411’s WWE Heat Report 12.09.07

Greetings humanity! No, you didn’t click the wrong link. I am CL Smooth Chris Lansdell, and I’m reviewing Heat for the millions (AND MILLIONS) of Slimmer fans out there. Can I get a DAMN?

Slimmer: DAMN!

I will try and stick to Scott’s format as closely as possible, but I warn you in advance…I suck at giving ratings. So, without further ado…

Match 1: LonDrick vs Kirby Mack and Brody Chase

Background: After being out of the title hunt for a while, LonDrick look to pick up the momentum with a win over Rent-a-Jobbers.

Overview: They’ve ditched the masks for LonDrick, which makes baby Jesus cry. Coach and Grisham put over LonDrick’s speed and agility. “Instead of Thunder and Lightning, they’re Lightning and Lightning” – Coach. Kendrick and Mack to start. I miss Al Snow calling everyone Babagadouche. Hammerlock by Kendrick, switch, Kendrick rolls through it and applies an arm wringer. Headlock by Mack, who is backed into the ropes, shoulder tackle by Mack. Kendrick up, more running, arm drag by Kendrick. Tag to London, double Japanese arm drag. London works the arm in what will become a theme for tonight. Mack backs London to the corner, applies some shots, and an Irish whip is reversed. London comes in with a sunset flip for 2. Kendrick in, off the top rope with a shot to the arm. More arm work. Quick tag to London, off the top to the arm. Wow, exciting offence. ANOTHER tag and double stomp to the arm by Kendrick. Chase is in illegally now, charges and hits his partner, double drop kick to Chase by LonDrick. Stereo body presses by Londrick to the outside, only the timing was off, so it wasn’t really stereo I guess. Kendrick with a high crossbody from the top for 2 on Mack. Kendrick charges, eats a stiff kick. Tag to Chase, who is a large gentleman. “We like fat boys!” – crowd. Chase works the arm now. Tag to Mack, more arm work. Nice flip into an armbar by Mack. Lukewarm tag to London, catapult drop kick. London is a HOUSE! EN! FUEGO~! Drop kicks galore, he rolls under a clothesline from Mack and snaps off a rana. Looks like he landed badly on that. Whip reversed, London to the outside, springboard clothesline. Not bad. Chase in to break up the pin, double suplex try, Kendrick saves London and they hit stereo drop kicks. SLICED BREAD #2 and a standing Shooting Star Press by London (miscalled as a running moonsault) gets the 3.

Analysis: It was what it needed to be, but something more rudimentary than armbars would have been nice. No dropsaults made me sad.

Winners: London and Kendrick via Sliced Bread #2/running SSP on Kirby Mack.
Duration: 7:09
Best spot: Running SSP
Rating: **

Match 2: Santino Marella vs Super Crazy

Background: Santino has been on something of a losing streak of late, and badly needs a win to stay off Heat. Crazy is taking a night off from his regular Si/Ho tag team to show that he can still do things as a singles guy.

Overview: Grisham mentions Marella elevating himself on the Raw roster in terms of status. By losing to Jerry Lawler? OK. Pre-match promo! Yay! Marella puts over the anniversary show, saying the Milan Miracle was the greatest moment on Raw. He goes on to say that someone in the crowd could get that same chance tonight. Except everyone watching Heat knows they won’t, as him vs Super Crazy is advertised. Decent pop for Crazy. There’s the bell and here we go! We may actually get to see Santino’s finisher tonight. Lockup, arm drag takedown by Marella who poses. Lockup, judo throw (ipponseonage for those keeping score. My Japanese spelling may be off…) by Marella and he bows. Double leg by Super Crazy, snap mare and a la magistral for 2. Drop toehold, arm wringer, whip and SWANK drop kick by Super Crazy. Another whip to the corner this time, Marella avoids the avalanche, Super Crazy eats the post. On second look, he went ribs-first. Santino with a standing banzai drop, he poses again and gets taken over into roll up for 2 by Super Crazy. Gut buster by Marella. Knees and boots to the bread basket (© 1991 Gorilla Monsoon). Cover for 2. Whip by Marella, kitchen sink knee gets 2. Tries it again, Crazy catches the leg and rolls through for 2. Marella back in charge, whip to the corner, shoulder charge. Whip again, Crazy over the top reversal into a rollup for 2 again. More knees and shots by Marella. Another cover for 2. Marella’s offence is uninspiring for the most part, but some of his stuff has been decent. Seated abdominal stretch by Marella, who gets caught using the ropes, and breaks. Goes for the running splash but eats a pair of knees. Shots by Crazy in the corner, scoop slam. Running double stomp, STIFF running kick, another double stomp, another kick, standing moonsault for 2. Nice sequence. Whip by Crazy, Marella holds the arm and hits a low headbutt, into a front facelock into a neckbreaker-DDT sort of deal. Cover gets 3. That’ll be the finisher then. Upon second look, it’s a cravate buster. Santino reacts like he just won the WWE title.

Analysis: Nice win for Marella, who got to show off his finisher AT LAST (it’s only been 7 and a half months!!!) and showed at the beginning that he actually knows his way around the ring. I’ll be talking about the finisher, of course, in The Way I C It tomorrow.

Winner: Santino Marella via cravate buster
Duration:9:39
Best spot: Super Crazy’s Stomp-Kick-Stomp-Kick-Sault combo.
Rating: **½

Match 3 – The Highlanders vs Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes

Background: CodyCore are coming of an unsuccessful title shot and would love another one. The Highlanders are looking to earn their shot, as they have been criminally overlooked (in their minds) for a chance at the gold.

Overview: Main event time. He’s Robbie! Bobcore~! Robbie and Cody to start. Arm work from Robbie, who gets pushed into Rory. Rory wants in but Robbie can take him. Go behind by Cody, Robbie backs him into the corner, Cody escapes. They go to lock up again, but a kick from EVIL HEEL Robbie ends that idea. SLAP TAG~! to Rory. Whip, shoulder tackle by Rory. Both men run the ropes, arm drag by Cody. Tag to BOBCORE~!, nice pop. Rory runs away. Slap tag. More arm work. Bob with some stiff shots. Hammerlock, Robbie’s shoulder is forcibly introduced to the corner by Holly. Back to the arm. Robbie with shots to the face. Whip, Bob blocks the hip toss, scoop slam gets 2. They exchange shots, Robbie gets the best of it, whip to the corner, Holly gets his boots up to the face of a charging Robbie. Chop (whoo!) x 3. One for Rory for good measure. Grisham saw a nipple fly into the audience. OK. Suplex with a float over by Holly for 2. Cody in and comes off the top with an elbow. More arm work. Rory in, meets a hip toss and – you guessed it – back to the arm. Rory fights out, SWANK drop kick by Cody, which I keep wanting to type as Cory. One for Robbie too. Bobcore clotheslines Robby to the outside. Rory whips Cody, Robbie with the low bridge from outside, and Cody takes a tumble. We head to commercial for the 15th anniversary special. I would mark if they get Rob Bartlett to do a cameo.

Back from commercial and Rory hits a headbutt on Cody. Seated surfboard on Cody. Robbie in and applies modified camel clutch. Would it be a Loch Ness clutch? No? OK then. Cody powers out, knee to the back by Robbie, Rory in and gets a 2 off the falling headbutt. Cody fights out of the Highlanders corner but is cut off short of the tag. Robbie in, a double suplex gets 2. Back to the surfboard. At least it’s not another arm-BAR. Cody fights back AGAIN, telegraphs a back drop and eats a kick. “I think Eugene has a better shot at winning than you” – Grisham, to Coach, regarding Raw’s greatest superstar. Awesome. Rory teases a whip to Cody’s corner, then whips him back to his own corner into Robbie’s knees. Innovative. Robbie with some double ax handles and a 2 count. Rory back in, Cody fights back again, bear hug by Rory reversed into a sunset flip for 2 by Cody. Double clothesline and both men down. I smell a hot tag…BOBCORE~! Rights for Robbie, whip, elbow. Whip, Holly dropkick gets 2. Coach calls it the best in the business. I put Orton’s, London’s and Cody’s ahead of it on Raw alone. Sorry. Rory breaks it up. Holly knocks Rory off the apron, Robbie with the boot to a distracted Holly, Irish whip reversed into the Alabama Slam (complete with kilt over Holly’s head) gets the duke.

Analysis: Cody continues to play face in peril, limiting the amount of offence he has to pull out. This is probably a good thing. It also allows Holly to come in on the hot tag and limits HIS offence, also a good thing. Unfortunately, the Highlanders aren’t much better on offence. A watchable match that established the tag team pecking order, even if I am irritated by the continuous putting over of two singles guys instead of established teams.

Winners: CodyCore via Alabama Slam to Robbie
Duration: 12:34
Best spot: Double team knee to the back by the Highlanders.
Rating: **¼

Overall thoughts: First, a rant. I was forced to watch this on a video-sharing site, as I could not access it from the WWE page. The main link on the Heat page kept coming up “Not Found” when I clicked the Watch link. One of our other writers found it for me by going through the Heat archives…at which point I find that WWE hates Canada. The rest of the world can watch it, but we can’t. Same with ECW.

That said, I enjoyed the show. Coach and Grisham sound too much alike, but it’s a good chance to see some of the guys that don’t make it on to Raw for the week, and there have been some darn fine matches on there recently.

Slimmer will be back next week. Thanks for reading, feel free to drop comments or suggestions to me at the link below, and until tomorrow…

Lansdellicious – Out.