411’s TNA Impact Report 5.15.08

Posted by Larry Csonka on 05.15.2008

Wacky TNA Title of the Week: What’s up with Booker?


TNA Impact Begins…NOW!

-We get highlights from Sacrifice.

-Joe and Nash walk.

-Tenay and West welcome us to the show.

~THE KING OF THE MOUNTAIN MATCH RETURNS~
TNA superstars are surrounding the ring, awaiting a special announcement from TNA Champion Samoa Joe; who now makes his way to the ring. Joe says he knows they are wondering why they are there. He is there to offer them a chance, a chance of a lifetime. At Slammiversary the King of the mountain match returns. He and four other men will compete for the TNA title. He feels he should get to pick the men, but Cornette will pick four men, he will pick four and they will have a tournament to see which four people get into the match. Cornette's four men are: Robert Roode, James Storm, Tomko and Matt Morgan. They have never had their shot at the title, so unlike Cornette he will not give out charity. He is looking for tough sons of bitches that will kick ass and take names to win the belt. For his four, they will be announced next week. There is a reason, because tonight he scouts for bad asses. Be warned, if you think your bad and can beat him, you're wrong. Joe proclaims to be an army of one.

Booker T, who was not out there, now arrives and looks to have something to say. He wants to know why he was not picked, since he is the most decorated champion in wrestling history. Cornette picked four guys who have never had a world title shot, and didn't pick him. Booker says that is wrong. He says Joe isn't ducking anyone, so why for six-months he hasn't had any talk with Joe. Why does Joe run away like a little… he won't say it, he doesn't want trouble. But next week, if he isn't picked, it will be consequences and repercussions, can you dig? Joe says he doesn't give a damn and they brawl! Rhino and Cage jump Booker and toss him. Team 3D is now at Booker's side and hold him back. Booker challenges the three of them to a match later on tonight, and he'll find tag partners.


-TO THE BACK and JB is with Angle and Trigg. Trigg shakes with Angle and leaves, and JB apologizes for breaking that up. Angle says he is up for a while with the neck and JB then asks about AJ and Tomko. Angle doesn't need to deal with it, and JB asks about Kurt asking for airtime. Kurt says he won't be in the King of the Mountain he wants Karen and the kids to move back home and will read a speech tonight.


-Lauren is with Kaz, Dutt, Machismo and Val. Tonight they face Johnny Devine and The Rock N' Rave Infection. Kaz discusses winning the Terror Dome and wrestling in the main event. 2008 will be his year. Machismo is pacing around and talking to himself and Dutt asks what's up with him. Dutt is concerned and asks if he wants to pray. Machismo says he has big things to think about. He leaves.

Kaz, Black Machismo w/SoCal Val and Sonjay Dutt vs. Johnny Devine and The Rock N' Rave Infection (Hoyt and Rave) w/Christy Hemme

Hoyt and Dutt to begin, and Hoyt just slams him to the corner tags Rave in and they work double teams, including a hip toss/shining wizard combo. Tag to Devine, chops to Dutt and an Irish whip and Dutt avoids Devine, springs in and tags Machismo Missile dropkick to Devine, jabs, hip toss, cartwheel and then gets distracted by Hemme. Devine gains control, snap suplex and then nails Dutt. Hoyt tags in, jabs by Machismo, off the ropes and a cross body, caught and Hoyt plays air guitar on his ass and gets the sack of shit slam, cover for 2. Machismo manages a tag, Dutt in and dropkicks Rave, flips out of a chokeslam and then gets a spinning tornado DDT for 2. Machismo in and he and Dutt double team Rave, Kaz tags in and levels Hoyt with a kick and gets the pin.

Winners: Dutt, Kaz and Machismo @ 2:58 via pin

- Machismo calls Val into the ring, goes to his fanny pack and he has a ring. He drops to a knee and asks Val to marry him at Slammiversary. Val: "Ohhhh yeah!" They kiss and Dutt is NOT happy about this!


-Tenay and West jabber about Abyss. We get a video history about Abyss.

-We now get the DISTURBING video footage, which shows Abyss in a straight jacket in an asylum. No, no, not the Nashville asylum. Apparently you get cameras in Asylums now, if you behave. For months the padded walls have been his home. He has been treated like a lab rat, but he committed himself. He's a masochist, because he loves pain and blood. The torture was never enough. He is almost cured, and he will be able to go home soon…hooray?


-Tenay and West discuss Sacrifice and TO THE BACK with Lauren, who is with Joe and Nash. Nash says there was no misunderstanding, and he was playing the mental game. He and Joe had to come to a common ground, and he thinks it is all good now. Joe now says he will reveal his picks next week. This week Booker is his focus. He respects Booker, but doesn't like him. He knows Booker is trying to recapture the glory that Joe has. Booker wishes he could get back what he once had. Tonight, Booker will know Joe real well. Can you dig THAT, sucka?

-We get a video history for Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong.

TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH: Awesome Kong © w/Riesha Saeed vs. Gail Kim

Lock up and to the corner, back fist misses for Kong and Kim with forearm shots. Knees now, Irish whip, reversal and Kim avoids a charge and then they blow a RANA spot. Kim counters a Bomb, rolls her up for 2. Saeed trips up Kim as she shoots off the ropes, and ODB is out to even the odds. Kong takes Kim to the corner and we see Sky and Salinas come to the ring. Chops by Kong, Kim back with boots but gets beat down. More chicks come to the ring and we take a commercial @ 2:30 as the ref tries to control the chicks on the floor.

Back @ 5:22 as Kong slams down Kim. To the corner, Irish whip and Kim tries a roll up, and then gets an arm bar! Kong powers her up and hangs her over the ropes, but Kim hangs on. She breaks and goes up top, rights to Kong, back in and off the ropes but Kong kills her with a Vader body splash. A camel clutch by Kong HUMBLES Kim! She escapes, rights to Kong, kicks now and then Kong levels her with a clothesline. Kong bomb try, countered and they blew what looked like an arm drag try there. IMPLANT BUSTER by Kong gets a close 2. Kong to the 2nd rope, MISSES the Awesome Press! They fight to their feet, clotheslines by Kim, Kong still up and then a front lung blower rocks Kong. Kong misses a corner splash, SPEAR to Kong! 1…2…NO! Kong with the BACK FIST, and covers for 2. Kim to the 2nd rope, comes off and levels Kong and covers for 2! Up top again, SENTON by Kim! 1…2…NO! Saeed distracts the ref, ODB pulls her off, the chicks brawl on the floor and Kim rolls up Kong for 2. Dropkick to Kong, up top again but Love tosses her off! She clutches her knee on landing, and this allows Kong to KILL her with the KONG BOMB for the win.

Winner: Awesome Kong @ 10:32 via pin

-Brooks, Salinas and ODB all check on Gail as the bad girls celebrate her defeat. Refs come to the ring as they all try to help.


-Back from commercial and Tenay and West discuss the knee injury to Kim. We see replays. They promise to update us. Earlier tonight Angle promised a speech and we get a cheesy ass history of the Angle Family video.

~ANGLE FAMILY MATTERS or AS THE ANGLES TURN~
Kurt has BALLOONS! He's a hopeless romantic. He says Karen left him and didn't kick him out of the house. He has to do this right, so he needs our support. He wrote a letter, and asks for compassion, he hurt his neck in Korea. He puts the balloons down. "Karen, my wife, till death, I know you at your mother's watching, and you're miserable without me. I apologize for that. But Karen, I am giving you the chance to come back to me where you belong. You feel neglected, but Karen, you just need to get your priorities straight. If you understand the title is first, medals second, kids third, and you fourth, well tied for third, then everything will be ok. You know I am not good at this, I am wearing my best suit, and bought stupid balloons. Am I the romantic type? No, that's for wussies. But I took the time to write the speech and am willing to be the bigger person and forgive you for your failures as a wife. Karen, it takes a man of his stature to come out here and do this, and I hope you appreciate it. I ask that you show up next week…" And he is cut off by commercial! And then they come back for 5 seconds, and it is gone again. Wow, that was bush league. Thanks SPIKE TV.


-JB is with LAX, Salinas and Hector Guerrero. Cide says they are number one again. Nobody gave them a chance, but they needed Hector as the added spice. Hector accuses JB of staring at Salinas' breast, I know I was. They have started the revolution and now the Latino Nation unites! Um, tons of Spanish talk, LA RASA! BLLLLLLAT~!

NON-TITLE MATCH: LAX (Homicide y Hernandez) © w/Salinas and Hector Guerrero vs. The Motor City Machineguns (Sabin and Shelley)

Cide and Shelley to begin. Lock up, counters and Cide escapes a head scissors and into a side headlock. To thier feet, counters by Shelley into a wristlock, rights now, uppercuts by Cide and then an overhead toss on Shelley. A snap suplex, rolls into another suplex and then tags Hernandez, suplex into the Mexican back breaker and a cover for 2. Tag back to Cide, head butts to the side of Shelley, but he shoves Cide into a kick by Sabin, dropkick into a flatliner by Shelley and Sabin. Sabin in, double ax smash to Cide, tosses him to the corner, snap mare and leg drop by Sabin gets 2. Shelley tags in, snap mare and a knee drop and cover for 2. Sabin back in, double team attack to the arm of Cide, chokes out Cide in the corner, an Irish whip and back elbow by Sabin. Springs in, but Cide catches him in a TBONE. Hernandez tags in, double clothesline to the Guns. Backdrop to Sabin, CRACKA JACK to Shelley! Hernandez just tosses them around, goes for a border toss but Sabin with a running Enziguri. They try a double suplex, but Hernandez suplxes them both. Cide tosses Shelley, up top now, Hernandez has Sabin on his shoulders and they get the 5150 DOOMSDAY GRINGO CUTTER~! 1…2…3.

Winners: LAX @ 4:30 via pin

-JB tries to interview Booker, and 3D is there to kick him out. Booker now says that nothing is wrong with him, it is problems with TNA. They signed the 5-time WCW champion and most decorated champion in wrestling history. He has been disrespected, and tonight Joe tries to touch him. Well tonight he will prove why he is heir to the throne. Devon now says A BROTHA IS PISSED OFF. They jumped at the chance to take out Cage and Rhino, it is all about respect and they should know their place. So when the night is done, you can thank then as they are the greatest tag team n the history of the business. Tonight they will be in the ring, together, with royalty.


-We see Eric Young searching for Elvis. A man in a LUCHA mask picks him up as he is hitchhiking.


-Wait, I know who he'll find!

Joke Credit: Chris Lansdell

-Tenay had a chance to sit down with Sting this week. PART I: THE BEGINNING. He used to run a health club, and got broken in by Rick Bassman. He went to camp and had previously met Jim Helwig. They got together, sent out resumes and Jerry Jarrett hired them. Tenay makes sure to mention that Helwig in the Ultimate Warrior. They had a rough year as the Blade Runners. Didn't we see this before?

-Bald Roxxi walks.


-Lauren is with the Beautiful People. She is angry with them for what happened to Roxxi. Sky calls her a BIATCH. They are the hottest things in TNA and are always featured. Love says not to blame them, Roxxi is so disgusting and ugly, she needs a paper bag. Love says Lauren needs to back of and asks how she would look without her hair. They threaten a makeover is she steps out of line again. They say we can look all we want, but can't touch the beautiful people.

ODB and Roxxi vs. The Beautiful People (Angelina Love and Velvet Sky)

Roxxi is sporting a new look as she and ODB charge the ring and we're underway. Sky and ODB go at it, ODB gets the sack of shit slam, kips up and plays the rusty trombone. Tag to Roxxi, a slam and cover for 2. Roxxi tosses Love in, rights to her, forearms and then Love is able to kick her away, avoids a dropkick and gets mounted rights. Snap mare by Love, basement dropkick and a cover for 2. Tag to Sky, a slam by Love and then they double elbow drop connects and Sky covers for 2. Sky chokes out Roxxi, an Irish whip and Sky with a corner clothesline. Sky then gets a wacky ass octopus hold, Love nails ODB and the Beautiful People double team Roxxi in their corner. Roxxi shoves off Sky, misses an Enziguri but manages to kick Sky away and tags in ODB. Top rope clothesline to Sky, dropkick to Love, a slam and then slams Sky onto Love. Powerslam by ODB on Sky gets 2 as Love makes the save. Roxxi in, but she gets slammed to the corner. Love dropkicks ODB and Sky rolls up ODB for the win.

Winners: The Beautiful People @ 4:30 via pin

-Lauren is with Cage and Rhino. Cage says that he knew Booker wasn't a good guy, they have history and Cage says it is the same as it always was. Cage never respected him. Booker used to look down on Cage, and everyone else did as well. But now everyone knows that Booker is nothing but a piece of shit. Rhino says they have history with 3D, and everyone knows it. They fought together, they built a company based on extreme, but tonight they are his enemies and he will beat them to a bloody pulp as he drags their bodies down memory lane.


Team 3D (Ray and Devon) and Booker T vs. Samoa Joe, Christian Cage and Rhino

Joe and Devon to begin, Joe goes after Booker, but 3D beats on Joe in the corner and Devon has control. Joe with boots, 2nd rope leg lariat and Joe covers for 2 as Booker makes the save. All 6 brawl a bit, Cage up top and gets a HUGE cross body to the floor onto Ray! Joe and Devon brawl on the ramp as Rhino and Booker pair off. Ray and Cage are in the crowd now, and after slamming Cage to the railing Ray shoves Hector Guerrero, who is at his position at the Spanish Announce Table. We now head to a commercial @ 2:20.

Back @ 5:30 as Rhino battles with Devon. Devon chokes him out, Ray then gets in some cheap shots. Devon slams down Rhino, does the Hogan ear cup and drops the big leg for 2. Ray tags in, neck breaker and a cover for 2. Front facelock by Ray, Rhino with rights to escape, off the ropes and right into a Uranage by Ray for 2. Joe made the save. Booker tags in, rights to Rhino, side kick connects and Booker covers for 2. Devon tags back in, rights to Rhino as Booker held him and then Ray tags back in. Elbows to Rhino, off the ropes, reversal and a spinebuster by Rhino! BOTH men are down, they crawl and Joe tags in! House of fire on 3D, tosses Ray into Devon, ENZIGURI to Devon and calls on Booker. He's in and they brawl, rights by Joe and gets a sweet leg lariat to Booker. XPLODER TO DEVON! Ray makes the save, everyone in and Rhino works over Booker, but gets tosses to the floor. 3D try on Joe, Cage with a missile dropkick to Ray to stop that, snap slam on Devon by Joe and that's all.

Winners: Samoa Joe, Christian Cage and Rhino @ 10:30 via pin

-After the match Team 3D attacks Hector Guerrero and basically they just whoop his ass. Joe, Rhino and Cage all celebrate, Booker then holds them off with a chair and by the time they get backstage Hector is laid out and is a bloody mess. Where the hell was LAX?

-End scene…

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