The High-Impact Chronicle 5.08.08

Posted by Owain J. Brimfield on 05.09.2008

What, you were expecting someone else?



Hello there gents and ladies, and welcome to what is already being called the newest TNA Impact report on 411, the High-Impact Chronicle. Yes, everyone's favorite/most hated [delete as appropriate] TNA recapper Ryan Byers has moved on to pastures new, and whatever your opinion of the guy may be, I hope you'll join me in wishing him success in his post-411 endeavors. I'd like to thank Ryan for providing some consistently intelligent and entertaining writing over the past few years, even if a portion of that goodwill was negated when he unleashed Austin Arte on the world, and also say a quick "cheers" to Larry for letting me fill Byers' esteemed shoes.

Now, who am I? That's not only a great Jackie Chan movie, but also no doubt the question on some of your minds. I've been writing for 411 Movies and Games for the past 14 months or so ("The Flux Capacitor" and "The Wonder Years" respectively), a regular viewer and fan of TNA since early '06, and watching wrestling as a whole since round about Wrestlemania XII. Things are going to be a little different round here - I'll be a tad less analytical and a bit more positive about TNA then Ryan. I'm not going to deny the promotion as a whole has a fair number of flaws, and while I'm not blind to the fact that discussion of said flaws is inevitable, I wouldn't have watched every Impact for the past two years if I didn't consistently enjoy the show on some level.

Oh, and there's a shiny new column format to boot. Treats!


No pre-show or cold opening this week, nor indeed one of Larry's "wacky titles of the week". Instead we hit the intro and go straight to James E. Cornette in the ring, who brings out the "Egotistical Eight". And so we come to Deuces Wild. Hmm, I was actually hoping to fit in a few more gags before kicking off on my first rant... okay, so here's a quick joke for your amusement. It may be rather offensive to sensitive souls, so for their benefit I've hidden the punchline in white text; just highlight the gap below to read and chuckle your socks off. Stay tuned for the rant, it may not be quite what you expect.

Q: What's green and melts in your mouth?

A: A leper's penis.

So anyway, Deuces Wild. Now, as many observers have commented, this is a prime example of something TNA does with alarming frequency: produces gimmick matches or tournaments with complex rule systems that require lengthy explanation and are so confusing that even Tenay and West struggle to explain the concept with the resultant confusion that ensues in the ring. How on earth are we, the humble viewer, expected to understand just what in the blue hell is going on if even the combined intellectual mind of the TNA commentary team can't always deliver a concise and accurate description? When will TNA learn that simplicity is in fact the single most important facet of a successful gimmick or angle? How does Russo/Mantel/Jarrett/the trained monkey come up with all of these hair-brained schemes that dare to assume a modicum of intelligence on the part of the viewer?

By the way, I was being sarcastic. All of that is pure nonsense. Let's take a moment to consider just how complex this supposedly infernal and intricate Deuces Wild tournament really is:

It's a twelve-team tag tournament, with four teams (comprising eight random singles wrestlers) given a bye to the second stage.

Now, if you can't grasp that concept, you're pretty damn stupid. Maybe not quite a Grade-A Moron, but still, you're definitely up there with people who struggle to successfully change a light bulb. You're the kind of fan that feeds the pernicious and pervasive stereotype of pro-wrestling fans as slack-jawed yokels with low hygiene standards and even lower mental capacities. Leave; get out now, before you accidentally strangle yourself trying to negotiate your way out of your XXXL Nascar t-shirt. Deuces Wild (note, too, that it's "Deuces" and not "Deuce's" - the "Wild" doesn't belong to "Deuce", so don't use the possessive term), as with all the other maligned TNA ideas like the reverse battle royal, the Queen of the Cage, the X-Cup tournaments and all the rest (I may make an exception for the old Hard Ten tournament), is NOT complicated. Quit exaggerating, and get over it.

Anyway, it's the booking that's the real concern here, not the underlying concept. All people are really asking is that the tournament is built up a little further on TV, rather than relying on the pay-per-view broadcast to deliver so much exposition. Tenay and West build up the competitors and talk about all the "potential exciting matchups"... which would be all well and good, if we didn't have a copy of the Russo Booking Manifesto to hand. Let's consult, shall we?

Tag Team Wrestling

...
Rule 3. i) At all times, any given tag team must exhibit signs of tension~!

This established rule, coupled with the theme of Sacrifice that's being rammed down our throats at every opportunity, means that when Cornette hypes Sting as the most gentlemanly competitor, and "randomly" draws his name first, we can immediately tell that his partner is going to be James Storm. Incidentally, I like that the TNA prop department has gone to the full extent of buying a fishbowl in which to conduct the draw for this supposedly prestigious tournament. Storm steals the mic and takes the piss out of Sting's face paint, but the Icon cuts him off mid-catchphrase with a sucker punch and clears the ring. Which, of course, leads to Cornette booking the two in a no-DQ match later on the show.

Minutes ago... and JB is out back with a mystery limo. It's funny how no members of the backstage crew ever seem to know who's expected to arrive at the arena. The limo, pleasingly, contains Steiner and his freaks, but Kurt Angle is passing by and cuts Steiner off mid-sentence. Boo-urns! Seriously, Steiner's maths lesson last week was one of the most amusing promos of the year. Angle suggests he and Steiner put their differences aside for one night only to put Joe out of business, and Big Poppa Pump agrees. Petey Williams is looking more and more like he might be Alan Tudyk's mafioso brother.

A video package airs... for the TNA Terrordome, debuting at Sacrifice. This actually has the potential to be a good match, providing the structure is large enough to contain all the X-Division performers (and given the injury Petey Williams sustains later in the show, it should end up being for the X-Division title). Although the conceit looks to be torn straight from AAA's domed cage match, hopefully the execution can be improved from the Mexican fed's offering - while their domed cage provides an entertaining match, visually it's far too cartoonish for my liking, almost reminiscent of the old WWF blue cage. The only concern here is Jim Cornette's on-screen decree that TNA needs another signature match. Really, Jim?

• King of the Mountain
• Ultimate X
• Lethal Lockdown
• Elevation X
• Monster's Ball
• X-scape match

And that's not even counting the various gimmick matches that, while not "signatures" per se, remain unique to TNA - Full Metal Mayhem, Clockwork Orange House of Fun, Barbed Wire Massacre and so on. If they keep going at this rate, every single pay-per-view is going to feature one of these signature match-ups, and of course that risks damaging the luster of any "signature" match type. I guess we'll have to adopt the ol' wait-and-see approach, eh?

Back from the break... He's hot! He's spicy! Yes, Curry Man enters the Impact Zone, and you have to applaud Chris Daniels for the enthusiasm he puts into ol' Curryhead. It looks like we have an X-Division showcase on our hands...

Curry Man vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Consequences Creed vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Petey Williams

Creed has virtually no heat, so I hope he gets a chance to start building a reputation for himself. That lame "CreeDDT" finisher doesn't exactly help.

Devine (who is now back in full-on Paparazzi Productions mode) and Creed start out with a few athletic armlock reversals, before Devine shoots Creed to the corner. Creed springs off the turnbuckle with a HUGE crossbody and decks Devine with that funky do-the-splits punch thing (yeah, that needs a name fast), then tags in Curry Man. A few more armlocks, one of which Devine reverses rather ostentatiously with a backflip off the top rope into a DDT. In comes Shark Boy with the Thesz Press on Devine, then he tosses Rave into the ring and stomps a mudhole, or whatever the equivalent fish-related pun is. Williams tags himself in and hits the slingshot chestbuster on Sharky. Petey is rocking some rather lovely new blue attire by the way. He takes Sharky down and poses as the other heels team up to beat on everyone's favorite fishface. Devine takes him down with a suplex but goes up to and misses a big 450. Hot tag, and you can see the joke coming several miles away...

Don West: Curry Man is on fire!!!!

I feel like a proud father with West sometimes. Curry Man hits a big crossbody and it all breaks down - Williams with a slingshot rana to the outside on Curry Man, Rave takes a nasty spill over the top rope, Shark Boy dodges some shots from Creed but gets backdropped over the top onto Rave and Devine... we're building up to the big "plancha onto a bunch of guys on the outside" spot, aren't we? Pleasingly, it's Creed who gets the opportunity to fly and he hits a sweet no-hands somersault onto everyone. Back in the ring and Sharky hits the weakest Stunner (sorry, "Chubber") in history on Devine, but turns right into the CreeDDT. Canadian Destroyer on Creed! Fuck yes. You have to question the motivation of a heel having such a visually impressive finisher, though. Curry Man gets Petey up for the spice rack but Williams powers out and goes for the Destroyer again. Nice spot as Rave interferes and Petey is backdropped by Curry Man to hit a sunset flip on Rave, who rolls out and nails Petey with the shining wizard. Unfortunately, that's the shot that broke Petey's orbital bone and inadvertently cost him the X-title. Rave and Curry slug it out as the first "TNA" chant of the night begins. Slingshot suplex off the ropes and Curry avoids outside distractions by dancing with Hemme and slapping Hoyt, but Rave sneaks up and hits what is apparently going to be called "The Move That Rocks the World". Ahem. Well, I suppose it's a better name than the CreeDDT. 1-2-3 and that's all she wrote.

Pretty decent actually - everyone looked relatively strong, the match had a bit more time than expected, Rave gets a much-needed singles win to counter the stench of "jobber" that his gimmick gives off, and it sets up the Terrordome match nicely.

To the back... and JB is with the ICON Sting. Both guys struggle to look surprised that Storm is going to be Sting's partner, when even the fattest schlubs in the back rows could have seen that coming. Is it just me or has Sting been pretty lackluster on the mic since his return? He sells his upcoming match with Storm in absolutely epic fashion - "First we're going to beat each other up. Then we're going to beat each other up some more." Well holy heck Sting, you've gotten me so gosh-darned excited I think I might just wet myself!

Back from the break... and Don West hypes some upcoming TNA live dates, including the near-sold-out UK tour. Man, I wish I could afford the trip to Liverpool. Mind you, last time I went it took a week to wash the smell of dirty scouser out of my clothes. Ba-zing!

A video package airs... hyping LAX as the most dominant tag team in TNA history, which includes some glorious clips of Hernandez messing Jimmy Rave up. That man is just a bump machine. We also have a few clips of last year's electrified cage match against Team 3D, which seems odd given that it took place at the height of their beef with Hector Guerrero... and two seconds later we see them hanging with Hector like bestest chulos. Wait, chulo is Mexican for 'pimp', right?

Tenay and West continue to use the word 'random' every few seconds to describe the Deuces Wild draw. Ever heard of the principle of "understatement", guys?

To the back... and Cornette is in the knockouts' dressing room, and you have to believe there's a veeery good reason he's sitting cross-legged. Jimmy is here to introduce a POLE~! match for later in the show, where the prize will be immunity from head-shaving at the makeover Battle Royal. This of course also gives him the opportunity to direct some pole-related jokes at the dirty, dirty girls in the room. Oh, and Krystal is back! Sweet. Although that Lauren chick did finally begin to show some personality last week.

To the back (again)... and JB is with Christian Cage and Rhino, calling them favorites to win the tournament. Cage delivers some of his customary awesome until Team 3D interrupts and brags about their chance to become 20-time tag champions... as well as poking Christian's wife, which naturally triggers a brawl. Cage unleashes the fluorescent orange stretcher of mild discomfort, before Brother Ray retaliates by choking him with what appears to be a necktie and dropping a small plastic table on Christian's chest. Man, these guys never miss a beat in reminding us how hardcore they used to be. 3D takes charge... but here comes LAX and beats all kind of shit out of everyone, with Hernandez hitting the border toss on Christian into a wall! Sweet.

Back from the break... and it's time for...

Immunity on a Pole match: Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky vs. Traci Brooks vs. Jacqueline vs. Salinas vs. Christy Hemme vs. Roxxi Laveaux vs. Gail Kim vs. ODB

I like how Russo, having run out of ideas for physical objects with which to adorn his beloved poles, has resorted to an "intangible concept on a pole" match. Surely the only way forward now is to break kayfabe entirely - perhaps a "sustained-three-month-solid-upper-mid-card-push on a pole" match next? (Which no doubt Super Eric would win.) Anyway, at least it makes some vague sort of sense, which is more than could be said for the epic Reign/Kaz "rat-in-a-mailbox on a pole" conflict. And this of course all builds to the "Makeover Battle Royal". See my thoughts on Deuces Wild above. Let's take a moment to consider just how complex this supposedly infernal and intricate match really is:

It's a ten-woman battle royal in which the surviving two wrestlers progress to a ladder match, where the winner becomes number one contender and the loser gets her head shaved.

Again, it's not tricky to grasp. Get over it. The booking, on the other hand, certainly leaves a little to be desired. While I'm definitely intrigued to see both the first women's ladder match and the first women's hair match in TNA (and in fact, the first of either I'll ever have seen), I would have preferred if the battle royal itself was more of a qualifying event for the match, airing on Impact with the battle itself scheduled for Sacrifice. If this match shows one thing, it's that a rather large amount of time at Sacrifice is going to be taken up just on the ring entrances of all the participants.

Interesting to note the absence of Rhaka Khan here. Does this mean she won't be in the battle royal either? Or just that she isn't as impressive in the ring as she looks like she could be? Anyway, the bell rings and everyone rushes for the pole before realizing that no one's going to win that easily, and start pounding on each other. Eventually it breaks down a little. Traci hits a big facebuster on Gail from the top rope, but gets FLATTENED by a big release suplex from Jackie. ODB climbs but gets torn down by Salinas, who then hits a pretty sweet release tornado DDT on Roxxi. The Beautiful People (sidenote: why has no-one thought to give them some Marilyn Manson entrance music yet?) catch up and toss Salinas to the mat. This is just going to be a succession of big turnbuckle moves, isn't it? Ah well, I can live with that as long as Velvet Sky keeps wearing those pants. They hit their slutty double elbow on Salinas but get their skulls cracked together by Gail and Christy. Hemme climbs and shoves off ODB, but decides to go offensive and comes off the second rope with the scissor legdrop, which I believe I heard Don West call the "Flying Firecrotch Guillotine". You know, I actually quite hope I didn't mishear that. Naturally enough Hemme misses, leaving room for Traci to try and climb again. ODB cuts her off and hits a big fallaway slam off the top. Roxxi with the Voodoo Drop on Salinas! I tell you what, you can have your Jaydrillers and your package piledrivers, for my money that move is the single most painful-looking finisher in North American wrestling today. Hemme climbs again but gets caught by Gail and ODB. The crowd smells a Tower of Doom spot, and Love and Sky are kind enough to join in and give it to them, if you'll excuse the expression. That actually looked pretty solid. Roxxi goes up but gets fucking nailed over the top rope by Love. That had to suck. Traci shoves Love out onto Roxxi! Bodies are flying out of the ring and Jackie finds herself alone in the ring. Of course, this means she takes several years to try and climb the pole, and she gets caught in an electric chair drop by ODB. Meanwhile, Gail sneaks up and grabs the shears for the win.

A clusterfuck, but a surprisngly enjoyable (if formulaic) one. All the ladies busted their guts here and the effort showed. I question giving Gail the duke since no one in their right mind thought she'd be taking the runner-up spot in the ladder match anyway, but the way the match progressed was well executed and made everyone look as strong as their position dictates. Plus, Salinas didn't look quite as awkward in the ring as usual, which has to be a bonus for everyone involved.

To the back... and Krystal is with Joe and Nash, getting their reaction to the temporary Steiner/Angle alliance. Joe, of course, doesn't really give a toss and talks some smack while Big Kev stands in the background with the title over his shoulder. Foreshadowing! In fact, kudos to Kev who has played up his inevitable turn extremely well in recent weeks with just a few lines and subtle looks. While I'm not sold on the in-ring quality of a Joe/Nash encounter, the storyline at least looks like it'll enjoy a solid build.

No DQ match: 'Cowboy' James Storm vs. Sting

Dave Penzer's announcing for Sting gets more overblown every week. He draws out "This...is...Sting!" for at least ten seconds. Straight to the crowd as Sting knocks Storm over the railing and we get the usual crowd brawling / barrier smackage / broken plywood walls that Impact no-DQ matches tend to accentuate. Hey, it's a good job they never have any members of the audience down in that little spot by the gimmicked, poster-covered wall that the wrestlers like to ram each other against [again, excuse the expression, I think I must have a one-track mind this week]. Storm goes headfirst into the wall but eventually retaliates by spitting beer into Sting's eyes. Don't do it Storm, the Lord forbids him to consume alcohol! Storm tosses Sting inside and goes under the apron for a table, which gets set up in the corner of the ring. Hmm, you know what spot I've never seen? Stinger Splash through a table... Sting fires back with a clothesline but misses a shonky-looking splash from the top rope. Storm aims a superkick in Sting's direction, but the Icon ducks and Rudy Charles takes the Last Call instead. Sting applies the Scorpion Deathlock as Miss Jackie sneaks down to ringside with a chair. God knows why she didn't just start out there, it's No DQ after all, but I guess Texan chicks ain't too bright. Sting tries to revive the ref, ducks a chairshot but gets planted with an enziguri and then the chair. Groggy ref = slow count so Sting can get the shoulder up. Storm falls to the corner and Sting hits the Stinger Splash, then goes up top for another big splash attempt, and this time it works. Two count only as Jackie hops on to the ring apron with the Stinger's bat. Storm goes for the beer bottle but Sting grabs the bat and nails him in the stomach before hitting the Scorpion Deathdrop.

Don West: Wait a minute... he's not going for the pin!
Mike Tenay: What's that about?!

I wonder if the as-yet-unbroken table holds a clue. Sure enough, the spot I called earlier happens, and Sting follows up with another Deathdrop for the win.

Man, Storm didn't look good there, he got his ass handed to him by a fifty-year-old man. You know, I actually hope he gets some measure of revenge in Deuces Wild, and that they didn't bring Sting back into the fold to push him to the moon at the expense of talent that should by rights by heading towards the main event by now. Still, it was a fun brawl, for what it was worth, and it was a genuine treat to see the Stinger fly around the ring with that much agility.

To the back... where JB is looking on in bemusement at Kip James' clothing. How on earth is it possible that a man whose entrance music once proclaimed "I'm an ass man" and who had a commitment ceremony to another guy on television, has never looked as homosexual as he does currently? Kip tries in vain to get "The Megastar" over as his nickname, but succeeds only in boring us to tears and dropping Sean Waltman's name. I wonder if he's going to get teamed up with Matt Morgan.

You know what, I'm going to have to re-watch this episode of Impact and drink whenever someone drops the word "random". Cornette is back with the fishbowl, and after we see the entrances of the remaining Egotistical Eight for the second time in the show, wouldn't you believe it, he draws Morgan and Kip as partners. Man, it's like this entire tournament is being booked just to irritate Csonka. I know everyone was assuming Kip would be teaming with BG, but that feud seems (thankfully) to have been swept under the mat in order (hopefully) to provide Morgan with an established name to destroy en route to the inevitable upper card success that his American Gladiators contract will bring. Morgan has TWO WORDS for Kip (wonderful!) and security starts to pull them apart before Cornette calls for the bell. In a rather bizarre bit of scheduling, we see the first ten seconds or so of the match before cutting to commercial.

Back from the break... and Morgan is knocking Kip around like the bitch he is, before unfortunately crotching himself with an attempted yakuza kick. Kip takes control and tosses Morgan back in the ring, but Morgan doesn't even give him the satisfaction of a one count. Kip takes his shirt off (backs to the wall, boys!) but gets flattened by a few clotheslines and then a big sideslam. Kick to Morgan's face buys some time, but Morgan returns with a yakuza kick that hits the spot this time and puts Kip out cold for the three count.

Absolutely the right result and the match did exactly the job it should have done, building the pair's rivalry going into the PPV while also putting Morgan across as a tough son of a gun. All he needs now is an opponent slight enough for him to get the Mount Morgan Drop over as a legitimate big finisher and his path should be set.

To the back... and Krystal is wondering which of the remaining Egotistical Eight BG James would favor as a partner. BG indulges in a bit of self-deprecation, calling himself fat, ugly and broke, before declaring that Kong would the best partner to make him look good. Er...?

Some hype for Sacrifice, then to the back once more with Steiner, Angle and freak company. Steiner calls Joe a fat [bleep word], which I choose to believe is "bitch". Angle and Steiner push and shove a little before Petey breaks things up and asks for a time out. Rhaka Khan holds the X-Division belt, and is surely the most ridiculous valet possible for Petey.

A video package for the Sacrifice main event, which is apparently going to feature the return of Frank Trigg on commentary. Nice.

Scott Steiner & Kurt Angle vs. Kevin Nash & Samoa Joe

Angle and Nash to start off, and juice-free Angle looks even more gaunt than usual in comparison to Big Kev. Kev powers the Olympic champ around for a bit with his usual beleaguered offence, and tags in Joe. Tenay announces that Rick Steiner will be in attendance at Sacrifice! Hopefully TNA can continue the trend they started with Karen Angle at Lockdown and keep him out of the match itself. Joe and Nash beat their opponents around the ring for a few moments before the inevitable happens and Steiner goes for Nash's knee, which begs the question of whether it's really psychology if everyone knows it's going to happen. Angle hits a low back suplex for a two count and settles in for a nice relaxing chinlock. So relaxing in fact that Kev starts to nod off to sleep. Oh wait! Looks like he was actually selling the effects of Angle's weak-ass hold. Nash fights to his feet and hits a big ol' sideslam on Angle, then tags in Joe. The ref didn't see it due to Steiner's distractions, but Joe doesn't care and kicks all kinds of ass out of Angle and Steiner anyway. STJoe to Steiner and a big powerslam to Angle, and the Coquina Clutch to Steiner. Angle manages to power him away with an Angle Slam but eats a goozle from Nash. Steiner is in with the lead pipe and nails Nash away from Hebner's prying eyes. Angle adds another piss-weak back suplex and Steiner grabs the three count.

A pretty lazy main event that, following TNA's usual formula of advancing feuds by using tag matches. Although that's a perfectly fine mechanism when the matches themselves are good, this was pretty weak, with the only real redeeming feature being Joe's brief spurt of dominance. Serviceable, is I believe the most appropriate term. The three-way title match at Sacrifice is by far the simplest and most important match on the card, and yet it's somehow managed to receive a build of similar quality to a women's number-one-contender battle royal. That's one place that TNA really hasn't done the math.

After the match, quel surprise, Angle is upset that Steiner stole the win and beats Steiner down. We close the show with the final hype for Sacrifice. Promo from AJ and Super Eric! Say what you like about the logic behind the pairing of these two, which is indeed completely shit and represents possibly the worst breach of continuity I can remember in professional wrestling, Super Eric's "fear is temporary, heroes are forever" is a quality catchphrase. Sabin is apparently the only one of the ten Terrordome contenders who sees fit to promote the match. A little more build for the title match, and we're out.

In closing...

As PPV go-home shows go, this was fair-to-middling, but given the rather awkward card the show had to promote I think it did a very decent job. The one benefit of having only a small number of multiple-participant matches is that the number of individual storylines required to hype the event is kept relatively small, and that's something TNA has needed to focus on in the past. This week's Impact did a good job of focusing on the four key elements to the PPV (title match, tag tournament, women's battle royal, X-Division showcase match) and didn't get bogged down in much extraneous material. While the overall direction of the booking over the past four weeks has been called into question, and rightly so, TNA have made a fine stab at making the best of what they have to offer. So, let's take a look at the card for Sacrifice:

• TNA World Heavyweight Championship match: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Scott Steiner vs Kurt. Angle
  
• Makeover Battle Royal: Gail Kim vs. ODB vs. Roxxi Laveaux vs. Traci Brooks vs. Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky vs. Jacqueline vs. Christy Hemme vs. Rhaka Khan vs. Salinas
  
• Terrordome match: Jay Lethal vs. Curry Man vs. Kaz vs. Alex Shelley vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Chris Sabin vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Consequences Creed
  
• 'Deuces Wild' Tag Team Championship tournament

On paper, admittedly, this does look like the least promising TNA pay-per-view of the year so far. With a total of ten matches, even stripping down the backstage action to an absolute bare minimum and packing the running time with wrestling, that gives us an average 12 minutes per match. Divide that equally (it probably won't be done, but let's try a thought experiment anyway) - say, 20 minutes for the main event, 15 for the battle royal and Terrordome, and 10-ish minutes for all the tag matches including shenanigans - and you're looking at a very brisk event. Established wisdom has it that holding such a lengthy tournament all in the space of one event is a bad idea (Starrcade '89 begs to differ, until Wrestlemania IV stumbles in through the door with most of the King of the Ring tournaments in tow and proves the point). Exacerbating that, of course, is another prime example of TNA's tendency to cram as many performers onto PPV as possible. Although the card isn't quite as guilty as last month's Lockdown (48 wrestlers in eight matches, fact fans), it's still pretty chock-full, with 39 wrestlers in ten matches. Hell, past Royal Rumble cards have had fewer participants. Now, for all the potential this has for such events to inevitably be labeled as clusterfucks, on the other side of the coin it's surely pretty noble of TNA to ensure that as many of the roster as possible get PPV exposure and the resultant payday. Unfortunately, what the company needs to get its head around is that bigger doesn't necessarily equal better.

That aside though, there are some matches here that have the potential to be show-stealers. The Terrordome, even if its nothing more than a glorified spotfest, will still undoubtedly be an entertaining match. The women's battle should provide a decent (if probably curtailed) ladder match. The main event should solidify Joe at the top of the card, and despite the awfulness of the last Steiner/Angle meeting as well as Angle's recent house show injury, should be a hard-hitting contest. Plus, Deuces Wild does throw up some intriguing possibilities. If the show does end up featuring Kip James getting beaten down by Kong, TNA has me for life.