ECW Rant of AweXomeness 5.06.08
Posted by Elmo Machete on 05.06.2008
It's WWECW's 100th episode - here's to a hundred more passably entertaining, developmental-on-TV-style shows!
RE: the dude who's been e-mailing me. Yeah, I apologized for missing the first segment last week... but I checked the spoilers, and the match result is on the report at least. I'm still not that bummed I missed Kofi vs. Shelton. The only interesting thing I think they could do with Kingston right now is end his undefeated streak, and that didn't happen.
...and, while this is sort of a "job" of mine, I like to look at pro wrestling as more of a "hobby." My JOB sucks - that's why I write about my hobby online, for fun. And, because some people seem to like the way I write. Then again, some don't. But people who don't usually don't know how to punctuate a sentence properly, so I can laugh at them.
RE: the people who HAVEN'T been e-mailing me. What up, yo? E-mail me. I'm friendly, unless I'm complaining about ECW.
ON TO ECW!
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TONIGHT: It's ECW's historic 100th episode, and their opening song still sucks eleven balls in a row!
Tazz starts off the show by himself for a moment before Tony Chimel gives Mike Adamle his own introduction. He's in the ring with a microphone (oh, no) - alot of people have been asking him what the deal was with his walking out last Tuesday. Adamle says he lost his cool and apologizes to Tazz (whose beard is going gray) & the ECW fans. Good god, it sounds like he's yelling at that microphone... and he just keeps going, without really saying ANYTHING. He touts his broadcast experience to massive boo's. "I had no idea how hard this job was, and how great the ECW fans are." That was lame. Eventually he sits down at the table (better than him in the ring, I guess) and the first match is on.
Extreme Rules: TOMMY DREAMER (w/shopping cart o' plunder) vs. MIKE KNOX. Stevie Richards, for some reason, has joined the commentary team. Lockup to start, Knox overpowers Dreamer and hits him with a shoulderblock. An elbow drop misses, Tommy fights back and sends Mike over the ropes then starts choking him with his jersey. Using the jersey to fling Knox into the steps, Dreamer goes for his plunder but eats a clothesline. Knox has a cookie sheet, thwacks Tommy with it, they head back in and Knox holds Tommy up for a delayed vertical suplex. Dreamer gets choked over the middle rope, then Knox runs up and asses him in the neck (NO, Adamle, this isn't Knox's first Extreme Rules match). Knox has a hockey stick, Tommy takes it away and starts swingin', then he gets a Singapore cane and an oar. Were these things just laying around backstage or something? Tommy breaks the oar over Knox's skull, then chucks the cart into the ring. A suplex is blocked and Tommy gets slammed across the shopping cart. Knox heads to the top, gets crotched and blocks a kendo stick shot like a pussy while in the tree of woe. Tommy sets up the cart and gurrbage can in front of Knox's face and dropkicks them - pretty sweet. Tommy goes out to get a table, props it into the corner and goes for a bulldog into it (that wouldn't have really worked), which is blocked into a back suplex through the wood. Knox gets a chair, Tommy kicks it into his face and clubs the back. Knox goes low on Dreamer's DDT attempt, hits the Shellshock onto the chair (did Adamle call it the Knoxout?!?) for the victory.
**3/4 (Fun, short little free TV hardcore match... and YES, he DID call it the Knoxout. Ugh. Tommy Dreamer is still a marginally better wrestler than Mike Knox, so good for him)
Still to come - Colin Delaney fights for his contract again, and Kelly Kelly "dances" again. Of all the 100 episodes, she's probably done the same useless shit on over half of them.
Flashback to the first episode of ECW on SciFi with the Zombie vs. the Sandman. I used to see the guy who played the Zombie wrestle in a Long Island indie fed, he was a dick.
BREAK.
Kelly's Expose - she jogs around the ring sticking her ass out to that Timbaland song she was in the video for (I think). Oh, lookit that, she unzipped her skanksuit. Layla runs in and starts flopping around, and OH SHIT IT'S A DANCE-OFF. YOU GOT SERVED! OMFG'SZ!!1!ONE! Layla grabs Kelly's hair, Kelly slaps her, and it's a catfight broken up by the gents in the black Spider-Man 3 ref shirts. What a horrid segment.
Flashback to the 16th episode, RVD vs. Bob Holly. That's on the Extreme Rules DVD where all the first disc, old ECW matches suck and the new stuff disc isn't half bad. That was likely done on purpose.
Up next, Kofi Kingston vs. Matt Striker - this man's undefeated gimmick will never end, they'll just run out of stuff to do with him and send him back to Florida.
BREAK.
55th episode flashback, Piper's Pit with Matt Striker getting a cake to the face... and the Boogieman for some reason. Good thing he's not around right now, I'd have to break things.
Last week on ECW, Palumbo was DQ'd in his match against CM Punk for punching too much. He's backstage with Lena Yada, who's a worse interviewer than she is a dancer. Chuck romises to knock Punk out if he gets in his face again - he was only marginally better than Lena in that promo. Shelton Benjamin comes down for commentary, and we've got ourselves...
KOFI KINGSTON vs. MATT STRIKER. Benji tries to burn Adamle like everyone else, but it doesn't quite work. Striker doesn't have a hometown, he's announced from his school. Kofi starts with his silly fighting stance before dining on some fists and a suplex. Kofi kicks, dropkicks, does the racist leg senton, and during a replay Striker's regained control. He bounces off the ropes with some style when Matt tries to chuck him outside, & out of nowhere Kingston gets the spin kick and the pinfall - that was brief.
* (Notice they won't let Kofi wrestle for too long, and that he hit the first of his two big moves within, like, a minute.)
Shelton lays out Kofi with a jumping Flatliner after the match, and "proves that blondes don't have more fun." Man, "Terrible Commentator" is almost as bad a schtick as "Boring Lance Storm."
Colin Delaney heads out to the ring while the locker room cheers him on and we head to commercial.
BREAK.
Flashback to the 43rd episode, the rematch from Wrestlemania of Originals vs. the New Breed. That sure did end up meaning alot, didn't it?
COLIN DELANEY (still w/o music) vs. ARMANDO ESTRADA (still w/o Alejandro). Estrada has Johnny Nitro-style abs, and it's kinda unsettling to look at. He poses before Colin gets a quick roll-up, Armando strikes him down and starts the shit-talkin'. Punches to the face in the corner, and Estrada hits a one-man version of the Briscoes Jessica Biel throw for two. Armlock, Delaney tries to fight out but gets dragged down by the hair. He ducks Armando's charge to the corner, starts punching, then hits a dropkick. Estrada flips Colin onto the apron, knocks him off with a blow to the chest, then Colin slides under the bottom rope, gets a sunset pin for the victory and his ECW contract.
3/4* (Dull as fuck, but they finally did it at least.)
Tazz grabs Delaney for a brief interview where he says everything you'd expect him to say, and Colin runs around & slaps some hands.
Smackdown Rebound: they've stripped Undertaker of the World title. Hooray?
Okay, so Vickie Guerrero is a worse talker than Mike Adamle. Maybe he shouldn't feel TOO bad.
BREAK.
Team MTV (Miz and Morrison) is at the commentary table to help announce... CHAVO GUERRERO & BAM NEELY vs. "Money in the Bank Champion?" CM PUNK (w/briefcase) & ECW Champion KANE. Bam looks even duller in tights than he does in a suit. Kane starts the match by clubbing Neely's back, they brawl around before Kane tags Punk, hits a bodyslam and Punk flips onto Neely for a near-fall. Punk mounts a little offense, Bam overpowers him and hits his own bodyslam - in comes Chavo. Punk suplexes Guerrero, gets a front facelock and then Chavo floors him with a European uppercut. Punches to CM Punk in the other team's corner, Chavo runs up and gets backdropped outside while Punk's near the ropes - break time.
BREAK.
...we're back, Punk is working Neely's arm, throwing some kicks in for good measure. Bam reverses Punk's whip to the corner by sending him chest-first into the buckle, tag to Chavo, who chokes Punk against the rope for barely a one count. Chavo screws up what looked like it should've been a roll-up or something, flips across Punk's back and goes for a pin - nope. Rest hold, Punk tries to knee his way out but Chavo trips him down. Tag to Neely, and he kicks away at the midsection. Nothing special leads to a back suplex by Bam, Chavo back in and nails Punk with a boot on his jump into the ring. Suplex, cradle pin, kickout. This is so boring. Just because you're a heel, Chavo, doesn't mean you shouldn't do interesting moves. Neely back in after Kane gets taunted like every face tag partner ever has, Punk hops to the apron off a whip attempt and gets the springboard clothesline. They both tag, it's Kane & Chavo, and Kane sends him to the corner for punches and a big boot. Backdrop, clothesline, clothesline, sideslam. Kane knocks Neely off the apron, almost kills Chavo while trying to throw him outside, and covers with the flying lariat. Punk back in for the leg lariat, they run around before Chavo gets sent to the corner for a running knee & enziguri. Chavo Goes 2 Sleep, gets pinned, Miz & Nitro look at him menacingly, end of show.
* (SO fucking boring... this didn't need a commercial break in the middle at all.)
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WHAT I READ on 411:
Thanks (and shills) to Larry Csonka, who taught me how to link to things. Steve Cook knows about wrestling, and Leonard Hayhurst knows about movies.
That's it this time, because I don't know if I linked those right...
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RANDOM WRESTLING-RELATED YouTube VIDEO OF THE WEEK:
...will start as soon as I figure out how to embed YouTube videos.
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So, yeah, the 100th episode - outside of Colin's contract win, there weren't really any special moments - just kind of an episode like any other. Inoffensive, but somewhat of a disappointment after a pretty good Raw.
you're just Mr. Negative right? Since this article made me feel like a sad panda.
Posted By: ML2 (Guest) on May 06, 2008 at 11:27 PM
Mr. Negative? Hardly..
maybe he just tells like it is
great article by the way
Posted By: Hero (Guest) on May 06, 2008 at 11:35 PM
Are you like 14 or something? All of your articles are nothing but negativity and childish profanity.
Posted By: natedoggcata (Guest) on May 06, 2008 at 11:37 PM
so much swearing.
Posted By: Guest#6877 (Guest) on May 06, 2008 at 11:55 PM
ALL I GOTTA SAY IS THIS!
PUSH THAT ARMANDO DUDE!
HE'S THE NEXT ROCK!
BELIEVE IT PENDEJO'S!
PEACE!
Posted By: SomeDude (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:01 AM
I haven't written a comment for this new recap, because I figured I'd wait it out a few weeks to see how the writer adjusted and had time to apply some kind of usual format and what not. And now, that I had the chance to observe...I am starting to wonder if Elmo Machete is the Mike Adamle of 411Mania. Just without the AweXomeness. See what I just did there?
Elmo...I don't even know what to say, but I think I'll try to figure out something to say anyway.
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with criticism. It's not like your articles are HORRIBLE. You...hmm...you remind me a lot of Ryan Byers. Someone who loathes the show they review, which in turn, makes it feel like what's the point in reading if all they're going to do is shit on the product?
It feels to me like the only reason you decided to take a job here recapping ECW is so you can say that you "worked" (wrote) for 411Mania.
Why write about something you don't like to watch? To say you don't like to watch it? To complain and whine about it? To say how much it sucks? I don't get it.
ECW isn't a terrible show. It's the WWE's C show. Why are we expecting it to be anything other than that?
The negativity in this column is a bit hard to digest. Let's tone it down a little, not shit on EVERYTHING, and the column would be a pretty decent read.
Posted By: The Informer (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:20 AM
You seriously need to improve your writing, man. It's OK to include jokes , cute little made up names for wrestlers and whatnot, but please tone it down a little. It's not necessary to include jokes and smart ass-ery remarks in every paragraph.
Look at JD Dunn's reviews. He can be funny with unexpected jokes and pop culture references here and there. But does he include them in every frickin paragraph? NO.
My point is, don't force yourself to be funny and 'smart'. You sound like a wrestling fan (a smark, maybe)who writes reviews for fun.
Make an effort to be more 'formal' and 'professional' if you can. You can start by cutting down the profanity. It's not like Csonka never uses profanity or anything, but at least his article is more than 'legit' and 'professional' enough to be taken seriously.
My point is, stop sounding like a smart ass wrestling fans and start actually WRITING as a wrestling columnist.
Posted By: EddieGibson (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:24 AM
Shelton Benjamin Rules. That's all I have to say.
Posted By: Bryce (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:26 AM
To people who say I swear too much: whatever. Profanity amuses me.
To the Informer: I don't shit on EVERYTHING - mainly Adamle, Kofi's non-direction and how disappointed I've been with Chavo lately. I liked the hardcore match, I like Colin Delaney even though his matches aren't always great... hell, I liked Raw. I'm not doing this to say I "worked on 411Mania." I'm doing this because I USED to do it just for fun on my MySpace page (myspace.com/456dotcom, thumbs up/cheap pop!) and 411 said they needed a new ECW guy. Big deal if I don't like the episode of the show I'm reviewing - that doesn't mean I don't enjoy writing about it.
Lookit that, a comment with no profanity. Fuck yeah.
Posted By: Elmo Machete (Registered) on May 07, 2008 at 12:49 AM
There are enough boring, word for word, move for move, hold for hold reviewers on this site. If someone wants to come out swinging with jokes, names, cursing and things of that nature then please God don't complain. There needs to be variety in life.
Posted By: Engel (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:57 AM
ECW Top Ten:
#1-Colin (with no contract) gets more TV time than Val Venis (whussupwitdat??)
#2-Armando is MAD cut ("everyone listen-ha ha-to me")
#3-Adamle's (shoot) speech (why didn't they make Coach think of that?)
#4-Kelly Kelly's thing or whatever (I needed to pee-thanx)
#5-No Cena OR HHH (always grateful-no matter what show)
#6-The Tazz stole Greg Brady's shirt (are these your cigarettes, Johnny Bravo???)
#7-No Vince (I will NEVER 4get his ECW champ bit [the bastid])
#8-Bodyslam on a SHOPPING CART (way ouch)
#9-Stevie & Shelton on commentary (& Striker in the ring-thank you-drive thru)
#10-Miz & Morrison on commentary (I don't care what u say-they're gold-had me hitting the deck the whole time)
Bonus-leg hook by Punk for the pin-it's the extra touch that means so much
Great show-best ECW in quite a while-light a fatty 4 this pimp daddy!!
Posted By: fishstix68 (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:15 AM
That comment, "EddieGibson" wrote what I was thinking, but he actually wrote it a little better than how I did.
When I want to read wrestling news, news columns, and reviews/recaps, I come to 411Mania. There's other places to go, but I choose to come here to read because it feels..."more professional." More legit. More like wrestling columnist, not just smart wrestling fans writing.
Your reports, Elmo, seem more like posts made in a wrestling forum, than reports made on a pretty respectable, pretty popular wrestling [news] site.
J.D. Dunn IS the best reviewer/recapper/tv reporter/whatever you want to call it, on this site right now, and has been for a while, because he can criticize the product he's watching, be funny while doing so, and do it in a way in which it comes off as not too "smarky".
Again, I don't have a real beef with your report, Elmo...it's just...too overbearing sometimes.
Like I stated previously, you (and in essence, your column) remind me of Byers (and his Impact Crater column). Each week I read his column, and each week all I pretty much saw was his disdain for the show he was watching. He could go and write a 12 page column on Impact, and 10 of those pages would be him telling us how much he hates the show. Every week, same thing. I'm starting to see the same thing happen here.
And yes, I know the old adage, "No one is forcing you to read the columns. If you don't want to read it, click the little 'x' in the top right-hand corner." Yes, this is true. No one is forcing me. I read because I choose to. I said it before, and I'll say it again, this isn't a horrible column. At least not in my opinion. I enjoy reading it. I enjoy reading other people's opinion on the shows. But for a site such as this, it just comes off as a little too "smarky". Write as a wrestling columnist who is a wrestling fan. Not as a wrestling fan who is posing to be a wrestling columnist.
Side-note: I didn't say you were in-fact doing this to say you wrote for 411Mania. To rephrase, I said your columns makes it feel like you're only writing to say that you HAVE wrote for 411Mania, which is a big step-up from writing your column on your MySpace page. Unless you're writing in a diary, writing a letter to yourself, or you just like to read your own words, people write to have readers. You now have somewhere to write where you know it'll be read.
Posted By: The Informer (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:35 AM
wow, the guy gave his opinion and you flame him? really mature and not childish at all...(/sarcasm)
frikkin wankers
Posted By: natedoggcata_is_my_biatch (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:41 AM
"wow, the guy gave his opinion and you flame him? really mature and not childish
at all...(/sarcasm)
frikkin wankers
Posted By: natedoggcata_is_my_biatch (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:41 AM"
But it's ok for you to flame others' who give their opinion, correct?
Just as it is ok for Elmo to give his opinion on the WWE product (and in this case, ECW), it is ok for me to give my opinion on the 411Mania product (and in this case, Elmo's ECW report).
Just as I'm sure it's ok for someone to comment on what I have written.
I'm quite alright with it.
And I am not trying to
"flame" anyone. I'm pretty sure it's alright to share thoughts and opinions, and to offer criticism and compliments. I wasn't trying to flame or bait him. That'd be pointless. But I DO think this comment section is here for a reason: to offer comments about the column.
I took that offer up.
Posted By: The Informer (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:57 AM
Elmo, every week you get bashed. Seriously, get a clue.
I will give you credit for one line. COLIN DELANEY (still w/o music) vs. ARMANDO ESTRADA (still w/o Alejandro) gave me a little chuckle.
Your criticism has no credibility and you should stop talking crap about Adamle. Not because Adamle doesn't deserve it, but because you are the equivalent of Adamle, and have no business talking about how bad he is.
You're nothing but a JD Dunn wannabe. JD Dunn is the Rock, and you're ... Mike Adamle.
The comments speak for themselves Elmo. Go write in your journal where we don't have to be exposed to your 6th grade logic.
Posted By: unregistered user (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:59 AM
If I'm Mike Adamle, and you're bitching about my review, then that makes you ME when I'm complaining about Adamle. WE'RE ONE IN THE SAME!
How's that for sixth grade logic?
And you smell, so there.
Posted By: Elmo Machete (Registered) on May 07, 2008 at 02:12 AM
Hell, the title of the column isn't even ECW Report of AweXomeness. It says RANT right there in the title.
Posted By: m8 (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 03:15 AM
Despite my criticism towards Mr. Elmo Machete, I have to give him credits though. He's taking LOTS of shit from the comment section every week yet he still writes passionately and enjoys not giving a damn about what we say. Elmo, don't get me wrong. I don't hate you. I just hate your writing style. All said and done, you definitely have some talent though.
BTW, whoever puts the comment section on 411mania is a genius. It really does spice up this little site.
Posted By: EddieGibson (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 03:26 AM
The world doesn't need another Hyatte wannabe. Especially one with marginal writing talenet and a hard-on for hating everything. Bitching about Knox's finisher being called the Knoxout? Seriously? As stupid finisher names go, that's pretty damn good.
And hey, look! I can punctuate a sentence properly.
Posted By: Ian (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 03:49 AM
Unregistered User - He gets bashed every week, but here you all are hitting him with comments, giving more traffic to 411mania.com. I'm sure his "bosses" are just SO upset you're all visiting their site. Also, if he sounds negative it's because HE'S SUPPOSED TO, you twits, and if he sounds like a "wrestling fan who does this in his spare time" then that's because HE IS. He doesn't obsess over pro wrestling like the rest of ye and me. While I personally could think Elmo doesn't know thing one about psychology and could stand to have the article punctuated better and have better flow, these are negligible complaints and if he didn't change a thing, I wouldn't be upset.
In short, keep on keeping on Elmo and don't forget, 2KW + ROH + Steak + drinking on Saturday, my n*gga.
Peace!
Posted By: John De Large (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 04:20 AM
Isn't there already a boring ECW recap on 411? Why don't the people who want "professional" recaps go read that? Isn't that why they have two different people recapping the show in the first place---so you can choose the style you'd like to read? I think I'm gonna keep choosing Elmo, because I like being entertained while I'm finding out what I missed on ECW, and he's doing a great job of it.
Posted By: Paul (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 07:17 AM
Match of the night:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8kwM_0DYFI
Quote of the night:
"You Wanna Contract! You Wanna Contract!
You Stupid Punk!
I'm The Boss!"
hahaha armando is awesome
Posted By: ecwrules (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 07:39 AM
"Shelton Benjamin Rules. Thats all I have to say."
Bryce thats all that needs saying. U are wise.
And I swear to god if he doesnt get a decent push soon im gonna stop watching WWE.
Posted By: kaei (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 08:27 AM
I guess what people are trying to say is to just tone it down a little.
Posted By: RJ45 (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 09:21 AM
You're right JDL. That's why he's just like Adamle. The WWE uses Adamle, not because he's any good, but because he makes a bunch of unfunny remarks, he's incompetent, and the fans can't stand him! Yup, Elmo's the equivalent of Adamle.
Elmo's being used because he brings in traffic, not because his reviews are credible or funny, but because it gives fans something to boo at.
Posted By: Unregistered User (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 09:28 AM
Dear Everyone Critiquing Elmo's Writing Style,
Kindly extract the sand from your vaginas POST HASTE, and read something else if you don't like it.
Love,
McLovin
Posted By: McLovin (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 09:35 AM
Mike Adamle my comment on that is the gimmick is fucking brilliant everyone hates it so it must be working. I liked this week's ECW show it had an almost Old school not the their golden era but late mid 90's feel to it.
Posted By: Paul (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 09:39 AM
Great work Elmo. It's a shame these WWE fanboys can't handle a review that tells it like it is. If you did the same to TNA they'd be all over this board saying you did a great job! Suckers! Keep telling the truth Elmo with no apologies!
Posted By: Chikara (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 11:52 AM
Mike Adamle: More proof that Vince OWNS you all.
Posted By: Orlando (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 11:55 AM
You know what I read both of the reviews, and if there were still two more reviews, I would read that, but I always prefer Bauer's review when I dont have time to read anything else. But still it wont hurt to atleast acknowledge that some of it was good.
Posted By: Arnab (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:29 PM
Elmo rules!
Posted By: The Drunken Race Fan (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:34 PM
Elmo... what happened to that pink fuzzy guy I remember...
Seroiusly this is not Jackass.. though if the show fits..
ok my jokes are not any better than yours
My problem is you say you like to write about your hobby. You don't like your hobby. you do, as others have said, sound like one of the "wrestling gurus" who post on this site.
yup I can not read your column any more (I won't) but maybe you need to change the "fucking boring" channel and find another "fucking boring" hobby.
Posted By: ted g (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:48 PM
OK dude, "alot" is NOT a word! What, are we in 4th grade here? Come on now... A LOT. Say it with me, A LOT!
Posted By: Spelling Bee (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 03:51 PM
My my my how the wrestling fan has changed over the years. If you guys think this guy is to "harsh" for you, then you would have HATED to have been an internet fan in the mid 90s with WWF putting on horrible shows and in the LATE 90s with WCW putting on horrible shows that was recapped by the one and only CRZ.
Elmo, you keep doing your thing, man. I may not agree with EVERYTHING you say, but I personally LIKE to read columns that sound like they're from a die hard wrestling fan's point of view. I get bored with a lot of "fluff" in articles and I actually enjoy your ECW column more so than any other column on the site right now... keep doin' you..
Posted By: Industry (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 04:08 PM
its not the fact that ECW dose not suck... Its does its a C show with one star on it (Punk) Its the fact that you cant go one review with out bitching about something or trying to be overley funny. I never thought I would wish for larry back on an "ECW" review.
Posted By: Punkhead (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 04:17 PM
WAAAAHHHH! WAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Listen to yourselves! you parrots simply regurgitate with no thought or
sense of what you're talking about. I loved this column
Apter and Csonka have both rated this columnists quite highly...think I'll trust
their opinion over a bunch of retards who either have no love for wrestling columns
or
are masochistic to the extreme in reading something they so clearly hate. To
all the junior Scott Keith's - You're Ruining the I.W.C.
Posted By: Dennett316 (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 06:53 PM
Elmo's better than Adamle, y'know why? Y'all could just watch/listen to Adamle, but you guys actually stop, read Elmo's rant, then go out of your way to leave your comments. The Informer REALLY goes out of his way for Elmo, with his f*cking novellas. BTW mate, TL;DR, but I'm sure you hear that a lot ('cause they're right, IT IS TWO WORDS you ruddy shit), amirite?
Oh and if any of you say you're already on the internet when you make these comments, I won't be surprised. You fuckin' virgins, there oughta be a law against ye. If you ain't a made man, a laid man by the age of 20, you should be nailed to the f*cking cross.
Also, I'm done defending my friend. It's embarrassing and frankly if someone were butting in all the time trying to take up my fight as their own, I'd hit them in the mouth nine times. So, before Elmo is entitled to hit me in the face, I bid ye all adieu.
Posted By: John De Large (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 07:34 PM
Point being is this:
I offered criticism. I didn't go out of my way to bad mouth the guy. I have no idea who Elmo Machete the person is, and I don't think he's a horrible person or anything. He's going to have to expect some criticism as well as receive some compliments. It's the nature of the beast.
All I tried to say is that it'd be a better read (in my opinion) if he didn't try so hard to be funny, if his entire column wasn't almost entirely made up of insults against the show he was enjoying watching (because just like we can choose not to read his column if we find it horrid {which I don't} if he hates watching ECW so much, he could change the channel) and just tone it down a notch.
I think the guy has potential, that's for sure. Just a bit of toning it down would go a long way in my eyes.
You may not agree with my opinion, but so be it. You're entitled to voice a similar opinion, as well as offer a differing opinion if you so feel obliged to.
Posted By: The Informer (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 09:08 PM
If Elmo could write a review that makes this show seem worth watching he would deserve a Pullitzer Prize. Seriously, he's being given a bucket of diarrhea and being asked to make brownies out of it. I used to watch Velocity, Shotgun Saturday Night and other C shows, but ECW is agony. You might as well ask him to write a comedy about 9/11. It's just as feasible as writing a positive review about this show. Don't hate the messenger.
Posted By: Jason (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 10:15 PM
What a horrible article.
Posted By: Shining Wiz (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 10:45 PM
This isn't a crappy backyard-wrestling review, nor old '88 AWA or Russostastic TNA/WCW, this is the C Show, which is not all that horrid, if of course, you like wrestling. Criticizing negatively the product is accepted, as it is one's opinion, but a continous, weekly complaining about the same stuff gets annoying, and even predictable.
I see Machete working into his own style, one that can draw his own fanbase. He's not Meehan, he's not Cook, he's not (The Burier) Csonka, and he will never me Dunn, but if he develops his own style and embrace the product that he reviews, we might see something interesting.
With that said, these reviews (with the exception of one in the previous month) look like a 14-16 year would post in any of hundres of wrestling forums, or the mail reactions sent to Gerweck. Jokes are being recycled from elsewhere, cursing is used ineffectively and the development of the review gets tedious and boring. Don't just bark back at the comments below your column, read them and use them as tools to work on future reviews. If you're trying to be cool with your writing style, you're missing the bullseye. Leave your opinion for later on, instead of brainwashing the reader to believe what you say. Then, we would get somewhere.
PS. Yes, I decided to roll over the mouse to the link directing to this column. Yes, I read it completely. Why? Just in case I could find a diamond in the middle of it, but I only find shards of zirconia.
I will hear tales of Machete's reviews being widely applauded; until then, good luck.
PPS, Machete reminds me of Peter Kent, not a bad thing. Whatever happened to that guy anyways?
Posted By: JA Toro (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 11:19 PM
Elmo....make a deal with ya. Ill NEVER bitch about you saying anything negative until ECW starts to NOT suck k? IF they do you have to install a "positivity meter" to keep us all apprised of the level of positivity a particular column will contain. =) Just a suggestion.
Posted By: CM Wolf (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 12:47 AM
Let's not go to the other extreme of being mr. positive. That's not what we're looking for. It does seem like these articles by Elmo are so focused on negativity that it just gets dull. For example..
**3/4 (Fun, short little free TV hardcore match... and YES, he DID call it the Knoxout. Ugh. Tommy Dreamer is still a marginally better wrestler than Mike Knox, so good for him)
3/4* (Dull as fuck, but they finally did it at least.)
* (SO fucking boring... this didn't need a commercial break in the middle at all.)
When you complain this much, you begin to lose credibility. There's gotta be balance otherwise there's no way to tell between a good match and a bad match. And it's on Sci-Fi on Tuesday and the ECW champion is KANE. Don't tell me that this is supposed to be some revolutionary product.
Here's a couple of my rants...
ADAMLE - Everyone hates him. No one thinks he fits in the industry, but the WWE thought he was qualified. But it's no secret that he's disliked. So what does WWE do? Makes him this goody-good heel. He gets the response, Adamle gets talked about, and WWE has made the most of it.
KOFI - To me, his style is fresh. It's nice to see a high flyer and he does add some flash to some traditional moves. Is he the greastest? Probably not. Is he worst? I honestly don't think so. I think he's pretty entertaining, but the whole happy jamaican is driving me nuts..
But to Elmo, these are the worst things in all of professional wrestling. People feed into it, and can't even enjoy it for what it could be. Amazingly negative, you are Elmo. That's all I'm saying.
Posted By: unregistered users (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 01:28 AM
Why are people bitching about negativity? From what you usually can see in the comments section, that's what the whole lot of you seem to be so interested of. The irony is starting to get pretty fucking overwhelming as people now bitch about the bitching itself.
Posted By: Aname (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 05:19 AM
Aname... Why are you angry? There's a difference between negativity and criticism. The former is what you might call a complainer. It's pretty irritating to listen to complainers all the time.
And yes I understand that I'm complaining and that may make me a hypocrite. But I only complain about Elmo's rants because they've never changed. Week after week it's just complaints.
Posted By: Guest#1178 (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 01:03 PM
BUT THEY ASKED HIM TO COMPLAIN! IT WAS IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION YOU 'TARDS!
Okay, now I'm done.
Posted By: John De Large (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 01:51 PM
How did I come out "angry"? How do you actually make yourself appear "angry" as you type a comment? If I had tapped caps lock prior to writing something, then, perhaps, yes. And added a whole lot of profanity. Then I'd probably give the impression of anger in addition to plain stupidity.
It's not like I agree on the writer's legions of remarks about how this and that segment was "dull" or "lame". The report leaves lots to hope for, but so does the show it's reporting about, so it should be OK.
Either way, my point was that every time you look at any of the comments, all you'll see there is quest this and that having wasted bandwith with the same old comments in the lines of "EPIC FAIL", "another shitty show!!!!2" and whatnot other failed attempts at being borderline funny. If that's what gives people who read the stuff here their kicks, then that's probably what they also want to read. Where there's demand, there ought to be supply.
Posted By: Aname (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 04:35 PM
Aname... You talk like the Miss South Carolina. I see English, but uh, none of it makes any sense.
Posted By: Guest#2753 (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 05:48 PM
hahahhaha this is so entertaining! I love this site.
Elmo is ok. I don't complaint about his negativism cuz there are other recaps to read.
Posted By: yincia (Guest) on May 09, 2008 at 02:28 AM
Adamle is the don- you are such an idiot you dont realise his announcing has been turned into an angle?
Posted By: Nuff Said (Guest) on May 09, 2008 at 06:08 AM
John De Large - Any job description that says you're supposed to complain, is a job for "tardz". Anyone can be a complainer, not every one can be a critic. It's called critical thinking. Mindless complaining isn't critical thinking.
OK, now you're done.
Posted By: unregistered user (Guest) on May 09, 2008 at 12:01 PM
I think if anything, Elmo is too charitable to ECW. And what's with people commenting saying "It's the C Show, what do you expect?" That was Vince's plan all along. He ruining the memory of ECW by doing what he does with everything. turning it into a tacky soapy circus of tits and tired gimmicks.
Posted By: Bob the baker (Guest) on May 11, 2008 at 02:22 PM
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