jason Cash & Adrian Lynch

We start off with the new WWE: The Power is Back video followed by the Heat opening video. Todd Grisham, alongside Jonathan Coachman, welcomes us to Heat. The Highlanders' music hits, and a couple of guys in dresses make their way down the ramp. Yeah, that's right, I said it. Kilts? No. Those dudes are wearing dresses. I know it, you know it, and they know it. I'm just saying, is all. Anyway, Robbie and Rory climb into the ring where Jason Cash and Adrian Lynch are already waiting for them before hitting the corner to get some love from the crowd. And yes, I'm guessing the giving some love to either of the Highlanders is a good way to get a rather peculiar rash. Cash and Lynch look like they've put their affairs in order and are ready to head for the light. Meanwhile, Robbie and Rory are slapping each other in the corner. Hey, I just report the news. You draw your own conclusions. Anyway, all four men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Rory and Cash head to their respective corners and climb out onto the ring apron, so it looks like it's going to be Robbie and Lynch to start the match. Robbie and Lynch circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. By the way, it's freaking freezing in my lab right now. It's been really cold in Champaign all week, but I think the air conditioning is still on in my building. That means my hands are like ice right now, and I'm having a hell of a hard time typing at the moment. The things I do for you people. Anyway, Robbie begins to muscle Lynch to the corner, but Lynch spins around and instead traps Robbie in the corner. Robbie counters, spins around, and traps Lynch in the corner, but the referee calls for the clean break.

Robbie and Lynch head back to the middle of the ring, circle each other for a second time, and lock each other up in a second collar-and-elbow tie-up. Robbie slides behind Lynch and locks in a standing rear waste lock, but Lynch breaks the hold with an elbow shot to Robbie's head. Robbie staggers over to the corner, but Lynch follows him and slams his head into the top turnbuckle. I'm guessing Lynch is going to regret that decision in the very near future. Robbie no-sells the turnbuckle slam, kicks Lynch in the gut, and slams Lynch's head into the top turnbuckle as a receipt. See, I told you so. Robbie guides Lynch back to the middle of the ring, whips him to the corner, charges after him, and connects with a shoulder shot to the Lynch's gut. Robbie slaps Rory across the face to tag him into the match and then waits for Rory to climb into the ring. Robbie uses Rory as a battering ram and sends him shoulder-first into Lynch's gut.

Lynch falls to the mat and grabs hold of the second rope, so Rory yanks him up by the feet and sends him crashing back-first down to the mat. Rory again grabs hold of Lynch's feet and delivers a head butt to the, um, "lower abdominal region." The REALLY lower abdominal region, if you know what I'm saying. Rory tags Robbie back into the match and climbs out onto the ring apron as Robbie climbs into the ring. Robbie drags Lynch back to his feet, but Lynch fights back with a punch to Robbie's face. Lynch tags Cash into the match and climbs out onto the ring apron as Cash climbs into the ring.

Cash drags Robbie back to his feet and connects with two open-hands slaps to Robbie's face followed by a forearm shot to the side of Robbie's head. Cash whips Robbie to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and goes for a clothesline, but Robbie ducks underneath Cash's arm to avoid the contact. Both men spin around to face each other, but Robbie immediately levels Cash with a standing drop kick. Robbie drags Cash back to his feet and hits him with a delayed scoop slam. Robbie slaps Rory across the face to tag him into the match and then waits for Rory to climb into the ring. Robbie scoop slams Rory down onto Cash before climbing out onto the ring apron. Rory covers Cash but only gets a two count before Cash kicks out.

Rory drags Cash back to his feet but immediately sends him right back down to the mat with a head butt. Rory slaps Robbie across the face to tag him into the match and climbs out onto the ring apron as Robbie climbs into the ring. Robbie drags Cash back to his feet and absolutely levels him with a European-style uppercut. Robbie again drags Cash back to his feet and again levels him with a second European-style uppercut. Robbie once again drags Cash back to his feet, gives him a scoop slam, heads over to the corner, and climbs up to the second rope. Robbie goes for a diving second rope elbow drop, but Cash just manages to roll out of the way. Cash drags Robbie back to his feet, applies an arm wringer, and drags him over to the corner. Cash tags Lynch into the match and maintains his hold on Robbie's arm as Lynch climbs into the ring. Cash and Lynch actually did make a clean tag, but it seems to have gone unnoticed by the referee. I know that WWE is encouraging their referees to enforce the rules as much as possible in order to add an element of realism to the matches, and I guess that's what we're seeing here. The referee forces Lynch to climb back out of the ring, so Cash stalls for time by trapping Robbie in the corner and bitch slapping him across the face. Cash then officially tags Lynch into the match and gives Robbie two more slaps to the face as Lynch climbs into the ring.

Robbie fights back with a punch to Cash's face, but Lynch joins the fray and gives Robbie a kick to the gut. Cash climbs out of the ring as Lynch lands a punch to Robbie's face, but Robbie fights back with three punches to Lynch's gut. Lynch retaliates with another punch to Robbie's face before sending him down to the mat with a snap-mare takedown. Lynch raises Robbie up into a seated position and locks in an overhead key lock, but Robbie fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with three punches to Lynch's gut. Robbie takes a swing at Lynch, but Lynch ducks the punch and goes for a belly-to-back suplex. Robbie flips out of the suplex, lands on his feet, and kicks Lynch in the gut at the same time that Lynch kicks him in the gut. Lynch whips Robbie to the ropes and waits for him to rebound, but Robbie comes off the ropes, charges at Lynch, and drops him with a shoulder block. Robbie drags Lynch back to his feet and applies an arm wringer, but Lynch breaks the hold with a forearm shot to the side of Robbie's head. Lynch whips Robbie to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and ducks his head to telegraph the back body drop, so Robbie grabs hold of the ropes and kicks Lynch right in the chest. Both men stumble over to their respective corners, tag their partners into the match, and climb out onto the ring apron as their partners climb into the ring.

Rory and Cash charge at each other, but it's Rory that strikes first with a running clothesline that levels Cash. Cash gets right back to his feet, but Rory connects with a back elbow shot to the head. Cash again gests right back to his feet, but Rory connects with another elbow shot to the top of Cash's head. Cash slowly regains his vertical base, but Rory hits him with a flap jack. Lynch begins to climb into the ring to aid his partner, but Rory kicks him in the head and sends him tumbling off the ring apron and down to the arena floor. Rory heads over to the corner and slaps Robbie across the face to tag him into the match. Robbie climbs into the ring, and I think Cash's night is about to go from bad to worse. Cash struggles back to his feet, but when he turns around Robbie and Rory give him the Double Slingshot Scot Drop. Both Rory and Robbie try to make the cover, but the referee reminds Rory that he's no longer the legal man. Rory climbs out onto the ring apron as Robbie covers Cash and gets the three count. The Highlanders' music hits as Rory climbs back into the ring and the referee raises their hands in victory.

Match Result: Rory McAllister defeats Jason Cash with the Double Slingshot Scot Drop.
Match Length: 4:30
Best Spot: The Highlanders' Double Slingshot Scot Drop

We move on to a commercial for Candice Michelle vs. Melina, still to come on Heat.

Next up is a commercial for the WWE Divas. Seriously, it's not like it's a commercial for any specific video or magazine. It's just a nice little reminder that WWE pays chicks just to be hot. Or, in Mickie's case, REALLY, REALLY hot.

Match 2: Super Crazy vs. Daivari

Daivari's music hits, and the Gilligan to the Great Khali's Skipper makes his way down the ramp. Daivari climbs into the ring, drops to his knees, and… Sorry, that last part made me remember how much I miss Lita… Anyway, Daivari prays to Allah before grabbing a microphone from Lillian Garcia. Daivari begins to cut a scathing promo in Farsi, but suddenly he's cut off my some familiar music. "I am super! I am crazy! I am Super Crazy!" Super Crazy's music hits, and the last Mexicool standing makes his way down the ramp. Crazy slides into the ring where Shawn Spears is already waiting for him, hits his spectacular head-stand forward flip kip-up, and then heads to the corner to get some love from the crowd. Anyway, both men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Crazy and Daivari circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Daivari muscles Crazy to the corner, but the referee calls for the clean break. The crowd breaks into a hearty chant of, "Super Crazy! Super Crazy!," and Crazy takes notice. Crazy catches Daivari in a standing rear hammer lock, but Daivari breaks the hold, hits the ropes, and catches Crazy with a shoulder block. Crazy gets back to his feet and gets an arm drag takedown on Daivari. Crazy drags Daivari back to his feet and tries to whip him to the corner, but Daivari reverses and instead whips Crazy to the corner. Crazy heads up to the second rope, but Daivari grabs his feet and pulls him back down to the mat.

Daivari takes control and applies a rear chin lock, but Crazy fights back to his feet and breaks the hold. Crazy hits the ropes and charges towards Daivari, but Daivari catches Crazy in an abdominal stretch. Crazy breaks the hold with a hip toss, but Daivari rolls through into a waist lock on Crazy. Daivari maintains his hold on Crazy's waist, but Crazy fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with a head butt. Crazy slams Daivari's head into the top turnbuckle, whips him to the ropes, and catches him with a standing drop kick. Crazy again whips Daivari to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and sends him up and into an elevated face buster. Crazy hits Daivari with a scoop slam and goes for a top rope moonsault, but Daivari just manages to roll out of the way. Daivari hit the ropes and charges at Crazy, but Crazy catches him with a tilt-o-whirl back breaker. Crazy connects with a standing moonsault and gets the three count. Super Crazy's music hits as the referee raises his hand in victory. Crazy rolls out of the ring, grabs his poncho, and heads back up the ramp.

Match Result: Super Crazy defeats Daivari with a standing moonsault.
Match Length: 5:20
Best Spot: Crazy's elevated face buster

We move on to a commercial for the Raw Rebound featuring revelation of the identity of Mr. McMahon's bastard son.

Next up is a commercial for the return of the Undertaker at Unforgiven, live this Sunday, September 16 at 8e/5p, only on pay-per-view.

WWE Magazine then presents the Raw Rebound featuring the revelation of the identity of Mr. McMahon's bastard son. Hey, I'm happy as hell for Hornswoggle, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pulling for Paul London. That shit-eating grin of his has "McMahon" written all over it. But on the up side, I can't wait to see Hornswoggle and Triple H main event WrestleMania 24.

We move on to a commercial for Candice Michelle vs. Melina, still to come on Heat.

Grisham and Coach then run down the card for Unforgiven, live this Sunday, September 16 at 8e/5p, only on pay-per-view.

Match 3: Candice Michelle vs. Melina

We're back on Heat, and it's time for our MAIN EVENT! Melina's music hits, and paparazzi swarm, the red carpet rolls, and I'm going to need to change my pants after this match. Melina makes her way down the ramp, climbs up onto the ring apron, and… oh my stars and garters… that's… that's hot. I think I'm in love. Anyway, Candice Michelle's music hits, and the WWE Women's Champion makes her way down the ramp. Candice climbs up onto the ring apron and strips off her robe. Hey, that's all well and good, but it's nothing compared to the glory of Melina's ring entrance. I'm just saying, is all. Anyway, both women seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Candice and Melina circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Melina switches into a standing rear hammer lock on Candice, but Candice reverses into a standing rear hammer lock of her own. Candice has the hold locking in deep, but Melina reverses into a standing full Nelson on Candice. Master Lock, baby! Melina whips Candice to the corner and catches her with a running clothesline. Melina goes up top and applies a head scissors to Candice, but Candice counters into her modified tarantula hold. Both women head back into the ring, and Melina goes to work with the mounted punches. Hmm… mounted… Sorry. Anyway, Melina gets back to her feet, slams Candice's face into the match, and then applies a modified Indian Death Lock. I shit you not. There has been some really technical shit in this match.

Melina lifts Candice into position for a side slam and transitions into a back breaker. Candice fights back and goes for a clothesline, but Melina ducks under Candice's arm and slides through into a single-leg Boston Crab. Whoever trained these ladies deserves alot of credit. They're looking really good in there right now. Candice fights back and kicks Melina in the jaw from her back on the mat. Sweet. Candice hits a running clothesline followed by a standing drop kick. Melina gets back to her feet, but Candice connects with a second standing drop kick. Candice connects with a spinning back heel kick and the heads up to the top turnbuckle. Candice goes for a top rope cross body, but Melina rolls out of the way. Melina whips Candice to the ropes, but Candice catches Melina with a tilt-o-whirl head scissors takedown. Candice connects with the Unprettier and gets the three count. Candice's music hits as the referee raises her hand in victory. Candice hits the corner to get some love from the crowd. I'd like to… eh, that's one just too easy, even for me.

Match Result: Candice Michelle defeats Melina with the Unprettier.
Match Length: 6:40
Best Spot: Candice's tilt-o-whirl head scissors takedown

Okay kids, that's it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I'll see you back here next weekend.