The RAWtopsy 12.17.07

Posted by J.D. Dunn on 12.18.2007

Vince gets all squirrelly again. Surprisingly, Jeff Hardy is well-adjusted.

by J.D. Dunn

December 17, 2007

Live from Buffalo, N.Y..

Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Santa's Little Helper Match: Mickie James, Maria, Kelly Kelly & Michelle McCool vs. Melina, Victoria, Layla & Jillian Hall.
Lillian botches the entrances, putting Kelly on the heel team. Hey, even Michael Buffer uses cue cards. In fairness to Lillian, though, she could have just said, "Hey, here's a pair of tits" and people would just as easily figure it out. Maria botches the sell on a snapmare but makes up for it with a cartwheel. What? Cartwheels are cool. Michelle works in a Mr. Perfect neck snap. Awesome! I do question why she's wearing red spandex with her thong. It's a bit disappointing. Victoria misses a moonsault, allowing Pimp Mickie to get the tag. Mickie cleans house. Hey, you know what I like? Assless leggings. Mickie finishes [insert meaningless name here] with the DDT at 3:21. Meh. Mindless T&A. More A than T. 1/2*

Vince McMahon comes out to whine about how he was mistreated by the fans and the boys in the back last week. He doesn't think he deserves that kind of treatment. If there's a WWE writer even remotely finding this somewhere on the ass end of the internet – you *have* to make Mr. McMahon an emo. The thought of him sitting in his office wearing eye makeup and cutting himself is just to entertaining to pass up. Jeff Hardy comes out and compares Vince to Saddam Hussein. Well, they're both good at hiding things from the U.S. government. HIYOOOOOO! Vince sits in the corner and pouts when he finds out he's not the center of the universe.

When we come back from a break, Vince is still in the corner. Even William Regal can't talk him out of the corner. Ross says this behavior is bizarre. Please, he booked a fake Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell in a match, wore a puce do-rag to the ring, faked his own death, and fathered a mythical Irish dwarf. This is the most normal thing he's done all year. Triple H comes out to make fun of him while giving him a pep talk. See, this is why he flunked out of hostage negotiator school. Regal tells his former protégé (betcha forgot about that one) to get out of the ring or else. Triple H gets nose-to-nose with Regal, which, unfortunately, requires that Regal go all the way to Poughkeepsie. He threatens to have security take Hunter out. Vince finally stands up and makes a handicap match – Regal and Coachman against Triple H. Vince, possibly possessed by the spirit of Linda Blair, wishes bad stuff to happen to all of us.

Handicap Match: Triple H vs. William Regal & Jonathan Coachman.
Hunter knocks Regal to the floor and goes after him, so Regal backs off and waits for Hunter to destroy Coachman and then sneaks up on him. See, that's why he's the General Manager. Regal boots Hunter's head into the post, and Coach gets two. Hunter makes a comeback, so Regal goes out and grabs his brass knuckles. He's classy because he keeps them in the breast pocket. Hunter catches him and delivers the spinebuster, though. Coach picks up the errant knuckles but decides to hand them over to Hunter, lest something bad happen should he try to use them. Hunter takes them and bops Coach on the head with them. Not that I'm rooting for more DQs or anything, but shouldn't *that* be a DQ? The Pedigree finishes at 3:44. Hunter is in a surprisingly chipper mood after having lost a #1 contender's match just the night before. *

WWE Tag Team Titles: Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch.
Holly and Rhodes get *no* reaction, which is sad because the crowd is practically blowing the babyfaces tonight. Cody hits one move, backflips out of a backdrop attempt, and tags Holly. Good sequence, Cody! Good sequence. Cade saves Murdoch from the Alabama Slam, and the Murdoch boots Holly right in the face. He's like an inbred Akira Taue. Cody gets the hot tag and counters a hiptoss to a bulldog. Holly and Murdoch brawl to the floor, allowing Rhodes to hit the DDT on Cade for the win at 2:56. The crowd gives them a polite round of applause. I think half of them still think that Rhodes was the guy who played Pacey on "Dawson's Creek." *

Ric Flair vs. Umaga.
They're still doing the "if Flair loses, he's fired" thing. I guess that the booking team got some slippers to warm their cold feet. It does give him a chance to cut an awesome promo about traveling with his homeys back in the day and meeting new friends over the past few years. Umaga no-sells a few chops and just steamrolls Flair. A splash gets two, and the Samoan Bulldozer settles into a trapezes claw. He misses a diving headbutt, and now Flair starts rocking him with chops. He chopblocks Umaga's leg out from under him, but Umaga shoves him away. This is like when he wrestled Vader. Just unmitigated slaughter. Umaga follows Flair to the floor and tries to squash him dead with a buttalanche against the barrier, but Flair ducks out of the way. Umaga crashes through the barrier, and Flair is able to slip in to pick up the countout victory at 7:31. See, that's a *good* use of a countout finish. **

Chris Jericho comes out to question JBL on why he would stick his big Texas nose in Jericho's business. JBL joins us on the Tron, saying he's not going to step foot in Buffalo to satisfy Jericho with an explanation. He says Jericho invaded his personal space, so therefore, he's justified. Jericho threatens to come to Smackdown! if JBL won't come to Raw, but JBL has apparently arranged a deal with McMahon – if Jericho shows up to attack him, it's bye-bye title shot… forever. Great promo work from both guys, especially Jericho who left behind his smirking, smart-ass style in favor of a pissed-off, invective persona. It's a little thing, but it's noticeably different from what he was doing before.

Carlito & Serengeti Monongahela (w/Maria) vs. Paul London & Brian Kendrick.
Kendrick avoids all of Marella's strikes and slaps the taste out of his mouth. London tags in, leapfrogs Marella's backdrop, and nails him with a dropkick. Carlito tags in but gets monkeyflipped. Kendrick adds a crossbody for two. Santino saves and gets London to chase him around the ring, tossing Maria in his path along the way. Kendrick is so distracted that he falls victim to the Backstabber at 2:45. I guess Marella and Carlito have some wacky chemistry as a heel team (although, I think they'll wind up getting more cheers than boos). London and Kendrick are stone cold dead in the water (yes, I got that from Miami Vice), so I say split 'em up and ship 'em to ECW. *1/2

Randy Orton isn't sweating Jeff Hardy. Orton says he's not only a legend killer, he's a killer of hopes and dreams. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Devourer of worlds. Drinker of oceans. Palace of wisdom. Whatever.

Triple H congratulates Ric Flair on a job well done. Vince McMahon, who's back in his crazy "git" state of mind, makes a match between them for New Year's Eve. I'm not entirely sure how Flair doesn't crack up at Vince, but I respect him that much more for it.

Jeff Hardy & Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton & Mr. Kennedy.
Orton and Hardy exchange armdrags. The rub seems to be working on the Buffalo crowd, at least. Shawn gets the tag, and the faces clean house. JR thinks that Kennedy's arm might have played a part in his loss. **clap** **clap** **clap** The faces hit stereo pescados as we go to break. We come back to the heels working over Michaels. He tags out to Hardy who cleans house. I kind of wish they could fit in Ricky Morton somewhere on the babyface side just to complete the triumvirate. Shawn hits his usual but winds up as the face-in-peril. Kennedy nails him with the facewash. It's about time he started bringing that back. He blocks the superkick and goes for the Finlay Roll, but Shawn slips off and enzuigiris him. HOT TAG TO JEFF! Jeff hotshots Orton on the turnbuckle and nails Orton with the gourdbuster. Shawn takes Kennedy over the top with a clothesline, allowing Jeff to hit Orton with a Twist of Fate (on the second try) and finish with the Swanton to a big pop at 13:35. ***


The 411: Hot show going into the break. If Hardy doesn't get over and stay over, it won't be from lack of effort on the WWE's part. The undercard was filled with great promos all around. Hell, even Jeff Hardy was competent on the mic. This is usually the time things start picking up a bit in anticipation of the Rumble and WrestleMania, so hopefully they can keep the momentum coming out of this show and a decent PPV.