The Dope on Smackdown 4.25.08

Posted by Michael O on 04.26.2008

Featuring the renewal of the greatest rivalry in Smackdown history that DID NOT feature Steve Austin, The Rock, Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Vince McMahon, John Cena...and so on, you get it. You get the joke.

Hey, I'm Michael O and I just ate some killer pot brownies so the second half of tonight's show might be WEIRD.

I enjoyed Raw this week, despite the fact that C.M. Punk should not be losing to William Regal right now. I'm not a Punk mark (?), but he should really be kept as strong as possible now that he has that case. It's not news that the main event scene on all three brands is pretty thin right now and there really aren't too many credible main eventers waiting in the wings should Shawn, John, H, or Under end up on the shelf again. Unless your last name is Mysterio Jr., having losses to Chavo Guerrero in this year should disqualify you from being eligible to hold one of the real world championships, but the fact is Punk might be called upon to do so if circumstances warrant it. And if there's a decent chance that a vacancy could be made at the top, I want my top upper mid-carder looking impressive at every turn. Besides, how cool would it have been to have Punk, "King"? I can see it now..."Hey Edge, I'm punKING you out!" "Tonight, Chavo, I will be punKING you the fuck out". It could have been something, you know?

Oh, and the WWE has never been more culturally relevant than when they showed John McCain's reappropriating of Flair's most famous words.
To beat "The Man" indeed.

We were LIVE from Greensborough, NC with Coach and Cole. I think it would be great if Foley and Coach took on ECW hosting duties and Smackdown got it's Cole 'n Tazz back on but I don't think we'll see it.

The familia is in the ring, with Bam & Teddy. Edge says there's nothing in the world like the feel of a big title match. I agree, now where is it? Edge says we have Vickie to thank but the crowd is not feeling so grateful tonight. Vickie announces that our Batista/Undertaker title match is now a no DQ contest. Edge is excited at the prospect of his opponent getting worked over, but he's more excited about Backlash. According to Edge, he & Chavo are taking the gold back this Sunday. I've got a hundo that says otherwise. Man, I'd love to get in on that action.

C.M. Punk is out now, and the familia has some fun at his expense over his Monday night defeat at the hands of King Regal.

Punk shows off his briefcase and says it's a better way to get to the top than sleeping with the boss.
Hey, Vickie might not be the prettiest pig in the pen, but boning her DOES seem easier than fighting six other dudes in a ladder match.

Vickie makes a one on one match between C.M and Edge for tonight.

Coach really enjoys doing the puzzles in the new WWE kids magazine. Not sure that's something I would want to broadcast across the world, but what do I know?

The Miz w/John Morrison vs Shannon Moore w/Jimmy Wang Yang
Morrison joins the broadcast booth as Miz starts things out with a headlock on Moore and then they wrestle around for a bit, you know, doing moves and stuff. Whoa, Morrison BURNS Mike Adamle, congratulating Coach on no longer being the least informed commentator much like I did last week. John Morrison, you're welcome. Miz flips Moore off the top rope and stomps him around. Moore reverses a suplex into a small package but that's not enough and this is not Savage/Steamboat. Shannon maneuvers out of a cobra clutch and Miz manages to crotch himself on the second rope. Moore looks to take over but a powerslam reverses fortune for the Miz. Moments later, Miz goes for the reality check but The Reject reverses it into a backslide for the win.
Shannon Moore pinned The Miz
Decent little match, you know, no big deal.

Tonight, it's the renewal of...Smackdowns' greatest rivalry?! Oh cool, which is... oh, they're talking about Undertaker/Batista.

We take a look back at the vote-tacular promos from our presidential hopefuls. I was all like, "he's not going to say it, he's not going to ask if we smell what Barack is cooking" but then I was like "Aw, maybe he will" and then he did it and then it was like, awesome.

Cherry w/Michelle McCool vs Natalya w/Victoria
I've been looking forward to seeing Ms. Neidhart in action so this is actually a women's match I kind of give a shit about. Huh, hasn't been one of those for a loooooong time. Natalya beats down Cherry and drops the elbow. She throws a sleeper on her and Cherry powers out, only to be woman handled some more. Natalya takes the action to the corner and demonstrates the power of the clubbing blow, no doubt handed down to her by her father. Cherry gets slapped around a little but fights back. Natalya goes after her leg and eventually slaps on a Haas of pain like hold. Cherry gets out of, back into, and then out of it again. Cherry gets a schoolgirl and a bulldog for a pair of two counts but misses a charge moments later and falls victim to the sharpshooter.
Natalya beat Cherry by submission
*Thanks uncle Bret! Kisses!!* Pretty much a squash, and Cherry can't wrestle for shit, but Nattie looked good. Good enough to build a strong and sustainable women's division around? Who knows, and who knows if anyone is even planning such a thing.

A rundown of the truly epic Big Show/Khali feud. They show footage of Khali tree-slamming Show.
Hey, when did that happen? On ECW this week? Probably after Show's match last week. I had to run to the bathroom (explosive diarrhea) and missed whatever happened after Henry was disqualified. Some recapper!

Batista will never make the mistake of trusting Shawn again? When did he trust him the first time?

Cole is in the ring to interview Matt hardy. Boy, Hardy sure does get quite a reaction these days. Not, you know, Taker or Cena sized, but he's getting there. We get a look back at the injury that put Matt on the shelf. Well, not the real one, but you know what I mean. Matt gives a rundown of every shitty thing MVP has done to him as I'm wondering if he sold his southern drawl to a credibility starved country singer. Hardy used to sound like a fuckin' bumpkin but he sounds downright scholarly tonight. MVP is out now and they both have a lot to get off their chests. MVP says he was sincere in his intentions and takes credit for giving Matt's career a jumpstart. He goes on to say Hardy's jealous of him and the fact the he's done more in eighteen months than Matt's done in his whole career. Hardy obviously disagrees and MVP is willing to leave it at that. Wait, no he isn't, he just stomped Matt's leg and waffled him with the US belt. Great stuff from both guys, really turning up the heat on their long-simmering and long-delayed feud but the match is two days away so hopefully they are planning on dragging this thing out for a little while longer so we can really get intense.

Edge vs C.M. Punk
Coach claims that Edge invented "what mr. money in the bank is all about"? So, he invented boasting about ones accomplishments?
Edge and Punk circle each other like wolves while Cole notes that Punk had a much harder road than Regal to the finals of the KOTR. What's the excuse going to be when he loses to Edge? He had to drive further to get to the show? C.M Punk has been in control of Edge's arm the whole match until Edge finally takes over and makes with some kicks to midsection. Punk gets the arm again and doesn't let go for a long time. Edge interrupts a top rope attack and after some back and forth punching, knocks Punk to the outside.
Back from break, with Edge in mid-pin on Punk, which he does not get, but he does get some bodyscissors as a consolation prize and keeps them for a while. Punk gets out and they knock each other silly with a double cross body. Lots of back and forth action as Punk gets a top rope crossbody, which Edge rolls through for a two count. Edge counters go to sleep with another pinfall attempt, misses a spear, and eats a top rope forearm. Edge counters G2S again, this time into an edgecution, which does not finish this match, or any match that it's been used in since 2002. Punk ducks a spear and finally gets the G2S, but Edge falls to the outside. Punk retrieves Edge, and rolls him back into the ring. Ryder comes out to distract him just long enough to be speared and pinned.
Edge pinned C.M. Punk
Pretty great match, probably a four star affair or thereabouts and certainly one of the best TV matches so far this year.

The Raw rebound acts as a prelude to our next match.

Vladimir Koslov vs Marty Garner
Vlad beat the shit out of Marty and pinned him after a reverse DDT. Okay, Koslov is clearly superior to no-name talent, the point has been made. Now can we get on with something else please? These squash matches are soooo 1989.

We get a hype package for the Undertaker and his...MOVE! Seriously, how ridiculous is it that they haven't named that thing yet? He won the main event of Wrestlemania with it fer fuck sakes. Maybe Undertaker himself, perhaps exhibiting some specious psychological strategy, has insisted that his new finisher goes nameless, thinking that nobody can prepare for a move if the don't know what it's called.

Next up is a rundown of the Backlash card, of which I'm rather ambivalent. Besides HBK/Batista, the only match I'm perked up about is the Great Khali/ Big Show showdown, something I've been looking forward to since Gary's debut. They show a tale of the tape for the two behemoths. Hmm, Big Show has a much bigger foot. Does that give him any kind of advantage? Hey, Khali weighs in at 420? Is that a sign? It is now!

Batista thanks Vickie for the title match, in sexily sarcastic fashion, and tells of the pain he'll inflict on Edge after he takes back the big gold belt. Like I said last week, if it means another UT/HBK match, I'm all for it.

No DQ World heavyweight championship match: Undertaker(c) vs Batista
Batista is wearing very shiny shorts tonight as he and Undertaker lock up. Into the corner, Batista peppers the Undertaker's mid-section with rights and lefts. Taker comes back with dem soupbones (anyone else miss J.R. calling 'Taker matches? Me neither. Oh, wait, what's that? Better than Cole? Yeah...) and starts working over the arm with punches and headbutts. Batista spears him out of the corner, and Undertaker tries to reverse it into THAT MOVE, but Batista takes a powder to the outside as we got to break.

Back from break as Batista is being tossed shoulder first into the steel ring steps. Taker nails him with the apron leg drop and rolls him inside for a two-count. Taker goes for old-school but Batista stops it as I stop to wonder if I've traveled back in time one week. Taker boots Batista in the face and finally gets old school on his ass. Batista battles back with his spinebuster but Taker counters a demon bomb and telegraphs the chokeslam, which Batista powers out of. Oklahomaesque powerslam gets a two count and Taker gets himself a two count off a chokeslam. Batista gets a spear and then, like a dummy, starts delivering the standing corner ten punch and of course gets last-rided for his troubles. Taker brings the unforgiving steel stairs into the ring and makes like he's going to tombstone Dave on 'em but Batista counters with a spine buster ON THE STAIRS!!. Ow-wee! Suddenly Shawn Michaels is in the ring superkicking Batista and his championship dreams to hell as the Undertaker regains his composure. Tombstone city, population: Batista
Undertaker pinned Dave Batista to retain his World heavyweight championship
Well, I can't say that this was the most noteworthy contest in the history of "Smackdown's greatest rivalry", but it was a great match in it's own right and lot better than last week's main event, that's for sure

With two matches that most will consider to be in the 3 and a half to 4 snowflake range and a hot Matt/MVP segment, I'm sure this weeks installment will be lauded as the best Smackdown in ages and it probably is but I suppose I'm a half-empty sort of cat. I mean, thumbs up about tonight, but it wasn't good enough to make up for the past few months of mostly boring and forgettable programming. A decent show like this served not to remind me why I watch the Friday night fights, but rather how dull they've become in recent years.
Anyways, see you jive turkeys later, my ten o'clock is here. *picks up bong with a post-it that reads: "10 o'clock"*
(thanks Homer)