411's UWF on ESPN Classic Report 01.10.08

Posted by Ryan Byers on 01.10.2008

Though he wouldn't break in to pro wrestling for several more years, Randy Orton is discussed on one of tonight's shows.

Welcome to 411mania's third consecutive night of Herb Abrams' Universal Wrestling Federation on ESPN Classic. You know, when I checked out the reaction online to the first night of UWF tapes that were aired, it appeared as though there was a surprisingly large number of individuals tuning in to the show for nostalgia value. For last night's show, the reaction was practically cut in half. Tonight, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the only man in the United States watching this television show.

Episode One (Footage originally aired as part of UWF Fury Hour on June 29, 1992)

Match Numero Uno: Bob Orton, Jr. (c) vs. Midnight Star for the UWF Southern States Championship

Orton controls with a chinlock early, and a kneelift by the Cowboy quickly cuts off an attempted comeback. Now Bobby boy has a front facelock applied, easily keeping the larger Midnight Star grounded for an extended period of time. Ultimately, Star does maneuver Orton in to the ropes to force a break, after which he rakes his boot across Orton's face and chokes him on the ropes. Wait, so Bob Orton is the babyface here? That's certainly not what I would have expected in 1990. Star then sends Ace chest first in to the turnbuckles, and Orton comes dangerously close to banging his head on the ringpost when he takes the buckle shot. Orton starts to fire back with a dropkick and an Irish whip that sends Midnight to the outside. A rake of the eyes by Star looks to put the momentum back in his favor, but Orton cuts the masked man off when he attempts to climb to the top rope. That's the setup for the superplex, and that's what gets Bob Orton the victory.

Match Thoughts: The match only ran around five minutes, so it's difficult to call it anything other than a squash. Despite this fact, it was quite a bit more competitive than I imagined it would be. I assume that this was because of Star's size and youth advantages over Orton, which made it a bit more realistic for the Cowboy to be fighting from underneath. Though having a name wrestler show too much weakness against a nobody often hurts the star's credibility, I didn't think that was a problem here because Orton still wrapped up the match in a rather dominant fashion.

Match Numero Dos: Ivan Koloff w/ Colonel Red vs. Jake Steele

Colonel Red, you'll recall, is the man who was referenced last week as breaking Jimmy Valiant's heart in a promo by the emaciated Boogie Woogie Man. He cuts a promo that consists entirely of telling the fans to shutup. Normally this would be done so that he could, you know, say something. However, Red just tells them to shut up ten times, at which point he throws down the mic. One fan, whose two-sizes-too-small pink and yellow t-shirt displayed every contour of his four hundred pounds, was particularly angered by the strong words from the Colonel. Koloff basically just lays on his opponent early in the match. Steele, a prime candidate for hair restoration surgery, hits the world's worst armdrag, though Uncle Ivan quickly clamps on a headscissors. Southern States Champion Bob Orton will be wrestling later in the show according to the announcers. Whoops. Koloff gets a snap mare and a legdrop before landing a swinging neckbreaker for a nearfall. A clothesline generates the same result, though Steele comes back with a powerslam. Jake even gets a visionary pinfall off of that, but Red has the referee distracted. That allows Ivan's chain to come in to play, as Steele is clotheslined with it and pinned.

Match Thoughts: I know that I was really down on the last Ivan Koloff UWF match that I saw, but this was not nearly as bad. Despite the fact that it took place two years later, the Russian Bear was showing considerably more fire and seemed to be moving much more easily. This still wasn't a contest that I'd go out of my way to watch more than once, but it was a perfectly acceptable use of five minutes.

Match Numero Tres: Wet n' Wild (Sunny Beach & Steve Ray) vs. Johnny Kidd & Mike Meyers

Wet n' Wild may be the worst wannabe Rock n' Roll Express tag team of all time, and the fact that their gimmick plays like it was stolen from GLOW doesn't help matters much. Beach starts with Meyers, and he and Ray control the jobber with armbars for a while before hitting a double back elbow. Kidd comes in after Beach slams his partner a few times, but Johnny is no more successful than Meyers was. Kidd is also besieged by armbars before eating a two man big boot from Wet N' Wild. Ray then takes him over with a pair of vertical suplexes, which gets a two count. A nice looking gutwrench suplex sets up a top rope splash from Beach, but that also cannot put Kidd away. A powerbomb by Sunny also fails to get the job done, as does a double dropkick. That was the ugliest double dropkick in the history of double dropkicks, two. It looked like Wet n' Wild jumped up in to the air for the purpose of slamming their knees together. Ultimately, a Beach atomic drop sets up a Ray dive off of the top. That's enough to end the match.

Match Thoughts: Though I was making fun of Beach and Ray just seconds ago, I actually came to enjoy this match. Aside from the epically bad double dropkick, their double team moves looked pretty decent. What I liked even more than that, though, was the fact that this tag team squash was actually allowed to be a squash. In 2008, it seems like every tag match put on by a major promotion has to follow the same basic structure with a beatdown on a face followed by a hot tag. Though that formula is a proven success and results in awesome matches when talented wrestlers are inserted in to it, I've always thought that it looked ridiculous when used in a three minute match in which the eventual winner was clear. In this bout, though, Wet n' Wild dominated from bell to bell. Kidd was beaten and beaten and beaten and beaten and beaten . . . and then he was pinned. There was no meaningless hot tag, and there was no token comeback by Mike Meyers. I loved it.

Bob Orton, whose Southern States Title belt is LIME GREEN, cuts a promo to close the show. He explains his recent face turn, claiming that it was caused in large part by his children. He specifically references his twelve year old son, who I believe currently holds some championship gold of his own. Ace winds up challenging his old running buddy Paul Orndorff to a match for his title.

Episode Two (Footage originally aired as part of UWF Fury Hour on 10/15/90)

Match Numero Uno: The Black Knight vs. DAVEY MELTZER~!

Meltzer actually hits an offensive move early on, taking down the Knight with an armdrag. The masked man comes back with back rakes, though I am far more interested in Herb Abrams and Bruno Sammartino on commentary. They're speculating that the Knight wears his hood to cover up "some kind of deformity." Maybe he was Jillian Hall's father. A butterfly suplex takes Meltzer over, and then the Knight hits my LEAST FAVORITE WRESTLING MOVE EVER. It's the deal where a guy just puts his opponent's head in between his legs and jumps straight up, landing on his feet. WHAT DOES THAT ACCOMPLISH?! Fortunately there's a commercial break immediately thereafter, so I've got time to cool down. When we come back, Bruno states that "Meltzer should take notes on this match." Har dee har har. Knight works a chinlock for a little bit, and there's a big clothesline. A double stomp is next, but Knight stalls after a vertical suplex and gives Davey an opening. The large-gutted jobber lands some right hands, but he runs in to a boot and gets choked by the Knight. A DDT then sets up a series of chops, after which Meltzer avoids an elbow drop. Jesus, why are these two having a competitive match? Davey heads to the top rope, but Knight catches him and gives him the Flair toss off of the buckles. A sidewalk slam gets the Knight the victory immediately thereafter.

Match Thoughts: This match was almost seven minutes long. Yes, a seven minute match involving Davey Meltzer, the wrestler who only exists as part of an immature scheme to stick it to a newsletter writer. We all knew that there was no chance in hell of him winning, so there was no need for the match's numerous nearfalls, and there was certainly no need for Davey to actually get offense. Black Knight, I know you're most likely not wrestling anymore. However, if you are, please do me a favor and finish the match in thirty seconds the next time you're in a situation comparable to this one.

Match Numero Dos: Dan Spivey vs. Michael Allen

Allen tries some shoulderblocks and a cross body early, but they all fail miserably. Spivey connects with a sidewalk slam that could have finished the match, though he pulls his opponent up at two. A primitive version of the exploder suplex leads to the same result, as does a slam out of a backbreaker. Before Spivey can dish out any more punishment, B. Brian Blair hits the ring with a chair and wallops Danny with it a couple of times. Spivey completely no sells the attack, walking out of the ring and to the back as though being hit in the back of the head twice with a chair is no more than a minor annoyance.

Match Thoughts: Spivey's offense looked really good and helped establish him as a monster of a man, which is really all that I can say about the match given its brevity.

Match Numero Tres: Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Houdini

Houdini jumps Strongbow from behind as the Chief is removing his headdress, connecting with several elbows and knees. Strongbow is then tossed from the ring, and he struggles to get back in to the squared circle thanks to Houdini's repeated strikes. Since he can't get back in to the ring, the Chief stays on the outside and grabs his opponent's legs, slamming them in to the post. He then pulls 'Dini to the floor and slams him down on the unpadded concrete. We get a little war dance back on the inside, and the poor man's Wahoo McDaniel lands a vertical suplex before locking in the sleeper for a victory.

Match Thoughts: Take note, Black Knight. This is how you do it. Yes, Strongbow did let Houdini get in a little bit of offense, but, once the tide turned in the Chief's favor, he never let up on his opponent and had him beaten before the five minute mark. As a showcase for Strongbow, this was fine. However, he's yet another man on the UWF roster who I do not want to see wrestle in anything other than the shortest of matches.

Match Numero Cuatro: David Sammartino vs. Colonel DeBeers

Before the bell, DeBeers refuses to wrestle because the assigned referee is black. The funny thing is that DeBeers' racism was always strongly implied but almost never directly stated. Bruno, though, kills that part of the gimmick on commentary by loudly wondering if Colonel hates the official because of his skin tone. DeBeers tries to get a substitute, but that request is denied. This distracts DeBeers long enough for David to get several backslides and rollups, all of which only get two despite the fact that the ref seemed to be counting a bit on the fast side. The Colonel comes back with a slam and a blatant choke across the top rope. A standing bulldog is next from the South African, but Sammartino kicks out of the ensuing lateral press and lands a big knee on his opponent. DeBeers then does a comical chest-first bump in to the top rope off of an Irish whip, after which David gets two with the sunset flip. DeBeers then attempts a cross body, but Sammartino catches him. In the process, the Colonel's boot hits the referee in the head, knocking him out. Sammartino winds up on the floor, and DeBeers starts beating on . . . the referee? We're left without a decision for the match, and the show fades out.

Match Thoughts: Well, at least there was a storyline reason for DeBeers' assault on the referee as opposed to the series' prior ref assault by Cactus Jack, which seemingly occurred for no good reason. Aside from the finish, this match was actually pretty decent for the time allotted. It was so short that David didn't have an opportunity to display his characteristic poor choices of offense, and the length also kept the aging Colonel from getting blown up. I don't want to see a rematch that gets more time, but this was fine as a means of killing the amount of time that it killed.

Overall

Though none of the in-ring action was stellar, this was probably the best of the three UWF blocks that has aired so far. The closest thing to a bad match was the Black Knight/Davey Meltzer affair, and even that wasn't a bad match so much as it was a contest that was not wrestled in the manner that it should have been given the status of the competitors. The Wet n' Wild match was rather fun as far as tag squashes from the era go, and the confrontation between Spivey and Blair was hot. Between those two segments and the unintentional comedy that seems to inhabit every UWF episode, this was a fine way to kill an hour.

Reader Feedback

We'll start with a question from John R., who regularly writes in to my Impact Crater:

Ryan, how long as this been going on? I remember back in the day when ESPN would show AWA wrestling at 4pm.

To the best of my knowledge, the UWF tapes just began airing on late Monday night/early Tuesday morning.

Up next is Mike L.:

I watched the shows this morning and have to agree and disagree with some of your points. I agree as to your comments about Patera and Sammartino. Neither of these guys comes across well and were never seen in the big leagues again. Where I disagree is with your assessment that these guys were "not in WWF or WCW for a reason." This is an odd statement to make when you consider that of the non-jobber wrestlers, most of these guys made it back to the big leagues shortly after their stints in the UWF: Williams, Haynes, Orndorff, Nikita and, of course, Foley went on to wrestle in WCW within a year or two of the shows shown last night. The big problem I have with the shows is that the jobbers literally get no offense at all. So, it amounts to an exhibition of each guys moves. Which is ok when it's short and the Top guys have a varied arsenal. But, with guys like DeBeers and Patera, it's painful to watch. Can't be sure I'll watch every episode, but it's nice to see some of these guys around or in their primes.

Actually, I did make sure to note that there were some exceptions to the "not in the big leagues for a reason" comment, with Orndorff and Williams being among them. Outside of those two, I suppose that we'll have to agree to disagree on a few of the other guys featured on the show. Though there's a certain novelty value to watching Foley at this point in his career, I don't think that he really hit his stride as a performer until several years later. Meanwhile, Nikita was still in his physical prime, though I always thought that his best moments in the ring were behind him after his first departure from the NWA. (Though there were a couple more solid performances to come.) And, believe it or not, I enjoyed the DeBeers squash a good deal. I can't imagine that I'll be saying the same thing when and if we see him wrestling in longer matches from this period, though.

JMA Scorpio has a question about Bryan Clark, who appeared on one of yesterday's episodes as the Nightstalker:

I always thought that Bryan Clark/Wrath had pretty good potential during his WCW run. Didn't Nash use his power as head booker to shuffle him down the card?

I don't know whether it was part of a concerted effort to "shuffle him down the card," but there was a Clark vs. Nash match during the build to the Starrcade at which Big Kev ended Goldberg's undefeated streak. Clark (as Wrath) was also gaining popularity due to a lengthy string of wins, but Nash powerbombed him and pinned him clean in the middle. He was never quite the same after that match.

We'll wrap things up with Eddie Chicago, who I'm hoping is no relation to the indy circuit's "Fast" Eddie Vegas. He's writing specifically about last night's episodes:

The first show wasn't bad. Orndorff looked good and I kinda wanna see him and Williams. The Spivey-Blair match was better than expected. Spivey no selling the ring post and Bruno's commentary were great. The second show was just horrendous, and I would never let Jimmy Valiant touch a child of mine. But when it couldn't get any worse it did. "Cheap Seats" followed. It's a Mystery Science Theatre for sports and they did wrestling. Oh my that was bad. If they did a little homework it could of been really funny, but unfortunately it was just atrocious.

I also caught the "Cheap Seats" episode, which, for those who missed it, was airing footage of Bill Watts' old Mid-South territory. The funny thing about the show was that, though it was treating Mid-South as a joke, among fans and critics of wrestling the territory's television was almost always held in high regard. I certainly didn't think the "Cheap Seats" episode was a laugh riot, but I also wasn't as offended by it as Eddie was. There were a couple of decent gags about the Iron Sheik and "Crazy" Luke Graham during their matches, but otherwise I wasn't laughing much.

And that'll do it for the evening. In all likelihood, I'll be back in twenty-four hours with more of the same. Until then, feel free to check out the MySpace and add me as a friend to receive a bulletin notification when I add new content to the site.