411’s WWE Heat Report 10.06.07

Posted by Scott Slimmer on 10.06.2007

We’ve got our shortest main event ever on Heat. DAMN!

Hey guys and gals, I'm Scott, and this is 411's WWE Heat Report.

I told you all that I was going to end it. I just didn't say HOW I was going to end it.

To everything, turn, turn, turn.
There is a season, turn, turn, turn.
And a time to every purpose under Heaven.
A time of love, a time of hate.
A time of war, a time of peace.
A time you may embrace.
A time to refrain from embracing.

So what does all of that mean? You'll find out in less than one week…

You're probably aware that unlike Raw and Smackdown!, Heat is now available exclusively on WWE.com. You may also be aware that Heat is now only available as full-length episodes instead of individual segments. This change in presentation means that the previous Preview / Review format of the Heat Report is now somewhat obsolete. So from now on I'm going to be using a more traditional recapping style that will be most similar to the Review section of previous Heat Reports. Be sure to email me and let me know what you think of the new format. I want this Report to be as useful as possible, so I'm always open to suggestions. Okay, enough with the boring stuff. Let's get to the wrestling.



Match 1: Super Crazy vs. Charlie Haas

We start off with the new WWE: The Power is Back video followed by the Heat opening video. Jack Korpela, alongside Todd Grisham, welcomes us to Heat. Charlie Haas' music hits, and Wellness Victim #463 makes his way down the ramp. Haas climbs into the ring and seems pleased to find that the crowd still remembers who he is after a month away fro the ring. "I am Super! I am Crazy! I am Super Crazy!" Super Crazy's music hits, and the last Mexicool standing makes his way down the ramp. Crazy slides into the ring, hits his spectacular head-stand forward flip kip-up, and then heads to the corner to get some lovin' from the crowd. Both men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Crazy and Haas circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Haas quickly transitions to a standing side head lock on Crazy, but Crazy whips Haas to the ropes to break the hold. Haas comes off the ropes, charges towards Crazy, and drops him with a running shoulder block. Haas hits the ropes, leaps over Crazy, hits the opposite ropes, and charges at Crazy again. Crazy goes for a hip toss on Haas, but Haas counters into a kneeling fireman's carry takedown on Crazy. Haas covers Crazy but only gets a one count before Crazy kicks out.

Both men get back to their feet, but Haas immediately catches Crazy with a snap-mare takedown followed by a stiff kick to the back. Haas drags Crazy back to his feet, gives him a clubbing forearm shot to the back, drags him back to his feet again, and tries to whip him to the corner, but Crazy reverses and instead whips Haas to the corner. Crazy charges towards Haas, but Haas catches him with a back body drop over the top rope. Crazy floats over, lands on his feet on the ring apron, blocks a punch from Haas, slaps Haas across the chest, and leaps over the top rope back into the ring while delivering an arm drag takedown to Haas. Haas gets back to his feet in the corner, but Crazy charges towards him and monkey flips him back to the middle of the ring. Crazy goes for a modified la magistral but only gets a two count before Haas kicks out.

Both men get back to their feet and Haas tries to kick Crazy in the gut, but Crazy blocks the kick and catches Haas with three consecutive forearm shots to the face. Crazy tries to whip Haas to the corner, but Haas reverses and instead whips Crazy to the corner. Crazy floats over and catches Haas by the head with his feet, but Haas maintains his balance and slams Crazy face-first down to the mat. Haas gives Crazy two stomps to the chest, drags him back to his feet, lifts him up onto his shoulder, charges towards the corner, and slams him chest-first into the top turnbuckle. Crazy is caught on the top turnbuckle, so Haas delivers two punches to Crazy's face that send Crazy over the top rope and down to the ring apron. Crazy rolls under the bottom rope and back into the ring, but Haas presses his advantage with four more stomps to Crazy's chest. Haas drags Crazy back to his feet, takes him over with a snap-mare takedown, and floats over into the pin but only gets a two count before Crazy kicks out.

Haas gives Crazy four mounted punches, climbs out onto the ring apron, and flips over the top rope into a senton splash on Crazy. Haas covers Crazy but only gets a two count before Crazy gets his foot on the second rope. Haas locks in a half camel clutch, breaks it momentarily to deliver a pair of cross-face punches, and then immediately reapplies the hold. Haas eventually breaks the hold again but gets back to his feet and delivers two punches to Crazy's face followed by a knee shot to Crazy's chest. Haas locks in a modified rear chin lock, but Crazy fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with three elbow shots to Haas' gut followed by two punches to Haas' face. Crazy hits the ropes, charges at Haas, and goes for a bulldog, but Haas counters and slams Crazy face-first down to the mat. Haas drags Crazy back to his feet, whips him to the corner, charges after him, and drives his shoulder into Crazy's gut. Haas sends Crazy back to the middle of the ring with a butterfly suplex and floats over into the pin but only gets a two count before Crazy kicks out.

Haas applies another modified rear chin lock but releases the hold and gives Crazy a knee shot to the chest in order to prevent Crazy from fighting back to his feet. Haas stomps on Crazy's fingers and kicks him in the face, but Crazy fights back with four rapid-fire punches to Haas' gut. Haas regains the advantage with a knee shot to the side of Crazy's head, but Crazy again fights back from the mat with a kick to Haas' gut. Haas drops down to the mat and applies yet another modified rear chin lock which allows him to drag Crazy all the way back down to the mat as well. Haas covers Crazy but only gets a one count before Crazy gets a shoulder up.

Haas drags Crazy back to his feet, whips him to the corner, and charges after him, but Crazy just manages to slide out of the way. Haas's momentum carries him between the ropes, and his shoulder slams into the ring post. Haas regains his bearings and heads back to the middle of the ring, but Crazy catches him with a running drop kick. Both men get back to their feet, but Crazy lands a punch to Haas' face before whipping him to the ropes. Crazy waits for Haas to rebound and levels him with a spinning back heel kick. Both men again get back to their feet, but Crazy hits the ropes, charges towards Haas, and catches him with a basement drop kick to the knee. Haas climbs back up to his knees, but Crazy gets all the way back up to his feet, hits the ropes, and connects with a low drop kick to Haas' face. Crazy covers Haas but only gets a two count before Haas kicks out.

Both men get back to their feet, but Crazy immediately catches Haas with an enzuigiri. Crazy crawls out to the ring apron and heads up to the top rope, but Haas springs back to his feet and catches Crazy with a head butt. Haas climbs up to the second rope and goes for a superplex, but Crazy grabs Haas' arm, jumps all the way down to the arena floor, and wrenches Haas' arm across the top rope in the process. Haas slowly regains his vertical base, but Crazy scrambles back up to the top rope and connects with a missile drop kick to Haas. Crazy connects with a standing moonstault, covers Haas, and gets the three count. Super Crazy's music hits as the referee raises his hand in victory. Crazy rolls out of the ring and heads back up the ramp while Haas finally realizes that Mr. Mackey was right all along. "Drugs are bad, m'kay?"

Match Result: Super Crazy defeats Charlie Haas with a standing moonsault.
Match Length: 6:29
Best Spot: Haas' butterfly suplex

We move on to a commercial for Triple H vs. Umaga at No Mercy, live this Sunday, October 7 at 8e/5p, only on pay-per-view.

Match 2: The Highlanders vs. Justin Rocheluau & Jay Bradley

We're back on Heat, the bagpipes hit, and the Highlanders make their way down the ramp wearing their new, evil black kilts. Ooh, heelish. Anyway, the Highlanders climb into the ring where Justin Rocheluau and Jay Bradley are already waiting for them but refrain from hitting the corner this time around. Before we get into the match, I need to share a little story about young Jay Bradley. I had the pleasure of seeing Mr. Bradley get his ass handed to him by Super Crazy at a house show here in Champaign two weeks ago. However, the best part of the match was the running commentary from my non-wrestling fan friend who came to the show with me. This is the same guy that started a, "Let's go Iran! CLAP – CLAP – CLAP CLAP CLAP" chant during the "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs. Daivari match that same night. Anyway, as you'll notice if you watch this match, Jay Bradley appears to have, um, angry jaws on his ass. Seriously. And they scared the shit outta my friend. The whole match, he was like, "I think that dude's ass wants to eat me." And even after the show, when I dropped him back off at his house, the last thing he said to me was, "I'm gonna have nightmares about that dude's ass teeth for weeks to come." So as you watch this match, bask in the glory of Jay Bradley and his magical, mystical ass mouth. It ranks right up there with Andre the Giant and Chyna in the pantheon of WWE Wonders of the World. Anyway, all four men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Robbie and Bradley head to their respective corners and climb out onto the ring apron, so it looks like it's going to be Rory and Rocheluau to start the match. Rory and Rocheluau circle each other to start before locking each other up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Rocheluau quickly transitions to a standing hammer lock on Rory, but Rory makes it to the ropes to force the break. Rory and Rocheluau circle each other for a second time before locking each other up in a second collar-and-elbow tie-up. Rocheluau again transitions to a standing hammer lock on Rory, but this time Rory breaks the hold with a back elbow shot to Rocheluau's head. Rory gives Rocheluau two punches to the face, traps him in the corner, and slaps Robbie across the face to tag him into the match. Rory holds Rocheluau in the corner as Robbie climbs into the ring and drives his shoulder into Rocheluau's gut.

Rory climbs out onto the ring apron as Robbie guides Rocheluau back to the middle of the ring. Robbie whips Rocheluau to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and ducks his head to telegraph the back body drop, so Rocheluau puts on the brakes and kicks Robbie right in the chest. Rocheluau catches Robbie with an arm wringer, guides him over to the corner, and tags Bradley into the match. Rocheluau holds Robbie as Bradley climbs into the ring and kicks Robbie's arm.

Rocheluau climbs out onto the ring apron as Bradley applies an arm wringer of his own to Robbie. Bradley whips Robbie to the ropes, waits for him to rebound, and connects with an arm drag takedown into an arm bar. Bradley covers Robbie but only gets a one count before Robbie kicks out. Robbie fights back to his feet, so Bradley transitions to a standing arm wringer, guides him over to the corner, and tags Rocheluau back into the match. Bradley holds Robbie as Rocheluau climbs into the ring and kicks Robbie's arm. Bradley climbs out onto the ring apron as Rocheluau applies another arm wringer to Robbie. Rocheluau connects with a hammer lock slam and covers Robbie but only gets a two count before Robbie kicks out. Rocheluau drags Robbie back to his feet, applies yet another arm wringer, guides him over to the corner, and tags Bradley into the match. Rocheluau holds Robbie as Bradley climbs into the ring and delivers an uppercut to Robbie's arm.

Rocheluau climbs out onto the ring apron as Bradley applies a standing arm bar to Robbie. Bradley muscles Robbie down to the mat, but Robbie fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with two elbow shots to Bradley's face. Robbie tries to whip Bradley to the ropes, but Bradley puts on the brakes, kicks Robbie in the gut, and goes for a suplex. Robbie floats over, lands on his feet behind Bradley, waits for Bradley to spin around, kicks him in the gut, and catches him with a head butt. Robbie guides Bradley over to the corner, slams his head into the top turnbuckle, and slaps Rory across the face to tag him into the match. Robbie holds Bradley in the corner as Rory climbs into the ring and punches Bradley in the face.

Robbie climbs out onto the ring apron as Rory gives Bradley another punch to the face. Rory takes Bradley over with a snap-mare takedown, positions his knee in Bradley's back, and locks in a rear chin lock. Rory releases the hold, shoves Bradley down to the mat, gives him two knee drops to the face, and stomps on his chest. Rory drags Bradley back to his feet, gives him a head butt, muscles him over to the corner, and slaps Robbie across the face to tag him into the match. Rory holds Bradley in the corner as Robbie climbs into the ring and gives Bradley a head butt to the gut.

Rory climbs out onto the ring apron as Robbie takes Bradley over with a modified hip toss. Robbie positions his knee in Bradley's back and locks in a surfboard hold. Bradley fights back to his feet and breaks the hold, so Robbie flings him back down to the mat, gives him two knee drops to the face followed by two double-ax handle smashes to the chest, and slaps Rory across the face to tag him into the match. Robbie holds Bradley on the mat as Rory climbs into the ring, heads up to the second rope, and connects with a flying second rope knee drop to Bradley's face.

Robbie climbs out onto the ring apron as Rory applies a rear chin lock to Bradley. Bradley fights back to his feet and breaks the hold with three elbow shots to Rory's gut, but Rory grabs him by the hair and flings him back down to the mat. Rory drags Bradley back to his feet, muscles him to the corner, slams him back-first into the top turnbuckle, and slaps Robbie across the face to tag him into the match. Rory holds Bradley in the corner as Robbie climbs into the ring.

Rory climbs out onto the ring apron as Robbie slams Bradley back-first into the top turnbuckle. Bradley fights back with two elbow shots to Rory and two elbow shots to Robbie, but the referee becomes distracted when Rocheluau rushes into the ring to aid his partner. This allows Robbie to lift Bradley into the air as if for an inverted atomic drop as Rory climbs up to the second rope. Rory gives Bradley an elevated head butt, and Robbie uses the momentum to follow through into a spinebuster. Robbie covers Bradley but only gets a two count before Bradley gets a shoulder up. Robbie drags Bradley back to his feet and gives him a scoop slam. Robbie again covers Bradley but again only gets a two count before Bradley gets a shoulder up.

Robbie drags Bradley back to his feet, but Bradley catches him with a jaw breaker before staggering over to the corner and tagging Rocheluau into the match. Rocheluau charges into the ring and gives Robbie a kick to the gut followed by a clubbing forearm shot to the back. Rocheluau punches Robbie in the face, hits the ropes, and charges at him, but Robbie catches Rocheluau with a power slam. Robbie rushes across the ring to knock Bradley off the ring apron and down to the arena floor before dragging Rocheluau back to his feet and applying an inverted front face lock. Robbie slaps Rory across the face to tag him into the match, Rory climbs into the ring, and the Highlanders give Rocheluau the Slingshot Scot Drop. Robbie slides out of the ring as Rory covers Rocheluau and gets the three count. The Highlanders' music hits as Robbie slides back into the ring and the referee raises their hands in victory. The Highlanders stomp around the ring in victory as Jay Bradley wonders why his ass feels so hungry.

Match Result: Rory McAllister defeats Justin Rocheluau with the Slingshot Scot Drop.
Match Length: 6:40
Best Spot: The Highlanders' combination head butt / spinebuster

We move on to a commercial for Batista vs. The Great Khali in a Punjabi Prison Match for the World Heavyweight Championship at No Mercy, live this Sunday, October 7 at 8e/5p, only on pay-per-view.

Match 3: Snitsky vs. Jerry Myers

We're back on Heat, Snitsky's music hits, and ECW Reject #73 makes his way down the ramp. Snitsky climbs into the ring where Jerry Myers is already waiting for him. Dude, Jerry Myers is going to die. Both men seem ready for action, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway. Don't blink, or you might miss it.

Snitsky and Myers charge at each other, but Snitsky catches Myers with a kick to the gut. Snitsky drags Myers back to his feet, gives him two knee shots to the gut, and flings him into the corner. Snitsky whips Myers to the opposite corner, charges after him, and damn near decapitates him with a clothesline in the corner. Snitsky drags Myers back to his feet, applies a double underhook, tries to shake the life out of him, and then simply flings him down to the mat. Myers uses the ropes to climb back to his feet and turns to face Snitsky, but Snitsky levels him with a running clothesline. Snitsky drags Myers back to his feet and squashes him with a pump-handle slam. Snitsky covers Myers and gets the three count. Snitsky's music hits as the referee raises his hand in victory. Oh, and Jerry Myers does in fact appear to be dead. This company goes through jobbers like nobody's business.

Match Result: Snitsky defeats Jerry Myers with a pump-handle slam.
Match Length: 1:20
Best Spot: Snitsky's pump-handle slam

We move on to a commercial for The Condemned, now available on DVD wherever DVD's are sold.

Match 4: Ron Simmons vs. Daivari

We're back on Heat, and it's time for our MAIN EVENT! Daivari's music hits, and the Gilligan to the Great Khali's Skipper makes his way down the ramp. Daivari climbs into the ring, drops to his knees, and… Sorry, that last part made me remember how much I miss Lita… Anyway, Daivari prays to Allah before grabbing a microphone from Lillian Garcia. Daivari begins to cut a scathing promo in Farsi, but suddenly he's cut off my some familiar music. And yes, I did just copy the last five sentences directly from an old Heat Report. So sue me. This shit gets a bit repetitive, know what I mean? Anyway, Ron Simmons' music hits, and the next WWE Champion makes his way down the ramp. Hey, a guy can dream, can't he? Simmons climbs into the ring, but Daivari immediately attacks him with a forearm shot to the back. The action has clearly begun, so the referee signals for the bell, and this match is officially underway.

Daivari presses his advantage with three punches to Simmons' head, a forearm shot to his back, and a kick to his back. Daivari drapes Simmons across the second rope and begins to choke him, but the referee forces Daivari to break the hold. Daivari drags Simmons back to his feet, punches him in the face, hits the ropes, and charges towards him, but Simmons catches Daivari with a spinebuster. Simmons covers Daivari and gets the three count. Ron Simmons' music hits as the referee raises his hand in victory. Simmons grabs a microphone, and it looks like he's got something on his mind.

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Ron Simmons: "DAMN!"

Simmons climbs out of the ring and heads back up the ramp as Daivari tries not to soil himself in the ring.

I love Heat. Seriously. I love Heat.

Match Result: Ron Simmons defeats Daivari with a spinebuster.
Match Length: 0:30
Best Spot: Simmons' spinebuster

Okay kids, that's it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I'll see you back here next weekend.