ECW Rant of AweXomeness 5.13.08
Posted by Elmo Machete on 05.13.2008
It's the 101st Episode Spectacular, and to celebrate Colin Delaney gets his first TWO matches as an "ECW Superstar!"
Greetings and salutations - Elmo Machete again. I find the angry, violent reaction to my writing style kinda funny... I get comments comparing me to Chris Hyatte like it's a bad thing, and an e-mail from 411's own Jerome Cusson comparing my reviews to Scott Keith as if it's a good thing. You've got to love a vastly different, mildly confusing array of opinions.
(Here's some stuff about wrestling that ISN'T the show I'm reviewing tonight. If you don't like RoH, scroll down or something.) THOUGHTS ON RING OF HONOR'S DEBUT IN THE GRAND BALLROOM, 5.10.08.
At the last RoH show I went to in Manhattan, the Sixth Year Anniversary Show, a backyard wrasslin' friend of mine and John de Large's (a.k.a. Juan de Grande & Johann du Uber) by the name'a Fat Nasty Bastard (with an alias like that, who needs to know his real name?) spotted us the price of two first row balcony seats, giving me, John, F.N.B. and fellow backyarder Scythe awesome seats to a big-ass milestone in Ring of Honor's development as a company. I mean, this was the Grand Ballroom - the last few real ECW PPV's were held there, as well as the first two respectable ECW reunion shows! This had me psyched.
Saturday morning me and JdL headed into the City somewhat early-ish for a 2KW show, which is the fed that Scythe and FNB wrestle in. They're not exactly a "backyard" fed, because there are few actual yards in NYC. Instead their massive roster fights on rubber mats in playgrounds, and manages to draw an impressive crowd and put on a damn fine show - check 'em out on YouTube or their MySpace. Anyhow, FNB chartered a cab from the park to the Manhattan Centre, but I couldn't take the cab because my wallet (with cash, Metrocard & TICKET) had gone missing somewhere in the park. The party left while I stuck around, asked people if they'd seen it (easy to spot - mine's the one that says "Bad Mother Fucker"), bummed cigarettes, bummed cigarettes from people & moped until Saylo brought me my wallet which Paul Epic had found. So, thanks to those gentlemen - I only missed the first three matches:
Full Impact Pro World Championship match: Roderick Strong (c.) retained against Go Shiozaki & Eric Stevens.
Kel Steenerico defeated the No Remorse Corps (Davey Richards & Rocky Romero)
I walked in on the end of Sweet n' Sour Inc. (Chris Hero & Brent Albright) vs. the Vulture Squad (Jack Evans & Jigsaw) vs. Delirious & Pelle Primeau, which Primerious won and in the end Sara del Rey had turned heel on Bobby Dempsey, & Albright had gone face. I guess that's cool, if you're a big Gunnar Scott fan. "American Dragon" Bryan Danielson defeated Naomichi Marafuji - ****1/4. Awesome match, good mix of technical wrestling and crazy spots. This should've been in the second half of the show, nearer to the main event. Match of the night by far.
After intermission, they had Daizee Haze come out to make people look at her boobs and clap for RoH's new attendance record when Delirious came out in a button down shirt & tie with a rose behind his back. He "bah-bah'd" his way through trying to ask the Haze out to dinner before Rhett Titus, one of the RoH wrestling school's students, interrupted and scared her off with his pelvic thrusting. I like what they're doing with Delirious, having him work with his wife & the students he's training.
Takeshi Morishima defeated Necro Butcher - **. I like Morishima, I hate Necro. Their styles didn't seem to mix well to me.
RoH Tag Team Championships: Jay Briscoe & Austin Aries (c.) defeated the Age of the Fall (Jimmy Jacobs & Tyler Black). - ***. This match was messy as hell, and I didn't really like the outcome... I don't know why they took the belts off Jacobs & Black in the first place.
RoH World Championship: Nigle McGuinness (c.) retained against Claudio Castagnoli - ***. This was okay, I guess. There was some cool stuff, but everyone's hatred for Nigel beat out the lukewarm face heat Claudio seemed to have, so the crowd just seemed bored during this whole match. It'll probably look better on DVD.
So will the whole show, actually, especially with them first three matches. So, no overall opinion of the whole show, but I was fairly entertained in the end. (Non-ECW rantings over.)
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LAST WEEK: Colin Delaney finally won a match for his ECW contract against GM Armando Estrada. I'm not ALL negativity - I LIKED this part of last week's show.
Backstage, Estrada tells Delaney that he was lucky, and that the odds of Colin winning were "astronomical." Well, not really, because it's not like you're a wrestler or anything Armando. Colin signs his contract, then gets put into a match with Mike Knox.
Shitty opening song leads us into ECW ON SCIFI IN WWECWHD IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN, Adamle says stuff that I tune out, and it's...
CM PUNK (w/swanktacular briefcase) vs. the MIZ. Kane and Punk vs. Miz & Morrison? Really? Isn't there a REAL tag team for them to fight? Miz waves Nitro off, and he doesn't follow him to ringside. Punk gets a rear waistlock at the start & slams Miz down twice before he gets the ropes, then Punk gets a sunset flip for a nearfall & starts elbowing. Sending Miz to the corner leads him to getting kicked, then Miz starts a hittin', elbowin' & elbow droppin', eventually dropkicking Punk in the back and snapping his neck across the middle rope... and then, CHINLOCK! Punker elbows out, but Miz regains control quickly with the corner lariat thing he does. Chinlock again with some crossfaces thrown in, Punk throws him off and into the ropes for a shoulderblocks and quick covers. Punk hits a quick powerslam, and then it's his moves of doom - kicks, corner knee, more kicks, leg lariat. Miz flips onto Punk in a pin from a standing headscissors, kicks Punk is the dick, misses a charge and gets fireman's carried for the G2S. Miz stops it, hits a jumping neckbreaker (sort of a reverse Diamond Cutter) and then it's over. **1/2(Well, they made the Tag champ look strong, and it furthers what MIGHT be a feud... I just hope this doesn't mean Kane and Punk are Tag Team Champions come Sunday.)
Tonight, it's Kane vs. Morrison - but nevermind that! The blonde female faces are WALKING!
BREAK.
KELLY KELLY, MICHELLE (w/o McCool) & CHERRY vs. LAYLA (w/o El), VICTORIA, & NATALYA (w/o Neidhart). Michelle and Natalya start. Nattie eats some elbows, throws her into the corner and elbows back. Victoria in, and she starts working Michelle's arm. She backflips off the second rope in the corner, armdrag, and hits a "leg kick." Cherry tags in, blind tag to Natalya, and she starts kicking the shit out of the 50's chick and does a suplex. Sleeper, Cherry eventually armdrags out, gets grabbed again & Layla shoulderblocks her while the ref's distracted. Victoria tags in, flips over for a legdrop, bodyslams Cherry and goes for the standing moonsault, which meets knees. Victoria immediately grabs a front facelock, breaks it to elbow Kelly in the face, then Cherry gets a schoolboy for the victory while Vickie's distracted. *!/2 (Kelly and Layla never officially entered the match.)
Aw, great. You've got Tazz saying Adamle's dumb "catchphrases" BEFORE him.
Backstage, Lena Yadayadayadayadayadayadayada is with Shelton Benjamin. He promises to end Kingston's winning streak - and wouldja lookit that, Kofi's right behind him! They talk shit, Kofi sends Benji into a steel door, and Benjamin is really hard to take seriously when he's trying to look tough with that dye job.
BREAK.
Mike Adamle's with "the" Tazz, they talk about Raw and shill for Judgement Day, specifically HHH/Orton in a cage for the title. Clip video, and I don't care. Triple H never needs another title reign, but it'll always happen anyway.
Backstage, Delaney tapes up for his match, and we get another clip video, this one of his losing streak.
BREAK. A match or something couldn't have gone there? Did we need TWO clip videos?
COLIN DELANEY (now w/entrance music, which sounds like a bird trying to eat a guitar) vs. MIKE KNOX. I doubt Rambo has ever run into Mike Knox, Mr. Adamle. Colin hits a dropkick right after the bell, runs away from Knox, then eats some hard kicks and strikes. He's sent to the corner for an avalanch splash, punchpunchpunch, "Knoxout" (still the Shellshock) ends it. That was brief. * (Umm, okay.)
Armando (no Alejandro) Estrada comes out, announces that he actually IS a wrestler now, and orders the ref to ring the bell. He throws Delaney around, gets a delayed lifting reverse DDT, that's it. Colin may have a broken nose. N/R (Why bother complaining about this, really?)
BREAK.
JOHN MORRISON (w/the Miz) vs. "ECW Champion" KANE, non-title. Morrison tries working Kane's leg in the corner, but gets nowhere and Kane starts tossing him around. Hair pull, snapmare, low dropkick and a two count. Lifting neckbreaker choke by Kane, Morrison gets dumped on his face, and that Rambo ad during the replays looks real silly. Kane works Nitro over in the corner, gets another near-fall off a back elbow, then Kane goes to a chinlock, everyone's greatest weakness. Morrison goes back to Kane's leg in the corner, and they keep exchanging control until Miz grabs Kane's leg, then kane elbows Morrison down. CM Punk walks out, Morrison and Miz act scared and talk amongst themselves, and it's commercial time.
BREAK.
We're back, Adamle mentions for the first time that this is non-title, & Kane hits a stalling vertical suplex for two. A neckbreaker gets two more, Kane goes back to the chinlock and hits some elbows. Morrison kicks at Kane's left leg s'more, but Kane no-sells and hits a big boot. Morrison gets a big kick, some punches in the corner and a chop block to the knee, then starts stretching the leg against his own knee. Kane breaks the hold, gets a dropkick to the knee, and Morrison keeps kicking. He slides to the outside and slams Fake Diesel's leg against the ring post, then comes back in and kneedrops the leg while Kane's foot is against the rope. Kane tries to grab Morrison's hair while in a... uhh, footlock I guess, then Morrison starts punching - and OH, Kane punches back. More leg kicks and locks, Kane kicks him away, smacks Nitro in the head once or twice, clotheslines some in the corner, and gets two sideslams. Tazz says kane looks "fustrated," he goes up and nails the flying lariat, he signals the chokeslam but gets distracted by Miz. He stays distracted like a damn fool while he and Punk brawl, allowing Morrison to hit him with the Tag belt and a springboard kick for the win.
** (Not technically unsound or anything, just nothing special. Kinda dull.)
The Tag Team Champions beat down Punk n' Kane, Mike Adamle calls the company "WW" again, and that's all, folks.
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Mildly entertaining episode, slightly less so than two-thirds of an RoH show. I've seen worse.
Posted By: The Informer (Guest) on May 13, 2008 at 11:32 PM
My name is Armando Estrrrrrrrrrrrada and I just whooped your ass Colin Delaney! Welcome to ECW.....
Posted By: EstradaOwns (Guest) on May 13, 2008 at 11:34 PM
That was a good read Elmo. I'm not sure if it was the quality of the show or you've been considering the comments from the past few weeks, but your article was more than tolerable. It was actually good.
With that being said, people are wondering if Punk and Kane are going to be champs. The only reason I'm against that is that Miz and Morrison are hilarious and the Dirt Sheet is the funniest thing in a long time.
I'd love to see a CM Punk heel turn at Judgement day. Betraying Kane and then cashing in the MITB for the ECW championship.
Posted By: unregistered user (Guest) on May 13, 2008 at 11:36 PM
Unregistered User, you had me until the part about cashing in the for the ECW title. Seems like a waste of MITB to me. Especially since it's been established over the course of the past year or so how easy it is for Punk to get ECW title shots with all the #1 contender's matches he's won. I wouldn't mind seeing a heel Punk at some point, but not for that. I say have him go for the Smackdown title a while down the road and hopefully Edge has the belt back by then. It could be a nice conclusion to the story where Punk's been coming closer and closer to beating Edge every time they meet.
Posted By: Brian (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 12:32 AM
I'll have to disagree with your rating of the Morrison-Kane bout. I think it was an action packed contest and they both played the whole little guy-big guy psychology well. Kane seemed really motivated and this was one of his better performances since winning the belt & Morrison proves once again why he should be pushed further up the WWE ladder. The only thing I'm afraid of is with Kane and Punk both losing to the tag champs, they may become the new champs this Sunday & lets be honest Kane & Punk as a team is as random as ..um...Booker T....and um...Goldust. Wait, thats already been done, oh never mind then.
Posted By: The GT Shaman (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 12:53 AM
LOL@hair color supposed to change the fact Shelton Benjamin can shoot on anyone in the E with ease. Blonde hair doesn't change him being superior to the ECW roster
Posted By: Magnus (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 01:29 AM
i didn't see the show but why the fuck did Mr MITB get beaten by Miz?
Posted By: olympic hero (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 02:03 AM
I see what you mean Brian. I understand how you can see it as a waste of the MITB considering how he's already won the ECW title. It might seem more exciting for Mr. MITB to cash it in for a WWE or Heavyweight Title.
But I have a couple of reasons why I think he should turn on Kane for the ECW title.
First, I don't see Miz & Morrison losing the titles. And I don't see Kane/Punk giving up a clean loss neither. I think it would be a great twist to see Punk turn on Kane and steal the ECW Title.
Secondly, I think it's the perfect way to shake things up and get people more interested in ECW.
Thirdly, the way Punk's been losing, I can't see him gaining any ground on Edge or HHH. I don't think anyone would take Punk seriously against those 2. His losing ways is a good reason for him to turn Heel and draw attention to the ECW title and establish a feud with Kane.
Heel CM Punk VS Kane is a hell of a lot more interesting than Kane VS Chavo with that bald guy.
Posted By: unregistered user (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 02:06 AM
It would be a huge mistake for CM Punk to cash his title shot in against Kane. I can't imagine it would help the ECW title as much as it would just bury the Money in the Bank stipulation. In a perfect world, it would make everything fine. But this isn't a perfect world, and I'm not Jimmy Saville.
Posted By: T.G. Corke (Registered) on May 14, 2008 at 06:08 AM
Hi Elmo
You are a solid writer but you are the absolutel last guy who should be reviewing ECW what with your obvious and open disdain for the WWE style. There is really no objectivity here.
Posted By: DivasRGr8 (Registered) on May 14, 2008 at 08:44 AM
I would like to see Punk turn on Kane and turn heel as well, but I think it would be stupid to use the MITB contract. With ECW's relatively small roster, it wouldn't take long for Punk to just earn himself a title shot. They should save the MITB for one of the other two titles, one where it might be harder to insert him into the title scene.
Posted By: Rob (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 09:31 AM
FINALLY, I hear my name on National TV! BLESS YOU, MIKE ADAMLE!
Posted By: Diva Feeva (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 09:44 AM
Is it just me, or are AAE's facial expressions all freaky looking now . . . kinda like a reconstructed post-op facial-burn victim or something. Seeing him "emote" makes me feel as uncomfortable as when I see amputee midget clown porno.
Posted By: McLovin (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 09:47 AM
Olympic hero-- to add momentum & doubt for sunday. That's why Punk & Kane lost...
Posted By: Duh (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 10:35 AM
If CM Punk turns heel and wins the ECW title that might get more people interested in the product.
Also they could've had him and Benjamin feuding for the belt and that also could've sparked interest.
The Colin Delaney angle took a TNA turn for the worst. It would be one thing if they let him beat Mike Knox or actually make it competitive before Estrada pinned him. At this point I don't really care to see what happens from there.
Posted By: Ryder (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 10:55 AM
smh...HAMMERSTEIN BALLROOM. I just cringe at the fact that internet journalist always get this wrong. "ROH debuts at the Manhattan Center" (buzzer) WRONG! They've been doing shows at the Manhattan Center for just over a year and a half. The Manhattan Center is separated into different facilities. The Grand Ballroom (appropriately named) is the smaller facilitiy located upstairs. The Hammerstein Ballroom, where ROH ran the show this past weekend, is the bigger facility that sits underneath it. The Hammerstein hosted the ECW ppvs and One Night Stand ppvs. Just urks me a lil when people get it wrong.
Posted By: bighustle (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 12:14 PM
Re: uhh, "divas are great." I refuse to spell it how you did.
I don't have disdain for the WWE style, I have disdain for the length they allow their matches to go (or LACK of length as it were).
I have disdain that ECW is seen as the "C-Show" instead of its' own entity, which (I thought) is why they never brought WCW back after the Invasion.
I have disdain for Necro Butcher and certain RoH storylines & wrestlers, too, so I'm not a total anti-McMahon crusader.
Posted By: Elmo Machete (Registered) on May 14, 2008 at 03:34 PM
Thanks for the Shout-Out Elmo, See you at the Next Show!
Posted By: SyNN (2KW) (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 05:28 PM
Wait, what?!? Punk lost to MIZ? The E is sure shooting itself in the foot should injury or suspension at the top of the card occur. They might need Punk to "fill in" for an Undertaker or Cena or Michaels and having losses to a Regal or Chavo or Miz is not becoming of a main-eventer. I'm not one of those people who think Punk should be world champ anytime soon, but they might need him to be. Hope you know what you're doing, WWE.
Posted By: Michael O (Registered) on May 14, 2008 at 07:39 PM
"I have disdain that ECW is seen as the "C-Show" instead of its' own
entity, which (I thought) is why they never brought WCW back after the
Invasion."
No, it was because they couldn't get a TV deal. Due to the low ratings WCW was getting at it's death, networks wouldn't touch it. If it had gone according to plan, Nitro would have replaced Raw. Seriously.
Oh and they did this before the Invasion. It was supposed to be the payoff to the storyline where Linda was drugged up. She would divorce Vince and take half the WWE, which included WCW. but they had to go with Plan-B, which entailed screwing up the most hotly anticipated angle in wrestling history.
Posted By: Jase (Guest) on May 14, 2008 at 09:39 PM
How did anybody miss this???? :
Adamle: "Kane is like the one-legged man from the fugitive"
One-legged man? Aahahahahahahahahaha
Surely he's not that stupid?
Posted By: Bradlieus (Guest) on May 15, 2008 at 06:47 AM
Damn. People are getting used to your writing style. The only reason i ever read these are to see what the mouth-breathers who watch ECW are bithcin about this week. But now it's mostly positive comments. Well forget that. You suck turds Elmo, you're writing is bad, and you should feel bad. And stuff.
In all seriousness, decent review. I do wish that you'd talk more about your thoughts on the matches, instead of just trying to do Adamle's job of play by play. But whatevs, ur my friend and ill keep on reading.
Posted By: Bob the baker (Guest) on May 15, 2008 at 11:27 AM
Mr. the Baker, of COURSE I have to try and do Adamle's job in my recap. I mean, he sure as hell can't do it.
Ba-ZING!
Posted By: Elmo Machete (Registered) on May 15, 2008 at 03:18 PM
Elmo Machete? I like the name, but I have to be a little bit immature here. So who is going to be the next 411mania writer, Bert Chainsaw? What about Big Bird Sniper?
In all seriousness though, good job on the Rant each and every week. A little comedy never hurt anybody. You want straight up reviews, just read the ECW report, not this. Again, I appreciate your work Elmo.
Posted By: Legendary (Guest) on May 15, 2008 at 03:37 PM
DON'T TEST ME, Legendary Guest! You don't want to see Grover Steaknife up in here.
Posted By: Elmo Machete (Registered) on May 15, 2008 at 07:23 PM
please please please dont let cm punk cash in mitb for the ewc championship.
Posted By: bp growler (Guest) on May 16, 2008 at 02:36 PM
"slightly less so than two-thirds of an RoH show. I've seen worse. "
What does ROH have to do with this tv show?
Yeah Punk was in ROH, i know and liked his stuff there. But what's the point?
I mean if your standard for judging WWE are the ROH dvd you just watched, that's just lame.
Posted By: kevin from chicago (Guest) on May 16, 2008 at 04:17 PM
