ECW Rant of AweXomeness 4.29.08
Posted by Elmo Machete on 04.29.2008
This week, Kane's got a handicap match against Chavo and HIS bald dude - but nevermind that. Mike Adamle's going to mess up AGAIN!
Greetings, one and all. I'm Elmo Machete, everyone's favorite Tuesday guy, ECW-complainer-about-er, King of Long Island and arrogant sum'bitch. I feel a little silly this week, and unable to defend myself against any negative comments I may have previously received. Y'see, I missed the first segment because I was busy getting home & settled from Brooklyn and getting a little drunk with friends... I got home and in front of my computer at 10:10, but 411's spoilers tell me that Kofi Kingston beat Shelton Benjamin AGAIN. For fuck's sake, will they ever learn anything?
BREAK, which I walked in during.
Live in Atlantic City, we see a Bally's. Is that a casino, or a gym?
TOMMY DREAMER (w/ Colin "the youngster who's learning as much as he possibly can from him" Delaney) vs. MIKE KNOX. Dreamer's punchy stance is funny. Knox to the corner, and Tommy starts clubbering. Knox ducks some more offense and hits a clothesline, and Knox does his usual silly, unconvincing shit. Mike gets a sleeper, and they waste a replay on Knox's unremakable clothesline. Knox gets a (sort of) backdrop driver, and it gets a one count. Mike slaps Delaney on the outside (which, according to Juan de Grande, would get you a DQ in Mexico), and while he's concerned with THAT Tommy hits a baseball slide. Dreamer checks on Colin, & Knox sends Tommy's head into into the ringpost They get back inside. Knox hits the Shellshock, it doesn't look half bad, and it's over. *3/4(Boring.)
UP NEXT: Matt Striker's Classroom? That's a lame name for an interview segment... I was thinking they could give one to Hornswaggle, call it "Horny's Corner."
BREAK.
We're back - Backlash stuff on the website, and Kid Rock's music is fucking BORIAnG now.
Matt Striker's in the ring, and he's talking about Spring Break, all the while making lame teacher-y puns (and name dropping the dude from Rush). Jesus, even MATT STRIKER is making fun of Mike Adamle. He introduces Mick Foley, Smackdown's newest announcer-type-guy. Foley says it's "good to be back inside an ECW ring" - HA! Striker's gonna help Mick out - he tries to extoll his virtues, and Foley name-drops his books. Strikey says Mick's perfect for his new job, but that he's more suited for radio than television. OOH, BURN! The Teacher shit-talks Foley's teeth, makes me wonder if they're going to start a "this'll go-nowhere-fued" between these guys, and Dude Cactus'Kind says that his appearance is due to his sacrifices for the fans. He calls Striker a pretty boy, and says that he's never entertained anyone (that's not true! His USA Pro Wrestling work was pretty good). Striker says that Foley loosk like he's "smoked the pot & listened to Bob Seger." He talks down to his sweatpants, and Foley defends them with (my favorite!) CHEAP POP! Striker talks up Smackdown (such a poor cheap pop), and then he starts giving him a wrestling move name lesson. Foley slowly pulls out Mr. Socko, distracts Striker with talk of Gore Vidal, and then gives him the Socko Claw. "HAVE A NICE DAY!"
Tazz gets thrown Socko, and he fucking shoves it in Mike's mouth! NOBODY likes this guy. Up next, CM Punk vs. Chuck Palumbo? WHY?!?
(JdL: Chuck Palumbo.... looks so.... Hispanic.)
BREAK.
TONIGHT: Kane vs. Chavo and Bam Neely. John says Neely looks like Tomko - why do they need a replacement Tomko?
CM PUNK (w/unused in storylines, as of yet, MitB case) vs. CHUCK PALUMBO (w/desperate to reclaim Undertaker's old, slightly-cool motorcycle gimmick). Chucky disrespects Punk's face before the bell. They lock up, Punk gets sent to the corner, and they break. Again with the lockup, CM Punk goes to a rear waistlock, then to the corner again. Another ref-induced break, and Adamle's saying NOTHING. Another lockup, and Palumbo hits knees and a bodyslam. He misses an elbow drop, and Punk starts kicking. Knees, a whip to the ropes is blocked, and Punk the corner again. Chuck blocks a kick with a clothesline, and Punk gets sent to the corner AGAIN. Kickles, back suplex, two-count. Chuck gets a sleeper hold, and my lord this is boring. He hits some knees and heads back to the sleeper. Punk elbows out, but Chuck sends him BACK TO THE CORNER. Goddamn. Charles Montgomery Punk briefly regains control, but Chucky starts punching s'more. The referee must've been as tired as I was with his lame offense, because he disqualifies Palumbo for the punching. BOO, I guess. They keep brawling after the bell, Palumbo getting the better of Punk with a shot to the grill. *(Nothing happened... it served no point at all. If the point is starting a feud between Punk and Palumbo... WHY?!?)
RAW REBOUND: King Regal's corronation. He's now the most powerful entity in the WWE... until he gets interrupted by Kennedy. I don't get it... are they going to turn Kennedy face? I can't get behind that.
Also, Regal calls the TV feed off during the World title main event with HHH and Orton. Jesus, that's silly.
BREAK. Is it the 100th episode of ECW, really? Wow. I'm surprised it's lasted that long.
NEXT WEEK: Cloin's contract is on the line (again?), and Dreamer fights Mike Knox (again?), this time with Extreme Rules.
CHAVO GUERRERO (w/poncho) & BAM NEELY (w/replays from Backlash) vs. KANE. Mike Adamle leaves the commentary booth before Kane's entrance, and Tazz looks legitimately confused. Is he scared of Kane, or does he know he sucks? Tazz shills Rambo, then leaves the booth as well. WtF?!? Kane smacks Chavo into the corner, knocks Chavo onto his ass and hits a low dropkick. He presses Chavo up and throws him down, then sends him back to the corner. Guerrero teases the tornado DDT, but Kane tosses him away. Chavo is sent outside, Neely check on his welfare, and we take a commercial break. Uhh... wow.
BREAK.
Back from commercial, still no announcers, and Chavo gets thrown off the top rope. Chavo ducks a big boot, attacks Kane's knee, and tag out. The Caucasian bald dudes brawl, nothing interesting at all happens, and Chavo chokes Kane in the corner. Tags out, Chavo's in, and more punching. Kane drops Guerrero to the outside, he heads out just to throw Chavo back in, and Neely drops Kane's face on the apron. Chavo attacks the knee s'more on the outside, they're back in and Bam Neely tags in again. Punches to Isaac's head, kicks in the corner, and Chavo's back in - Bam did NOTHING. Chavo works Kane's leg against the rope, hits four of ten punches, Kane tries a double-handed choke but his leg gives out so Guerrero can dropkick him. Kane does the Deadman Sit-up, and Chavo (eventually) gets back bodydropped. Kane hits two clotheslines in the corner & a sideslam, but Bam breaks up the pin. Chavo tags out, Kane attacks Bam back with no problem, hits another clothesline and sidewalk slam, goes up top and nails the flying lariat. Kane flings Chavo inside, goes for the chokeslam but Bam runs up and starts a-kickin' at the leg and midsection. Chavo goes up, hits the frog splash, it's 3 and we're done. *1/4(Again... boring.)
After the bell, we get a replay of Bam's lame kicks and Chavo's splash, still with no announcers.
----------
OHHH, NEXT week is the 100th episode. I hope they work whatever the hell went wrong with Adamle out before then. I have no idea what the hell was up with this edition of ECW - unless Kofi and Shelton worked some wonders, this episode sucked a fat one. HARD.
yeah, I really don't know HOW the WWE actually found the balls to broadcast their last 65 or so minutes of programming. between then end of RAW and pretty much all of ECW I honestly don't think I've ever felt more insulted as a viewer as I do these days. this shit is really ridiculous and you'd be hard pressed to find a more loyal fan than me, I watch way too much of all the garbage they put in front of us but this takes it lately.
Posted By: Bill (Guest) on April 29, 2008 at 11:31 PM
Dude... You're far too biased to be recapping anything. No one wants to hear your sarcasm. You wonder why you get backlash? That's the cause. Just call the damn matches for what they are and let the people with actual columns get their chances to spout the funniness. Cause they, at least, know how to.
Posted By: Justin (Guest) on April 29, 2008 at 11:36 PM
Maybe Mike had to take a shit. I mean when you have to go, you have to go. I'm sure Tazz was just checking on how he was or if he had toilet paper.
Posted By: BuDDyLighT021 (Guest) on April 29, 2008 at 11:42 PM
Bill, don't you remember giving birth to a hand...?
I hope this is adamle flipping out and he is now gone, but it'll be some stupid worked shoot.
Oh and BTW guys...GayMuscleMatch advertising banners?!? That's targeted advertising for you...these guys like watching sweaty men role around and pin each other down...give them the gay banner!
Posted By: Stephen (Guest) on April 29, 2008 at 11:43 PM
Bill shut the fuck up seriously. You are being a little bitch. Its fucking professional WRESTLING. Its called AN ANGLE! You are seriously so bitter because they cut the ending of the "amazing" HHH vs. Orton match and the fact that the announcers left the booth? This insults you?
Posted By: natedoggcata (Guest) on April 29, 2008 at 11:44 PM
World Wrestling Entertainment
On January 27, 2008, Adamle began working as an interviewer for WWE at the Royal Rumble. He then worked on the RAW brand as a reporter until becoming ECW's play by play announcer on April 15, 2008, replacing Joey Styles. [1] On April 29, 2008, Adamle walked off a live edition of ECW before the main event of the broadcast began. He was found later running down the New Jersey turnpike still wearing his suit and tie, screaming for Jeff "Harvey", and blaming "The Tazz".
Haha. Someone posted this on wiki. Marvelous.
Posted By: Russonomics (Guest) on April 29, 2008 at 11:48 PM
Adamle had to take a shit! Hey when you gotta gom you gotta go! Tazz realized that he could take advantage of this rare opportunity and decided to join Adamle in the bathroom.
Thats on wikipedia now BWAHHAHAHAHAH!!
Posted By: natedoggcata (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 12:04 AM
I think CMZZZZZZzzzzz is obviously in a feud with Palumbo bc Palumbo will be his first stepping stone toward him challenging for the Smackdown title.... but it was so obvious elmo machete must have been kidding... right?
Posted By: theHomewrecker! (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 12:09 AM
hey my only problem is that their ANGLES make me feel like the last hour or two of anticipating that match, specifically the ending, was a total waste. I feel far worse for the people in attendance who actually had to pay for it. I mean a DQ ending in a title match is shitty enough but just cutting it off is asking for the fans to be pissed. and in ECW's case ECW fucking sucked especially hard this week. terrible handicap match main event, Shelton losing again (and hey trust me that was still a decent segment), the only other interesting match having a lame DQ ending due to PUNCHES~! and the main event taking place with nothing but fan noise and the wrestlers audibly selling was just embarassing.
Posted By: Bill (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 12:10 AM
Posted By: Taylor (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 12:13 AM
Joey Styles is a genuis!
Posted By: Guest#3131 (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 12:35 AM
Yeah...the two guys leaving the announce booth was...weird. If it's a work of some kind with Joey Styles pulling the strings somewhere behind the scenes, it's actually pretty well played. I'm willing to wait it out before saying it sucks.
Posted By: BJC (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 01:23 AM
next week on ECW, Mike Adamle sets up his own announce table in front of Taz's table - the week after, "fake" versions of Sandman and Sabu will accompany him and he will be their manager... two weeks later, he will be back in his seat next to Taz with no explination given.
VIVA REHASHING ANGLES!
Posted By: OK (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 01:24 AM
Its worked shoot angles. Number one this wasn't live so it could have been reshot- and number two, they were ready with a match continues graphic that they never featured before to tell the fans that aren't too bright that the match continues following the break. This is probably just to build some heat and through that support for Adamle, similar to the push for Regal and his actions on Raw. Now this may backfire because I don't know about you guys, but the match was actually pretty good without the announcers.
Posted By: The Weesel (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 01:51 AM
You know, a friend of mine here was convinced that Adamle was purposely playing the 'bad actor' card, and purposely screwing things up as an angle. And then just a few days ago, I read an article online here with someone saying the same thing. For all the people that bitch, moan, and groan about his announcing, with this angle happening the way it just did, it wouldn't shock me now...
Posted By: TrueblueDS (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 04:17 AM
I guess I am the exact opposite of Bill. I generally dislike WWE and what they have done to wrestling over the years, but I find that lately their angles have been entertaining and fresh. The end of Raw was oldschool booking at its finest, and I'm excited to find out what is going to happen with the announcing situation on both ECW and SD. In the case of Adamle, they're taking lemons and making lemonade out of 'em. Overall, I'm witnessing continuity and common sense in the booking of all 3 shows. Hopefully these trends continue.
Posted By: W.D. Forte (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 07:14 AM
Ummmm I actually kind of like the idea of a Punk/Palumbo feud. if Punk is going to succeed in the WWE he's going to have to learn to wrestle the bigger guys. he can't just go on wrestling Morrison,Burke,Chavo and Noble the rest of his career. Palumbo is a pretty good worker for a big guy. He might actually get the better of Punk.
Posted By: JMASCORPIO (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 08:52 AM
I must say that I loved watching that last match with no announcers. It took me a minute to realize they were gone. Then, I realized (remembered) that I heard Taz asking where he was going and seeing in the corner of the screen Mike walking off.
Guess it shows how much I tune out the announcers.
But I loved watching that last match with no announcers. Thought it was much more enjoyable.
Posted By: David (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 09:20 AM
Tazz shoved Socko down Adamle's throat, and I missed it. SON OF BITCH, SHIT!!!
Posted By: the Mad Redneck (Registered) on April 30, 2008 at 09:53 AM
Bill, I see what you're saying, but Elmo is not biased. Read a Ryan Byers' column on TNA, now he's biased!
W.D. Forte, how can WWE have anything fresh when in the past 3 years it's been the same people hogging the World Championship scene (HHH, UT, Edge, Cena, Batista)? I think it's gotten to the point where the WWE figures they can suck so much to test our loyalties.
Posted By: Orlando (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 11:12 AM
Colin "the youngster who's learning as much as he possibly can from him" Delaney *BUZZER*
Matt Striker's Classroom? That's a lame name for an interview segment... I was thinking they could give one to Hornswaggle, call it "Horny's Corner." *BUZZER!!!*
....
I was looking for more buzzers, but you didn't do half bad this time elmo.
I'm impressed.
-The Unregistered Guest
Posted By: BUZZER equals NOT FUNNY (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 12:36 PM
let's see Elmo.You can't show for the first match (were you being tickled Elmo...did I just write that?)
then you complain about everything else.
get a fucking grip
Posted By: ted g (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 02:33 PM
Adamle did say something like "Many people would like to have this sock in my mouth".
Anyone notice how after he took it out of his mouth, he continued to taste it... What a weird guy.
Adamle = Elmo Machete
Posted By: The Unregistered Guest (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 03:36 PM
"Oh and BTW guys...GayMuscleMatch advertising banners?!? That's targeted
advertising for you...these guys like watching sweaty men role around and pin
each other down...give them the gay banner!"
I'll take the fat chicks! ;-D
Posted By: Guest#8283 (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 03:44 PM
'Oh and BTW guys...GayMuscleMatch advertising banners?!? That's targeted
advertising for you...these guys like watching sweaty men role around and pin
each other down...give them the gay banner!'
Don't you watch also? And if you're viewing wrestling as 'sweaty men rolling over each other' maybe you should look a little closer to home when it comes to pointing out homosexual tendencies.
Posted By: His Bubbliness (Guest) on April 30, 2008 at 04:21 PM
What am I too biased against - the bald dude in the suit who was brought up too early, and all he did was punch? Or is it Mike Adamle, who is universally regarded as sucking hard?
Anyone who makes a "Tickle Me Elmo" joke obviously can't think of anything better.
Posted By: Elmo Machete (Registered) on April 30, 2008 at 10:44 PM
Actually, his tickle me elmo joke is on the same level as your jokes found on the ECW Rant of Stupidity.
Posted By: Guest#4886 (Guest) on May 01, 2008 at 12:25 AM
On January 27, 2008, Adamle began working as an interviewer for WWE at the Royal Rumble.[1] He then worked on the RAW brand as a interviewer until becoming ECW's play by play announcer on April 15, 2008, replacing Joey Styles.[2] Many noticed that Adamle made constant mistakes during his commentary duties on ECW, with former ECW owner and booker Paul Heyman and former talent Lance Storm criticizing Adamle.[3][4] On April 29, 2008, Adamle left a broadcast of ECW before the main event match, followed by his partner Tazz. As a part of a storyline, the WWE website reported that Adamle and Tazz may have left due to fan criticism of Adamle's commentary.[5]
Posted By: Current Wiki (Guest) on May 02, 2008 at 10:52 AM
Elmo, you need to chill out a bit guy. Punk and Chuck are wrestling to fill television time. They're match happened because they're professional wrestlers and they wrestle.
And you guys are going to feel REALLY dumb when you find out that it's an awesome angle with Adamie intentionally being a straight edge clueless nerd.
WWE knew the fans would crap all over a 50+ year old guy not from the industry, so they worked this out. So awesome
Posted By: BS (Guest) on May 03, 2008 at 02:48 AM
Any chance Elmo could walk out mid recap?
That would be nice.
Posted By: DD (Guest) on May 03, 2008 at 04:19 PM
DD... If I were 411, I'd hire you for Elmo RIGHT NOW. "Walk out midcap". HILARIOUS. Good job.
Could this be the last "Rant of AweXomeness"! Stay tuned as we watch Elmo's short stint with 411mania.com come to a complete halt.
Posted By: The Unregistered Guest (Guest) on May 03, 2008 at 08:33 PM
Elmo has yet to realize this, the goonish grin plastered on his uncoordinated face, but everytime someone writes about how much they hate Elmo, 411mania pays attention and decides to keep him around longer.
What's the name of his review? "RANT of Awexomeness." While Awexomeness sounds like a buzzword devised by USA Network or MTV to bring in more viewers/consumers ("Taste the Awexomeness!" amirite?)
the title describes exactly what these reviews are and why Elmo has a job at 411mania, these are RANTS! Elmo has been brought in to RANT. In the job description for this job, it asks for RANT style recapper.
So, you want to tell him good job? You want to bash him? Go ahead, all attention is good attention.
Posted By: John De Large (Guest) on May 05, 2008 at 11:45 PM
So you're saying that 411 is doing what the IWC always bitch about WWE for doing? Instead of providing a product to entertain the fans they are providing a product for the fans to complain about, and tune back in next time to complain about some more?
There must be some irony in there somewhere.
Posted By: DD (Guest) on May 06, 2008 at 03:02 PM
Copyright � 2011 411mania.com, LLC. All rights reserved.
Click here for our privacy policy. Please help us serve you better, fill out our survey.
Use of this site signifies your agreement to our terms of use.
