411’s TNA Impact Report 5.22.08

Posted by Larry Csonka on 05.22.2008

Wacky TNA Title of the Week: Kurt and Karen: The Beginning…or…The End?


TNA Impact Begins…NOW!

-Ray and Devon talk to someone in a room, saying they have each other's back. JB was trying to be sneaky, but got butsted.

-We get highlights from last week.

-Tenay and West welcome us to the show.

Homicide vs. Brother Ray

Homicide in and they start brawling right away. Ray keeps pushing him off, but Homicide is pissed off and looking to beat his ass. Homicide chokes out Ray, to the corner and mounted punches on Ray. Homicide charge sin, Ray with the back elbow. Homicide counters a slam but runs into a big boot. Rights by Ray, to the corner and shoulder rams to the gut of Homicide. A big scoop slam by Ray, to the 2nd rope and say this is for Hector, and them MISSES a back splash. Rights by Homicide, off the ropes and a clothesline, another and a third but Ray is still up. Homicide to the 2nd rope and gets a dropkick and Ray is down. Up top now and a RANA by Homicide. GRINGO CUTTER by Homicide! Devon is out with the Singapore cane and that's a DQ.

Winner: Homicide @ 3:40 via DQ

-They beat down Homicide, Devon gets a table but Hernandez is out and starts to fight off Team 3D. Border Toss try, but Booker T is out and levels Hernandez with the sidekick. They beat down LAX, cane shots and then Devon crushes the skull of Homicide with the title belt. Cane shot to Hernandez, Homicide is busted open and Ray yells at Hector and says all of the Latinos will die or some shit. They powerbomb Homicide through the table and LAX I laid out in a bloody mess.

-TO THE BACK and JB is with Karen Angle. JB says he is happy that the Angle's are getting back together. She says to expect the unexpected. Kong and Saeed scare JB, give him a note and tell him to read it. Kong will be offering a $25,000 challenge to a fan.


-We get a video for the Beautiful People.

-Lauren is with ODB. ODB says that she hates pretty wenches, bleach blind hair and fake tits. She makes Lauren feel her tits for the rest of the interview, explains that they are real and then she promises to get revenge on Love. Ok.

-Tenay says that Gail Kim strained her MCL, and we will hear from her next week.

ODB vs. Angelina Love w/Velvet Sky

ODB takes a drink and then spits booze in Love's face, goes after Sky and then eats a Yakuza kick from Love. Sky chokes her out as Love wipes her face on the ref's shirt. Love slams ODB's head to the mat, and then covers for 2. ODB fights back, but Love clubs her down. Chinlock by Love, keeps ODB down for a bit but ODB is back up. Love on her back and ODB slams her to the corner, and again and then a 3rd time to break it. Clothesline by ODB, another and then a 3rd. Sack of shit slam connects, kip up and ODB is fired up. Side slam and a cover for 2 by ODB. They counter and as they go to the ropes, Sky knocks out ODB with her own flask and Love covers for the win.

Winner: Angelina Love @ 3:20 via pin

-After the match they have the shears and go to shave ODB's head, but Roxxi is out to make the save. She fights them off, spinebuster to Love and Roxxi gets the shears! She grabs Love, but the ref takes them away. BOOOOO! Boot to Rudy Charles…VOODOO CRUSHER~! Fuck you Rudy Charles!

-Joe and Nash walk.


-Tenay and West explain that there will be two King of the Mountain Qualifying matches.

-We get highlights of past King of the Mountain matches.

~JOE'S FABULOUS FOUR~
Joe and Nash make their way to the ring. Joe says tonight he gives us his four picks for the KOTM qualifying tournament. He and Kevin picked the baddest and the best. The first man is someone he fought all around the world. Some call him the best, Joe says he is close. AJ Styles is the first man. His 2nd and 3rd choices are easy picks, former champions at that. Rhino and Christian Cage. The 4th pick is someone that dominated, a world champion everywhere he has been, and quite possibly one of the greatest ever. He picks Booker T. Nash doesn't look to be happy. Joe says that if Booker can make it to Slammiversary, he will find Joe waiting for him. Nash has the mic and asks what the hell is up. How could he watch his back if he isn't in the match. Joe says the people pay to see people get beat up, not for someone to watch his back. Nash says he has been a champ for 2-months and apparently knows everything already. Nash says Joe didn't do what he was told. When that doesn't happen, the machine breaks down. And when that happens, they break down. Nash leaves, a sad, sad, panda.


-TO THE BACK and JB is with Angle and Trigg. He is excited, especially since Trigg is here. They go and piss, and talk about going out for beers. Trigg says he should spend time with Karen. Angle then says she has to clean the house, do the laundry and mow the lawn. They joke on JB and that's that.


-Last week Machismo asked Val to marry him and she accepted. Lauren is with them and Dutt. They are happy. The Rock and Rave Infection is going to audition to be their wedding band. Machismo, "I hear a piano but I don't see one!" They bust Hemme for lip-synching, and Dutt puts their fake guitars as well. Dutt apparently hired an American Idol finalist, and he will be here next week. Ace Young they say. The Rock and Rave attack them.

-MORE DISTURBING VIDEO FOOTAGE FROM ABYSS airs. He discusses torture and such. His name is Chris Parks, but he will always be Abyss. Apparently he is all cured, but he says he is not all better. He will go home, because that is for the best. Back to Mitchell? Did Judas visit him?


-Lauren is with Roode. She says he has to give Cornette credit for giving him a chance. Roode says maybe it is time to smile. He then gets pissed and says it has taken Cornette forever to see his potential. Finally he gets a chance. Why? Because the powers that be realize that there is nothing they can do to keep him down. Congrats to Booker T, he now understands. You're welcome. As for Matt Morgan, it is about brains. What qualifies Morgan to be in the ring with Roode? This may be Roode's only shot, and he WILL be in the KOTM match and we will all find out that it pays to be Roode. Bank on it.

King of the Mountain Qualifying Match: Robert Roode vs. Matt Morgan

They talk shit, Morgan wants a test of strength and Roode refuses. Side headlock by Roode, Morgan tosses him off of the ropes and Roode holds on. To the corner, Roode with rights, but Morgan with a whip and then a backdrop. A big boot connects, misses another in the corner and Roode with the chop block. Roode works the leg on the ropes, back in and beats Morgan down. Morgan shoves him off, rights by Roode, off the ropes and Morgan goes for a chokeslam, eye rake and Roode stops that. Morgan kicks Roode off of a spinning toehold try, Morgan to his feet and fires up, grabs Roode and head butts him. Off the ropes, side slam by Morgan. He slams him to a corner, chokes Roode out, the ref pulls him off and he picks up the ref and drops him. Roode gets the corner roll up with the ropes and that is all.

Winner: Robert Roode @ 4:10 via pin

-King of the Mountain Match: Samoa Joe © vs. Robert Roode vs. ??? vs. ???? vs. ???


-We see Eric Young searching for Elvis.

-Tenay and West talk Slammiversary.

-Another "As the Angles Turn" video runs.

~ANGLE FAMILY MATTERS~
Kurt makes his way to the ring and says it is honor to welcome the most beautiful woman in the world, his wife, Mrs. Karen Angle. She has her own music and video. Kurt says she is beautiful and he thanks her for coming here tonight. The last 2months have been tough on her and he says she now knows her role and their priorities straight. Karen says is OFFENDED by this, and says Kurt doesn't realize the stuff he is saying. Kurt says she watches Dr. Phil and gets caught up in the drama, he is who he is. Karen says it will never work, she came with hope to make it work but he took it away. She wants a divorce. Kurt says to not say the "D" word, and says he can change to be the man she wants. She has heard it too many times, and Kurt asks if she is seeing AJ. She says they are just friends, AJ has been there for her and understands. Kurt drops to a knee and begs her for a second chance, do it for the kids, for them and the family. She drops the mic and leaves him in the ring. Kurt promises he can change but she just walks away. "KAREN! KAAARRRREN!"


-JB is with Awesome Kong and Riesha Saeed. JB says she cannot wrestle the fans, and Saeed says there is no one left for Kong to beat. Saeed has a release in case Kong breaks someone. Saeed says he will help, or Kong will break HIM!

-We get a video package, hyping the Petey Williams vs. Kaz X-Division Title match at Slammiversary.

-Lauren is with AJ. Lauren says Tomko is not happy with AJ. AJ says he and Karen are friends, but no one believes him. As far as Tomko is concerned, he had to find a partner for the tournament. Tomko is there and says it was a few times too many. AJ says he has tried to contact him, but Tomko says AJ lost the titles. He is sick of Tomko, Kurt and everyone else. He will do what he wants, he is done and will do what he wants. Tomko says he respects AJ and he can be his own man, and do it on his own.


~STING INTERVIEW: PART II~
They discuss Jarrett's personal issues. Sting says he has seen JJ a few times, and had brief conversations. They all miss JJ, and he doesn't wish for anyone to go through what JJ has gone though with the loss of his wife. He remembers JJ when he was a little kid, and JJ has never seen anything like the Blade Runners when they met. Next week Sting discusses feuding with Flair and his recent retirement.


-JB is in the ring and there is a ladder and the ref has the title belt. He explains the KOTM match, and is about to announce the 2nd KOTM Qualifying match when KONG comes to the ring. JB tells Saeed he wants nothing to do with it, but she insists. She has a briefcase of cash with her. Saeed says to announce the challenge or he gets destroyed. JB asks if anyone wants to face Kong. You must be female and at least 18-years old. They find some chick (someone said she goes to Team 3D's school) and he name is Melissa. She signs the release and we head to a commercial.

KONG'S $25,000 FAN CHALLENGE: Awesome Kong vs. Melissa the Victim

Melissa the Victim has her dukes up, tries to avoid Kong but that doesn't work. Kong drags her around by her hair, lays the boots to her and calls her on. A big right by Kong, knees and then tosses her down again. Kong then shoulder tackles her…KONG BOMB KILLS THE BITCH and that is all. That looked nasty, that chick's knees hit her in the face.

Winner: Awesome Kong @ 1:20 via pin

-Lauren is with Team 3D and they say they gave payback to LAX. They were screwed out of the tag titles thanks to Hector Guerrero. They do what they do best, beat people up and lave them in a poll of their own blood. They then say AJ should worry, because he faces Booker T tonight. Booker says he has been here 6-months, and he has gotten no respect. He is the most decorated champion in wrestling history. He is OFFENDED by his shitty locker room. As for why he is with 3D, there is no one else to be with. Tonight AJ becomes a steppingstone on his way to becoming King of the Mountain, because he is heir to the throne. He then bitches about his locker room again, and he is sick and tired of this. He tears some shit up and that's that.


King of the Mountain Qualifying Match: AJ Styles vs. Booker T

AJ tossed his crown away, he's a new man now. They circle a bit, lock up, to the corner and they break. Knees and strikes by Booker, AJ avoids the sidekick, to the corner and rights by AJ. An Irish whip, corner forearm by AJ connects. Another whip, misses this time and Booker levels him with a kick. A slam by Booker, mounted rights follow and Booker celebrates a bit. Booker into the chinlock now, AJ fights to his feet and elbows out. Rights follow, off the ropes and a leg lariat by Booker lays AJ out. Booker works the arm bar, AJ gets to his feet and Booker with a knee strike. Off the ropes, counters and AJ gets a dropkick. Springboard Superman forearm by AJ gets a close 2. Tomko is out to watch the match. Booker avoids the clash, AJ goes for a springboard but Tomko trips him and a that allows Booker to get the Book End for the win.

Winner: Booker T @ 5:00 via pin

-King of the Mountain Match: Samoa Joe © vs. Robert Roode vs. Booker T vs. ???? vs. ???

-Tomko and AJ stand off now after the match, AJ shoves Tomko and we go to a commercial break. Fuck.

-Back from commercial and AJ and Tomko are brawling. Team 3D is out and AJ tries to fight them off, Booker in and finally the NUMBERS GAME GOT TO HIM. Thanks Don West. Tomko has a chain and blasts AJ with a chain wrapped right hand. The refs are cleared out and Booker chokes out Earl Hebner. AJ is busted open and they all take turns beating on him. AJ is a broken man. Karen runs out and covers up AJ. She begs off and then slaps Ray! Nice, her white shirt is covered with AJ's blood, nice effect. Karen goes to the back as the AJ beating continues, and she returns with Kurt. Tomko is beating on AJ big time and wipes AJ's blood on his chest. Angle has a chair and clears the ring as Karen covers up AJ. They tell Kurt to look, he does and he grabs Karen off of AJ. AJ struggles to make his feet as 3D, Booker and Tomko tell Angle to take it out on AJ. Angle them KILLS AJ with a baseball style swing of the chair. That was rather unprotected. Kurt says that this is all Karen's fault as the show ends.

-End scene…

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