411’s TNA Impact Report 5.08.08

Posted by Larry Csonka on 05.08.2008

Wacky TNA Title of the Week: No Wacky Title Needed!


TNA Impact Begins…NOW!

-We get highlights of last week's show.

-Tenay and West welcome us to the show.

-Jim Cornette is in the ring with the tag titles. Last week he introduced us to the Egotistical Eight, and now this week he needs to clear some things up. He brings them out: James Storm w/Miss Jackie, Robert Roode, Sting, Booker T, BG James, Kip James, Matt Morgan and Awesome Kong w/Riesha Saeed. Cornette then says he explained things last week, however people keep calling him and bothering him about who will be paired with who. Sting was the only one not to call and complain. Out of the goodness of his heart, he will announce two of the teams for the tournament. This is a random draw and he is doing it as a favor to them. The first name is Sting. He heads to the ring and his partner will be James Storm. Storm says they aren't friends and he wasn't a Sting fan because his mother didn't let him play with make up. They brawl and Sting runs him off. Cornette is pissed and says that the teams that get selected will have matches with each other. Sting and Storm will have a match later tonight and it will be a NO DQ match!

-JB is in the back and we see Rhaka Khan, Petey and Steiner arrive in a limo. JB asks him about the main event. Steiner says they will co-exist to take out Joe. Angle arrives and says they have an understanding, for one night. They will beat Joe so bad that he will have nothing left, and they will have a singles match for the title. Then they will kill each other. Steiner agrees and they shake.


-Tenay and West discuss the TERROR DOME, which will feature the X-Division. If I had to guess, it will feature these men: Black Machismo vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Curry Man vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Consequences Creed vs. Kaz vs. Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley. And they conform this on commentary.

Non-Title X-Division Match: Petey Williams © w/Rhaka Khan vs. Jimmy Rave w/Hemme and Hoyt vs. Johnny Devine vs. Curry Man vs. Shark Boy vs. Consequences Creed

Devine and Creed to begin. Side headlock to begin, takedown and a leg scissors by Creed. Escape by Devine, and a after some counters by both men, Creed misses a corner charge. He'll then spring to the top rope and get a cross body for 2. Jabs, split rights and a tag to Curry Man. Curry Man works the arm, eye poke by Devine and he springs up, back flips off and gets a DDT on Curry Man. Tag to Sharky, Devine tags in Rave and Sharky lays the boots to Rave. Petey levels Sharky, tags himself in and poses. Sidekick to Sharky, jawbreaker and then a spinkick connects. Devine tags in and he and Rave beat down Sharky. Rave tags in, stomp to Sharky and a cover for 2. Devine tags back in, suplex and Devine goes up top and MISSES a 450 on Sharky! Devine tags Rave, Curry Man tags in as well and backdrops Rave. STO connects and then sets him in the corner. STRUT and then a side kick to Petey, to the corner and the ass ram by Curry Man. Up top now, cross body to Rave gets 2. Creed made the save. Curry Man tossed to the floor, RANA by Petey on Curry Man. Rave misses a charge at Creed and falls to the floor. Code breaker by Sharky on Devine. Creed with jabs on Sharky. Creed tosses him to the floor and he wipes out a few guys. SUICIDE SENTON BYCREED to the floor! Petey in, Chummer blocked and he then gets it on Devine. CREEDDT on Sharky. DESTROYER ON CREED~! Spice Rack countered, and Rave is in, counters a sunset flip and breaks Petey's face. That had to suck. Curry Man and Rave in, slingshot suplex connects. Hemme distracts the ref, she and Curry Man dance, spice rack countered and Rave gets the move that rocks the world for the win!

Winner: Jimmy Rave @ 7:35 via pin

-The Rock and Rave celebrate on the floor.

-Frank Trigg will be back for Sacrifice to do commentary for the TNA Title match. Rick Steiner will also be in attendance.

-To the back and JB is with Sting. Sting. Has to face his tag team partner tonight in a no DQ match. This is wrestling, a circus, the way he likes it. Tonight they go old school and beat each other down. And by the time the PPV comes around, Storm will be a good soldier and they will win the tag titles.


-Don West runs down some TNA live dates.

-We get an LAX video history.

-Tenay and West discuss the involvement of Hector Guerrero as well as the tournament as a whole.

-CRYSTAL (~!) is in Cornette's office with all of the Knockouts that will be in the makeover battle royal. He says they all make more static than a $2 IPOD. But he isn't mean, and he wants them to think of him as a father. He has made an immunity match tonight, and the winner of the match will be immune from the head shaving at Sacrifice. It is a POLE MATCH, he looks around the room and thinks many of them has experience with poles. HUZZAH~! He will put barber sheers on the pole, who ever gets it is immune. If you win the match tonight, but lose Sunday, the runner up gets their head shaved. This Sunday someone will get their head shaved.


-JB is with Rhino and Cage. JB says they are heavily favored to win the tag titles this Sunday. Cage says that he and Rhino have known each other half of their lives. They have worked together and beat each others asses. They have the advantage. Team 3D is here and they are OFFENDED. Cage makes weight jokes, and Ray says the math is that they have 20-tag title runs. Ray makes a mistake and Rhino corrects him. Ray says that they are the best tam of all time and that he has beat his ass for the last 10-years. Ray says Devon poked Cage's wife 20-times and they brawl. Rhino and Ray both shop at Wal-Mart, I know, I have the same shorts. 3D takes control and LAX rush in and they clean house. BORDER TOSS TO CAGE INTO A WALL~! TO LIVE AND DIE IN LAX BITCHES! 5150!


-We see highlights of the tag team brawl backstage.

Knockouts Immunity ~POLE~ Match Roxxi vs. Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love vs. Christy Hemme vs. Gail Kim vs. ODB vs. Salinas vs. vs. Miss Jackie Moore vs. Traci Brooks

They all run to a corner like mice running a maze for some quality cheese. Big cluster brawl, Gail and Roxxi pair off and Gail gets a RANA. Moore and Gail pair off, a whip and Gail avoids the charge and then tries to stop Brooks from climbing. They brawl up top and Brooks gets a FACE PLANT off of the top! She tries to climb again, but Moore folds her up with a German! ODB and Moore climb and Moore is kicked off. Salinas stops ODB, kicks her to the floor and then Roxxi is over to stop her. Tornado DDT by Salinas to Roxxi, she climbs now and Love and Sky stop her. They slam her off the top, double team elbow drop but Hemme and Gail beat them down. Hemme climbs, ODB up to stop her but gets tossed off. Hemme stops climbing, but misses her fire crotch leg drop. She is dumb. Brooks climbs, ODB stops her and goes up top…SACK OF SHIT SLAM off of the 2nd rope! VOODOO CRUSHER on Salinas by Roxxi! Hemme climbs, ODB and Gail stop her and Love and Sky over…TOWER OF DOOOOOOOOOM~! Roxxi climbs, Love stops her and chops away at her. She then knocks her to the floor and climbs up and Brooks grabs her leg and tosses hr off of the top to the floor and she wipes out Roxxi! Moore tosses Sky into Brooks and they fall to the floor! Moore climbs, ODB stops that and ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP! Gail climbs now and gets the sheers and wins the match! That was pretty damn good.

Winner of Immunity: Gail Kim @ 5:30

-Crystal is with Joe and Nash. Nash is holding the belt again. Joe says he knows that Angle and Steiner have a plan, but he has one as well, his insurance policy, Nash. They better bring bats and pipes, because they will never take the belt from him, he will die before he gives it up. Tonight he doesn't go into battle alone. Nash says it will take a lot more than strength to take the title from Joe.


NO DQ MATCH: James Storm vs. Sting

They begin brawling on the floor and into the crowd. They slam each other into the wall, Storm gets a double ax off of a table and then rights to Sting. Sting reverses a whip and sends Storm into the wall and it breaks. Back ringside, Storm drinks some beer and spits it into Sting's face! Not exactly communion there for Sting. Storm gets a table now and slides it into the ring. Boots to Sting, he lays the table in the corner and nails Sting with a hard right. Sting counters a whip with a clothesline. Up top and a big splash MISSES! Storm sets, misses the last call but levels the ref. Scorpion deathlock by Sting, Jackie is out and has a chair. Sting goes to get the ref, Storm has the chair, misses and but Storm gets a dropkick. Chair shot to Sting and he is down. Cover 1…2…no. Storm with rights to Sting, misses a corner splash and Sting connects with the Stinger splash. Up top and gets the big splash this time and Storm kicks out at 2. Jackie is on the apron, distracts the ref and Sting sees her. He takes the bat from her, Storm misses a bottle shot as Sting blocked it. Death Drop on Storm. Lays Storm on the table in the corner, Stinger splash through the table. Another death drop by Sting and that is all. Congratulations James Storm, you're officially Sting's bitch again!

Winner: Sting @ 5:25 via pin

-JB is with Kip James. JB and Kip have a metro-sexual discussion about their outfits, and then Kip says no one is on the same planet as the MEGA STAR Kip James. He has taken three different partners to tag team gold. He made DX, not the redneck or glad to have a heartbeat kid, not Waltman (even though he likes him) or the big nose water spitting, you know who he means. Let's talk about WWE some more Kip.


-Jim Cornette is out to announce the next random tag team. He brings out the six people left, and the next tag team is Matt Morgan and Kip James. YA TAG TEAMS THAT HATE EACH OTHER! Run Matt, run; Kip is a black hole of charisma! Kip talks shit and says he is his daddy, and he will give the orders. Morgan then nods his head in agreement. Cornette asks if Matt has a reply, and Morgan says SUCK IT and they brawl. Security breaks them up, but they keep brawling. Cornette says fuck it and begins their match.

Matt Morgan vs. "THE MEGA STAR" Kip James

Big back elbow by Morgan to Kip, and he rolls to the floor. We head to a commercial @ 0:20.

We are back from commercial @ 3:40 with Morgan in control. Morgan charges and misses a boot, crotches himself and Kip knocks him to the floor. He follows, slams Morgan into the railing and then rolls him back into the ring for a cover, but only gets 1. Kip lays the boots to Morgan, but Morgan fires back, and levels Kip with two clotheslines. Off the ropes, another clothesline and then a big side slam gets a cover for 2. Big boot by Kip charges in and misses the corner charge and Morgan gets a bicycle kick (Big Man Starter Kit: Finisher #4) to finish it.

Winner: Matt Morgan @ 5:50 via pin

-Crystal is with BG James. It is he, Booker, Roode and Kong. He says it is a great list, and says Booker T and he are similar in many ways. Roode is rich, good looking athletic, everything he isn't. Awesome Kong is awesome, and he says bring her his way because it is the only way he will look good.


-Tenay and West run down the Sacrifice PPV, with the tag tournament, THE TERROR DOME, The knockout makeover battle royal ladder hair match and the three way for the TNA title.

-JB is with Steiner, Angle, Petey and Khan. Steiner says he doesn't like Angle, but they have to work together to hurt Joe for their good and for the good of TNA, because Joe is a fat ass. Angle says he doesn't know if Steiner can handle the plan. They argue and start to sing "anything you can do I can do better," but Petey stops that and says that they argue because they are so similar, and that they only need 10 small minutes to get the job done. All they need is ten itty-bitty minutes, just ten teensy-weensy minutes.


-We get a video history of Joe vs. Steiner vs. Angle.

Scott Steiner w/Rhaka Khan and Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash

Angle and Nash to begin. Lock up and rights by Angle, which just anger Nash and he beats Angle down and to the corner. Snake eyes by Nash and then a clothesline levels Angle, and a cover for 2. Joe tags in, head butts by Joe and then jabs. Snap mare, chops, kick and the knee drop by Joe connects. To the corner, tag to Nash and chops by Joe to Angle, Angle then rakes the eyes of Nash and Steiner tags in, chops to Nash, but Nash comes back with a big boot. Angle distracts the ref, LOW BLOW by Steiner and Nash is down. Steiner lays the boots to Nash, knocks Joe off of the apron and tags in Angle. Angle rakes the eyes, rights to Nash in the corner and then boots to the knees of Nash. Angle distracts the ref, Steiner in and beats down Nash as Joe tries to get into help. A clothesline by Steiner drops Nash, tag to Angle and they continue the attack. Back suplex by Angle on Nash and a cover for 2. Angle works the chinlock, Nash fights to his feet, elbows out and then catches Angle with a side slam. Nash crawls…Angle grabs his leg and tries to pull him back, Steiner in and Nash gets the tag but the ref didn't see it. Joe in, kicks ass, slams Angle into Steiner and then gets a running powerslam. Corner clothesline to Steiner, Steiner reverses a whip, STJOE~! Snap slam on Angle! CLUTCH ON STEINER! Angle breaks that up, Angle slam on Joe! Nash goes for a chokeslam, Steiner with a pipe shot to Nash, Angle slam and then Steiner covers Nash for the win.

Winners: Scott Steiner and Kurt Angle @ 6:10 via pin

-Angle isn't happy that Steiner stole the pin. Steiner celebrates and Angle attacks! Snags him off of the 2nd rope and gets an ANGLE SLAM! Ankle lock on Steiner! Steiner taps as the show ends.

-We get a video package hyping Sacrifice.

-End scene…

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