ECW Rant of AweXomeness 5.27.08
Posted by Elmo Machete on 05.27.2008
I GUESS it's the hard sell for One Night Stand. They didn't do a very good job if you ask me. Whatever, just watch another show! EFF THE BRAND SPLIT!
In response to last column's "Unregistered User-guy" question: I don't hate what they're doing with Benji & Kingston, but I admit I'm not always thrilled with it. Kofi beating Shelton those first few times didn't seem like flukes, he was undefeated. Benjamin winning after losing twice in a row seems more like a fluke than the guy with the perfect record doesn't, however better he wrestled the match (and all their matches) than KK or not.
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Y'KNOW... I missed the first half of the first thing of the show, while I was busy catching up with Reverend Moe Esch, Johann du Uber & Bob Baker (AND getting drunk). BUT...
DREAMER vs. BIG SHOW. (I KNOW how much that one guy who e-mailed me hates me missing ANYTHING). I walked in while Show was dominating Tommy, standing all up on him. He did a chop to the chest in the corner (not the "shh! chop," though), and Dreamer leaves the corner and dropkicks the knee. Show regains control, Dreamer tries (something) off the second rope and Show clotheslines him in mid-air. Show smacks him s'more, gets the chokeslam, and wins.
**(What I SAW was pretty nice. Tommy still doesn't matter, Show looked strong, okay.)
REPLAYS: Biggles winning the "ECW World Championship."
BREAK.
DID YOU KNOW WrestleMania XXIV is on DVD? 'Cause, it is.
HEY, Benji's on commentary. Mike Adamle and the Tazz are still your hosts, and LAST WEEK Benji finally beat Kofi Kingston.
KOFI KINGSTON vs. MIKE KNOX. "ECW Veteran" Knox, heh. Wrong. Kofi kicks, uppercuts & sorta gains control until Knox throws him to the corner. Kofi dives up on him for some punches, Knox gets a powerbomnb-ish reversal, Kofi gets a sunset flip then Kox starts lame-ing away. He's got the control, a butterfly suplex, Benji's boring when he's talking and Knox has a sleeper, lookit that. KK tries for a comeback, but lame-ass Mike slaps back on the sleeper. Knox will probably never get better, whatever. Kofi ducks some offense, gets a dropkick, and he can't quite get Knox into the corner. Kofi knees Mike out'tha corner, & kicks s'more before hitting that gosh-darn spin-kick for the victroy.
*1/2(Yeah, this was what was to be expected.)
Knox hits the bargain-basement ShellShock after the match, 'cause Benji beat him up s'more beforehand.
HEY, more raplays! CM Punk wins the "ECW title" when Johnny Nitro violated the WWEllness Policy.
UP NEXT: Punk vs. Chavo (as JdL puts it, "balding guy vs. balding guy").
BREAK.
REPLAYS! Chavo Guerrero wins the "ECW Championship." Edge interferes, Chavo still doesn't mean anything even while being the "Chamion."
HEY! We're LIVE! And it's CHAVO GUERRERO (w/Bam "Margera" Neely) vs. CM PUNK (w/as-of-yet-unused briefcase). Duh, Punk's gonna win. AND, has new tattoos (by the looks of it). Tazz smacks around the singapore cane that'll be used when you're paying for it. Punk makes Chavo run to the outside immediately after the bell. Chavo kicks, Charles Montgomery P. kicks, it goes nowhere, and Punk keeps the control on. The last Guerrero starts a'kickin Punker, tries to take control in the corner before Punk hits a snap suplex & goes to the arm. Chavo regains control, hits the boring heel tactics and Punk gets an eventual backslide. Chavo drops Punk across the ropes, boring heel stuff and Chavo chokes into commercial.
BREAK.
HEY, we're back. They're punchin', Punk drops Chavo to the outside and he waits for the replay when, AFTERWHICH, Neely can pull down the rope and drop HIM to the outside. Chavo's back in, hits a plancha on Punk and drags him in for two. Guerrero gets a bodyscissors, and... yeah, it's a bodyscissors. Punk reverses (and it looks kinda fucking AWFUL), so Chavo immediately regains control. Punk gets it back with his usual kicks, Chavo tries to get it back but Punk regains AGAIN with a short powerslam out'tha corner. Chavo gets the Lance Storm rolling single-leg crab. Punky gets the ropes, Chavo taunts, and it means nothing 'cause Punk beats the shit out of him right away for 2. Chavo gets the Tres Amigos (minus 1), 'cause Punk goes for the G2S, Chavo tries for the Tornado DDT, they run around a bunch & Chavo gets a cool-ass verersal. Outta the corner with Chavo's schoolboy, and he wins! Color me wrong.
***(That ending sequence was tre-aweXome.)
REPLAYS! Tommy Dreamer wisn the ECW World Championship for eighteen minutes.
BREAK.
RAW REBOUND: Yeah... I'll stop recapping RAW when they stop replaying it on ECW. So, yeah. What happened on Raw. THAT's what happened.
Backstage, some chick is with Colin Delaney. OMFG's, is he gonna be in the main event? Yeah, I guess he is. I mean, he's talking and smirking.
REPLAYS: Morrison wins the "ECW title." Y'know, instead of Chris Benoit, who was busy killing his son while that was happening.
(WWE Tag Team Champion) JOHN MORRISON (and, ALSO WWE Tag Team Champion) THE MIZ (w/seperate entrances) vs. COMMERCIALS! Nitro does some stylish-ness with the Tag belt and the cane on the table before their match starts... and, y'know, before the commercials.
BREAK. NEXT, Minotaur is on Sci-Fi. BBB is excited.
Next Monday... RAW is still live, TONIGHT Miz n' Nitro are still in the ring and it's them vs. KANE (y'know, the "Champion"). Okay, Colin's not in the main event. If it mattered, I must've missed it. Handicap match. Nitro gets Kane to the corner, he & Miz beat Kane up, tag in n' out a bunch, and JESUS CHRIST, is this not the way to make your "Champ" seem strong. Kane kinda gets control back a little bit, Miz & Morrison keep heeling, Kane gets his usual offense on Miz (all corner related, y'know), and it's the top-rope lariat. HEY LOOK, Kane's about to hit the double-choke-slam, M n' M (or N) heel it up enough for the ref to call the DQ, LAME.
*3/4(Uhh, okay.)
Chavo runs in afterwards, Punk runs in, Big Show comes down, and he's probably gonna win at the PPV. Showgasm clears the ring of everyone who's NOT gonna win on Sunday, him n' Kane look at eachother and try to look imposing, and that's the show for ya'.
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Yeah, it was your usual ECW for you. If you want the hard sell for One Night Stand, you should've watched yesterday night (or, you SHOUL watch Friday).
Man...best edition of this to date. I LOL'ed quite a few times my friend. Top notch stuff, and a different change of pace is welcome. I like the "less than serious" aspect of reviewing a "less that stellar" show.
Posted By: Burton (Guest) on May 27, 2008 at 11:30 PM
Your hating of Knox sucks. He's been doing a good job lately and has been getting some heat for his finisher.
Posted By: Supro (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 02:38 AM
Colin probably failed the wellness policy too, hence he couldn't make it to the main event after all.
Oh, and MAD thumbs downs for reminding one of the existence of Bam Margera. Hate Bam Neely all you want, but he could never deserve the overwhelming cruelty of being compared in any way, shape or form to that blithering douchebag.
Posted By: Aname (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 02:58 AM
Yeah I agree with "Supro" Mike Knox has improved and he is already more watchable then some of WWE's "superstars" (Batista, JBL,Cena)
Posted By: Kevin (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 09:37 AM
That flipping knee through the ropes out of the corner by Kofi was awesome. Trouble in paradise hit perfect as well. He did good fighting a big man.
Posted By: Djohn (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 11:18 AM
All hail Mike Knox.
Posted By: Jordan (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 11:36 AM
Easily the Best Chavo/Punk match that I've seen. That Rana out of the GTS was very cool.
Benjiman was actually not half bad on commentary, talking about how he went into his match last week with Kofi with *gasp* a game plan! Executed that game plan and was able to beat Kofi because he was prepared. Just a LITTLE realism goes a long way.
I can't wait to see Show and Kane chain wrestle again! Remember that a few years back? Scientific Classic!
Posted By: Eddie Chicago (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 12:00 PM
"Yeah I agree with "Supro" Mike Knox has improved and he is already
more watchable then some of WWE's "superstars" (Batista, JBL,Cena)"
You obviously hate those three with a passion unparalleled to anyone else who's stepped foot inside a wrestling ring. Why?
Posted By: bighustle (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 01:09 PM
Thx for the response Elmo.
I still think you're being a little hard the small Jamaican. He's pulled off some things I've never seen before, but you don't seem to reference it.
I will give you this Elmo, Kofi is being shoved down our throats. Reminiscent of a Rocky Maivia. Not saying Kofi will turn into the Rock, but I can almost hear the "Kofi Sucks" and "Die Kofi Die" chants comin.
Posted By: unregistered user (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 01:54 PM
"You obviously hate those three with a passion unparalleled to anyone else who's
stepped foot inside a wrestling ring. Why?"
Cena - Because he does the same 5 moves in order every match and he makes cartoon faces non stop throughout his matches. He makes wrestling very phony and it bothers me.
Batista - This guy is your stereotype steroid freak wrestler. He is big and has no moves. Oh and he gets winded very fast. The guy is not interesting in anyway and if he wasn't so jacked up he would never have made it in WWE or any legit fed.
JBL - I like the guy outside the ring but that's about it. Inside the ring he sucks. He was never good and his matches are all very boring. His match with Cena at the last PPV went maybe 25 minutes and 20 of them were nothing but rest holds.
Those are my reasons for disliking them 3 wrestlers. I know people will whine and complain how I am wrong. But this is my opinion.
I am not that hard to please when I am on here dishing out a compliment to Mike Knox.
Posted By: Kevin (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 03:32 PM
"They didn't do a very good job if you ask me."
I was thinking that about your review.
Posted By: Shiori Coybito (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 07:05 PM
Punk and Chavo didn't have such great chemistry together when they started out against each other in January, but damn if they don't have it now. That finishing sequence was PPV worthy. THAT'S the stuff Ric Flair always talked about when he said you can lose and still look good.
And yeah, I remember Tommy Dreamer winning the ECW title too...I'm a little disappointed they didn't keep rolling the footage. The ass beating Justin Credible and his crew gave him was the stuff of legend. Poor bastard.
Posted By: BJC (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 07:18 PM
Hate on Cena all you want, but -everyone- has thier "X" moves of doom.
Posted By: Egro (Guest) on May 28, 2008 at 07:21 PM
To: Kevin
You said...
"Batista - This guy is your stereotype steroid freak wrestler. He is big and has
no moves. Oh and he gets winded very fast. The guy is not interesting in anyway
and if he wasn't so jacked up he would never have made it in WWE or any legit
fed."
Buddy, you can bash on wrestlers all you want but what you shouldn't do is assume that they're on steroids because of their physique.
Posted By: Ray A (Guest) on May 29, 2008 at 02:18 AM
Hate on Cena all you want, but -everyone- has thier "X" moves of
doom.
Posted By: Egro (Guest)
I agree most wrestlers do have a set of moves that they do in every match. My problem is that Cena does his 5 move set in order every match at the same time. Same old shit everytime he steps into the ring.
Posted By: Kevin (Guest) on May 29, 2008 at 08:27 AM
Buddy, you can bash on wrestlers all you want but what you shouldn't do is
assume that they're on steroids because of their physique.
Posted By: Ray A (Guest)
I do believe that Batista's name was on the steroid list that came out.
Posted By: Kevin (Guest) on May 29, 2008 at 08:29 AM
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