Vince McMahon comes out to hand out the MUN-NAY! But first…
Mr. Kennedy vs. Paul Burchill (w/Katie Lea).
Katie looks decidedly disheveled this week. Disappointed! I am not paying her dry her hair in a wind tunnel. In fact, I'm not paying her at all. The match is sloppy. I'm not sure who's to blame. It looks like they just never got on the same page. Kennedy is super over, though. Good sign. Burchill backdrops Kennedy into the bottom turnbuckle. It didn't look like that was intentional. A corner clothesline gets two, but Kennedy comes back with the oops-I-missed-oh-nope-I-was-just-setting-you-up spinning kick. Kennedy hits the running Facewash kick, even though Burchill was crawling away. That gets two. The Mic Check is blocked once, but Kennedy hits it on the second try at 3:20. *
After the match, Katie gets all up in Kennedy's grill and slaps him. He's about to go after her, but Burchill hits him with the Twisted Sister (neckbreaker). Clever name.
Now, Vince can give away the MUN-NAY! He dials the guy, although he looks puzzled at how to use a phone. The glasses don't help. Maybe they need a rotary phone. "Sarah, get me the next contestant. Aunt Bea is fine. She sends her love." Turns out the guy has a Rick Astley ringback tone, thus Rick Roll'ng Vince McMahon and making my night. Hey, Vince…
The guy eventually does pick up and wins the MUN-NAY! I'm just glad Rick Astley didn't cost him the $200,000. Not like that bitch, Taylor Dayne. Oh, Taylor Dayne. I hate you so much.
The Raiders are in the crowd. And the police are no doubt on their way.
Non-Title: Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix.
Mickie is developing a bit of a tummy pouch. I hear that John Cena likes for her to paint a moon on her belly and run around like Kamala patting herself on the stomach. Yeah, John Cena was a *really* big wrestling fan. She doesn't look nearly as bad in these leaked photos (NSFW), but then there's probably airbrushing. Beth shoves her down, but Mickie forearms her way back. Mickie gets a headscissors... kinda. Beth slams her down, but Mickie comes back with forearms. Beth hits a backbreaker and then stretches the Mickster across the knee. Mickie headscissors her way out of that. They trade forearms again. Mickie gets a low dropkick. That sets up the Thesz Press from James at 2:33. Not bad for a Raw women's match. They scrapped a lot of the wrestling they used to try and just hit each other with forearms. Can't go wrong there. *1/2
Beth tries to attack, but Melina makes the save. She's a hellcat!
Vince gives away $75,000. This is some thrilling television, folks. Vince is dialing… and now it's ringing… and the guy, by gawd, answered! The long-distance charge that these two men are about to endure is inhuman!
John Cena and Triple H talk about their Mania match and agree that THIS TIME IT'S… not personal? Well, what kind of selling point is that?
This Summer, Charles Bronson is… THE FORGIVER.
Vince and Charlie Haas dial up a number. Vince blames Charlie for bringing bad luck, so he brings out Maria, who plants one on Charlie. Vince says he'll toss in another $25,000 if Charlie kisses another Diva. Oh, I know who it'll be! Charlie agrees and gets a tongue-lashing from Mae Young. For driving the horny old lady joke into the ground, I declare...
EPIC VALE!
John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield. Triple H is on commentary and distracts Cena by posing with the belt. JBL attacks Cena from behind, and away we go. Cena comes back with the shoulderblock and goes for the FU. JBL bails out and stares down Triple H. We come back from a break to JBL dropping elbows and putting Cena in a cravat. That leads to a sleeper. Cena hulks up and hits a series of shoulderblocks. He sets up for the FU, but JBL slips off and hits the Million Dollar Clothesline. ONE, TWO, THRE-Cena gets his foot on the ropes. JBL goes outside and starts setting up the announce table for some nefariousness. He goes back in to pick up Cena, but Cena reverses to a small package at 10:08. This was actually more spirited than may of their PPV matches. **1/4
After the match, Hunter poses on top of the announce table, so Cena hops up and poses with him. HHH, the Cerebral Assassin, steps down and pulls Cena's feet from under him just to be a dick.
Vince says that Lillian Garcia was talking with Jim Ross and revealed that her measurements are 38-24-36. Only if she's 5'3"! Ahem. Vince says that adds up to 98, so he's giving away $98,000. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
The Highlight Reel:
Chris Jericho sucks up to Shawn Michaels and says he's in awe of how Shawn Michaels can keep the fans behind him while still being a lying, backstabbing son of a bitch while Jericho gets booed for not hitting Shawn with a chair and not hitting JBL with a chair. He turns on Shawn and attacks him. Shawn fights back but gets kicked in the nads. Jericho tells him the worst is yet to come and then tosses him into the obscenely expensive Jeritron 5000 (in Hi-Def). Marty Janetty says hello!
Why does this continue to be a great angle? Because Jericho really isn't wrong. Nothing he said is unreasonable. His reaction is a little unreasonable, but why shouldn't he feel betrayed by Shawn? Kudos.
Non-Title: Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Snitsky & Umaga.
The Colossal Connection 2008 takes over pretty early on Holly. Speaking of the Colossal Connection, you know what match I actually wouldn't mind seeing – The Big Show vs. Umaga. Seriously. Holly dropkicks Snitsky's knee and tags in Cody. Cody throws everything he can think of but gets caught with the Amazing Impact. The Samoan Spike finishes what amounted to a squash for the CC2K8 at 3:02. 3/4*
After the match, Ted Dibiase Jr. comes out and puts them on notice that he'll be winning the titles at Night of Champions. They better not disappoint with his tag partner.
WWE supports the Make-a-Wish Foundation.
WWE Idol:
It's Trevor Murdoch versus Jillian Hall. Vince interrupts the horror to give away a whopping… $2. I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS, LANE MEYER!
And I know this is an awkward time for you, but I was wondering if it would be all right if I asked out Beth.
Vince is not done yet. He brings out Gabe from E-Prizes and gives away $200,000 to another caller.
Recap of Santino jobbing to Cousin Sal. Well, that was time well-spent. I was hoping for an Adam Carolla run-in, but it didn't happen.
Cryme Tyme vs. Carlito & Santino.
Santino gets caught in the wrong corner but swats JTG out of the sky. JTG plays face-in-peril until he leg whips Santino into the corner. Shad gets the hot tag and finishes with the STO at 3:24. 3/4*
Vince invites Cryme Tyme over to help him give away the MUN-NAY, MUN-NAY! (Yeah, yeah). He still has to give away $51,998
Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy. John Cena is on commentary. Lawler brings up the story of John Cena fashioning a championship belt out of tinfoil when he was a kid… and TNA recognizes it to this day. HHH knocks Hardy down with a shoulderblock, but Jeff comes back with a reverse giri and the slingshot corner dropkick. HHH counters the Twist of Fate to the spinebuster. HHH pummels Jeff from "the Alpha Male Mount Position" (according to JR). THERE ARE NO UNICORNS ON THE SERENGETI! HHH grabs an abdominal stretch and uses the ropes for leverage. The ref catches him, though. Hunter clotheslines Jeff to the floor and tosses his face into the barricade. They head over to the announce position where HHH tosses Hardy into John Cena. He tosses Hardy back in, but a pissed-off Cena yanks Hunter off the apron before he can beat the count. Hunter gets counted out at 8:23. It was rather squashy before that. **
Cena and HHH get in each other's faces, so Jeff Hardy flies over the top and wipes them both out as an exclamation point.
Vince announces he will give away another million dollars next week. Yay us! Finally, Vinnie gives away another $250,000 to close the show.
The 411: The stuff with the mid and uppercard is pretty good. The money giveaway is boring as hell outside of the epic Rick Roll'ng. I still maintain that actually coming up with better shows would be a better way to keep ratings up. If he's going to give away $1 million every week, he could hire Steven Gaghan and Paul Haggis to write the show.
Posted By: ... (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 03:22 PM
I still refuse to believe that the Rick Roll along with this whole money give away was legit
Posted By: natedoggcata (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 03:27 PM
It's official.
Dunn wins 50 internets for this review.
Posted By: Kevin F. (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 03:36 PM
That was twice last night that I was thinking "Wouldn't it be funny if..." and it actually happened. The first time was when Cena was standing on the announce table I thought it would be funny for Triple H to trip him. I didn't think they'd actually do it because it made Cena look like a goof, but they did. The second was when Jeff Hardy launched himself at Cena and Triple H on the outside. That helped him save a little bit of face from getting his ass kicked for most of the match.
Posted By: Andy Clark (Registered) on June 10, 2008 at 03:41 PM
family guy killed that song
Posted By: houston's finest (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 03:41 PM
Man, getting 200K AND Rick Rolling Vince?
If it wasn't a work, that guy deserves the Pimp of the Year award.
Posted By: WWECWFan (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 03:41 PM
"If he's going to give away $1 million every week, he could hire Steven Gaghan and Paul Haggis to write the show."
Finally some common sense. Thanx.
Posted By: 3MW (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 03:42 PM
"family guy killed that song"
Here's a song by a gay guy. :)
Posted By: J.D. Dunn (Registered) on June 10, 2008 at 03:46 PM
Jericho tells him the worst is yet to come and then tosses him into the obscenely expensive Jeritron 5000 (in Hi-Def).
Bravo Sir...
And by the way, do you know what the street value of this mountain would be??
FCT
Posted By: FCT (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 03:49 PM
Kudos for the Better Off Dead reference.
"He snorts nasal spray? Do you know where I could score some?"
Jericho continues to be my hero.
Posted By: christopherg (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 03:56 PM
I don't know what's better, Sir Mix-a-Lot references or Better Off Dead references. I'm guessing your anaconda don't want none of Lillian.
Posted By: Break the Walls Down (Registered) on June 10, 2008 at 03:57 PM
I think we need Vince to accidentally dial some people. Like Warrior, you imagine how hilarious that would be?
Posted By: Kevin F. (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 03:57 PM
I will be disappointed in whomever they choose for Ted Jr's parter unless it is Irwin R. Shyster, Jr.
Posted By: Ty Huston (Registered) on June 10, 2008 at 04:06 PM
Well, who could believably be Dibiase's partner? The sad thing is, it's probably going to be someone with no heat (DH Smith or Afa Jr., both for obvious different reasons).
Though wouldn't it be sweet if it was Bryan Danielson?
NO I WILL NOT DROP IT!
Posted By: Guest#0691 (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 04:15 PM
Is that it? Family Guy is responsible for the "new it's cool to like Rick Astley" craze? I always wonder about that because when I was Jr. High, he was less cool then what a boy band would have been or even less then Richard Marx.
Posted By: Huh (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 04:31 PM
Actuallt the Jeritron 5000 was retired with the last highlight reel set. That was the Jeritron 6000
Posted By: Michael (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 04:39 PM
I hope they insert Jeff Hardy into the WWE Title match at Night of Champions because he needs to be on the PPV and that's the best spot for him. I hope Jericho and HBK have a ladder match for the IC Title. Two of the greatest IC champs of all time going at it in the belt's most legendary match. WOOOO
Posted By: Guest#0446 (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 04:50 PM
"The long-distance charge that these two men are about to endure is inhuman!"
*applause*
Posted By: Shi Coybito (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 04:51 PM
Where are the Mickie James photos?
Posted By: Guest#8936 (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 04:55 PM
Dunn is a /b/tard?
Posted By: Anonymous (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 04:56 PM
THANK YOU Y2J!
He wasn't saving us from Orton, he's saving us from HBK. Speaking of which, was it just me or did HBK look more cross-eyed than usual this week??
Posted By: Dirty Sanchez (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 05:00 PM
Mickie James is not gaining weight. she's as in good shape as ever.
And did cena just win a match with an amature style crafty technical move?
Posted By: Davis (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 05:00 PM
By the way, I can watch HBK getting kicked in the nuts EVERY week! Screw the $1 mil!!
Posted By: Dirty Sanchez (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 05:05 PM
I say Dibiase Jr.'s partner ends up being Cody Rhodes.
If anyone can pull off an angle/match that makes no logical sense, it's this company.
Posted By: Patrick (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 05:12 PM
Mickie looks HOT with her pot belly. I will still kill Cena if he's really hitting that.
"Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way, turn"
"Do you know what the street value of this mountain is? It's pure snow!"
Posted By: you'reafunnyguy (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 05:36 PM
Not that it would make for good TV, but the most interesting choices for Ted Junior's partner are his dad and Dusty Rhodes.
Posted By: Stanley (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 05:58 PM
jericho's turn works on the same principles of a good comic book super villain. the best ones are the ones who don't feel their doing anything wrong.
btw, your epic vale was nice, but the fact that i totally got rick roll'd made me spit mt dew onto my screen. so thanks for that. haha.
Posted By: hellboysetsfire (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 06:03 PM
"Only if she's 5'3"!"
-Just awesome
Posted By: Matt (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 06:18 PM
I'm pretty sure debiase's partner will be Rhodes - Rhodes and holly haven't been on the same page recently and are teasing a break up
Posted By: Paul (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 06:26 PM
What the hell does Rick Rolled mean?
Posted By: SD (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 07:00 PM
Rickrolling is a prank and Internet meme involving the music video for the 1987 Rick Astley song "Never Gonna Give You Up". The meme is a classic bait and switch: a person provides a Web link they claim is relevant to the topic at hand, but the link actually takes the user to the Astley video. The URL can be masked or obfuscated in some manner so that the user cannot determine the true source of the link without clicking (and thus satisfying their curiosity). By extension, it can also mean playing the song loudly in public in order to be disruptive. The second a person clicks on the link given and led to the web page they are said to have been "Rickrolled".
Posted By: Kevin F. (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 07:31 PM
Looks like someone missed a cycle. No not a steriod cycle Cena lovers but it looks like Mickie missed a couple of menstrual cycles. I wonder if he will come out wearing a spinner belt?
Posted By: Scrotum Pole (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 07:34 PM
Congrats, first time I've ever been Rickrolled.
Posted By: Steve (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 07:46 PM
I'd rather see Cade and Mrdoch knock shit out of each other for 10 minutes. That 3 minute dalliance looked like it could have been a fine brawl, and they should be allowed to.
Posted By: ButchReedMark (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 07:47 PM
Classic.
Posted By: Satan (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 07:53 PM
Yeah, it'll be Cody. Ted comes out with a chair, dismantles Holly while Cade watches, then the match starts, Ted pins Holly, grabs the belts, tosses one to Cody, and Wrestling 2.0 begins.
And am I the only guy on earth who actually doesn't mind that song?
Posted By: Mathew Sforcina (Registered) on June 10, 2008 at 10:04 PM
The money giveaway spots just sucked every bit of momentum this show tried to pick up with each segment..."yeah that cena/hhh match is going to be good, but not as good as the money I'm giving away" it was just monotonous. on a side note, has mcmahon ever dialed a phone for himself in his life? jeez he made it look like a chore
Posted By: faceman802 (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 10:27 PM
- family guy killed that song
Family Guy has killed a lot of things, lately.
Posted By: Joe K. (Guest) on June 10, 2008 at 10:42 PM
So we've gone from hearing Huey Lewis (in Cousin Sal's theme)to Rick Astley in the span of 2 weeks. Would have questioned the million dollar giveaway if Workin' For A Livin' ended up being the ringback song. By the way, is Burchill's Twisted Sister look exactly like The Miz's Reality Check? How about some originality please?
Posted By: AndresV (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 01:16 AM
k.
Maybe I'm the only one that noticed it but.. Did Ken Kennedy's face look especially red tonight? The kind of red you get from drinking to much.
Posted By: Marky(Nevergonnaturnaround)Mar (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 09:12 AM
Dunn you son of a bitch, you got me, rickrolled!
Posted By: DannyCharisma (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 03:40 PM
'"family guy killed that song"
Here's a song by a gay guy. :)'
===============
"You know that mediocre generic sound you've been looking for!?"
"I didn't like any of that."
Posted By: Tiger Mask 69 (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 04:35 PM
Jokes on you tough guy. I like that song! Now can anybody direct me to Orlando, I need to find a guy named Sting..
Posted By: Black Scorpion (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 06:03 PM
JD continues to be one of the best reasons to watch wrestling (and then read the recap). Kudos for that.....
...and for Rick Rolling me...ya bastard
Posted By: Bobby (Guest) on June 11, 2008 at 09:40 PM
Wow. First, Epic Fail was the internet's snazziest catch phrase. Now, I hear " Rick Rolled " at every pathetic chance someone gets to fart it out of their blowhole. Good job internet.
Posted By: Quatah85 (Guest) on June 12, 2008 at 03:08 AM
"Lawler brings up the story of John Cena fashioning a championship belt out of tinfoil when he was a kid… and TNA recognizes it to this day."
Amazing... still the best raw reviewer on the net by far.
Posted By: JP (Guest) on June 12, 2008 at 11:52 AM
thanks to you, Dunn and that sneak attack ninja link to a fucking Rick Astley video i had to kill my dog...
i hope you are are happy now...little Darth Ruffin is dead now...
this is exactly why Rick Astley is illegal in 97 countries
Posted By: Darth Mortis (Registered) on June 12, 2008 at 01:51 PM
RAW with the exception of Y2J/HBK
EPIC FAIL
Posted By: BFG2009 (Registered) on June 12, 2008 at 01:57 PM
Didn't know if this was negligence on WWE's part, as far as Ted D. Jr.'s partner goes, but the link on his name in the writeup about the upcoming Tag Title bout connects to DH Smith, the son of Davey Boy Smith
Posted By: Ricky (Guest) on June 13, 2008 at 09:23 PM
Reading about Vince McMahon getting Rick Roll'd = Priceless
Getting Rick Roll'd by JD less than a minute later = more priceless
Good job, JD.
Posted By: Aaron Hubbard (Registered) on June 15, 2008 at 02:57 AM
