411’s WWE Heat Report 01.11.08
Posted by Scott Slimmer on 01.11.2008
Okay, I thought last week’s Charlie Haas match was bizarre, but this week’s “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan & Super Crazy match is just plain inexplicable…
Hey guys and gals, I'm Scott, and this is 411's ALL-NEW, ALL-DIFFERENT WWE Heat Report.
I've always prided myself on writing the Best Damn Heat Report on the Net, and part of being the best is continually striving to improve. So recently I was proud to debut a completely new format for the Heat Report. The most dramatic change was a drastic reduction in the length of the play-by-play. I loved writing in-depth, detailed reports of each match, but I completely understand that most readers would rather just get right to the highlights. So from now on I'm going to be presenting a more condensed Overview of each match in order to give you a clear view of the main events while skipping over some of the more minor details. However, in order to compensate for the abbreviated length of the Overview, I'm also going to be adding a Background, Analysis, and Rating for each match. The Background will provide a brief review of the recent events in the careers of each of the wrestlers involved in the match while the Analysis and Rating will allow me to give you my opinion on the quality and future implications of the match. Finally, I'll still include the Result, Length, and Best Spot in order to continue to provide the most complete coverage possible. Okay, enough with the boring stuff. Let's get to the wrestling.
Match 1: DH Smith vs. Greg Cardona
Background: DH Smith made his Heat debut three weeks ago with a victory over Charlie Haas. Granted, Haas was evidently in the beginning stages of a severe mental breakdown at the time, but still, a win is a win. Last week Smith defeated a jobber named either Dan Owen or David Owen, depending on your source. Like jobbers even deserve names. Anyway, Smith looks to remain undefeated on Heat and continues to try to earn himself some air time on Raw. Greg Cardona is a jobber. You may remember him as yet another in the long line of jobbers that Snitsky killed on Heat last November. It's good to see that he's not, you know, actually dead.
Overview: Smith takes control early with an arm wringer followed by a Japanese arm drag. Smith lands a deep arm drag into an arm bar before hitting a hammer lock scoop slam. Smith goes back to the arm bar and then transitions to another arm wringer. Smith whips Cardona to the corner and charges after him, but Cardona just manages to slide out of the way. Cardona lands a volley of punches and kicks before dropping Smith with a running back elbow shot. Cardona goes for an elbow drop, but Smith rolls out of the way and regains control with yet another arm wringer. Smith whips Cardona to the ropes and connects with a big back body drop followed by a pair of standing drop kicks. Smith finishes with a spinning belly-to-back suplex for the three count.
Analysis: This was all you can really ask for from a face squash match. Smith continues to look good in the ring, and it's nice to see him use a few moves such as the Japanese arm drag that you don't see in every other match. Oh, and his twisting belly-to-back suplex is a thing of beauty. The twisting motion along with the victim's angle of impact actually makes the move look quite similar to Kurt Angle's Olympic Slam. Anyway, all that Smith's finisher lacks is a catchy name. I was going to suggest the Canadian Destroyer, but that's already taken. Maybe the Canadian Stampede?
Result: D.H. Smith defeats Greg Cardona with a twisting belly-to-back suplex. Length: 2:32 Best Spot: Smith's Canadian Stampede (twisting belly-to-back suplex) Rating: *¼
Match 2: "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan & Super Crazy vs. Flex & Mega
Background: "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan & Super Crazy have had an on-again, off-again tag team relationship over the course of the last few months. They last teamed in a loosing effort against the Highlanders two weeks ago on Heat. Last week Crazy returned to his roots as a singles wrestler but got his ass handed to him by Snitsky, so he seems to be willing to give tag team wrestling another shot. Flex & Mega are jobbers. And they look like they desperately want to be The Nation 2K8.
Overview: HOOOO! Duggan busts out the Tatanka Stomp and shoves Flex down to the mat. HOOOO! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Flex has evidently seen enough and tags Mega into the match. Flex traps Duggan against the ropes and lands a couple of shots, but Duggan whips Flex to the opposite ropes, lands a pair of punches of his own, and levels him with a running clothesline. Duggan tags Crazy into the match, but Mega makes it to the corner and just manages to tag Flex back into the match. Flex catches Crazy with a standing side headlock followed by a running shoulder block. Flex runs the ropes, but Crazy regains control with a pair of deep arm drags and an arm bar. Crazy hits the ropes, but Mega kicks him in the small of the back from behind causing the referee to call for the bell. Yes, that's right, the referee just disqualified Flex and Mega for a kick from the apron. After the match Duggan and Mega climb into the ring, and at this point all four men seem confused as hell. And that's when Duggan decides it's time for Plan B. He grabs his trusty 2X4, lands a shot on Flex, and knocks Mega out of the ring. Crazy whips Flex right into a baseball swing to the gut from Duggan. Duggan cracks Flex across the top of the head and Crazy follows with a running drop kick. HOOOO!
Analysis: Well, that was… um… different. Seriously, what the hell just happened? That was like the most random way to end a match I've seen in a hella long time, and I have absolutely no idea what caused it. I've read that some people think the match was cut short due to time constraints, but I don't buy that argument given the fact that the subsequent Kendrick / Morella match was given almost ten minutes. It actually seemed like Flex & Mega might have done something inappropriate that caused someone in the back to call for the end of the match, but I've watched the match a few times and I haven't caught them doing anything especially egregious. The only other possibility is that the referee truly was just calling the match by the book and had to call for the disqualification when Mega kicked Crazy from the apron. I've read that the WWE referee's have been instructed to call the matches as cleanly as possible, and this may just be evidence that they really are.
Result: "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan & Super Crazy defeat Flex & Mega by disqualification. Length: 1:59 Best Spot: Duggan's post-match 2X4 beat-down. You hardly ever get to see Duggan actually put his wood to good use like that. Rating: ¼*
Match 3: Brian Kendrick vs. Santino Marella
Background: Brian Kendrick spent most of 2007 teaming with Paul London while Santino Marella spent most of 2007, um, being annoying and boning Maria. London & Kendrick most recently lost a match to Carlito & Santino Marella on the December 17, 2007 episode of Raw. This match is thus a singles rematch from that tag team contest.
Overview: Santino starts with some mic work and reads us a poem about how wonderful it is to be Italian. Look buddy, everybody already hates you for getting to see Maria nekkid three months before the rest of us. Let's not add bad poetry to your list of offenses, okay? Anyway, Kendrick sprints his crazy ass down to the ring so the match can officially begin. Kendrick uses his quickness to avoid Marella early before catching him with a drop toe hold followed by a headlock takedown. Marella rolls Kendrick onto his back for a one count, but Kendrick kicks out and regains control of the headlock. Kendrick hits the ropes and drops Marella with a running shoulder block for a one count before hitting the ropes and connecting with another running shoulder block for another one count. A third running shoulder block only gets a two count, so Kendrick goes back to the headlock takedown. Marella counters into a head scissors, but Kendrick flips out and finds another headlock takedown. Marella gets back to his feet and whips Kendrick to the corner, but Kendrick floats over and catches Marella with yet another headlock takedown. Marella gets a foot on the ropes to break the hold, but Kendrick quickly regains control with a standing rear waist lock. Marella reverses into a standing rear waist lock of his own, but Kendrick counters into a front chancery on the mat. Marella gets back to his feet and reverses into an arm wringer, but Kendrick counters into a hammer lock followed by a headlock takedown for a two count. Marella makes it to the ropes to break the hold, so Kendrick goes to work with a volley of stiff kicks to the legs and torso. Marella seems to have seen enough and slides out of the ring to catch a breather.
Kendrick follows Marella out of the ring and goes for a running kick, but Marella slides out of the way causing Kendrick's leg to smash into the ring post. Marella stomps away on Kendrick's leg before rolling him back into the ring and dropping him with a chop block to the back of the knee. Marella slams Kendrick's leg into the mat and gets a two count. Marella applies a leg lock and gets a one count. Kendrick fights back to his feet and gets a standing side headlock, but Marella counters into a leg breaker. Marella applies an inverted ankle lock (with Kendrick's back on the mat instead of his chest) and grapevines the leg. Marella releases the hold and yanks on Kendrick's leg a few times, but Kendrick repeatedly kicks him away to create some distance. Marella lands a volley of mounted punches and applies another leg lock, but Kendrick makes it to the ropes to break the hold. Marella grabs Kendrick's leg, rolls out of the ring, and smashes Kendrick's leg on the ring apron. Marella slides back in the ring and continues to work over Kendrick's leg, but Kendrick gets his good leg under him and hits an enzuigiri. Kendrick lands a second rope flying forearm smash but only gets a two count. Marella goes for a belly-to-back suplex and Kendrick flips out, but Kendrick's injured leg gives out on him when he lands. Marella finishes with a swinging neck breaker (which Jack Korpela incorrectly calls a rolling cutter) for the three count.
Analysis: This was actually a pretty good match. Kendrick looked as good as he always does and showed that he can put on a good show in a singles match. Marella's work was also much better than I've come to expect from him. Maybe he's just never been given the chance to cut loose in the ring, or maybe he's actually improving. Either way, this was probably his best WWE match to date. The only real problem here was that the crowd was all but dead. However, I'll give Kendrick and Marella the benefit of the doubt and assume that the crowd just lost interest after the nutty ending to the previous match.
Result: Santino Marella defeats Brian Kendrick with a swinging neck breaker. Length: 9:30 Best Spot: Kendrick's second rope flying forearm smash Rating: **
Okay kids, that's it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I'll see you back here next weekend.
