The Impact Crater 03.06.08

Posted by Ryan Byers on 03.08.2008

Read this column while you can, because somebody's trying to run me out of town.

Welcome, one and all, to the Impact Crater. I know that lately I've been doing the "cold open" instead of prefacing the review with introductory comments, but this week I've got something so good that I can't put it anywhere but in the beginning. For those of you who missed the Reader Feedback section of last week's Crater, I got an e-mail from a gentleman calling himself austin who, to put it plainly, was not a fan. I didn't say much in response to austin's e-mail, but what I did say apparently upset him. It upset him so much that he wrote back with one of the most bizarre messages that I've received while writing for 411.

Here it is.

ok haha ig it i guess ur lik sum kinda funnyy man 1ste u make fun of tna an than u make fun of me jus bc u say i cant spell nothin well i got newz 4 u if u cant undresand me ur sum kinda idiot bc sumbody in ur coments understod me jus fine an smelling isnt that importnet neway if everybody can undrstand me witch i guess evedrybody can accept 4 u bc ur sum kinda moran an the same goes 4 ur lil buddy tg cork who made funna me 2 ic how it works wit u 411 writers 1 of u get challeng an all the others gotta step up an defend each other like ur in sum kinda gang well gues wut i don need a gang 2 fight my battels 4 me im a reel man an I stan on my onw so if ur gunna keep makin fun of me an keep makin fun of tna im gunna half 2 take u down like u try 2 take tna down I've herd the names of the ppl who run tna an i kno the place is owed by a girl named dixie cotter an the writin is dun by a guy named bill brasky well gues swut im gunna do my bes t2 get there email addresses an tell them all about u so they can sue ur butt 4 salndring tna wit ur bias crpa ur named ryan byars but they should call u ryan bias bc thats all u write is bais y don't u jus 1 time talk about how awesom tna is god u tick me off

Well, he sure told me. On with the column, even under threat of lawsuit.



Quick & Dirty Results

Segment #1: Jim Cornette/Booker T./Bobby Roode Interview Segment
Segment #2: Kevin Nash def. AJ Styles in a street fight
Segment #3: Curry Man wins a battle royale
Segment #4: Travis Tomko def. Samoa Joe in a first blood match
Segment #5: Rhino def. Ricky Banderas
Segment #6: Amazing Kong def. Shelly Martinez
Segment #7: Christian def. Kurt Angle in a cage match

The Main Stuff

Angle Numero Uno: Gimmicks, Gimmicks Everywhere

This show was simultaneously the best and worst of Impact. The show revolved around a series of three gimmick matches, with each bout including two participants from the main event at the next pay per view. The winning team at the end of the series was to receive a limited one man advantage during the Destination X encounter.

We'll start with the positives. This three on three series, with Samoa Joe vs. Travis Tomko, AJ Styles vs. Kevin Nash, and Kurt Angle vs. Christian resulted in GOOD PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING MATCHES, and, moreover, a main event cage match that actually got sufficient time for a gimmick match on free television. Kurt Angle vs. Christian is always good, Tomko and Joe have great chemistry, and even Styles and Nash managed to pull out something decent given their differing styles and Big Kev's physical limitations. Combine that with the fact that this series of matches significantly cut down on the wacky skits that we had to see involving the Kurt/Karen/AJ love triangle, and it's hard for me to give a thumbs down to the manner in which the main event storyline was handled.

It may be hard for me to give it a thumbs down, but I'm still going to. There were several problems with the way in which this program was put together, beginning with the concept behind the Destination X main event. It took us about half an hour to find out exactly what sort of advantage the wrestlers were fighting for at the pay per view, and, once we did, I was completely and utterly underwhelmed. See, as a result of their victory in the three match series, the faces now have a two-on-three advantage that lasts for a whopping five minutes. Granted, if TNA played it up properly, that sort of head start could be portrayed as a major factor in the match. However, when you think about the fact that wrestlers routinely make superhero comebacks after three, five, or even ten minute beatdowns, such a minimal advantage for the good guys seems like it's barely worth fighting for. Oh, and did you notice who I mentioned has the advantage? Yes, it's the faces! Despite the fact that in every other facet of life people love rooting for underdogs and tend to hate people who outnumber others and beat the hell out of them anyway, in TNA they expect you to cheer three men pummeling two. It's this sort of attitude that made last year's TNA War Games match and the X Division versus Dudley Boys feud miserable failures, and the creative team still hasn't managed to learn from a single one of their mistakes.

If I had to guess why TNA took this particular course of action, I'd wager that they're going to ramp up the Angle/AJ tension heading in to the pay per view and make Styles the odd man out on the heel team, thereby creating a situation in which fans are supposed to speculate as to what he's going to do when the faces' five minute advantage expires. Granted, I can't say with any certainty that this is the plan. However, if it is the direction in which the company is headed, there are a couple of problems with it. The first is that, traditionally speaking, your best selling pay per views of all time have centered around babyface wrestlers overcoming the odds (as much as John Cena's detractors may hate to admit it). TNA is doing the exact opposite of that here. Instead of asking fans to tune in to watch their favorite wrestlers triumph in the face of adversity, they're asking their fans to tune in to watch the heels overcome TWO disadvantages, the first being the three-on-two period and the second being their internal bickering. Not only does this fail to spark fan interest, but it also makes the good guys look completely and utterly inept if they lose. (Which they just might, given my theory that the Kurt/Karen/AJ triangle is nothing more than a prelude to a SWERVE~!) The second problem with this potential angle? If you're giving the faces a five minute advantage after which AJ Styles does his big run-in, that means you're shooting your major angle five minutes in to what is probably going to be a fifteen to twenty minute segment. This should effectively kill the crowd for the rest of the evening, which is a particularly bad idea given the fact that we're probably going to see Samoa Joe going over in the finish to set up his match against Kurt Angle at Lockdown.

And, finally, I'd like to point out my distaste for using a gimmick match for no purpose other than getting over another gimmick match. This happened last week, as the James Storm/Eric Young ladder match was nothing more than a backdrop for establishing Storm's fear of heights, which will be played up in his scaffold match against Rhino. I knocked that ladder match, and regular reader and feeder backer John Reid wrote in to let me know that he was perfectly fine with it since it served the greater good of establishing the storyline for Ultimate X. I can't agree with John on this one. If you use a gimmick match solely for the purpose of getting another gimmick match over, fans start to see the initial gimmick match as being of something less than paramount importance. After all, it's just the prelude, whereas the latter bout is the big attraction. Instead of creating a situation in which one gimmick is pushed as very important and the other is a mere footnote in the build up to it, I would rather create a situation in which I keep two gimmick matches strong, thereby allowing them to be big attractions in their own right. What we actually have here is one match that means slightly more than it did before its stipulation was announced, and three other stipulations (first blood, street fight, and cage) have been watered down.

Angle Numero Dos: Currying Favor with the Dudleys

I'm probably over-thinking this one, but why in the world are Curry Man and Shark Boy continuing to have matches with the Dudley Boys? Don't get me wrong, their segments have been rather entertaining, mainly thanks to Bubba Dudley's hilarious overselling. (Which is odd, because Curry and Sharky are supposed to be the "comedy" guys, but Bubba has been ten times as funny.) However, I don't get what the basis for the feud is. I don't understand what reason they have for continually wrestling each other. They had two handicap matches with the masked team against each Dudley, and the Duds WON. That right there would seem to establish that Bubba and D-Von are the superior wrestlers, after which there is no reason for the two squads to continue wrestling. Then, out of nowhere, the Shar-Cur Connection got a fluke win in a match that featured five thousand people running in. The Dudleys are still clearly superior wrestlers. Why do the masked men want to fight the faux brothers again? Why do the former ECW Tag Champs want to beat the crap out of the scrawny guys again? This is yet another instance of the company having a gap in storylines that would take literally fifteen seconds to fill, only for them to refuse to do it.

And the Rest . . .

~ With his being beaten down and eliminated from tonight's battle royale by Petey Williams, we can now declare the latest attempt to make Jay Lethal in to a superstar a MASSIVE FAILURE. You can't put a guy over two superstars, have an opening match act beat him, and expect him to remain over.

~ They didn't add that much to it this evening, but Bobby Roode vs. Booker T. still remains the best booked feud on the show. Granted, the strap stips make it part of Destination X's GIMMICK MANIA, but even that can't overcome the quality of the promos that these two have been cutting over the last several months.

~ The seeds have been planted for Roxxi LaVeoux to no longer be Roxxi LaVeoux. I can live with this.

~ I am afraid to watch Shelly Martinez wrestle again. I've never seen anybody die in ring, and that's not a streak that I want to break.

Overall

My feelings about Impact as a whole are very similar to my feelings on the main event angle. On one hand, we did get some pretty fun professional wrestling, which I can never classify as a bad thing. Furthermore, TNA did make the main event angle the primary focus of the program, which is something that they often fail to do, instead opting to give almost every feud equal amounts of air time. Yet, on the other hand, they continued to follow through with some of their most obnoxious habits, including over-reliance on gimmick matches and failure to allow their young midcarders to reach the next level. It's really business as usual in the promotion, and you have to wonder exactly how long they can stay on this treadmill.

And that does it for this week. Until next time, be sure to check out the MySpace, at which you can add me as a friend in order to receive a bulletin update every time I post a new column. Also make sure you visit Nick Marsico over at his blog, where he writes about TNA and says a lot of the things that I've been saying for the last year and a half.