The Impact Crater 04.10.08

Posted by Ryan Byers on 04.11.2008

I'm still trying to figure out which promo is better: Joe's dressing down of Angle or austin's rant against "internet fans."

Quick & Dirty Results

Segment #1: Interview Segment with everybody in War Games
Segment #2: Consequences Creed def. Jimmy Rave
Segment #3: Petey Williams & Scott Steiner def. The Murder City Machine Guns
Segment #4: Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe Interview Segment
Segment #5: Roxxi LaVeaux def. Angel Williams
Segment #6: Eric Young def. Chocolate Reign
Segment #7: Sting & Kevin Nash (presumably) def. The Dudley Boys by DQ

The Main Stuff

Angle Numero Uno: Goin' Old School

After getting sidetracked and becoming a bit Russo-esque last week, tonight the build to the War Games match on this Sunday's pay per view returned to what it had been for the prior month: Simple, effective storytelling in which it's made clear that the two factions involved have believable reasons for disliking each other.

It really clicked on all cylinders tonight, too. TNA made a wise choice in terms of allowing Bubba Dudley to cut the big promo for the heels tonight, as, even though Tomko is the "captain" of the team, he always sounds lost on the stick when he has to say more than ten words at a time. Dudley, meanwhile, is probably the most underrated promo in all of professional wrestling, consistently getting his points across in a concise manner and walking the fine line between insulting his opponents and outright burying them. He simultaneously set up the War Games match itself and the tag team encounter later in the evening, though I do have to believe that TNA was overestimating the drawing power of the "first ever meeting" between the Duds and the team of Kevin Nash and Sting. (Though Nash and Sting did have that epic WCW Tag Team Title reign which began when Sting and the Giant were champs and then Sting beat Giant in a singles match in order to earn the right to pick a new partner. Yup.)

The only real miscue that I thought existed during the course of the program was the promo that Sting cut, attempting to explain why he came back to TNA. His reason basically boiled down to, "What else am I going to do?" Granted, he didn't actually say anything negative about TNA, but you'd think that if he was going to come up with a reason, it could be something that builds up the promotion instead of, "Well, ya know, I was bored. I tried gardening for a while but couldn't really get in to it and thought to myself, 'Maybe macrame would be more the Stinger's speed,' but that didn't work out either . . . so wrestling it is!"

Angle Numero Dos: Joe Needs to Wear Suits More Often

The other big angle of the evening saw Samoa Joe make his return to the Impact Zone in order to sign an "official document" that would make his promise to leave TNA if he didn't win at Lockdown "legally binding." Pro wrestling writers have absolutely no idea how contracts actually work, but I'll look past that for a second . . .

Otherwise, the confrontation between the two this evening resulted in a hell of a promo. There were no comedic overtones whatsoever to Angle's performance, which is exactly where he needs to be headed in to a major championship match. Furthermore, Joe for once in his career looked like a legitimate pro wrestling superstar as opposed to a fan who rolled out of bed one morning and decided that he was going to start working matches. (And he wasn't wearing his stupid Fidel Castro getup either.) That gave everything that he said and everything he did an extra aura of credibility, putting a match that already had a fairly decent build on another level. Combine that with an EXCELLENT video package highlighting the history between the two men and providing thoughts of other wrestlers on the match, and you had all of the ingredients necessary for the proper build to a pro wrestling title match. I'm almost tempted to order this one to help send the message to TNA that this sort of booking actually works, though, with my luck, they would more than likely interpret my buy as an endorsement of the Queen of the Cage match.

I'm sure that a few people will knock the segment this evening because, on the first show building to Lockdown, Joe cut a promo stating that he would not be returning to the Impact Zone until he won the TNA Championship. However, I'm not too horribly bothered by that aspect of the angle. First of all, the line about not returning to the studio was not an integral part of the angle, nor can I recall it ever having been brought up by anybody after Joe made his statement. Furthermore, it is pretty damn hard to make it through an entire month's build without using one of the performers before a live crowd. They really needed Joe's presence in order to put the cherry on top of an otherwise enjoyable storyline, so I'm not going to ride them too hard for the slight inconsistency.

And the Rest . . .

~ Maybe I'm reading too much in to things, but I suspect that Jim Cornette may be turning heel soon. Did you see the outfit he was wearing tonight? Bright red jacket with a pale yellow shirt and a red tie that didn't match the jacket. He usually dresses like a normal human being when he's playing babyface, but his attire gets far more over the top when he's a bad guy.

~ Crystal is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters on the show. Her random dance interludes with Curry Man are hilarious, and she had a great line tonight which made me laugh out loud. She was interviewing Jay Lethal, who referred to something as being "tiki gonzo." Did Crystal look confused by the oddball lingo of Mr. Lethal? No. Her response, as the camera cut away, was, "Yeah, that is kinda tiki." GOLD.

~ Scott Steiner now runs a secret society . . . a secret society that broadcasts its initiation rituals on national television. What a lousy secret society.

~ And where the hell are Don West's priorities? He freaks out about Petey Williams GETTING HIS HAIR CUT?! "Oh no, Mike! He had jumper cables stuck to his nipples! He was shot with paint balls! He was forced to lay down on the hood of a car while it was driven at fifty miles an hour! He was almost drowned! BUT DON'T SHAVE HIS HEAD, DEAR GOD DON'T SHAVE HIS HEAD!"

~ Just when you thought that the women's schmozz was going to be the worst match on Lockdown, TNA decided to announce the Cuffed in the Cage match. Twelve men, who are on teams, fight to handcuff each other to the cage. The last man with his arms free wins. Maybe it's just me, but if you take three freaking seconds to think about this, you should be able to realize that it's going to be a horrible match. First of all, these twelve men will presumably all be in the ring at the same time, and they will be unable to use the ringside area in order to space themselves out. This means that nobody will be able to do any actual spots . . . at least not safely. On top of that, all of those bodies in addition to the cage will make things almost impossible to see, particularly when you consider that bodies will start to pile up around the perimeter of the structure as the match goes on. Yes, let's create a situation in which we FORCE our wrestlers to block potential camera shots. Plus, if there's only one winner, why in god's name are there teams? Mike Tenay tried to put over the fact that "teamwork is necessary to win" on commentary a couple of times, and I at least give him credit for that . . . but why is it so necessary? Isn't every wrestler out for himself? I don't get it.

Overall

With the exception of last week, I've not had any problems with the Impact episodes headed in to Lockdown. None of them have lit my world on fire and been actively entertaining, but I feel that they've been competently booked and certainly not as frustrating as TNA's standard fare over the past couple of years. This episode was different. This episode, in my opinion, actually was entertaining, and it also continued to effectively promote the next pay per view. On top of that, we got some fairly decent in-ring performances from the Machine Guns, Consequences Creed, and everybody involved in the main event. Hell, even Angel Williams managed to look the best that she ever has in a TNA ring (though a lot of that may have something to do with her criminally underrated opponent). Granted, there was still some stupidity, including Super Eric and the announcement of the King of the Cuffs in the Cage or whatever it's called. However, if TNA managed to produce a show that looked like this every week, I would easily prefer it over the standard fare of any of WWE's three brands.

This is Austin!
by Austin Arte

(Ryan's note: Many of you have already come to know and love Austin Arte, a young gentlemen who captured Crater readers' hearts and minds when he first e-mailed me about a month ago. A couple of weeks ago, I offered him a regular spot in this column in which he could let us in on his . . . umm . . . unique take on professional wrestling. If you're so inclined, you can e-mail him at [e-mail].)

ok 1sat of all i wan to say sum good things bout ever1 who emailed me botu wut I had 2 say last wk bout tna making a rule that ez u cant b tan camp unless ur 40 yrs ole there wuz even a guy calle d dc on the comments who sed that hed luv 2 c black reign an bg james have a tna tilte match an hes like totlly rite i meen i think thatd b 1 of the best tna mathes in a long time both those gusr great an have bin round 4ever an no just how 2 half a good match. neway i dint wat 2 just alk bout things i already talked bout last wk i want 2 talk bout nw things 2 this wk i want 2 talk bout new things 2 an wut i wan 2 talk bout thes wk is internest an wrestlin i did start talk bout wrestlin on the interestn til like december we i wuz lookin 4 tna sites on tha internst an i foun this place called talcimpact.com. i wente there an i saw all the things wrong wit ppl talkin bout restlin on the internet i mean dont get me wrong there were a copule o fppl who were cool like there wuz this guy marty who wuz always cool 2 me an there wuz this other guy greek chorus who a good modrater but i don thing he wuz actually greek. neway mos o fthe ppl who talk bout wrestlin on the internt suck bc there not tru fans there just ppl who wan 2 tear wresltin donw like ryan bias or all thos pll on tolkimpact.com i mean all thees ppl do is talk bout hwo wrestlin sucks more than hw its good wut kinda of tru fan is that its not a tru fan its sumbody whose not thinkin i mean wut if sumbody sees tan impact 1 night an there like thats pretty cool it hink maybe ill b a wrestlin fan an then they go on the intersnet an they loo up wreslin an all they c is these negative nacnies like talkimpact.calm an ryan bias there not gunna wunnna b a wreslin fan bc everting theyll read bout pro wreslin sez it sux wut u ppl need 2 do is talk bout the good things in tan not the like 1 or 2 things that r actually bad or the hundreas of things u think r bad bc ur idiiots who dont understan wrestlin god sumtimes uppl make me so amde.

That was Austin!

And thus we have wrapped things up for another week. Things are looking good heading in to Lockdown, and hopefully TNA can carry that positive momentum through the next several months. We should have a good idea of whether that will happen when I review the show next week, so be sure to come back then. Also be sure to add me as a friend on MySpace, where you can add me as a friend to receive a bulletin notification every time that I add new content to the site.