The Smackdown Breakdown 1.18.08

by J.D. Dunn Larry Csonka is striking with the Screenwriters Guild until he gets those residuals for “Tremors 4,” so I’m back for the week. Larry, the Wife, and Ari will have your podcastery on tonight’s ROH PPV, and I’ll have the recap ASAP. Btw, I am now certified, officially, etched-in-stone, the number one Internet… writer thing. Go check the columns if you don’t believe me. January 18, 2008 From Birmingham, Ala. Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman. The Undertaker leads us off. He’s not much of a gabber, he tells us, but tonight he wants to give fair warning to the 29 other guys – they’ll all rest in peace. Original, I know, but you gotta sell t-shirts somehow. Matt Striker and Big Daddy V come out to say that this year is different because Big Daddy V will be in there, and he’s impossible to get over (I love shoot comments yadda, yadda, yadda). Apparently, the power of exposing his man boobage will change everything because Viscera actually was in there last year and got superkicked by Shawn and then eliminated by a crowd. The year before it was Chris Masters and Carlito, so you’ll forgive me if I’m not intrigued about how they’re going to get him out this year. The year before that, John Cena backdropped him out by himself. For a guy who is “impossible to throw out,” he certainly finds a way. Recap of the problems between Rey, Chavo and Edge. Oh, and CM Punk who is just kind of tangentially involved, but then he’s from ECW and therefore doesn’t deserve effort. The Great Khali (w/Ranjan Singh) vs. Fit Finlay (w/Hornswoggle). Hornswoggle gets Ranjan to chase him, but Finlay scares the translator off. We come back from a commercial to Khali smacking Finlay around. To the floor, Khali misses a chop and hits the post. And the post submits! He turns and knocks Finlay off the apron, though. Back in, Khali grabs a nerve hold. Hornswoggle distracts the ref while Finlay goes low. Ranjan tosses the shillelagh away, but Horny has a backup. They dispatch Ranjan, but Khali recovers and hits the Tree Slam. That sets up the Head Vise at 11:02. Khali is dominant. *1/2 Edge tells Vickie Guerrero that he’s so happy that she’s taken the neckbrace off. Dudes dig the neck waddle. She calls Edge a great “father figure” and hero. “Gracias, senor. You save our willage.” Chavo Guerrero interrupts and decides to accept Edge into the familia. Imagine how accepted he’ll look in high-definition. Deuce & Domino (w/Cherry) vs. Jimmy Wang Yang & Shannon Moore. Yang and Deuce start. Moore tags in and hits a slingshot senton for two. Domino tags in but falls over the top on a wild charge. Shannon is about to dive out on top of him but has a moment of conscience because Cherry is standing there. That allows D&D to take over. Lots of boring stretches follow. Domino misses a charge, allowing Yang to get the hot tag. Yang comes off the top with a crossbody and hits a jumping back kick. A missile dropkick gets two. Deuce makes the save, but Moore takes him out with a rana. That sets up the moonsault block from Yang at 6:38. *3/4 In the back, Vince McMahon and Finlay enter détente. Vince decides to put him in another match with Khali – a Belfast Brawl next week! Batista vs. Mark Henry. Trashtalk early. Batista boots Henry to the floor, prompting a conversation about how great that would look in HD. Hey, wanna know the first ever movie I ordered when Dish Network got HD PPV? Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead. It was soooo clear. You could actually see what a piece of shit that movie was with total clarity. The moral: you actually have to have something good first, *then* technology will make it better. Back in, Batista hits a couple of spears and sets up for the Demonbomb. Henry backdrops out of it but misses a splash. Batista ends him with a spinebuster at 5:00. 3/4* Recap of Chavo Guerrero defeating CM Punk via countout to earn a rematch for the title. The VIP Lounge: Ric Flair is MVP’s special guest. MVP gets in the usual “I’m gonna beat Flair” promo only about 10x better, coining about half a dozen nicknames for himself in the process. He finishes with “the greatest of all time isn’t better than me.” Flair suckerpunches him, grabs his jacket, and walks out. That’s how the Horsemen do it. Recap of Jamie Noble beating Chuck Palumbo for the 4th straight time (a feat thought nearly impossible by Michael Cole). Michelle McCool vs. Layla. Michelle takes her down into a side headlock. Layla fights out of it and sunset flips her, but Michelle rolls through and hits a seated dropkick. Who the hell are these people?!? Layla goes to work on Michelle’s legs. Ah, that’s more like I expected. McCool fights back. Dear makers of vinyl: I am writing to you today to voice my eternal thanks for your product. Michelle finishes with a Butterfly Facebuster (which is definitely NOT a Pedigree) at 3:52. 3/4* In the back, Jamie Noble finds Michelle and congratulates her. Chuck Palumbo interrupts and apologizes – with roses! Jamie ain’t buyin’ it, but Michelle tells them to make nice. Imagine how nice they’ll be in high-definition. Elsewhere, Vickie Guerrero wishes Rey good luck. Imagine how much luck he’ll have in high-definition. Edge & Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk & Rey Mysterio. Punk starts with Guerrero. Punk and Mysterio team up for a springboard Bomb des Rougeaux. Rey goes for the 619 on Edge, but Edge ducks out. Punk nails him with a kick, and the faces hit stereo topes. We come back to Rey and Punk dominating Edge. Chavo tries to sneak up on Punk during the 10-punch pummel, but Punk dives off and nails him with a clothesline. That allows Edge to nail him with a boot, though, and the heels take over on Punk’s arm. Punk stops short on a charge and decides to go for the tag. Edge catches him and tosses him into the post. Edge cuts off another tag but gets nailed with a knee. Punk leapfrogs the spear and crawls toward a tag. HOT TAG TO REY! Rey armdrags Chavo and hits a reverse neckbreaker flip. A seated dropkick gets two. 619! Edge finally just nails him with a chair at around 11:00 for the DQ. Edge continues to work the leg, but Punk makes the save. Ryder & Hawkins run in and attack Punk for the big-ass heel beatdown to close the show. **1/2 The 411: This was a rather lackluster show filled with the usual “booking on autopilot” matches. Then again, I wasn’t watching it in HD, so maybe I’m not getting the whole experience. Nothing bad, necessarily. It was just a bunch of stuff thrown out there with no urgency.