The Smackdown Breakdown 2.15.08

Posted by J.D. Dunn on 02.16.2008

At least Rey and Vickie didn't wind up married to one another.

by J.D. Dunn

February 15, 2007

From Houston, Texas.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman.

Batista vs. MVP.
Let's see if MVP gets any respect. He spends most of the early part of the match pouting because Batista totally overpowers him. Finally, he avoids a charge and lets Batista crash into the turnbuckle pad. Back in, Batista goes after the leg and slaps on the figure-four. Big Dave! Expanding the moveset! MVP pulls himself to the floor, though. When we come back from a break, MVP is methodically dismantling Batista, focusing on the arm. He whips Batista into the steps. He gets careless, though, and Batista is able to ram him into the apron. Back in, MVP counters the Demonbomb to a facebuster and schoolboys him for two. Batista charges again, and again, he posts himself. MVP readies for the Kawada Kick, but Batista spears the hell out of him, tosses him into the ringpost a few times just to show him how it felt, and then finishes him with the Demonbomb at 16:11. Putting MVP over would have made the Elimination Chamber match much more interesting, but then I never really gave him much chance anyway. That's kind of a problem in and of itself. Not a bad match at all, though. Batista just kind of has a "Batista match" no matter who he's in there with. **1/4

In the back, Edge has no time for his minions.

8-Man Tag: Jesse, Festus, Jimmy Wang Yang & Shannon Moore vs. Deuce, Domino, Zach Ryder & Kurt Hawkins (w/Cherry).
Festus still goes nuts at the bell. So much for therapy. I think he stopped smoking. Anyway, this goes by pretty quickly. Shannon plays face-in-peril as Coach and Cole argue over the clichéd use of "kicks out at two." Is it wrong that I'm hoping for JBL to suffer another career-ending injury so he'll come back to announcing? Anyhoo, Yang gets the hot tag and cleans house. The whole match breaks down into chaos, and Yang is able to finish with the moonsault block at 2:51. I think this is just here to remind people that they have tag teams, if not anything to do with them. *1/4

After the match, the heels attack and destroy the little babyfaces. Festus is powerless to help because he's busy contemplating the FISA bill. Jesse desperately rings the bell to wake him up. CONSTRUCTICONS! MERGE FOR THE KILL! Festus destroys the heels and makes the world safe for rednecks everywhere. I should point out that Red Hat Fan had a sign asking whether Festus was the guy who married Angelina Jolie, and for the entirety of the match I just sat there wondering why he would take a dig at Brad Pitt. Then, I remembered Billy Bob Thornton. Actually, Festus looks like a very large Champ Kind – or a less pissed off Bill Watts.

In the back, Vickie Guerrero gets all gussied up for her big night.

Michelle McCool vs. Victoria.
I love spider-lady Victoria. The Chuckertaker rides down to observe and rev his engine to annoy Michael Cole. Victoria strangles Michelle from the top rope, but Michelle slugs her way back. They both fall off the top to the floor where Chuck says, "Oh, *that's* how you take a bump." Michelle makes a mini-comeback, but Chuck is just so irritating that she gets distracted and falls victim to the Widow's Peak at 2:08. 1/4*

After the match, Chuck steps on Michelle's arm and tells her to get used to seeing a lot more of him. I should note that he has the blue flag in his back pocket, but only on the left side, yeah, that's the Crip side. If he *really* wants to look like a bad-ass, he should probably lose the watch fob.

Recap of the Undertaker getting over the gogoplata as his new finisher. And yes, it *is* the gogoplata for those who doubt me. The bigger question is – why in the blue hell would that even be legal?

The Undertaker vs. Big Daddy V (w/Matt Striker).
Here's a relatively fresh match that we haven't seen for a while… unless we've been watching Smackdown. You notice how the Smackdown roster has been ghettoized? (I can't believe Microsoft Word doesn't ask me to correct that word.) Certain people only face certain other people. Taker only wrestles a select few people. Same with Batista. Palumbo only squashes Jamie Noble or Michelle McCool. You never see him squash Shannon Moore because Moore only wrestles with Yang and the also-ran tag teams. Every couple of weeks, they just do the old Stamford two-step and start all over again. It's not a complaint necessarily, just an observation. It does make for a lot of repetitive shows, though. Undertaker fends off distractions from Striker and the "flurry" of offense Vee to finish BDV with a DDT at 5:06. Wow. BDV doesn't even rate the gogoplata anymore. At this rate, they'll have a rematch, and Taker will pin him after a dirty look. 1/2*

After the match, Taker chokes out Striker in the gogogadgetplata. Coach says they can't quite figure out what the move is, which, I assume is code for they can't think of a cool wrestling name for it. How about… Devil's Cross?

CM Punk & Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero & Shelton Benjamin.
Please tell me they sell Chavo's poncho on WWE.com. Not that I'd actually wear a poncho because I'm neither a Mexican nor a pregnant woman, but it's pretty cool for those who enjoy a good poncho. But then, who doesn't?!? Punk plays face-in-peril after Benjamin hits him with the T-bone suplex. Remember when that was his finisher? Remember when Benjamin and Kerwin White feuded? Punk finally hits a spinning wheel kick to get out of trouble. Kane gets the hot tag and cleans house, but Punk blind tags himself back in, clobbers Chavo with a flying clothesline, and then hits the Airplane Spin into the Go2Sleep at 4:52. **

Recap of how we got to No Way Out.

Recap of Finlay knocking McMahon silly with the shillelagh. I didn't notice it during Raw, but Finlay's little wink at McMahon before he hits him is awesome.

The Great Khali (w/Ranjan Singh) vs. Finlay (w/Hornswoggle).
I think it's safe to say the whole ghettoized roster concept applies her too. Finlay can't get anything going. Khali no-sells his shoulderblock and chops him off the top to the floor. Back in, Khali grounds him with the nerve pinch. Finlay fights back but gets caught in the Tree Slam. That brings Hornswoggle out of hiding to hit Khali in the back of the leg with the shillelagh. Khali brushes it off and shoves the little guy down. That distracts Nick Patrick long enough for Finlay to grab a second shillelagh and nail Khali for the win at 4:57. *

Main Event Indecent Proposal:

In honor of Valentine's Day, Edge has the ring decorated with flowers and violinists to create the romantic mood. What, the 15,000 people filling the arena with Corn Nut breath and beer farts didn't do it for ya? Edge serenades Vickie Guerrero with a Bryan Adams song. Even the Bush Administration wouldn't condone that kind of torture. He finally does ask her to marry him, and if I'm Teddy I'm getting the fuck out of the ring before some bizarre shenanigans occur leading to Teddy and Edge accidentally getting hitched by a blind priest. "I'm game if you are, playa!" Rey Mysterio objects to this whole damned thing. Edge tries to shut his mouth, but it backfires as Rey hits the 619. He tries for a West Coast Pop but winds up popping Vickie right out of her wheelchair instead. I'm guessing there will be some kind of ironic twist with Teddy drugging Vickie and reassuming his rightful spot as HPIC.

Also, I haven't checked the lastest update, but apparently the Smackdown title match is in jeopardy due to a Mysterio injury. At least it's the *challenger* who is injured this time.


The 411: It didn't really sell me on the PPV any more than the previous weeks did. I said a few weeks ago that Chuck Palumbo and Jamie Noble are the only guys with a real issue outside of the title match, and that still applies. In fact, Chuck is really the only strong heel on the brand, given that all the others are either cowards or made to look like total bitches. And the worst part of that is, Chuck and Jamie probably won't even make it to the PPV. With Smackdown entering lame-duck status on the CW, I don't see them putting much effort into turning it around either.