411’s WWE Heat Report 09.23.07
Posted by Scott Slimmer on 09.23.2007
We’ve got a former World Heavyweight Champion in action on Heat! DAMN!
DAMN!
Hey guys and gals, I'm Scott, and this is 411's WWE Heat Report.
DAMN!
Best. Heat. Ever. And I haven't even watched it yet. But we've got Paul London, Brian Kendrick, and Ron F'N Simmons (DAMN!) in action, and that alone is enough to make this the most anticipated episode of Heat in a long time. You all know how much I love Paul London and Brian Kendrick, so that much really requires no further explanation. However, you may not be aware of how much I mark for Ron F'N Simmons. But trust me, the rest of the 411 staff can attest to the fact that I love Ron Simmons in a very special way. Yeah, okay, that last part sounded kinda gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), but I so just don't care.
DAMN!
In fact, my love of Ron Simmons has become something of a recurring joke in the Super Secret 411 Staff Forum. I can't go into too much detail due to the fact that it is, after all, a "Super Secret" forum, but let me just say that my obsession with Ron Simmons has come precariously close to getting me fired from 411 on at least two separate occasions. I shit you not. And you know what? It totally would have been worth it. So yeah, anyway, it looks like this is gonna be one hella sweet episode of Heat.
DAMN!
You're probably aware that unlike Raw and Smackdown!, Heat is now available exclusively on WWE.com. You may also be aware that Heat is now only available as full-length episodes instead of individual segments. This change in presentation means that the previous Preview / Review format of the Heat Report is now somewhat obsolete. So from now on I'm going to be using a more traditional recapping style that will be most similar to the Review section of previous Heat Reports. Be sure to email me and let me know what you think of the new format. I want this Report to be as useful as possible, so I'm always open to suggestions. Okay, enough with the boring stuff. Let's get to the wrestling.
DAMN!
Match 1: Cody Rhodes vs. KC James
DAMN!
We start off with the new WWE: The Power is Back video followed by the Heat opening video. Jack Korpela, alongside Jonathan Coachman, welcomes us to Heat. Wait, Jack Korpela? Oh it's true, it's DAMN! true. And trust me, I'm usually not all too pleased to find that Jack Korpela has replaced Todd Grisham for the week, but this time around I guarantee that he's going to redeem himself by the end of the show. Just wait for it. Anyway, Cody Rhodes music hits, and The American Dream v. 2.0 makes his way down the ramp. Actually, hold on a second. Should we technically consider Dustin Rhodes to be "The American Dream v. 2.0?" Or has a decade of Goldust and (shudder) Black Reign sufficiently distanced him from the legacy of his father? Discuss amongst yourselves.
DAMN!
So yeah, Rhodes climbs into the ring where KC James is already waiting for him, and then everybody stands around awkwardly for a while as Lillian Garcia desperately tries to remember James' name. Seriously, it was like she just drew a blank there for a couple of seconds. I mean, I might understand that if he were just another random jobber, but this guy did wrestle on a WWE pay-per-view less than a year ago. Lillian, honey, you need to stop drinking before the show. Wait, did I just tell a really hot chick to stop drinking? That's never happened before… Anyway, both men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.
DAMN!
Rhodes and James circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Rhodes muscles James to the corner but gives him a clean break at the referee's behest. Rhodes and James circle each other for a second time before locking each other up in a second collar-and-elbow tie-up. James switches to an arm wringer on Rhodes, but Rhodes rolls forward to relieve the pressure and counters into an arm wringer of his own on James. James muscles Rhodes to the ropes to break the hold and then whips him to the opposite ropes, but Rhodes comes off the ropes and levels James with a running shoulder block. James springs back to his feet, but Rhodes immediately catches him with an arm drag takedown into an arm bar. James fights back to his feet, so Rhodes switches back to an arm wringer. James muscles Rhodes to the corner to break the hold, so the referee calls for the clean break. James begins to grant the break but then hits Rhodes with a cheap shot to the face.
DAMN!
Both men head back to the middle of the ring, and Rhodes connects with four punches to James' face before applying a standing side head lock. James muscles Rhodes to the ropes to break the hold and then whips him to the opposite ropes, but Rhodes comes off the ropes and levels James with a running shoulder block. Rhodes hit the ropes, leaps over James, and hits the opposite ropes as James springs back to his feet. Rhodes charges at James, but James catches him with a knee shot to the gut. Rhodes climbs back to his feet, but James immediately drops him with a cross arm breaker. James covers Rhodes but only gets a two count before Rhodes kicks out. James gets back to his feet and applies an arm bar between his legs. Wow, that sounded far dirtier than it actually looked. Anyway, Rhodes counters into a roll-up pin but only gets a two count before James kicks out. Both men get back to their feet, but James immediately connects with a punch to Rhodes face. James traps Rhodes in the corner, applies an arm wringer, and gives Rhodes a punch to the ribs followed by a kick to the arm. James catches Rhodes with a snap mare takedown and covers him but only gets a two count before Rhodes kicks out.
DAMN!
James gets back to his feet and applies another arm bar to Rhodes. James gives Rhodes three chops to the arm, but Rhodes fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with two punches to James' face. Rhodes muscles James to the corner and then creates some distance with a desperation arm drag takedown. Both men get back to their feet, but Rhodes catches James with a back kick to the gut followed by four punches to the face. James hits the ropes and takes a swing at Rhodes, but Rhodes ducks underneath his arm to avoid the contact. James spins around to face Rhodes, but Rhodes levels him with a nice standing drop kick. Both men get back to their feet, but Rhodes whips James to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and catches him with a back body drop. James slowly climbs back to his feet, but Rhodes charges him from behind and drops him with a running bulldog. Rhodes covers James but only gets a two count before James kicks out.
DAMN!
Rhodes springs back to his feet as James crawls to the corner and begs for mercy. Rhodes drags James back to his feet in the corner and gives him two forearm shots to the face. Rhodes tries to whip James to the opposite corner, but James reverses and instead whips Rhodes to the opposite corner. James charges after Rhodes, but Rhodes floats over and lands on his feet behind James. James spins around to face Rhodes, but Rhodes kicks him in the cut and hits him with the Rhodes DDT (i.e., a single underhook DDT). Rhodes covers James and gets the three count. Rhodes' music hits as the referee raises his hand in victory.
DAMN!
Match Result: Cody Rhodes defeats KC James with the Rhodes DDT (i.e., a single underhook DDT) Match Length: 5:18 Best Spot: Rhodes' single underhook DDT
DAMN!
We move on to the new WWE: DO NOT Try This At Home video, now featuring footage of Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly from ECW (the infamous table spot), Money in the Bank III from WrestleMania 23 (the Jeff Hardy / Edge ladder spot), John Cena vs. Edge from Unforgiven 23 (the FU from the ladder through two tables spot), and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker from Royal Rumble 1998 (the infamous casket spot). I'm sure that most current fans are familiar with the first three of those spots, but I wonder how many of today's fans actually understand the significance of the Michaels / Taker spot. I mean, off all of those spots, that's really the only one that led to a significant injury. Okay, I guess you could call that massive gash in Hardcore Holly a significant injury, but he didn't have to take four years away from the ring like Michaels did. I'm just saying, the casket spot ended Shawn Michaels' career. We're just lucky he had a whole second career awaiting him.
DAMN!
Match 2: Ron Simmons vs. Johnny Parisi
"DAMN!" Ron Simmons' music hits, and JBL's better half makes his way down the ramp. Simmons climbs into the ring where Johnny Parisi is already waiting for him. Some of you may not remember Johnny Parisi, but he was actually a regular member of the Heat roster some time ago. Anyway, both men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.
DAMN!
Simmons kicks Parisi in the gut and levels him with a single punch to the face. Parisi climbs back to his feet in the corner, but Simmons hits him with two punches to the gut followed by four punches to the face. Simmons whips Parisi to the opposite corner, waits for him to rebound, and brings him down with a drop toe hold. Simmons waits for Parisi to sit up, hits the ropes, and drives his shoulder into Parisi's back. Simmons drags Parisi back to his feet, but Parisi fights back with a jaw breaker. Parisi hits the ropes and charges at Simmons, but Simmons catches him with a spinebuster. Simmons covers Parisi and gets the three count. Ron Simmons' music hits as the referee raises his hand in victory. Simmons grabs a microphone, and it looks like he's got something on his mind.
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Ron Simmons: "DAMN!"
Simmons climbs out of the ring and heads back up the ramp as Parisi tries not to soil himself in the ring.
DAMN!
Match Result: Ron Simmons defeats Johnny Parisi with a spinebuster. Match Length: 0:54 Best Spot: Simmons' spinebuster
DAMN!
We move on to a commercial for the new WWE Magazine Divas Special Edition.
DAMN!
Match 3: Paul London & Brian Kendrick vs. The Highlanders
DAMN!
We're back on Heat, and it's time for our MAIN EVENT! Paul London & Brian Kendrick's music hits, and my favorite tag team charge down the ramp. London and Kendrick slide into the ring, hit the corners to get some lovin' from the crowd, and flip back down to the mat. I love those two goofy bastards in a way that the English language does not have the words to express. If any of our international readers happen to speak a language that does have a word that can do justice to my feelings for these guys, please let me know. Anyway, the bagpipes hit, and The Highlanders make their way down the ramp. The Highlanders climb into the ring, hit the corner, and then stomp about in the ring. All four men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.
DAMN!
London and Robbie head to their respective corners and climb out onto the ring apron, so it looks like it's going to be Kendrick and Rory to start the match. Kendrick and Rory circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Rory muscles Kendrick to the corner but give him a clean break at the referee's behest. Kendrick and Rory circle each other for a second time and Rory goes for a second collar-and-elbow tie-up, but Kendrick catches him in a standing rear hammer lock. Rory reverses into a standing rear hammer lock of his own, but Kendrick rolls forward to relieve the pressure and transitions to a standing arm wringer on Rory. Rory reverses into a standing arm wringer of his own before switching to a standing side head lock on Kendrick, but Kendrick reverses into a second standing rear hammer lock before quickly transitioning to a standing side head lock of his own. Rory goes for a belly-to-back suplex, but Kendrick flips over and lands on his feet behind Rory. Rory spins around a takes a swing at Kendrick, but Kendrick ducks under his arm to avoid contact. Kendrick hits the ropes, charges at Rory, ducks another punch, hits the opposite ropes, and charges at Rory again, but Rory ducks down and drives his shoulder into Kendrick's gut. Rory drags Kendrick back to his feet, applies an arm wringer, drags Kendrick over to the corner, and slaps Robbie across the face to tag him into the match. Rory holds Kendrick as Robbie climbs into the ring and gives Kendrick a head butt to the shoulder.
DAMN!
Robbie drags Kendrick back to his feet and applies an arm wringer as Rory climbs out onto the ring apron. Robbie wrenches on Kendrick's arm two times before guiding him back over to the corner and slapping Rory across the face to tag him back into the match. Robbie holds Kendrick as Rory climbs into the ring, climbs up to the second rope, and connects with a second rope flying elbow shot to Kendrick's shoulder. Rory drags Kendrick back to his feet and applies an arm wringer as Robbie climbs out onto the ring apron. Rory gives Kendrick two head butts to the shoulder before guiding him back over to the corner and slapping Robbie across the face to tag him back into the match. Rory holds Kendrick as Robbie climbs up to the top rope and connects with a top rope flying elbow drop to Kendrick's shoulder.
DAMN!
Robbie drags Kendrick back to his feet as Rory climbs out onto the ring apron. Robbie goes for a scoop slam, but Kendrick floats over and lands on his feet behind Robbie. Robbie spins around to face Kendrick, but Kendrick immediately catches him with a hip toss. Kendrick heads over to the corner, tags London into the match, and waits for London to climb into the ring as Robbie gets back to his feet. Robbie turns to face London and Kendrick, but they charge toward him and connect with stereo flying elbow shots to the face. London covers Robbie but only gets a two count as Kendrick slides out of the ring.
DAMN!
London drags Robbie back to his feet, applies an arm wringer, and quickly switches to a standing side head lock, but Robbie fights into an overhead wrist lock and switches to a standing side head lock of his own on London. London muscles Robbie to the ropes to break the hold and whips him to the opposite ropes, but Robbie comes off the ropes, charges at London, and drops him with a running shoulder block. Robbie hits the ropes and tires to leap over London, but London gets back to his hands and knees and trips Robbie. Both men get back to their feet, but London connects with a head lock takedown on Robbie. London maintains his hold on Robbie's head and pins Robbie's shoulders to the mat but only gets a one count before Robbie gets a shoulder up. Robbie fights back up to his feet, muscles London to the ropes to break the hold, and whips London to the opposite ropes, but London comes off the ropes, charges at Robbie, slides between his legs, and catches Robbie with a roll-up pin. London has Robbie covered but only gets a two count before Robbie kicks out.
DAMN!
Both men get back to their feet and London tries to whip Robbie to the ropes, but Robbie reverses and instead whips London to the ropes. London comes off the ropes and catches Robbie with a flying cross-body pin but only gets a two count before Robbie kicks out. London drags Robbie back to his feet, whips him to the corner, and charges after him, but Robbie floats over and lands on his feet behind London. London hits Robbie with a back kick and then tags Kendrick into the match. Kendrick comes over the top rope and connects with a hella sloppy sunset flip. He didn't all the way over and landed with his chest on Robbie's back. From there it turned into the slowest, sloppiest pseudo Canadian Destroyer in history. Seriously, you remember when Trevor Murdoch almost killed Matt Hardy with that sick West Texas Destroyer? Yeah, it was like that, only more of a cluster fuck. Anyway, Kendrick covers Robbie but only gets a two count before Robbie kicks out.
DAMN!
Kendrick drags Robbie back to his feet, applies an arm wringer, and quickly transitions to an standing arm bar. Robbie whips Kendrick to the corner to break the hold and charges after him, but Kendrick just manages to slide out of the way. Robbie slams chest-first into the top turnbuckle, and Kendrick rolls him up from behind. Kendrick has Robbie pinned but only gets a two count before Robbie kicks out. Both men get back to their feet, and Kendrick goes for a school boy pin. Kendrick again has Robbie pinned but again only gets a two count before Robbie kicks out. Both men again get back to their feet, and Kendrick goes for a backslide pin. Kendrick once again has Robbie pinned but once again only gets a two count before Robbie kicks out. Kendrick drags Robbie back to his feet and applies an arm wringer, but Robbie reverses the pressure and breaks the hold. Robbie heads to the corner, tags Rory into the match, and climbs out onto the ring apron as Rory climbs into the ring. Rory charges towards Kendrick, but Kendrick catches him with a drop toe hold. Kendrick goes for an Oklahoma roll pin but only gets a two count before Rory kicks out. Kendrick drags Rory back to his feet, applies an arm wringer, guides him over to the corner, and tags London into the match. Kendrick holds Rory as London begins to climb into the ring, but Rory fights back with a kick to London's head. Rory takes a swing at Kendrick, but Kendrick ducks the punch and shoves Rory to the ropes. The referee forces Kendrick to climb out onto the ring apron as Rory drags London back to his feet and tosses him out of the ring. London crashes down to the arena floor as we head to commercial.
DAMN!
Next up is a commercial for Jeff Hardy. You know, just in case you forget he was on the roster or something.
DAMN!
We're back on Heat, Paul London is back in the ring, and Rory appears to have just tagged Robbie back into the match. Rory covers London but only gets a two count as Rory climbs out of the ring. Robbie drags London back to his feet and gives him two clubbing forearm shots to the back. London creates some distance with three kicks to Robbie gut before diving towards his corner, but Robbie tackles him to prevent him from making the tag. Robbie applies a front chancery to London and gives him two chops to the back. By the way, Robbie has begun making a most disturbing little noise. It's sort of like that terrifying squeal that Mick Foley used during the early days of his run as Mankind, only this is more guttural. I think I would we myself if I were in the ring with Robbie. Anyway, Robbie gets back to his feet, drags London across the ring, tags Rory back into the match, and drags London back to his feet as Rory climbs into the ring. Rory and Robbie hit London with a double team suplex before Robbie climbs out onto the ring apron. Rory covers London but only gets a two count before London kicks out.
DAMN!
Rory gets back to his feet and gives London a stomp to the back, a stomp to the chest, and a stomp to the face. London tries to crawl to safety in the corner, but Rory drags him back to his feet, sends him over with a snap mare takedown, and locks in a rear chin lock. London fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with two forearm shots to the face, a punch to the gut, and one more forearm shot to the face, but Rory sends him right back down to the mat with a clubbing forearm shot to the back. Rory stomps on London's back, drags him over to the corner, and slaps Robbie across the face to tag him back into the match. Rory holds London as Robbie climbs into the ring and gives London a diving head butt to the back.
DAMN!
Robbie drags London back to his feet and connects with a back breaker as Rory climbs out onto the ring apron. Robbie stretches London across his knee, but London breaks the hold with three knee shots to the side of Robbie's head. Robbie crawls over to his corner and tags Rory into the match, but the referee didn't see the tag. Robbie once again tags Rory into the match, and this time the referee makes it official. Rory climbs into the ring and stomps on London's back as Robbie climbs out onto the ring apron. Rory drags London back to his feet and whips him hard to the corner. London slams back-first into the top turnbuckle and crumbles to the mat. Rory drops a knee down onto London's back and covers him but only gets a two count before London kicks out.
DAMN!
Rory drags London back to his feet and drops him with a single punch to the face. London is in some serious trouble right here. Rory applies a rear chin lock, but London fight back to his feet and breaks the hold with five punches to Rory's head. Rory catches London in a bear hug, but London counters into an inverted atomic drop followed by a standing hurricanrana. Both men slowly crawl towards their respective corner and eventually tag their partners into the match. London and Rory climb out onto the ring apron as Kendrick and Robbie climb into the ring.
DAMN!
Kendrick and Robbie charge at each other, but Kendrick levels Robbie with a flying elbow shot to the head. Kendrick gives Rory an elbow shot on the apron before spinning around and catching Robbie with a standing drop kick. Kendrick hits the ropes and drops Robbie with another elbow shot to the head. Kendrick again hits the ropes and again drops Robbie with yet another elbow shot to the head. Kendrick waits for Robbie to get back to his feet and then nails him with a standing drop kick. Kendrick covers Robbie but only gets a two count before Rory charges into the ring and breaks up the pin.
DAMN!
London charges into the ring to aid his partner and sends Rory out of the ring with an enzuigiri. London rolls out of the ring after Rory as Kendrick drags Robbie back to his feet. London tries to whip Robbie to the corner, but Robbie reverses and instead whips Kendrick to the corner. Robbie charges after Kendrick, but Kendrick runs up the turnbuckles and flips back onto Robbie. Kendrick heads to the corner, waits for Robbie to get back to his feet, and hits SWEET CHIN MUSIC! SHADES OF THE HEARTBREAK KID! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Kendrick hits Sliced Break #2, covers Robbie, and gets the three count. London and Kendrick's music hits as London slides back into the ring and the referee raises their hands in victory. By the way, mad props to Jack Korpela for actually calling the Shawn Michaels reference AND Sliced Bread #2. When was the last time you actually heard an announcer call that move by its correct name on WWE programming? Jack Korpela, you're alright in my book.
DAMN!
Match Result: Brian Kendrick defeats Robbie McAllister with Sliced Bread #2. Match Length: 12:23 (including commercial) Best Spot: Kendrick's Sweet Chin Music
DAMN!
Okay kids, that's it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I'll see you back here next weekend.
