411’s TNA Impact Report 1.03.08
Posted by Larry Csonka on 01.03.2008
It’s the go home show for Final Resolution, and TNA presents Gauntlet Mania~!
IMPACT BACK IN THE DAY THREE YEARS AGO…
-AJ Styles defeated Chris Candido
-Petey Williams defeated Andy Douglas
-Bobby Roode defeated Chris Sabin
-Konnan defeated David Young
-Dustin Rhodes and Jeff Hardy defeated Kid Kash and Dallas
ONE YEAR AGO…
-Rhino defeated Robert Roode
-Homicide defeated Runt
TNA Impact Begins…NOW!
-We get a video package from last week's show.
-JB is outside of AJ's GRAND MAMMA'S HOUSE! AJ has been held up there for 10-days, and AJ's sister answers the door. Her name is MJ, AJ's pastor is there as well. AJ pretends he isn't there because he is under tremendous pressure. AJ has pictures of Cage and Angle on his door as well. AJ won't even answer the door for his son, because, "HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE WITH HIS MAMMA!"
-Tenay and West welcome us to the show. The gauntlet matches are supposed to determine rankings. They used to do this in the old days, unfortunately they never stuck to it.
-Cornette and Morgan are here to tell us about the gauntlets. He pimps the Final Resolution card, and the fact that Roode and Brooks will face Booker and Sharmell. Samoa Joe comes to the ring. He's mad because he is not booked on the PPV. He has destroyed everyone, yet he is not in the title match. He then asks why Nash and Hall a tag title shot, yet he cannot get on the PPV. He says Cornette sucks at his job, and now Kenny Rogers, I mean Kevin Nash is out. Nash says he had to listen to Joe run he and Hall down. He says Hall has a lot of problems, and Joe had no right to bash Hall. Nash says Joe reminds him of himself when he was younger. But Joe has not reached his level. Nash says Joe has to recognize that. Joe says pack leaders need to step aside or be put aside, which doesn't make Nash happy. Nash says he won't walk aside, so Joe better push him aside. Cornette then says he agreed to the tag match, but Hall isn't here, which means Nash has no title match. In that case, he will make them both happy, they can tag together and challenge for the tag team titles. Cornette says they can think about it.
Logic Question: Why would Jim Cornette give Hall and Nash a tag team title shot for the PPV, when Hall no-showed the last PPV, hasn't been seen since and they had done nothing to earn the title shot?
-Crystal is with Roode and Brooks. Roode says Booker's wife is a skank, and if she wants to be involved, it needs to be official and he will slap the taste out of that bitches mouth. Brooks hates Roode, and that makes Roode happy. She doesn't want to be his partner because she has no issue with Booker or Sharmell. Roode tells her tough shit, and says she can go back to the strip club if she doesn't like it. He then makes her say his catchphrase.
-Ray harasses Crystal and she is pissed off and done. She gives him the mic and leaves. 3D are pissed that they are ranked below some of the other teams. He then blames the fans, but says at Final Resolution they will show every one when they win Ultimate X. Devine makes a King Kong joke, and Devon gets OFFENDED~! Devon then says they start it tonight, and at Final Resolution they will finish it. VKM are here, they make fun of Kip's pants and then Kip asks when BG will announce that they will be challenging for the tag team titles. BG says he has no decided, but he will tell Kip when he makes the decision. BG has his eyes on someone, and Kip tries to remind him that they have been together for 12-years and then does a crotch chop. Roxxi is looking particularly cute tonight.
TAG TEAM GAUNTLET: The Latin American Xchange (Homicide y Hernandez) vs. Rock N' Rave Infection (Jimmy Rave and Lance Hoyt) vs. Voodoo Kin Mafia (BG and Kip James) vs. Team 3D (Ray and Devon) vs. Motor City Machineguns (Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin)
Lance Hoyt and Kip James will kick off the match. Kip is wearing the gayest wrestling tights I have ever seen. Kip gets a dropkick, tries to toss Hoyt but that fails. Off the ropes and a big boot by Hoyt. Hoyt works to toss him, but Kip gets a neck breaker. #3 is Devon. Devon comes in and cleans house. Back spinning elbow to Kip, and Hoyt chokes him out. They double team Kip, and #4 is Alex Shelley. Shelley in and stun guns Hoyt. Up top and a back elbow to Hoyt. Devon levels him, but Shelley gets a leaping Enziguri. Devon answers back with the reverse suplex, and #5 is Homicide! Cide in and tries to run wild, low bridge and Kip James is GONE. Torrie Wilson called, she wants her gear back. #6 is Jimmy Rave. Rave works over Cide as Devon beats down Shelley. Hoyt and Rave look to toss Cide, he fights back and gets rights to both men. #7 is BG James. BG in and starts unloading with rights to anyone that moves. Jabs to Devon, dance and misses the shot, but ends up dumping Devon. Shelley tries to toss BG, fails and #8 is Ray. He takes his time to get down to the ring as he stops to talk to Devon. Everyone is stalled while they wait on him, he finally gets in and #9 is Chris Sabin. Ray beats down Hoyt as Sabin gets a spring board clothesline to Ray. Dropkick to Rave, rights to BG and then a dropkick eliminates BG James. And the last man is Hernandez. HOSS ALERT~! Hoyt and Rave try to double team him, but Hernandez gets a sling shot clothesline to both. Spinebuster to Hoyt. Backbreaker into a Samoan Drop (HE'S NOT EVEN SAMOAN~!) Hernandez takes Ray out with a backdrop and then Hoyt attacks from behind. Ray eliminates Shelley with a clothesline, and then Hoyt levels Sabin. Uranage by Ray to Rave, Cide on the attack and Sabin then tosses Ray! We head to a commercial @ 10:20.
Back from commercial @ 13:33, and we are down to the MCMG's vs. The Rock and Rave Infection. The final eliminations happened during the commercial. Hoyt and Rave tossed LAX. As soon as we are back the MCMG's hit some sweet double team moves and Shelley gets the sliced bread #2 for the win.
Winners: The Motor City Machine Guns @ 14:10 via pin
First of all I was amazed that they went 10-minutes without a commercial, that was nice. But then they come back and we get not even a minutes of action, which is a really annoying thing. This was a good match, good follow up with the R&R and LAX stuff and things built towards the PPV. No real complaints.
Rating: **¼
-Johnny Devine hits the ring to attack the MCMG's and Team 3D follows. 3D to Shelley! 3D to Sabin! Devine slides in a table, they lay the hands of the MCMG's across the table and hit them with the cane. Machismo, Dutt, Sharky and Williams all run out for the save. Ray says the greatest tag team just busted their wrists up and that means no climbing on Sunday.
-Crystal is with Kurt and Karen Angle. Kurt says that AJ and Tomko will join him, he knows this. Plus he has what they want, professionally and personally. Kurt will call Tomko out to make their arrangement public. He also has plans for Cage. He then says he is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Yes, you world champion is a goof.
-JB is still ay AJ GRAND MAMMA'S HOUSE! JB is with AJ's third grade teacher and she says this doesn't surprise her. He was shy as a kid and had zits from eating chocolate. AJ yells that it was a lie. She says it is time for AJ to make a decision. She yells at him and hilarity ensues.
-Tenay and West run down the Final Resolution Card:
KNOCKOUT WOMEN'S GAUNTLET: Velvet Sky vs. Christy Hemme vs. Awesome Kong vs. Angelina Love vs. Ms. Brooks vs. ODB vs. Roxxi Laveaux
Miss Brooks and Angelina Love kick off the match. Boots and chops by Brooks to begin. To the corner and an Irish whip, Love gets kicks to stop Brooks and then a clothesline. She tries to toss Brooks, but Brooks is able to hang on. As she tries to toss her again, #3 is Jackie Moore. Moore in and saves Brooks. Butterfly suplex to Love, and then tries to toss her. Brooks stops Moore and tries to toss Love herself and they begin to fight. They then lay the boots to Love, and #4 is Velvet Sky. Sky in with a dropkick to Moore and saves Love. They double team Brooks, and then a double team to Moore with a toe hold and elbow drops. #5 is Christy Hemme. She goes up top…and gets a cross body onto Sky and Love. She slams Sky by the hair, and then stands on her hair and tries to rip it out. Inverted DDT on Sky, Hemme to the 2nd rope and misses her split deal, which has to hurt. #6 is ODB. The crowd loves her. She slams Brooks, sack of shit to Moore. ODB tosses Brooks for the first elimination. #7 is Roxxi. She's in and goes after ODB. They trade shots, forearms now and then gets a fireman's carry takedown. Roxxi tries to toss Moore, Sky and Love double team Hemme and #8 is Awesome Kong. Kong is in and starts to run wild on everyone. Kong tosses Sky and Hemme. Slams Love down, catches her and tosses her. Kong, ODB, Moore and Roxxi are left, and we head to a commercial @ 7:20.
Back from commercial @ 10:05 and during the commercial everyone has been working to take Kong out. Triple dropkick and nothing. Another and she is ALIVE~! They do it a 3rd time and then try to toss her out…and they do! It took all three of them to do it. Roxxi then turns on Moore and tosses her to the floor. ODB and Roxxi left, clothesline by ODB and a cover for 2. Roxxi slams her to a corner, rights to ODB, but ODB gets the dirty dozen n the corner, but Roxxi stops it and slams ODB off the top. Sit out spinebuster by Roxxi gets a close 2. Roxxi slams ODB to the corner, Irish whip and ODB gets the boot and then gets the Breast Press for the win.
Winner: ODB @ 12:43 via pin
That was a lot of fun, better than the tag team one due to it being less cluster-iffic. They made Kong a monster and did the monster elimination, and have setup ODB as the next viable challenger after Kong vs. Kim, with Roxxi also in the mix, but further down. I dug this.
Rating: **¾
-Crystal is with Tomko. Tomko laughs at Angle demanding stuff from him. He says no one will demand anything from Tomko. He isn't AJ Styles. He dealt with it from Christian for years. Tonight, he will demand the respect that he has EARNED from Angle. It stops and it stops tonight.
-Tomko is out to the ring and tells Angle to come out and get his answer. Kurt demands his answer because he is sick and tired of the games. He has an important match with Cage this Sunday. Tomko is supposed to be a soldier, and he demands that Tomko give him his answer. Tomko agrees that he has to give him an answer. He had made his mind up a while ago, but with the army reference, it means respect, loyalty and family. So would I take a bullet for you or Christian? In that situation, I thin I would be an outlaw. I would take a bullet for Tomko, and if you and Cage went down, I wouldn't be broken up about it. Tomko clears it up and says he is with no one but HIMSELF. Angle says he respects it and they shake. Angle tries to attack him, but Tomko catches him by the throat. Tomko offers him a pass this time, but if he tries it again he will break his neck…permanently.
-Back to AJ GRAND MAMMA'S HOUSE! AJ's high school wrestling coach, Coach Butterman of the GRAZING GOATS is here. He isn't surprised. Back when he wrestled redneck Reed, an "alternative girl," and they were in there and she crushed her false teeth and AJ pissed himself. AJ says it was Mountain Dew and gets pissed.
-TO THE BACK TO AJ GRAND MAMMA'S HOUSE! JB is with AJ's sister MJ. She threatens to tell stories, and then mentions AJ was frisky as a kid. He then comes out and asks for a baloney sandwich and a Yoo-hoo. He asks for Tomko's number and then slams the door closed. The setting of the AJ action figure on the dinner table is great.
-Crystal talks to Dutt and Machismo. They discuss Dutt sneaking a kiss with Val, who Machismo calls Liz and mentions Hogan and Liz. Dutt apologizes, and then talks about sharing love. Dutt offers him a kiss and Machismo says, "I don't swing that way Adonis." They leave and Cage pops into the screen. Cage is proud of Tomko for making his decision. He then says he needs to know where AJ stands, because he needs to know who to share the glory with. Cage then mentions he is in a gauntlet match tonight, and invites Angle to come out to match wits.
X DIVISION GAUNTLET: "Maple Leaf Muscle" Petey Williams vs. "The Guru" Sonjay Dutt vs. Johnny Devine vs. "Primetime" Elix Skipper vs. Shark Boy vs. Senshi
Dutt and Williams will begin the match. Arm drags by Dutt, back spring elbow and then tosses Williams to the apron. Dutt up top and gets a leg drop to Williams, who was in the ropes. Jawbreaker by Williams, spin kick and then he poses. He sets Dutt up top and Sharky comes to the ring as #3 with more bandages on him. They immediately do a tower of doom (superplex/sunset flip powerbomb). Neck breaker by Sharky, and #4 is Elix Skipper. Elix in with a top rope spin kick. Sharky and Dutt with dropkicks to Elix and Williams. Elix eliminates himself as Dutt sidestepped him. #5 is Johnny Devine. They all attack him, but he is able to escape that and tosses Sharky. RANA by Dutt connects, dropkick by Williams and they double team Devine #6 is Senshi. They leave Devine for Senshi, they shake and then they al kick the shit out of him. Dropkick by Senshi and Williams and Dutt toss Devine. They al fight now, Slingshot RANA by Dutt! Seated senton to Williams, but Senshi tosses Dutt and we're down to Williams and Dutt. Snap mare and kicks by Senshi, and a cover for 2. Williams tries to battle back, trips Senshi and tries to take advantage of that but eats a clothesline. Lung Blower by Williams, Canadian Destroyer countered, and Senshi now goes up top…Senshi misses the Warriors Way, sunset flip into the CANADIAN DESTORYER and that is all.
Winner: Petey Williams @ 7:05 via pin
Fine for what it was, but it is a shame to see how weak the X-Division has become. Part of me wishes the would have "Bushwackered Senshi," but this way none of the guys staying are taking a pin, so that's good stuff there.
Rating: **
-Crystal is with James Storm and Jackie. Storm mentions drinking beer and they bring up the beer drinking title. They will have a DCS at Final Resolution, a Drinking Championship Series, who ever wins gets to choose the match between them, which I assume will be on Impact or another PPV. They will play Edward 40 hands, when they tape 40's to their hands and who ever finishes first wins. Tremendous.
-TO THE BACK TO AJ GRAND MAMMA'S HOUSE! AJ's Priest is there, AJ was an Alter Boy. Wow. The man chose Christian. AJ then mentions that they are Baptist and apparently the guy is at the wrong house. Wow again.
-Tenay and West run down the Final Resolution Card:
-TO THE BACK with Crystal, who is with Booker and Sharmell. Booker says he is here to wrestle, but not Sharmell. But Roode treats ladies like trash, while he treats Sharmell like a queen. He is off to talk to Cornette about this, but Sharmell stops him. She is sick of Roode, and it is ON like NECK BONE~! Booker says "NOW YOU DUNN PISSED HER OFF~!"
HEAVYWEIGHT GAUNTLET: Abyss vs. Kevin Nash vs. Booker T vs. Christian Cage vs. Samoa Joe vs. Black Reign vs. "Wildcat" Chris Harris vs. Kaz vs. Rellik vs. Robert Roode vs. Eric Young vs. Scott Steiner vs. Judas Mesias vs. "Cowboy" James Storm
Booker T and James Storm will kick this off. Lock up and a hammerlock by Booker, Storm elbows out and gets an Irish whip, Booker floats over and gets a superkick to Storm. Back elbow, and then chops by Booker. #3 is Robert Roode. He goes right after Booker, he and Storm team up and Booker tries to fight back. Off the ropes and a boot to Roode, but then eats a back elbow. #4 is Eric Young. EY nails Roode, slides in and we'll head to a commercial @ 2:25.
Back from commercial @ 6:10 with Scott Steiner coming out. Storm is gone now and Kaz, Black Reign, Rellik and Chris Harris are all in now. Booker and Steiner work together now, which is odd to see. Judas Mesias is out next as Robert Roode has been tosses as has Chris Harris. Mesias heads after Booker while Kaz and Black Reign brawl. Corner clothesline by Kaz, goes for a dropkick but Mesias tosses Kaz. Nash jogs to the ring, big boots and rights for all. Steiner looks to toss Mesias while Nash chokes out Rellik. Mesias now bites Steiner, and now Abyss is out as Mesias tosses Steiner. Lights out, lights on and Abyss is here. Eric Young was tossed by the way. Sloppy press slam by Abyss and the Cactus clothesline eliminates them both. Samoa Joe is out, charge sin and starts killing Rellik and Black Reign. Did you know Rellik was Killer spelled backwards? He goes after Booker, but Booker levels him with an elbow. High kick to Rellik by Booker and Christian Cage in the final man. Black Reign and Rellik toss Booker T. Angle is out and tries to set up Cage at the tunnel and Cage then appears and beats down Angle. Rellik was tossed in there and so was Black Reign. Down to Cage, Nash and Joe. Angle Olympic Slams Cage off of the post. It is down to Joe and Nash, they shake and Nash eliminates himself to show loyalty. But Cage sneaks in, rolls up Joe and gets the win.
Winner: Christian Cage @ 12:51 via pin
Not bad, but didn't have the flow of the other matches. Either that or by the 4th gauntlet I was sick of it.
Rating: **
-TO THE BACK TO AJ GRAND MAMMA'S HOUSE! AJ chooses Cage, then Angle, and then says he will make his decision at the PPV. He then kicks everyone out of GRANNY'S HOUSE!
-Closing wrap up video runs.
Remember to send your thoughts on the show for the 4R's!
decent impact imo but i still hate russo but final rest has a good card and hey maybe tna is gunna wake up and give us a good year
Posted By: kyle (Guest) on January 03, 2008 at 11:53 PM
I knew it! I'm suing for booking mocking infringement! I said last week that Russo would pull out the Mega Powers Savage/Hogan/Liz triangle and the jackass did! Great job there Vinny, keep up the great work...1988 WWF called, they want their storylines back.
And let's see what else was Russo~fn~riffic here. Lose the Angle family drama, substitute in the AJ Styles family drama. By the way for those keeping score at home ~ so is Christian a face yet? or a heel again? NOPE looks like he's continuing that TWEENER role.
Wow, glad I didn't waste 2 hours of my life on this shit. I turned it on for a brief minute, saw VKM wrestling, and said "that's about right" *click*.
Posted By: Nick (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 12:11 AM
Hey nick what did this have to do with the 88 mega powers angle? I turned on raw the other night and saw JBL returning as a pro wrestler and went click myself some conicidence.
Posted By: Paul (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 02:01 AM
Jay Lethal = Macho Man
SoCal Val = Miss Elizabeth
(now) Sonjay = Hulk Hogan
You figure out the rest before, during, and after their breakup.
Posted By: Nick (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 03:00 AM
Oh yeah and I didn't watch Raw this week. Or last week. Or the week before either. Hell I think a month ago all I caught was AM Raw which is nothing but a recap show.
Posted By: Nick (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 03:01 AM
Logic Question Answer: You are in the real world, and this question can only be answered in the RUSSOVERSE(tm)! Where you wear hats on your feet and hamburgers eat people!
Posted By: Andy (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 04:10 AM
Logic Question answer: Jim Cornette (or, rather, his "character") is well established as caring about ratings and buyrates above all. If he thinks that giving Hall & Nash a title shot will boost buyrates, he'll do it. Whether or not Cornette's assumptions about this are correct is a moot point.
Posted By: Karlos (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 06:37 AM
The TNA womans division is still being booked awesome. I actually stoped playing my ds to watch. Well that fact that there hot and can actually wrestle *glares at wwe8* dosent hurt...
Posted By: Methoes (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 09:15 AM
I'm sorry Paul, but JBL > most of the TNA heavyweights imo, and his entrance on monday night was over-the-top to fit his gimmick. It's a rare example of WWE pursuing subtle booking, which worked...TNA very rarely gets any booking right, which is a real shame, as they've got so much potential.
Posted By: Woody (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 09:39 AM
Answer to your logic question: The wrestlers and the company have off camera lives. When Jim Cornette and TNA management first learned that Scott Hall would be returning to TNA they gave Hall & Nash a contract for a future tag title shot before Hall no showed the PPV.
Posted By: Matt (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 10:06 AM
Watching all those gauntlets became a gauntlet in itself!
Posted By: T.G. Corke (Registered) on January 04, 2008 at 10:32 AM
whatever haters... obviously you and these others who got their noses up Mcmahon's asses don't get it. The gauntlet's were a great idea to do something that the WWE is too stupid or too shallow to do, make each title have importance. That was the purpose of these gauntlets in case any of you were just trying to find dumb things to nitpick.
I like how they are continuing to go into this PPV with some momentum with the Roode-Booker, Angle-Christian, and Ultimate X matches.
Larry, you're the best, but I just wish that you could've went more in depth with some of the promos, especially by machismo. Of course many of his reference would've flown by those people who thought that wrestling began in 1997. Although if JBL does the same thing everyone's on his balls.
Great work, they cut down on the Angle crap, and I like the direction TNA is headed in 2008!
Nick, come back to this section when you're done kissing Vince's a** ok?
Posted By: Orlando (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 11:17 AM
Karlos...you see, the little problem with your smug comment there is that Scott Hall and Kevin Nash do not equal buyrates, both in kayfabe and in real life. When Samoa Joe has already ruthlessly buried Scotty in a venomous promo, the TNA booking committee's immediate response is to reward him with a title shot. TNA; We Are Brain-Damaged.
Posted By: Finn (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 11:29 AM
the show wasn't bad but why all the gauntlet matches. just another show of all gimmicks. by the am i the only person that is sick of the way tna is handling aj styles. this is the only man on their roster that has hel each title at least 3 times and held more titles then christian and angle combined. you can't have that kind of career and then suddenly be a total dumbass. this is just one of the reasons why tna is sucking wind right now. will somebody please fire russo!!!
Posted By: Brian (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 01:13 PM
Sorry Nick screwed up on that one I thought you were talking about something else. Finn obviously they never put hall and nash in a tag title match it was part of the angle to make it seem like they had received it and joe responded I doubt the match was ever actually booked. Maybe before Turning Point but not after.
Posted By: Paul (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 01:38 PM
By the way Woody I would take most of TNA's heavyweights in the ring over JBL. His promo was ok not great. He was one of the worst world champions in recent years and part of the reason Smackdown sunk so low in ratings. Heyman said it correctly he was only champion for a year because HHH doesn't work Tuesdays. I feel for Jericho for coming back and getting stuck in that feud. I don't want to hear about their promos in the ring its going to be a guy who wasn't that good to begin with now with a bad back on top of that. By the way I don't hate WWE I watch it as well unlike some of the TNA marks on here but there neither company is all that great right now.
Posted By: Paul (Guest) on January 04, 2008 at 01:42 PM
woody: "It's a rare example of WWE pursuing subtle booking, which worked..."
explain, how is using half a ton of explosives just to say "hey, I'm on raw" subtle!?
Posted By: Tom (Guest) on January 05, 2008 at 06:44 PM
I enjoyed it but the aj stuff was cringe worthy. TNA tries too hard to be funny
Posted By: Mr1700 (Guest) on January 06, 2008 at 02:02 AM
"Kip is wearing the gayest wrestling tights" i strongly agree rofl
Posted By: guest (Guest) on January 06, 2008 at 06:32 PM
