The High-Impact Chronicle 6.12.08

Posted by Owain J. Brimfield on 06.13.2008

TNA - no really, we actually ARE wrestling.

Editor's note: it's a long one this week due to the amount of ring action. You've been warned.

Coming off the back of one of TNA's least gimmicked, and perhaps somewhat coincidentally their most enjoyable, PPVs in a while, and things are looking better for the company than they have in a good few months. Samoa Joe is starting to cement his place as the top dog in charge, and the stage is set for fresh contenders for a re-invigorated X-Division and the associated summery hijinks of the World X Cup. Plus, Abyss made his grand return with a shiny new outfit to feud with Scott Steiner, and LAX look to begin a long reign over the summer challenging all comers. And of course, the Knockouts are still looking strong (although, seriously TNA, "Moose"? I hate the practice of introducing competitors and then changing their ring names straight away, just like WWECW has managed with Matt Sydal / Evan Bourne). Brushing aside the whole wedding fiasco and Sonjay Dutt's heel turn, which is for my money the worst heel turn in recent memory (he lasted what, two minutes before getting beaten up by a geriatric man and his parrot?), TNA put on a strong showing at Slammiversary, so let's see how they follow up.

The show opens with a dedication to Kevin Sinex, the crew member who died after Slammiversary. Very professional.

"I Put a Hit Out on My Wife"

Back to the wacky titles again, I see. This one does sound vaguely interesting at least. Apparently we have an Angle/Styles lumberjack match up later, which if we're lucky might get Elix Skipper a payday as one of the lumberjacks, as well as two title matches.

TNA World Heavyweight Title match: Kaz vs Samoa Joe

I'm in two minds about opening the show with this. On the one hand, it should be a hot match, which is always a good choice to start out the night, but there's always the voice at the back of your head that says a company's top title should be its main attraction, and should main-event as many shows as possible.

Kaz's head is still sliced from the lead pipe shot last Sunday. Crowd is right into this from the get-go. They start out with a few reversals, and Kaz takes charge with some hard shots and then comes off the top with a crossbody attempt - Joe tries the walk-away but Kaz catches himself and lands on his feet! Very smart. Kaz with the legsweep, Joe kicks him off but Kaz kips up and they stand off. Kaz with a sunset flip attempt but Joe stands firm and hits a big legdrop and a knee to the chest for two. Kaz off the ropes, Joe ducks and hits a firm enziguri. Hey, this is going pretty well so far. Kevin Nash is watching on in the back as Joe decimates Kaz with a clothesline for another near fall, but Kaz rolls him up for two of his own. Kaz with a few forearms, Joe gets a knee to the gut but Kaz returns and manages to (just about) catch a swinging neckbreaker. Kaz ducks Joe's offence and hits a springboard elbow off the ropes, then the springboard legdrop to the fallen champ. Wave of the Future try, Joe reverses and hits a powerslam that dumps Frankie right on his neck. Joe hits the powerbomb, and twists it into an STF after Kaz kicks out of the pin attempt. Kaz gets to the ropes and manages to floor Joe with a big kick to the chin, pin attempt but Joe gets to the ropes too. Kaz up top but eats an overhead kick. Muscle Buster attempt but Kaz manages to drop out and nail Joe with the Roll of the Dice for two and a half. Kaz gets tossed to the apron and attempts the springboard DDT, but Joe lifts him up to the top and hits the Buster this time for the duke. That was so action-packed I didn't even have time for any jokes!

Short but extremely solid. Kaz never quite looked as good as he did in his two matches against Angle but he put up a strong fight, and if this performance doesn't cement him as a performer that deserves to stay at the top of the card, I'm not really sure what will. Four/five more minutes in length and this would have been the exact sort of title match TNA should be airing on Impact to back up the old "we are wrestling" claim.

The T is here as Joe celebrates! We get a Victory Road commercial before T speaks. I wonder what the main event might be for the show in Houston, hmm? The T suggests that the crowd don't care about Joe, and claims Joe screwed him at Slammiversary. I'm pretty sure that was Kevin Nash, but hey, they might look quite similar *cough*. T tells Joe to shut up and draws a hefty "you suck" chant. Unfortunately, T actually has somewhat of a valid point, as Joe didn't exactly look dominant on victory on Sunday. I know they were trying to build the whole "Joe desperately tries to get a pinfall" drama, but he did basically have to rely on Nash to retain the title.

To the back... and Lauren is with Kurt Angle. Angle denigrates Lauren's credentials and reminds us of Spike TV's wholesome policy of "no man-on-woman violence" - good job they weren't watching when Chris Abyss killed Rhaka Khan with his finisher a few days ago. Kurt says he admires their policy, but since he wants to see his wife hurt he's hired one of the knockouts to beat her up for him. Ten bucks say Kong, right?

To the back again... where JB introduces the World X Cup and the captain of Team International, Daivari (good to see him back on our screens incidentally). Daivari cuts a subtitled promo mentioning his teammates, Doug Williams, Tyson Dux and Alex Koslov, as well as mentioning the other teams. That kind of came out of nowhere, but if they keep hyping it it'll only be a good thing. Daivari walks off and here comes Saeed, who claims that Kong has been gentle thus far in her Open Challenges. I didn't think it was possible for Kong to kill bitches even deader, but Raesha apparently disagrees with me. Next up, a World X Cup preview match.

Masato Yoshino & Naruki Doi vs. Motor City Machine Guns

Tenay kindly reminds us that Team Japan are from the Orient. Very good of you, Mike. Apparently Yoshino and Doi are known as "Speed Muscle", did I hear that right? Gaaaay. Any fans of Dragon Gate have an explanation for that? Shelley and Doi start off with some rapid armlock reversals, before tagging out to their partners. Yoshino uses the ropes incredibly quickly - very impressive - and takes Sabin down with a dropkick, but eats a heel kick while he's celebrating. Tag out to Shelley and the MCMGs do some smooth double team action for a two count. "U-S-A" chants from the crowd, how patriotic. Yoshino off the ropes and spins around Shelley into an octopus submission. Sabin gets tossed to the outside and Doi tags back in. Yoshino hits a big double stomp onto Shelley's arm and the foreigners do some very MCMG-flavored double team work. Tenay is doing a great job of hyping their Dragon Gate credentials, incidentally. Doi locks in an abdominal stretch briefly and we get some more double teaming on Shelley, with a running elbow into the corner, then a great spot as Yoshino balances Shelley with his feet on the ropes as Doi hits a somersault senton to Shelley's chest. Another attempt at double teaming Shelley in the corner, but he backdrops Yoshino to the outside and drops Doi's face onto the turnbuckle. Tag out to Sabin, who West refers to as "the muscle. Sabin dishes out atomic drops and the Guns squash Doi's head with kicks. Springboard clothesline from Sabin gets two until Yoshino breaks it up, but he gets tossed by Shelley. Doi ducks a double clothesline attempt and the Guns collide. I'm having extreme difficulty trying to type this in real-time, I'm going to have to pause the tape for a moment here. The speed these guys work at is incredible, and it's so rare that we see this style in action in one of the Big Two. Doi hits a brainbuster on Shelley and tags back to Yoshino, who comes off the top and locks in a reverse tarantula on Sabin! Sabin gets hung in the tree of woe as Shelley tries to fight in, but he gets cut off. Somersault senton to Sabin in the corner, then Yoshino comes off the top rope with a vicious dropkick to Shelley's face. Yoshino goes for the pin on Sabin but it's a close two. Shelley and Doi are brawling outside, but Shelley gets back in and they kill Yoshino with that hard-to-describe double team Dominator/cutter deal, and a double superkick to the face finishes it.

Bloody marvelous, that. The Impact Zone was completely into it from start to finish, and it was a hugely impressive outing - if the rest of the World X Cup lives up to those standards, even in terms of the free TV matches, then it should be something to watch out for. TNA does make a big deal about being an "alternative" to the WWE, so while they should rightly be criticized when they pull the same sort of crap that McMahon greenlights on occasion, they should be commended for doing something genuinely different and, on first impressions at least, doing it well. Let's just hope the redneck crowd doesn't shit all over the dirty foreigners too much.

To the back... where JB is congratulating Karen Angle, who is now apparently a member of the TNA roster. Well what the hell has she been for the past few months, then? Karen reckons that Kurt may well have a change of heart, and JB offers to diffuse the situation, but here come the Beautiful People. Velvet is concerned that Karen will be earning more money than they do. Karen doesn't look impressed and tries to walk off, and here comes Prince AJ to be a gentleman. Angelina and Velvet try and lay on the moves, and although AJ doesn't look impressed, you know he's popping a raging boner off the camera.

To the back (again...) and Lauren wonders why controversy follows Kevin Nash around like a horny dog. Nash accuses The T of "touching" him during King of the Mountain. Lolz. Nash tries to keep schtum, but an angry Samoa Joe is out in the ring and calls him out. Nash claims to have kept the belt around Joe's waist, and cries like a baby because Joe didn't say thank you.

Kevin Nash: "I'm Kevin Nash!"

Very astute, Big Kev. Nash claims Joe won't be able to beat The T due to T's mental advantage, and Joe is not a happy bunny. Wait, the guy with the mental advantage is the guy who's been spending the past few weeks complaining that his locker room smells like elephant urine?

To the back... where JB finds Kurt discussing things with Steiner and the freak brigade.

TNA Tag Team Title match: 'Cowboy' James Storm & Robert Roode vs. LAX

Although they've never "officially" been a tag team, Storm and Roode have teamed together enough times - and, in fact, won enough matches - for this to make sense. Quite amusing given the seismic gap between their characters' personas. This has been a pretty good show in terms of the in-ring product thus far.

Homicide and Bobby to start out. Roode powers 'Cide down and they run through a bit of typical chain wrestling. Off the ropes and Homicide hits a high hiptoss followed by a back elbow. Roode manages to get the tag to Storm but he runs right into a drop toehold, and in comes Hernandez. They power Storm around and score a near fall. Homicide takes charge and goes for the corner ten-punch, but Roode just yanks him out of the way and tags in. Jackie chokes out 'Cide with her belt while Roode distracts the ref, and I think it's time for a bit of "face-in-peril". More choking by Jackie as the cameraman goes for a subtle shot of cleavage. Nicely done, sir. Storm is back in, floors Homicide with a knee and gets a couple of consecutive two counts. Roode is back in again but Homicide reverses a bodyslam to an atomic drop, and heeeeere's Hernandez. Flying shoulder and a big back body drop to Roode, and the old t-shirt toss flings Storm across the ring. Roode eats a running powerslam for two as Storm breaks it up and decks Homicide, but gets back dropped over the ropes by Hernandez and lands on the steps. Storm pops back up and kicks Hernandez in the back of the head, but Homicide comes around and hits a cutter on the ring apron! Roode tries for the Payoff on Hernandez but Hernandez is too strong/fat and reverses to a front suplex. Gringo Stunner attempt, but Roode manages to escape as Jackie tosses the belt into Storm, who wraps it around his shoe. Hmmmm. Hector Guerrero distracts the ref, allowing Storm to hit the Last Call with the belt around the shoe, and that gets.... three?! Eh? Major heat from the crowd as Hector tries to explain things to the ref.

Back from the break and apparently the match has restarted. I hate that. If you're going to restart a match based on a dodgy finish, you'd surely end up reversing the finishes of every WWE main event circa the Austin/McMahon feud. Hernandez is fighting people off left and right, shoulder breaker to Storm and a back drop to Roode. Homicide hits Roode with a top rope senton and they brawl to the outside. Storm goes up to and tries a crossbody, but Hernandez just catches him like a sack of shit and hoists him up into a powerbomb for the three count.

Roode has some chair shots for everyone in the aftermath, even Hector. The handcuffs are out, and LAX find themselves cuffed to the turnbuckles in a compromising position. Bet that reminds them of the last time they crossed the border. Storm goes to the crowd and steals a fan's belt! Ahahahaha. LAX takes a-paddlin' from the bad guys, and Storm even has some ass whuppin' for Shane Sewell. The beatdown continues for a good few minutes, and Storm and Roode pose with the belts. This actually has great potential - I hate the gimmick of restarting the match after the screwy finish, but at least it served to give the impression that Storm and Roode might be able to sneak out a victory further down the line if the feud continues - which it undoubtedly will after a super heelish whippin'. Storm and Roode did form the basis of two of the best tag teams that TNA has ever seen (check out the America's Most Wanted vs. Team Canada title match from Final Resolution '05 for a hugely underrated tag match featuring these two on opposite sides), so in a way it's a surprise they haven't been pushed as a cohesive tag team before, even if the only thing they really have in common is their evil-ness.

To the back... where the Beautiful People are brawling with ODB and Gail Kim in the dressing room. Nice. We get then get a big hype video for Bound For Glory in Chicago - it's not till October, but since it's TNA's big event of the year, it's pleasing to see them starting to give it the hard sell already.

Velvet Sky vs. Gail Kim

Gail interrupts Velvet's entrance with some fisticuffs, and gets a series of rollups as the match starts before tossing some dropkicks around and hitting the tilt-a-whirl armdrag from the ropes. Velvet rakes the eyes in the corner and dropkicks Gail's injured knee to send her to the outside. Velvet wraps the knee around the ring post and rolls Gail back in for a short count. Do skirts as short as the one Velvet is wearing actually exist? Gail tries for another armdrag from the ropes but her knee gives way, and Velvet locks in a figure four leglock, of all things. It took her a few goes to get it right, though. Gail flips it over and reverses the pressure, but Velvet makes it to the ropes. Series of clotheslines floors Velvet, and Gail is selling the knee pretty well here. No wait, I spoke too soon, she just used that leg to kick Velvet in the face. Neckbreaker from the second rope gets two, and Gail goes up top again but misses the dropkick and lands hard. Velvet grabs the paper bag from the corner and goes to slip it on Gail, but she again uses her injured leg to kick Velvet in the head. And again, with the injured knee used with a kick to set up the crossarm neckbreaker for the win. Gail sticks the bag over Velvet's head after the match. Better than the Velvet/ODB mess from last week, but this was still a throwaway match. I think they're just trying to give Velvet a bit more in-ring experience to get her up to Angelina's level, and it's hard to tell whether it's paying off. In the meantime, we've got her lovely outfits to keep us occupied. Some haphazard selling by Gail, too.

To the back... and Bobby Roode claims they just hit LAX with a drive-by. Storm calls them "Mexi-canes", and tries to deliver some sort of rationale for their teaming together, namely that the two things that make the world go round are money and beer.

Robert Roode: "I love beer! (takes a swig and spits it back out) Euugh, that's awful."

Absolutely brilliant promo, exactly the right balance between the "humor" and the "heel". Yes, these two could in fact prove to be an awesome team. Another World X Cup preview next.

Alex Koslov vs. Curry Man

Tenay does another great job running down Koslov's career thus far, which is going to be vital in getting these guys' names out for the next month.

Koslov works the arm to start, but Curry Man flips out and grabs a front facelock. Off the ropes, but Koslov says STOOOOP - cossack dancing! Ahahahaa. They repeat the setup and Curry Man does his own dancing. Brilliant. Running clothesline and then the hip attack in the corner by Curry. Suplex off the ropes gets two. Koslov hits a big powerslam out of the corner, and the Evil Commie is getting some pretty loud boos. He makes it worse by chanting "Rus-sia". Springboard in and Koslov eats a boot to the face. Curry Man sets up for the Spice Rack, but Koslov reverses to a Russian legsweep, then goes to the apron and hits a springboard splash for the three count.

Well, that was only just getting started. Why the rush? Koslov looks like a good fit for TNA though. It seems like this was more about getting another name out there for the crowd to get to know. Briefly entertaining but disappointingly short.

To the back... and Sonjay Dutt has a brief "no comment" for JB, before Samoa Joe enters the dressing room and accepts The T's challenge for a title match at Victory Road. T bigs up his hometown, and Joe offers him the use of his own locker room. Oooooh! Wait, what?

Sonjay Dutt vs. Consequences Creed

Sonjay dedicates his match to SoCal Val. Not a great choice for a matchup, I feel - Sonjay needs the win to cement his heel turn, and Creed needs the win because he's still a new face in TNA, and any other result would hurt both of them.

Armlock reversals again to start, before Creed takes charge with some hard shots and the splits knockout punch. Creed to the corner but springs off with a delayed crossbody for two. Jawbreaker by Sonjay and he runs Creed's face into the ropes. Springboard dropkick and Sonjay plays to the crowd; he's getting a surprising amount of heat for a man who was beaten up by an old dude the other day. Sonjay wears Creed down with a chinlock and hits a running hip attack to the corner, but Creed runs straight back to the opposite corner and murders Sonjay with a sick clothesline. Knee to the head and another hard clothesline gets the near fall. Sonjay tries to pull down Slick Johnson's shorts, and hits a low blow while he's distracted. Slam to Creed, Sonjay goes up top and hits the Hindu press for the win. Here's Jay Lethal, who goes right for Sonjay and chases him out of the ring as Val does not approve. Machismo challenges to Sonjay to a match next week and the crowd is way more into this than the goofy wedding shit from Slammiversary would have suggested. Another brief match, but while we've yet to see Creed get his feet properly underneath him in TNA he looked solid even in defeat here. On balance, Sonjay probably did need this a little more. He and Lethal can both go in the ring, so now that Sunday's farce is out of the way I'm looking forward to the feud from an in-ring perspective. Incidentally, two love triangles now happening in TNA. Three if you count the Tenay/West/IWC love-in, *snort*.

Lumberjack match: Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles

Your lumberjacks for the evening will be Tomko, Team 3D, Matt Morgan, Rhino and Christian Cage, and joining us on commentary will be TNA Analyst Frank Trigg. Angle looked in pretty bad shape on Sunday, but that match did manage to turn the tide on my opinion and I'm now more into the feud itself than I am worried about Angle's health.

What price this match starts out with some armlock reversals? Ah yes, it does, but AJ quickly takes charge and hits Angle with a hip toss and a stiff slam. Angle to the outside and the faces get in a few shots before tossing him back in. Trigg is great in the heel commentator role, criticizing the lumberjacks for getting involved. AJ tosses Kurt again and gets a two count once he's tossed back in. Off the ropes and Kurt reverses a hip toss to taker AJ to the apron, but AJ's right back in with a springboard forearm for two. Angle wears AJ down and dumps him over the top to the outside, but AJ gets the best of 3D and pops back inside. Kurt tries to hit AJ's own leapfrog dropkick combo but falls flat on his ass, and AJ shows him how it's done. Brother Ray pulls the ref out of the way and disrupts the count. Trigg on top form again as he claims he never saw it. This guy is great value. Kurt manages to roll AJ to the outside and the bad guys manage to lay the beatdown this time, but Morgan, Rhino and Cage take the fight right to them and break it up. 3D hit their double team neckbreaker to Rhino on the outside!

Back from the break as Kurt hits a suplex for a couple of two counts. Angle does a smooth flip out of a suplex attempt, but AJ hits a discus clothesline and a leaping forearm in the corner. Hammerlock back suplex to Kurt's neck gets two and a half. Kurt tries for the Olympic Slam but AJ reverses to an armdrag, and gets a rana into the pin, but the ref is distracted. AJ lifts Angle up into the torture rack and swings him into a powerbomb for another near fall. Ray up on the apron but he gets knocked off by AJ. The ref gets distracted again and misses a cover by AJ, and Angle manages to pull off another Olympic Slam to get the win. That was about as solid as it could have been given Kurt's current limitations, and AJ is being made to look like an absolute beast at times.

Post-match, Rhino is injured so the heels play The Numbers Game (© Don West) and set up some tables for a bit of fun with the beaten babyfaces. Things aren't looking great... here comes Abyss! His slightly remixed entrance music is excellent. Abyss clears house and chokeslams Tomko through a table. Morgan, Cage and 3D fight up the ramp, as Kurt and AJ are back in the ring. AJ hits the pele (out of nowhere, by any chance?) and rams Kurt's face into the remaining table. AJ sets up Kurt on the table and goes up top... Kurt's playing possum and AJ flies through the table with a missed frog splash. Trigg delivers some more top-notch lines - "Who's the smart guy? Oh yeah, Kurt Angle" as Karen runs out to stop the beatdown on AJ. Time for KOOOOOONG to hit the ring and set her sights on Karen! Excellent. Kong kills the bitch dead as Kurt gives the thumbs down. Kurt and Kong stand tall as the show ends.

In closing...

So I have been promising some form of rating system for Impact for the past couple of week, and after mulling over a few possibilities that were more idiosyncratic than a typical numerical score, I decided to turn to my good friends Glacier and Curry Man to determine whether each edition of Impact is HOT... OR NOT. We'll be looking at the entertainment value of each episode of Impact as a standalone TV show, as well as a separate look at how the build to each pay-per-view is going. It's pretty self-explanatory, although I should add the caveat that I'm a pretty harsh marker when it comes to this sort of thing, so what you may think of as an average value is probably better in my eyes.. So without further ado...

This week's Impact, HOT or NOT?

What can I say, I did this all in MS Paint. This episode of Impact hits a whopping 82 °C, while the build to Victory Road sizzles up to 50 °C. This was, by far, the best standalone episode of Impact in a long while. A whopping seven matches meant that the focus was entirely on the in-ring product, and with the exception of a lackluster women's match and, to some extent, the brevity of the two X-Division matches, it was all good stuff. Kaz and Samoa Joe had a solid title match that, hopefully, could prove to be the forerunner for an eventual PPV showdown between the two one day, the MCMGs and their Japanese counterparts had an insanely fast-paced match that, from a purely spectacle-oriented point-of-view, outmatched anything we've seen from TNA or WWE on television in a good while. Although the rest of the card didn't quite live up to the standards of the opening contests, it was an absolute breath of fresh air to see a wrestling television show focusing so completely on actual professional wrestling. The backstage stuff was kept short and to the point, the show flowed much better as a result, and I hope beyond anything this show gets a good rating so the company might stop and realize that, when they put their minds to it, they can put out the best wrestling product on TV.

The build to Victory Road began tonight too, and it got off to a decent start. The Booker/Joe match was of course expected, so the formal announcement came out right away and we already have a mystery between the two to solve in the coming weeks, as well as the ever-vigilant Nash circling on the outskirts of the feud. Meanwhile, the upcoming World X Cup was previewed and that could be an absolute riot if handled well (ie. the foreign teams are given a decent chance against Team TNA, and Petey Williams and his championship don't fade into the background as a result of the tournament). Plenty of other feuds are advancing too, so let's hope Jim Cornette steps in and actually books a few matches next week so we have more of a card to look forward to. Great stuff this week, let's hope it continues.

Any complaints regarding the artistic merit of the HOT or NOT rating system may be directed to my creative agent, who can be reached here.