ECW Rant of AweXomeness 5.06.08
Posted by Elmo Machete on 05.06.2008
It's WWECW's 100th episode - here's to a hundred more passably entertaining, developmental-on-TV-style shows!
RE: the dude who's been e-mailing me. Yeah, I apologized for missing the first segment last week... but I checked the spoilers, and the match result is on the report at least. I'm still not that bummed I missed Kofi vs. Shelton. The only interesting thing I think they could do with Kingston right now is end his undefeated streak, and that didn't happen.
...and, while this is sort of a "job" of mine, I like to look at pro wrestling as more of a "hobby." My JOB sucks - that's why I write about my hobby online, for fun. And, because some people seem to like the way I write. Then again, some don't. But people who don't usually don't know how to punctuate a sentence properly, so I can laugh at them.
RE: the people who HAVEN'T been e-mailing me. What up, yo? E-mail me. I'm friendly, unless I'm complaining about ECW.
ON TO ECW!
----------
TONIGHT: It's ECW's historic 100th episode, and their opening song still sucks eleven balls in a row!
Tazz starts off the show by himself for a moment before Tony Chimel gives Mike Adamle his own introduction. He's in the ring with a microphone (oh, no) - alot of people have been asking him what the deal was with his walking out last Tuesday. Adamle says he lost his cool and apologizes to Tazz (whose beard is going gray) & the ECW fans. Good god, it sounds like he's yelling at that microphone... and he just keeps going, without really saying ANYTHING. He touts his broadcast experience to massive boo's. "I had no idea how hard this job was, and how great the ECW fans are." That was lame. Eventually he sits down at the table (better than him in the ring, I guess) and the first match is on.
Extreme Rules: TOMMY DREAMER (w/shopping cart o' plunder) vs. MIKE KNOX. Stevie Richards, for some reason, has joined the commentary team. Lockup to start, Knox overpowers Dreamer and hits him with a shoulderblock. An elbow drop misses, Tommy fights back and sends Mike over the ropes then starts choking him with his jersey. Using the jersey to fling Knox into the steps, Dreamer goes for his plunder but eats a clothesline. Knox has a cookie sheet, thwacks Tommy with it, they head back in and Knox holds Tommy up for a delayed vertical suplex. Dreamer gets choked over the middle rope, then Knox runs up and asses him in the neck (NO, Adamle, this isn't Knox's first Extreme Rules match). Knox has a hockey stick, Tommy takes it away and starts swingin', then he gets a Singapore cane and an oar. Were these things just laying around backstage or something? Tommy breaks the oar over Knox's skull, then chucks the cart into the ring. A suplex is blocked and Tommy gets slammed across the shopping cart. Knox heads to the top, gets crotched and blocks a kendo stick shot like a pussy while in the tree of woe. Tommy sets up the cart and gurrbage can in front of Knox's face and dropkicks them - pretty sweet. Tommy goes out to get a table, props it into the corner and goes for a bulldog into it (that wouldn't have really worked), which is blocked into a back suplex through the wood. Knox gets a chair, Tommy kicks it into his face and clubs the back. Knox goes low on Dreamer's DDT attempt, hits the Shellshock onto the chair (did Adamle call it the Knoxout?!?) for the victory.
**3/4 (Fun, short little free TV hardcore match... and YES, he DID call it the Knoxout. Ugh. Tommy Dreamer is still a marginally better wrestler than Mike Knox, so good for him)
Still to come - Colin Delaney fights for his contract again, and Kelly Kelly "dances" again. Of all the 100 episodes, she's probably done the same useless shit on over half of them.
Flashback to the first episode of ECW on SciFi with the Zombie vs. the Sandman. I used to see the guy who played the Zombie wrestle in a Long Island indie fed, he was a dick.
BREAK.
Kelly's Expose - she jogs around the ring sticking her ass out to that Timbaland song she was in the video for (I think). Oh, lookit that, she unzipped her skanksuit. Layla runs in and starts flopping around, and OH SHIT IT'S A DANCE-OFF. YOU GOT SERVED! OMFG'SZ!!1!ONE! Layla grabs Kelly's hair, Kelly slaps her, and it's a catfight broken up by the gents in the black Spider-Man 3 ref shirts. What a horrid segment.
Flashback to the 16th episode, RVD vs. Bob Holly. That's on the Extreme Rules DVD where all the first disc, old ECW matches suck and the new stuff disc isn't half bad. That was likely done on purpose.
Up next, Kofi Kingston vs. Matt Striker - this man's undefeated gimmick will never end, they'll just run out of stuff to do with him and send him back to Florida.
BREAK.
55th episode flashback, Piper's Pit with Matt Striker getting a cake to the face... and the Boogieman for some reason. Good thing he's not around right now, I'd have to break things.
Last week on ECW, Palumbo was DQ'd in his match against CM Punk for punching too much. He's backstage with Lena Yada, who's a worse interviewer than she is a dancer. Chuck romises to knock Punk out if he gets in his face again - he was only marginally better than Lena in that promo. Shelton Benjamin comes down for commentary, and we've got ourselves...
KOFI KINGSTON vs. MATT STRIKER. Benji tries to burn Adamle like everyone else, but it doesn't quite work. Striker doesn't have a hometown, he's announced from his school. Kofi starts with his silly fighting stance before dining on some fists and a suplex. Kofi kicks, dropkicks, does the racist leg senton, and during a replay Striker's regained control. He bounces off the ropes with some style when Matt tries to chuck him outside, & out of nowhere Kingston gets the spin kick and the pinfall - that was brief.
* (Notice they won't let Kofi wrestle for too long, and that he hit the first of his two big moves within, like, a minute.)
Shelton lays out Kofi with a jumping Flatliner after the match, and "proves that blondes don't have more fun." Man, "Terrible Commentator" is almost as bad a schtick as "Boring Lance Storm."
Colin Delaney heads out to the ring while the locker room cheers him on and we head to commercial.
BREAK.
Flashback to the 43rd episode, the rematch from Wrestlemania of Originals vs. the New Breed. That sure did end up meaning alot, didn't it?
COLIN DELANEY (still w/o music) vs. ARMANDO ESTRADA (still w/o Alejandro). Estrada has Johnny Nitro-style abs, and it's kinda unsettling to look at. He poses before Colin gets a quick roll-up, Armando strikes him down and starts the shit-talkin'. Punches to the face in the corner, and Estrada hits a one-man version of the Briscoes Jessica Biel throw for two. Armlock, Delaney tries to fight out but gets dragged down by the hair. He ducks Armando's charge to the corner, starts punching, then hits a dropkick. Estrada flips Colin onto the apron, knocks him off with a blow to the chest, then Colin slides under the bottom rope, gets a sunset pin for the victory and his ECW contract.
3/4* (Dull as fuck, but they finally did it at least.)
Tazz grabs Delaney for a brief interview where he says everything you'd expect him to say, and Colin runs around & slaps some hands.
Smackdown Rebound: they've stripped Undertaker of the World title. Hooray?
Okay, so Vickie Guerrero is a worse talker than Mike Adamle. Maybe he shouldn't feel TOO bad.
BREAK.
Team MTV (Miz and Morrison) is at the commentary table to help announce... CHAVO GUERRERO & BAM NEELY vs. "Money in the Bank Champion?" CM PUNK (w/briefcase) & ECW Champion KANE. Bam looks even duller in tights than he does in a suit. Kane starts the match by clubbing Neely's back, they brawl around before Kane tags Punk, hits a bodyslam and Punk flips onto Neely for a near-fall. Punk mounts a little offense, Bam overpowers him and hits his own bodyslam - in comes Chavo. Punk suplexes Guerrero, gets a front facelock and then Chavo floors him with a European uppercut. Punches to CM Punk in the other team's corner, Chavo runs up and gets backdropped outside while Punk's near the ropes - break time.
BREAK.
...we're back, Punk is working Neely's arm, throwing some kicks in for good measure. Bam reverses Punk's whip to the corner by sending him chest-first into the buckle, tag to Chavo, who chokes Punk against the rope for barely a one count. Chavo screws up what looked like it should've been a roll-up or something, flips across Punk's back and goes for a pin - nope. Rest hold, Punk tries to knee his way out but Chavo trips him down. Tag to Neely, and he kicks away at the midsection. Nothing special leads to a back suplex by Bam, Chavo back in and nails Punk with a boot on his jump into the ring. Suplex, cradle pin, kickout. This is so boring. Just because you're a heel, Chavo, doesn't mean you shouldn't do interesting moves. Neely back in after Kane gets taunted like every face tag partner ever has, Punk hops to the apron off a whip attempt and gets the springboard clothesline. They both tag, it's Kane & Chavo, and Kane sends him to the corner for punches and a big boot. Backdrop, clothesline, clothesline, sideslam. Kane knocks Neely off the apron, almost kills Chavo while trying to throw him outside, and covers with the flying lariat. Punk back in for the leg lariat, they run around before Chavo gets sent to the corner for a running knee & enziguri. Chavo Goes 2 Sleep, gets pinned, Miz & Nitro look at him menacingly, end of show.
* (SO fucking boring... this didn't need a commercial break in the middle at all.)
----------
WHAT I READ on 411:
Thanks (and shills) to Larry Csonka, who taught me how to link to things. Steve Cook knows about wrestling, and Leonard Hayhurst knows about movies.
That's it this time, because I don't know if I linked those right...
----------
RANDOM WRESTLING-RELATED YouTube VIDEO OF THE WEEK:
...will start as soon as I figure out how to embed YouTube videos.
----------
So, yeah, the 100th episode - outside of Colin's contract win, there weren't really any special moments - just kind of an episode like any other. Inoffensive, but somewhat of a disappointment after a pretty good Raw.
you're just Mr. Negative right? Since this article made me feel like a sad
panda.
Posted By: ML2 (Guest) on May 06, 2008 at 11:27 PM
Mr. Negative? Hardly..
maybe he just tells like it is
great article by the way
Posted By: Hero (Guest) on May 06, 2008 at 11:35 PM
Are you like 14 or something? All of your articles are nothing but negativity
and childish profanity.
Posted By: natedoggcata (Guest) on May 06, 2008 at 11:37 PM
so much swearing.
Posted By: Guest#6877 (Guest) on May 06, 2008 at 11:55 PM
ALL I GOTTA SAY IS THIS!
PUSH THAT ARMANDO DUDE!
HE'S THE NEXT ROCK!
BELIEVE IT PENDEJO'S!
PEACE!
Posted By: SomeDude (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:01 AM
I haven't written a comment for this new recap, because I figured I'd wait it
out a few weeks to see how the writer adjusted and had time to apply some kind
of usual format and what not. And now, that I had the chance to observe...I am
starting to wonder if Elmo Machete is the Mike Adamle of 411Mania. Just without
the AweXomeness. See what I just did there?
Elmo...I don't even know what to say, but I think I'll try to figure out
something to say anyway.
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with criticism. It's not like your articles are
HORRIBLE. You...hmm...you remind me a lot of Ryan Byers. Someone who loathes
the show they review, which in turn, makes it feel like what's the point in
reading if all they're going to do is shit on the product?
It feels to me like the only reason you decided to take a job here recapping
ECW is so you can say that you "worked" (wrote) for 411Mania.
Why write about something you don't like to watch? To say you don't like to
watch it? To complain and whine about it? To say how much it sucks? I don't get
it.
ECW isn't a terrible show. It's the WWE's C show. Why are we expecting it to be
anything other than that?
The negativity in this column is a bit hard to digest. Let's tone it down a
little, not shit on EVERYTHING, and the column would be a pretty decent read.
Posted By: The Informer (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:20 AM
You seriously need to improve your writing, man. It's OK to include jokes , cute
little made up names for wrestlers and whatnot, but please tone it down a
little. It's not necessary to include jokes and smart ass-ery remarks in every
paragraph.
Look at JD Dunn's reviews. He can be funny with unexpected jokes and pop
culture references here and there. But does he include them in every frickin
paragraph? NO.
My point is, don't force yourself to be funny and 'smart'. You sound like a
wrestling fan (a smark, maybe)who writes reviews for fun.
Make an effort to be more 'formal' and 'professional' if you can. You can start
by cutting down the profanity. It's not like Csonka never uses profanity or
anything, but at least his article is more than 'legit' and 'professional'
enough to be taken seriously.
My point is, stop sounding like a smart ass wrestling fans and start actually
WRITING as a wrestling columnist.
Posted By: EddieGibson (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:24 AM
Shelton Benjamin Rules. That's all I have to say.
Posted By: Bryce (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:26 AM
To people who say I swear too much: whatever. Profanity amuses me.
To the Informer: I don't shit on EVERYTHING - mainly Adamle, Kofi's
non-direction and how disappointed I've been with Chavo lately. I liked the
hardcore match, I like Colin Delaney even though his matches aren't always
great... hell, I liked Raw. I'm not doing this to say I "worked on
411Mania." I'm doing this because I USED to do it just for fun on my
MySpace page (myspace.com/456dotcom, thumbs up/cheap pop!) and 411 said they
needed a new ECW guy. Big deal if I don't like the episode of the show I'm
reviewing - that doesn't mean I don't enjoy writing about it.
Lookit that, a comment with no profanity. Fuck yeah.
Posted By: Elmo Machete (Registered) on May 07, 2008 at 12:49 AM
There are enough boring, word for word, move for move, hold for hold reviewers
on this site. If someone wants to come out swinging with jokes, names, cursing
and things of that nature then please God don't complain. There needs to be
variety in life.
Posted By: Engel (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:57 AM
ECW Top Ten:
#1-Colin (with no contract) gets more TV time than Val Venis (whussupwitdat??)
#2-Armando is MAD cut ("everyone listen-ha ha-to me")
#3-Adamle's (shoot) speech (why didn't they make Coach think of that?)
#4-Kelly Kelly's thing or whatever (I needed to pee-thanx)
#5-No Cena OR HHH (always grateful-no matter what show)
#6-The Tazz stole Greg Brady's shirt (are these your cigarettes, Johnny
Bravo???)
#7-No Vince (I will NEVER 4get his ECW champ bit [the bastid])
#8-Bodyslam on a SHOPPING CART (way ouch)
#9-Stevie & Shelton on commentary (& Striker in the ring-thank
you-drive thru)
#10-Miz & Morrison on commentary (I don't care what u say-they're gold-had
me hitting the deck the whole time)
Bonus-leg hook by Punk for the pin-it's the extra touch that means so much
Great show-best ECW in quite a while-light a fatty 4 this pimp daddy!!
Posted By: fishstix68 (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:15 AM
That comment, "EddieGibson" wrote what I was thinking, but he actually
wrote it a little better than how I did.
When I want to read wrestling news, news columns, and reviews/recaps, I come to
411Mania. There's other places to go, but I choose to come here to read because
it feels..."more professional." More legit. More like wrestling
columnist, not just smart wrestling fans writing.
Your reports, Elmo, seem more like posts made in a wrestling forum, than
reports made on a pretty respectable, pretty popular wrestling [news] site.
J.D. Dunn IS the best reviewer/recapper/tv reporter/whatever you want to call
it, on this site right now, and has been for a while, because he can criticize
the product he's watching, be funny while doing so, and do it in a way in which
it comes off as not too "smarky".
Again, I don't have a real beef with your report, Elmo...it's just...too
overbearing sometimes.
Like I stated previously, you (and in essence, your column) remind me of Byers
(and his Impact Crater column). Each week I read his column, and each week all
I pretty much saw was his disdain for the show he was watching. He could go and
write a 12 page column on Impact, and 10 of those pages would be him telling us
how much he hates the show. Every week, same thing. I'm starting to see the
same thing happen here.
And yes, I know the old adage, "No one is forcing you to read the columns.
If you don't want to read it, click the little 'x' in the top right-hand
corner." Yes, this is true. No one is forcing me. I read because I choose
to. I said it before, and I'll say it again, this isn't a horrible column. At
least not in my opinion. I enjoy reading it. I enjoy reading other people's
opinion on the shows. But for a site such as this, it just comes off as a
little too "smarky". Write as a wrestling columnist who is a
wrestling fan. Not as a wrestling fan who is posing to be a wrestling
columnist.
Side-note: I didn't say you were in-fact doing this to say you wrote for
411Mania. To rephrase, I said your columns makes it feel like you're only
writing to say that you HAVE wrote for 411Mania, which is a big step-up from
writing your column on your MySpace page. Unless you're writing in a diary,
writing a letter to yourself, or you just like to read your own words, people
write to have readers. You now have somewhere to write where you know it'll be
read.
Posted By: The Informer (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:35 AM
wow, the guy gave his opinion and you flame him? really mature and not childish
at all...(/sarcasm)
frikkin wankers
Posted By: natedoggcata_is_my_biatch (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:41 AM
"wow, the guy gave his opinion and you flame him? really mature and not
childish
at all...(/sarcasm)
frikkin wankers
Posted By: natedoggcata_is_my_biatch (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:41
AM"
But it's ok for you to flame others' who give their opinion, correct?
Just as it is ok for Elmo to give his opinion on the WWE product (and in this
case, ECW), it is ok for me to give my opinion on the 411Mania product (and in
this case, Elmo's ECW report).
Just as I'm sure it's ok for someone to comment on what I have written.
I'm quite alright with it.
And I am not trying to
"flame" anyone. I'm pretty sure it's alright to share thoughts and
opinions, and to offer criticism and compliments. I wasn't trying to flame or
bait him. That'd be pointless. But I DO think this comment section is here for
a reason: to offer comments about the column.
I took that offer up.
Posted By: The Informer (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:57 AM
Elmo, every week you get bashed. Seriously, get a clue.
I will give you credit for one line. COLIN DELANEY (still w/o music) vs.
ARMANDO ESTRADA (still w/o Alejandro) gave me a little chuckle.
Your criticism has no credibility and you should stop talking crap about
Adamle. Not because Adamle doesn't deserve it, but because you are the
equivalent of Adamle, and have no business talking about how bad he is.
You're nothing but a JD Dunn wannabe. JD Dunn is the Rock, and you're ... Mike
Adamle.
The comments speak for themselves Elmo. Go write in your journal where we
don't have to be exposed to your 6th grade logic.
Posted By: unregistered user (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 01:59 AM
If I'm Mike Adamle, and you're bitching about my review, then that makes you ME
when I'm complaining about Adamle. WE'RE ONE IN THE SAME!
How's that for sixth grade logic?
And you smell, so there.
Posted By: Elmo Machete (Registered) on May 07, 2008 at 02:12 AM
Hell, the title of the column isn't even ECW Report of AweXomeness. It says RANT
right there in the title.
Posted By: m8 (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 03:15 AM
Despite my criticism towards Mr. Elmo Machete, I have to give him credits
though. He's taking LOTS of shit from the comment section every week yet he
still writes passionately and enjoys not giving a damn about what we say. Elmo,
don't get me wrong. I don't hate you. I just hate your writing style. All said
and done, you definitely have some talent though.
BTW, whoever puts the comment section on 411mania is a genius. It really does
spice up this little site.
Posted By: EddieGibson (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 03:26 AM
The world doesn't need another Hyatte wannabe. Especially one with marginal
writing talenet and a hard-on for hating everything. Bitching about Knox's
finisher being called the Knoxout? Seriously? As stupid finisher names go,
that's pretty damn good.
And hey, look! I can punctuate a sentence properly.
Posted By: Ian (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 03:49 AM
Unregistered User - He gets bashed every week, but here you all are hitting him
with comments, giving more traffic to 411mania.com. I'm sure his
"bosses" are just SO upset you're all visiting their site. Also, if
he sounds negative it's because HE'S SUPPOSED TO, you twits, and if he sounds
like a "wrestling fan who does this in his spare time" then that's
because HE IS. He doesn't obsess over pro wrestling like the rest of ye and me.
While I personally could think Elmo doesn't know thing one about psychology and
could stand to have the article punctuated better and have better flow, these
are negligible complaints and if he didn't change a thing, I wouldn't be
upset.
In short, keep on keeping on Elmo and don't forget, 2KW + ROH + Steak +
drinking on Saturday, my n*gga.
Peace!
Posted By: John De Large (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 04:20 AM
Isn't there already a boring ECW recap on 411? Why don't the people who want
"professional" recaps go read that? Isn't that why they have two
different people recapping the show in the first place---so you can choose the
style you'd like to read? I think I'm gonna keep choosing Elmo, because I like
being entertained while I'm finding out what I missed on ECW, and he's doing a
great job of it.
Posted By: Paul (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 07:17 AM
Match of the night:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8kwM_0DYFI
Quote of the night:
"You Wanna Contract! You Wanna Contract!
You Stupid Punk!
I'm The Boss!"
hahaha armando is awesome
Posted By: ecwrules (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 07:39 AM
"Shelton Benjamin Rules. Thats all I have to say."
Bryce thats all that needs saying. U are wise.
And I swear to god if he doesnt get a decent push soon im gonna stop watching
WWE.
Posted By: kaei (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 08:27 AM
I guess what people are trying to say is to just tone it down a little.
Posted By: RJ45 (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 09:21 AM
You're right JDL. That's why he's just like Adamle. The WWE uses Adamle, not
because he's any good, but because he makes a bunch of unfunny remarks, he's
incompetent, and the fans can't stand him! Yup, Elmo's the equivalent of
Adamle.
Elmo's being used because he brings in traffic, not because his reviews are
credible or funny, but because it gives fans something to boo at.
Posted By: Unregistered User (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 09:28 AM
Dear Everyone Critiquing Elmo's Writing Style,
Kindly extract the sand from your vaginas POST HASTE, and read something else
if you don't like it.
Love,
McLovin
Posted By: McLovin (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 09:35 AM
Mike Adamle my comment on that is the gimmick is fucking brilliant everyone
hates it so it must be working. I liked this week's ECW show it had an almost
Old school not the their golden era but late mid 90's feel to it.
Posted By: Paul (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 09:39 AM
Great work Elmo. It's a shame these WWE fanboys can't handle a review that tells
it like it is. If you did the same to TNA they'd be all over this board saying
you did a great job! Suckers! Keep telling the truth Elmo with no apologies!
Posted By: Chikara (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 11:52 AM
Mike Adamle: More proof that Vince OWNS you all.
Posted By: Orlando (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 11:55 AM
You know what I read both of the reviews, and if there were still two more
reviews, I would read that, but I always prefer Bauer's review when I dont have
time to read anything else. But still it wont hurt to atleast acknowledge that
some of it was good.
Posted By: Arnab (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:29 PM
Elmo rules!
Posted By: The Drunken Race Fan (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:34 PM
Elmo... what happened to that pink fuzzy guy I remember...
Seroiusly this is not Jackass.. though if the show fits..
ok my jokes are not any better than yours
My problem is you say you like to write about your hobby. You don't like your
hobby. you do, as others have said, sound like one of the "wrestling
gurus" who post on this site.
yup I can not read your column any more (I won't) but maybe you need to change
the "fucking boring" channel and find another "fucking
boring" hobby.
Posted By: ted g (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 12:48 PM
OK dude, "alot" is NOT a word! What, are we in 4th grade here? Come on
now... A LOT. Say it with me, A LOT!
Posted By: Spelling Bee (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 03:51 PM
My my my how the wrestling fan has changed over the years. If you guys think
this guy is to "harsh" for you, then you would have HATED to have
been an internet fan in the mid 90s with WWF putting on horrible shows and in
the LATE 90s with WCW putting on horrible shows that was recapped by the one
and only CRZ.
Elmo, you keep doing your thing, man. I may not agree with EVERYTHING you say,
but I personally LIKE to read columns that sound like they're from a die hard
wrestling fan's point of view. I get bored with a lot of "fluff" in
articles and I actually enjoy your ECW column more so than any other column on
the site right now... keep doin' you..
Posted By: Industry (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 04:08 PM
its not the fact that ECW dose not suck... Its does its a C show with one star
on it (Punk) Its the fact that you cant go one review with out bitching about
something or trying to be overley funny. I never thought I would wish for larry
back on an "ECW" review.
Posted By: Punkhead (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 04:17 PM
WAAAAHHHH! WAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Listen to yourselves! you parrots simply regurgitate with no thought or
sense of what you're talking about. I loved this column
Apter and Csonka have both rated this columnists quite highly...think I'll
trust
their opinion over a bunch of retards who either have no love for wrestling
columns
or
are masochistic to the extreme in reading something they so clearly hate. To
all the junior Scott Keith's - You're Ruining the I.W.C.
Posted By: Dennett316 (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 06:53 PM
Elmo's better than Adamle, y'know why? Y'all could just watch/listen to Adamle,
but you guys actually stop, read Elmo's rant, then go out of your way to leave
your comments. The Informer REALLY goes out of his way for Elmo, with his
f*cking novellas. BTW mate, TL;DR, but I'm sure you hear that a lot ('cause
they're right, IT IS TWO WORDS you ruddy shit), amirite?
Oh and if any of you say you're already on the internet when you make these
comments, I won't be surprised. You fuckin' virgins, there oughta be a law
against ye. If you ain't a made man, a laid man by the age of 20, you should be
nailed to the f*cking cross.
Also, I'm done defending my friend. It's embarrassing and frankly if someone
were butting in all the time trying to take up my fight as their own, I'd hit
them in the mouth nine times. So, before Elmo is entitled to hit me in the
face, I bid ye all adieu.
Posted By: John De Large (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 07:34 PM
Point being is this:
I offered criticism. I didn't go out of my way to bad mouth the guy. I have no
idea who Elmo Machete the person is, and I don't think he's a horrible person
or anything. He's going to have to expect some criticism as well as receive
some compliments. It's the nature of the beast.
All I tried to say is that it'd be a better read (in my opinion) if he didn't
try so hard to be funny, if his entire column wasn't almost entirely made up of
insults against the show he was enjoying watching (because just like we can
choose not to read his column if we find it horrid {which I don't} if he hates
watching ECW so much, he could change the channel) and just tone it down a
notch.
I think the guy has potential, that's for sure. Just a bit of toning it down
would go a long way in my eyes.
You may not agree with my opinion, but so be it. You're entitled to voice a
similar opinion, as well as offer a differing opinion if you so feel obliged
to.
Posted By: The Informer (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 09:08 PM
If Elmo could write a review that makes this show seem worth watching he would
deserve a Pullitzer Prize. Seriously, he's being given a bucket of diarrhea
and being asked to make brownies out of it. I used to watch Velocity, Shotgun
Saturday Night and other C shows, but ECW is agony. You might as well ask him
to write a comedy about 9/11. It's just as feasible as writing a positive
review about this show. Don't hate the messenger.
Posted By: Jason (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 10:15 PM
What a horrible article.
Posted By: Shining Wiz (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 10:45 PM
This isn't a crappy backyard-wrestling review, nor old '88 AWA or Russostastic
TNA/WCW, this is the C Show, which is not all that horrid, if of course, you
like wrestling. Criticizing negatively the product is accepted, as it is one's
opinion, but a continous, weekly complaining about the same stuff gets
annoying, and even predictable.
I see Machete working into his own style, one that can draw his own fanbase.
He's not Meehan, he's not Cook, he's not (The Burier) Csonka, and he will never
me Dunn, but if he develops his own style and embrace the product that he
reviews, we might see something interesting.
With that said, these reviews (with the exception of one in the previous month)
look like a 14-16 year would post in any of hundres of wrestling forums, or the
mail reactions sent to Gerweck. Jokes are being recycled from elsewhere,
cursing is used ineffectively and the development of the review gets tedious
and boring. Don't just bark back at the comments below your column, read them
and use them as tools to work on future reviews. If you're trying to be cool
with your writing style, you're missing the bullseye. Leave your opinion for
later on, instead of brainwashing the reader to believe what you say. Then, we
would get somewhere.
PS. Yes, I decided to roll over the mouse to the link directing to this column.
Yes, I read it completely. Why? Just in case I could find a diamond in the
middle of it, but I only find shards of zirconia.
I will hear tales of Machete's reviews being widely applauded; until then, good
luck.
PPS, Machete reminds me of Peter Kent, not a bad thing. Whatever happened to
that guy anyways?
Posted By: JA Toro (Guest) on May 07, 2008 at 11:19 PM
Elmo....make a deal with ya. Ill NEVER bitch about you saying anything negative
until ECW starts to NOT suck k? IF they do you have to install a
"positivity meter" to keep us all apprised of the level of positivity
a particular column will contain. =) Just a suggestion.
Posted By: CM Wolf (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 12:47 AM
Let's not go to the other extreme of being mr. positive. That's not what we're
looking for. It does seem like these articles by Elmo are so focused on
negativity that it just gets dull. For example..
**3/4 (Fun, short little free TV hardcore match... and YES, he DID call it the
Knoxout. Ugh. Tommy Dreamer is still a marginally better wrestler than Mike
Knox, so good for him)
3/4* (Dull as fuck, but they finally did it at least.)
* (SO fucking boring... this didn't need a commercial break in the middle at
all.)
When you complain this much, you begin to lose credibility. There's gotta be
balance otherwise there's no way to tell between a good match and a bad match.
And it's on Sci-Fi on Tuesday and the ECW champion is KANE. Don't tell me that
this is supposed to be some revolutionary product.
Here's a couple of my rants...
ADAMLE - Everyone hates him. No one thinks he fits in the industry, but the
WWE thought he was qualified. But it's no secret that he's disliked. So what
does WWE do? Makes him this goody-good heel. He gets the response, Adamle
gets talked about, and WWE has made the most of it.
KOFI - To me, his style is fresh. It's nice to see a high flyer and he does
add some flash to some traditional moves. Is he the greastest? Probably not.
Is he worst? I honestly don't think so. I think he's pretty entertaining, but
the whole happy jamaican is driving me nuts..
But to Elmo, these are the worst things in all of professional wrestling.
People feed into it, and can't even enjoy it for what it could be. Amazingly
negative, you are Elmo. That's all I'm saying.
Posted By: unregistered users (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 01:28 AM
Why are people bitching about negativity? From what you usually can see in the
comments section, that's what the whole lot of you seem to be so interested of.
The irony is starting to get pretty fucking overwhelming as people now bitch
about the bitching itself.
Posted By: Aname (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 05:19 AM
Aname... Why are you angry? There's a difference between negativity and
criticism. The former is what you might call a complainer. It's pretty
irritating to listen to complainers all the time.
And yes I understand that I'm complaining and that may make me a hypocrite. But
I only complain about Elmo's rants because they've never changed. Week after
week it's just complaints.
Posted By: Guest#1178 (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 01:03 PM
BUT THEY ASKED HIM TO COMPLAIN! IT WAS IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION YOU 'TARDS!
Okay, now I'm done.
Posted By: John De Large (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 01:51 PM
How did I come out "angry"? How do you actually make yourself appear
"angry" as you type a comment? If I had tapped caps lock prior to
writing something, then, perhaps, yes. And added a whole lot of profanity. Then
I'd probably give the impression of anger in addition to plain stupidity.
It's not like I agree on the writer's legions of remarks about how this and
that segment was "dull" or "lame". The report leaves lots
to hope for, but so does the show it's reporting about, so it should be OK.
Either way, my point was that every time you look at any of the comments, all
you'll see there is quest this and that having wasted bandwith with the same
old comments in the lines of "EPIC FAIL", "another shitty
show!!!!2" and whatnot other failed attempts at being borderline funny.
If that's what gives people who read the stuff here their kicks, then that's
probably what they also want to read. Where there's demand, there ought to be
supply.
Posted By: Aname (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 04:35 PM
Aname... You talk like the Miss South Carolina. I see English, but uh, none of
it makes any sense.
Posted By: Guest#2753 (Guest) on May 08, 2008 at 05:48 PM
hahahhaha this is so entertaining! I love this site.
Elmo is ok. I don't complaint about his negativism cuz there are other recaps
to read.
Posted By: yincia (Guest) on May 09, 2008 at 02:28 AM
Adamle is the don- you are such an idiot you dont realise his announcing has
been turned into an angle?
Posted By: Nuff Said (Guest) on May 09, 2008 at 06:08 AM
John De Large - Any job description that says you're supposed to complain, is a
job for "tardz". Anyone can be a complainer, not every one can be a
critic. It's called critical thinking. Mindless complaining isn't critical
thinking.
OK, now you're done.
Posted By: unregistered user (Guest) on May 09, 2008 at 12:01 PM
I think if anything, Elmo is too charitable to ECW. And what's with people
commenting saying "It's the C Show, what do you expect?" That was
Vince's plan all along. He ruining the memory of ECW by doing what he does with
everything. turning it into a tacky soapy circus of tits and tired gimmicks.
Posted By: Bob the baker (Guest) on May 11, 2008 at 02:22 PM
