The Impact Crater 04.24.08

Posted by Ryan Byers on 05.02.2008

Let's do the time warp again!

Welcome, one and all, to the Impact Crater. As always, I'm Ryan, and I'm here to walk you through the wacky world of TNA Impact. We're on a bit of an unusual schedule, though. Ardent Crater supporters will realize that, though it is currently May 2, I never got around to reviewing the April 24 edition of the show. This was due to the fact that I was out of town this past weekend to watch some live SHIMMER action, and I failed to account for how much this would take away from my Crater writing time.

However, enough about SHIMMER. I've said enough about that already in my live report and will have plenty more in this Sunday's news report. What you're here to read about is TNA . . . and read about TNA you will. I'll get through the April 25 version of the show first, and, within the next couple of days, I should have the Crater for May 1 up. We're going to clear out this backlog and move forward, dammit!



Quick & Dirty Results for April 25

Segment #1: Sting/Booker T./James Storm/Jim Cornette Interview Segment
Segment #2: The Dudley Boys def. Chocolate Reign & Rellik is Killer Spelled Backwards in a Deuces Wild Tag Team Tournament Match
Segment #3: Christian & Rhino def. The Murder City Machine Guns in a Deuces Wild Tag Team Tournament Match
Segment #4: Jim Cornette Books an Idiotic Match
Segment #5: Sting & Booker T. def. James Storm & Bobby Roode
Segment #6: Samoa Joe (c) def. Kurt Angle to retain the TNA Title

The Main Stuff

Angle Numero Uno: Title Picture? What Title Picture?

While TNA was setting up Lockdown, they did an awesome job with the build towards their World Title match. It was clearly the most important thing on the show, the one spectacle for which fans were supposed to purchase the PPV. The War Games match was there as a close second, but the repeated video packages, big MMA guests, and intense interviews for Joe/Angle contest allowed it to transcend the feeling associated with your run of the mill professional wrestling match. It felt like an event unto itself.

Fast forward a few weeks, and TNA is now doing the exact opposite. There was nothing actively bad in their handling of the main event build this week, but boy did it ever feel unimportant. Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe wrestle. Prior to the match, Kurt Angle insults Scott Steiner (and it wasn't even that good of an insult). Scott Steiner runs out during the Angle/Joe match and hits Angle. The previously scheduled Steiner/Joe match for the upcoming pay per view is now a three way match. Yeehaw. I understand that if every pay per view main event had the exact same level of importance then none of them would stand as being special, but the dropoff in my excitement level between Lockdown and Sacrifice is staggering. My only hope is that, sometime over the next couple of weeks, the storytelling either gets significantly better or significantly worse, because there's nothing more boring to write about than professional wrestling that is meidocre.

Oh well, at least the Joe/Angle match that we got as the main event this evening was a pretty fun free television match all things considered.

Angle Numero Dos: Dropping a Deuce

Last I wrote about TNA, I mentioned that I was going to wait and see where the company vacating its Tag Team Titles lead, because there could be some benefits to the move. Well, I have now seen the company's proposal for determining a new set of champions, and I have to say that I am not thrilled.

Just when you thought that Fight for Your Right (To PARRRRRRRRRRTY!) was bad, now we've got Deuces Wild, the tournament in which eight tag teams fight with the winners moving on to the second round where they face "randomly" selected teams of individuals who are normally singles wrestlers. My first issue with this tournament is a bit on the old school side. Call me crazy, but I still like my title contenders to have done something in order to earn their championship matches. Thus, I have to wonder why the regular tag teams in the tournament are forced to go through one more round of competition than the teams consisting of singles wrestlers. After all, the "established" teams have presumably actually accomplished something within the tag team division, making them more credible title contenders. Shouldn't the singles wrestlers – who presumably have no established history in the tag division – be the ones who have to prove themselves by going through an extra round? I suppose that, if you do things that way, you don't get the surprise factor of finding out which singles wrestlers are teaming on pay per view, but it's not the most well thought out plan from the "wrestling booked as a legitimate sport" school of thought.

Also, though I won't fully be able to make this determination until the tournament has concluded, this seems like another situation in which TNA is booking a wacky "concept" match (or in this case series of matches) not for the purpose of actually getting any characters over but rather for the sole purpose of doing something "different" in hopes that the difference will get a few curiosity buys. They did this with Feast or Fired, a bizarre match centering on who would get a pink slip. What came of Feast or Fired? Absolutely nothing of any meaning. Christopher Daniels vanished to become Curry Man, and Scott Steiner is receiving a World Title shot in a throwaway match in which he's not even going to be the focus. It would be one thing if they did these wacky gimmick matches which were irrelevant to the company's characters/storylines and the curiosity buys actually rolled in. Unfortunately, that's not what has happened in the past. Instead, TNA has done these bizarre matches, no additional viewers have been drawn in, and no characters have gotten more over with the audience that is tuning it. It's a lose-lose situation, as TV time that could be used to make stars of wrestlers is instead wasted making stars of stipulations . . . stipulations that have a history of not drawing.

Angle Numero Tres: Russo Comes to the Women's Division

There was a several month period during which, in every edition of this column, I would unequivocally state that TNA's women's division was the best part of the show. It really was. Now, however, things appear to be on a downswing. Don't get me wrong, the division still contains some awesome wrestlers and definitely outclasses WWE in terms of presentation of the female end of the sport. However, it looks like things are getting ready to take a downsing.

Tonight, we saw a match signed for the upcoming pay per view which will feature the vast majority of the women's division competing against each other. If you thought the reverse cage match was bad, this steaming cluster of an in-ring encounter will consist of a battle royale followed by a ladder match which is also a hair match which is also a number one contenders match. I've ranted about this style of gimmick match so many times in this column that I don't see the point of going too far in-depth with it again, but, needless to say, I'm not happy. I'm also not happy with the return of one of the most idiotic concepts that this promotion has ever seen, namely the gimmick in which the runner-up in a match with more than two competitors gets punished. This bout will have roughly ten women in it, and eight of them will lose prior to the "ladder match" phase of the contest. Yet one of the two women who outlasts all of them will have her head shaved. On what planet does that make any sense? The sad thing is that TNA has done this before, people have pointed it out before, and they still completely fail to see the flaw in the concept.

What makes even less sense is the rationale behind Jim Cornette booking the match. In kayfabe terms, management put the thing together because they're tired of the women acting like spoiled, self-obsessed . . . well . . . "divas," for lack of a better term. So the storyline is that every woman in the company, with the possible exceptions of the Amazing Kong and Cheerleader Melissa, is an obnoxious harpy. Ladies and gentlemen, there are apparently no faces left in the TNA women's division. Nobody to cheer. Nobody to root for. May as well just close the whole thing up now and move on with our lives.

Overall

This show was simultaneously the best and worst of TNA. On one hand, the in-ring action (which I normally don't talk about much in this column) was AWESOME. Though it wasn't the sort of five star affair that we'll remember for years, Joe versus Angle was a very good free television main event, far better than the company's standard fare. Combine that with a decent encounter between the Christian/Rhino and Shelley/Sabin units, and you've got all of the makings of a fun show from a pure wrestling perspective. However, even though the matches this week got a fair amount of time, it was blatantly obvious that the action wasn't the company's primary focus. Their primary focus – the thing that the actually pushed as being the most important – was their freaking stipulations. Contrived, convoluted, and completely incapable of bringing in any additional money to the promotion, these lame match and tournament gimmicks have long been the bane of my existence. This month's pay per view cycle is particularly bad in that regard, as I don't just have to deal with one of them. I have to deal with TWO. If this is as bad as it has the potential to be, I may just "cross the line" . . . from sanity to insanity.

This is Austin!
by Austin Arte

(Ryan's note: Many of you have already come to know and love Austin Arte, a young gentlemen who captured Crater readers' hearts and minds when he first e-mailed me several weeks ago. Eventually, I offered him a regular spot in this column in which he could let us in on his . . . umm . . . unique take on professional wrestling. If you're so inclined, you can e-mail him at [e-mail].)

ok guys wut i want 2 talkb out 2day is ring of hornr wresltn i jus startd tlakin botu wreslin on the interesnt bakc in december an ind never herd of ring of horner b4 that but wen i got nline all of these guys over at talkimpat.calm were like roh is so tatally the bes thin ever an wen i saw 411maria i saw that theres this guy ari berensteine like the berinesten bears lol who rights a lot bout ring of horror neway sumbody told me were i could go 2 watch a irng of honro match an i wente there an it was this weird ugy wit spiky hair wrestler fightig this guy who wuz really pail an kinda generic lookin neway i watched th ematch an i don get y ppl say ring of honro is so good i mean it wuznt like totally bad but the spiky guy wuz really weird he looke dliek he wuz sum fat 12 yr ole girl who ogt like hit wit a gorwith ray an all he did wuz this 1 clothesline over an over an i thought geez hits guy needs 2 do more than 1 move i mean come on there r sum big guy restlers that can do that like kevin nash he does more than 1 lcothesline kevin nash can do clotheslins ann powerobms an chokeslams an side slams an the pale guy look lie he wuz maby 90 lbs i think wrestlers need 2 be a lil bitger if ppl r gunna take em serious i don meen they half 2 take steroirs but if theay wunt 2 thats there business but they don half 2 they jsu need 2 be bigger naurally neway thuts wut i though but ring of honer not bad porlly not asgood as wee an defintly not as good as tna

That was Austin!

And that'll do it for this edition of the Impact Crater. The review of the May 1 show should be up before the end of the weekend, so keep an eye out for that one if you're interested in my continued thoughts on the Deuces Wild tournament, the wacky women's hair match, and the nearly nonexistent World Title feud. Also, I've already taken a look at austin's submission for the week, and it's a doozy. Let's just say that I've never seen a supposed wrestling column that looked so much like an angsty letter from a jilted lover.