Hi, Arnold Furious here. The last time I was here on 411 covering the WWE it was June 25th. For those who don't remember the date, and you probably should, it was the day of the Chris Benoit memorial edition of Raw. It was easily the hardest thing I've ever had to write and after I was done I was done with the WWE. Done with wrestling in fact. I stopped watching for several months before returning to do some tape reviews in early September. My original plan was to take some time off so I could get my mojo back and get into a routine of watching again. It's been nice not having to review wrestling on a regular basis and instead pick and choose when I watch.
That said I've probably seen about 4 hours of WWE wrestling since June 25th. I watched the PPV where Cena was injured and they had to fix it and crown a new champion and I've seen bits of Raw. Nothing much. I've been following the storylines and whatnot via 411's reportage so I'm not totally out of the loop. Let's see what's on tap for tonight's show
Triple H v Umaga (Lumberjack match)
Shenanigans between Randall Orton & Shawn Michaels. HBK has superkicked Orton 5 weeks running. Will he make it 6 in a row seeing as he can't use the trademark move at Survivor Series? Mr McMahon will moderate a discussion between the two.
Hornswoggle prepares for his "tough love" bout against Great Khali at Survivor Series.
Also stuff from women's champ Beth Phoenix, Santino Marella and the tag team of Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly.
For those, like me, who can't be bothered to read an assortment of news items to determine the Survivor Series card here it is;
WWE title Randy Orton (c) v Shawn Michaels. Orton loses the title if he's disqualified. HBK loses automatically if he uses the superkick.
World title Dave Batista (he is mighty (c)) v Undertaker. Hell in a Cell.
Triple H/Kane/Rey Mysterio/Hardyz v Umaga/Mr Kennedy/MVP/Fit Finlay/Big Daddy V. Survivor Series match.
ECW title CM Punk (c) v John Morrison v The Miz
Beth Phoenix/Jillian Hall/Melina Perez/Victoria Varon/Layla El v Mickie James/Maria Kannellis/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly. Not Survivor rules. Just a 10 woman tag.
Great Khali v Hornswoggle.
Finally here's a list of comedy of wrestlers I've been enjoying via the wonder of YouTube lately;
The Florida Brothers
Razor Ramon HG
Los Ice Creams
The ladder that was Heavy Metal champion in DDT
Kemonito getting destroyed by Ultimo Guerrero
We're in Topeka, Kansas. Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler.
PROMO TIME Dave Batista. HE IS MIIIIIGHTY! Big pop for big Dave. He says it's always good to come back to Raw. He was invited here by William Regal to take on some "Raw competition". He says it was a huge mistake because he's a little messed up and is gearing up for Undertaker and Hell in a Cell this Sunday. He talks about weapons being allowed and how that appeals to him. BONG!!! Out comes the Undertaker. Dave stares him down. Taker removes his duster and pimp hat. IT'S FUCKING ON! But it's not because out comes William Regal to put a stop to the freebies. He books them in a tag match against Raw tag champs Cade & Murdoch.
Dave Batista/Undertaker v Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch
Taker starts strong and busts out the OLD SCHOOL TOP ROPE WALK OF DOOM. Dave tags himself in because he wants to whup Cade instead. Cade is smart enough to avoid him in the corner and Murdoch gets a near fall off a clothesline. Cade comes back in but gets caught with a spinebuster. Taker now tags himself back in to sort out Cade. Chokeslam. Murdoch breaks up the pin. Dave knocks him over. Taker lines up the Tombstone and that'll do it.
Winners: Batista & Undertaker via pinfall.
POST MATCH Dave takes exception to not getting to use his finisher and plants Murdoch with the Demonbomb.
Beth Phoenix v Maria Kannellis
Maria seems to have gained a lot of makeup since I last saw her. She's somewhat outmatched here. Beth overpowers her in the opening exchange. Maria dodges in the corner but that gets her booted in the spine a few times. Handstand head kick! Maria busts out the lucha. Beth just grabs her though and finishes with the Muscle Buster.
Winner: Beth Phoenix via pinfall
POST MATCH Santino Marella arrives a little late to make a save. He gets a mic and says she'll be ok. He reminds us he was assaulted last week by Steve Austin. He says Austin can't take criticism and points out Austin owes him an apology. He wants him out here right now. With no Austin he turns to Austin's friend; Good Ol' JR. He refers to JR's "stupid crooked smile" thus making me laugh. He demands an apology from JR right now. He says JR's English is even worse than his. Jerry Lawler won't take this lying down and gets in Marella's face. Marella invites him into the ring and gives him a free shot. Lawler decks him. Santino bails having failed again. Santino calls him "Jerry stupid Lawler" on his way out.
SHILL The Hives, the worst band ever, have "Tick Tick Boom" as the theme of Survivor Series. It's off their "Black and White" CD.
BACKSTAGE Santino continues to ramble about Lawler. He challenges Lawler to a match tonight. He claims he'll fare better than Andy Kaufman. We cut to Lawler who accepts.
FLASHBACK Five weeks of Chin Music. We get clips of Shawn superkicking Orton every Raw for the past five weeks interspersed with the promo between Vince McMahon & Shawn Michaels.
WWE MOBILE "Exclusive" shows Orton talking to William Regal where he proposes that Shawn's superkick is banned at Survivor Series. Orton sweetens the deal by saying he loses the title if he's disqualified. The idea being that Orton thinks he can beat Shawn easily without the superkick that keeps catching him out.
Matt Hardy/Rey Mysterio/Jeff Hardy v Fit Finlay/Mr Kennedy/MVP
During the introductions we get clips of the 1987 Survivor Series. Hogan gets counted out like the idiot he is. Andre jumps on Bigelow to win. Matt and Finlay start out and get in each other's respective grills. Finlay grabs a headlock. Matt gets out and looks for a hip toss so Finlay clotheslines him. Kennedy in. He does nothing. MVP in but he won't fight Matt so Kennedy tags back in. He stomps Matt down. Matt comes back with a crossbody into mounted punches. Armdrags all round. Apart from MVP who doesn't rush in because they're buddies. Matt gets thrown out of the ring.
We come back with Kennedy chinlocking Matt. Looks like all heat during the break. Matt escapes the Samoan Roller into a blown Side Effect. "Modified" JR. Rey gets the hot tag and flies in onto Finlay. Basement dropkick gets 2. Rey misses a crossbody and Finlay returns the dropkick for 2. Now MVP wants to come in and he puts the boots to Rey. Farewell gets 2 into a grounded Ab stretch. MVP positions Rey right in front of the other heels to ensure support for him and abuse for Rey. Finlay tags in to stop a comeback and cheap shots Jeff. Hardy jumps in there like Finlay stole his Rainbow Brite bootleg DVD's but that doesn't prevent the heat on Rey. The heels start working over Rey's ribs/back area. Rey comes back with a whirl DDT on MVP. Hot tag for Jeff and he cleans house. Whisper in the Wind for MVP gets 2. Kennedy makes the save. Rey sets Kennedy & MVP up for a 1238. Jeff swantons the fallen MVP for the win.
Winners: Hardys & Myserio via pinfall
BACKSTAGE Vince McMahon walks.
SAVE US 222. It includes "Break the Walls" in the Code. It also threatens to end the countdown in 6 days 23 hours etc, next week on Raw basically.
PROMO TIME Vince McMahon. He's out here to moderate the face to face between Orton & Michaels. They both make their way out here. HBK points out Orton came up with the stips for Sunday and reminds us what they are. Orton claims he didn't intentionally get disqualified at Cyber Sunday. He was defending himself. Shawn points out he wants the kick banned because he keeps eating it. Orton calls Shawn a hothead and says he uses the superkick instinctively. HBK says fans and commentators alike have brought up his reliance on the superkick. Shawn thinks he may have got to the top on luck but he might win on Sunday with a wrestling hold or a submission move. Shawn plays mind games by pointing out Orton will look like a chump when he loses without the superkick being in play at all. Shawn is going to channel the memory of Orton kicking him in the head 6 months ago. Crowd chants "HBK". Orton says he'll be doing the same thing again this weekend. Shawn fakes the superkick and goes to kick Vince instead. Orton clips the knee in the process and punts Shawn in the ribs. He lines up the boot to the head but Vince calls it off wanting to preserve his PPV match. Orton settles for an RKO instead.
SHILL ECW. Finlay/Big Daddy V v Kane/Rey Mysterio.
Melina Perez/Layla El/Jillian Hall v Mickie James/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly
Oh My God. Layla sure is still hot. Melina & Michelle start. Michelle breaks out the lucha with a moonsault armdrag. Kelly tries to work the arm so Melina bats her with a clothesline. Heat on the inexperienced Kelly. Jillian attempts a handspring splash but gets kneed. Kelly shoves her off and tags to someone competent. Mickie with a headscissors in. Melina comes after her but gets hung on the ropes. Neckbreaker on Jillian but Layla dives in to save and we get all the divas in there. Layla v Mickie in a kick off is ace. Mickie lays a liplock on her and spin kicks her in the face for the finish.
Winners: Mickie/Michelle/Kelly via pinfall .
We get a clip from The Rock v Mankind from 1998's Survivor Series with the first time they revisited Montreal. The Rock finishes with the Sharpshooter in a huge swerve. A Snitsky promo follows where he talks about how much he likes pain.
Jerry Lawler v Santino Marella
Lawler has no ring gear so he's competing in slacks and loafers. Marella refuses an early opportunity to clean break. Lawler punches him a lot but sets too early for a backdrop. Marella now throws his own punches into a chinlock. Marella misses a kneedrop and Lawler kicks his legs away. Santino rants at JR, which allows Lawler time to roll him up with the inside cradle.
Winner: Jerry Lawler via pinfall
POST MATCH Jerry totally no sells the match by rolling back into the commentary position and talking about the divas match.
SAVE US 222. This one has "next Monday" on it just in case you're slow. Y's and J's all over the place.
EARLIER Hornswoggle had a training session with William Regal. He has Lillian Garcia to do introductions. Hornswoggle is still under the ring and hyper despite there being no one there. Coach plays the part of "Great Khali". He does all the mannerisms and everything but says this is stupid and throws the wig at Regal. The GM reminds Coach he's supposed to be Khali. Rungen Singh is somewhat pale. We have a ref for this training session. Regal orders Coach not to attack Hornswoggle. The midget kicks Coach in the shins. Coach screams. "Stop being such a girl" Regal. Hornswoggle bites Coach's fingers then pulls his trousers down. "Cover yourself up, my mothers watching this" Regal. Hornswoggle with the tadpole splash for the pin. Coach looks unimpressed. Hornswoggle celebrates by stealing his wig.
JR & Lawler run down the Survivor Series card, which I ran down at the top.
BACKSTAGE Todd Grisham gets a word with Triple H. He talks about Survivor Series and how it's about surviving and how he'll do just that. He tells Umaga he might not make it to Survivor Series. He says the final chapter in their saga is tonight. He also calls himself the "one true destroyer". Riiiiight.
Another clip shows Doink & midgets v Lawler & midgets at Survivor Series 1994. Lawler getting chased by midgets is Vince's idea of funny.
Lumberjack match Triple H v Umaga
HHH's jacks are Hardy, Hardy, Mysterio and Kane. Umaga's are Kennedy, MVP, Big Daddy V, Matt Striker and Finlay. It's Fit who grabs at HHH's foot right away allowing Umaga to attack. He throws HHH out to the jacks but Striker is first on the scene and gets laid out. HHH hangs Umaga on the ropes and hits a neckbreaker for 1. Umaga charges and HHH ducks. Umaga ends up on the floor but he's in friendly territory. HHH jumps onto them and they brawl on the floor. Yeah, in a lumberjack match. HHH considers a Pedigree but Umaga backdrops him into the heels. Finlay is again first on the scene with punches. The faces run around for a face off.
We return with them trading strikes in the ring. HHH falls back and protects himself with his feet but gets caught in a wind up urinage. Finlay once again interjects by bouncing HHH's face off the apron. HHH goes low to protect himself. He tries for a slam but Umaga falls on top for 2. Umaga goes to the nerve hold. Umaga goes to town on the ribs with a series of headbutts before going back to the nerve hold. HHH knees out but gets punched back down. Kennedy sneaks in some choking. Buttalanche misses. Umaga charges again and runs into the ringpost. HHH starts slugging away and a DDT gets 2. HHH looks for the Pedigree but it's countered into the Samoan Drop. Spike misses though and HHH hits the spinebuster. Finlay runs in and that's a DQ.
Winner: Triple H via DQ .
POST MATCH Everyone spills in for a brawl. JR & King don't even time to finish their thoughts and say goodbye as we're out of here!
And that's your show folks. ECW tomorrow, Smackdown is Friday and the PPV is Sunday. Someone else has you covered. Check for results right here on 411mania.com. I'm actually back next week despite work commitments because someone has to cover Wilcox. Slacker. See you in seven. Don't forget to read Furious on Film on Thursday.