Hey, did you hear they made a new Batman movie? You'd think they would have hyped that or something.
July 21, 2008
Live from Uncasville, Conn.
Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.
Batista comes out to announce he is in charge in absence of a McMahon. Why? Because he was the only one who remembered to dress up. That's why. As acting General Manager Guy with Cool Sunglasses, he puts himself in a match with CM Punk for the World Title. John Bradshaw Layfield objects from a remote location in the building. Apparently, he's got next. CM Punk interrupts, live and in person. He agrees to the title match because he wants to prove he can beat Batista. So it's on.
Lance Cade vs. Paul London.
Before the match, Cade calls out Shawn Michaels. Both guys are students of Shawn Michaels' academy, but London was trained by Rudy Boy Gonzales. Too bad because they might have been able to do something with him other than punk him out here. London actually gets a good chant in his name. He misses a springboard crossbody, so Cade works the back. He steamrolls London with a shoulderblock and tosses him into the turnbuckle. Cade finishes with the… Block-Cade… no, that's no good. Cade finishes with the… ArCade. That blows. Cade finishes with the Cadence. Meh. The Caderact! The Hand that Rocks the Cadle! The Cade-a-pult! Ah, to hell with it. It's a sitout spinebuster at 2:48. 3/4*
Recap of Shawn Michaels having his eyeball beaten in by Chris Jericho.
Chris Jericho comes out to say SHAWN CAN'T SEE ME! BWAHHAHAHHAAHAH! Okay, no he didn't, but that would have been funny. He claims to have saved himself.
Recap of Santino Marella taking on Beth Phoenix.
We see the inside of the Mohegan Sun, our venue for tonight. I wonder if Lawler always doubles down on an 11-year-old.
Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly.
Kelly tries to avoid her as much as possible and goes for a rollup. Beth uses her thigh strength and a handful of ropes to block. Kelly comes back with a satellite headscissors and goes for the handspring elbow. Beth catches her with the Double Chickenwing, though. Kelly rolls through, but Beth hoists her up and delivers a facebuster for the win at 3:02. Kelly showed she can at least do a number of athletic maneuvers that in some small way resemble wrestling moves. We can work with that. Oh, yes we can. *
"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan comes out to say he's thinking about retirement. He says Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes opened his eyes to the fact that he's not really competitive any more. Jerry Lawler leaves the announce position to tell Duggan that there is no age limit in the WWE (nor in Jerry's bedroom). He says Duggan should continue as long as he's happy. Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes interrupt. Ted steals my shtick about Lawler and tells Duggan he was right in the first place. Cody reminds them that when Duggan won the Rumble, he was 2 1/2, and when Lawler slapped Andy Kaufman, they hadn't been born yet. Jeez, I remember both of those. Think how I feel. Cody… you're a cunt. Lawler slaps Cody to show him what Andy Kaufman felt like. Nothing of note results as JBL comes down for the next match.
Six-Man Tag: John Cena & Cryme Tyme vs. John Bradshaw Layfield & Milk Money.
Cody starts with Cena and gets his ass handed to him. Good. That's what he gets for being born later than me and reminding me of said fact! Shad tags in for more carnage. He delivers an Exploder to Dibiase. JTG gets hot shotted and plays face-in-peril. JBL really seems to dislike JTG. JTG fights out of a bodyscissors and tags in Cena. Cena cleans house on Ted and takes down JBL too. JBL decides to leave through the crowd, so Cena delivers a double FU to the tag champs because anyone involved in a tag team is automatically a bitch. That gets the win at 9:54. **3/4
In the back, Chris Jericho and Lance Cade run into Kane on their way out.
Mixed-Tag: Kofi Kingston & Mickie James vs. Paul Burchill & Katie Lea.
Katie Lea reminds me of Ornella Muti from Flash Gordon, you know, the evil sexy girl they send to seduce the good-natured hero. Mickie takes Katie down and pummels her. She gives Burchill a slap too and baits him into a crossbody from Kofi. Katie interferes, allowing Burchill to clip Kofi from behind. Kofi comes back with a clothesline and the corner pummel. Mickie knocks Katie to the floor, and IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE FEUD! Everyone winds up on the floor where Kofi misses a spinning kick and hits the post. That sets up the neckbreaker at 3:26. Probably should have just been a singles match, considering how little the women were involved. *
Jamie Noble tries to sweet talk Layla in the back, but Batista cockblocks him while looking for Kane.
Santino Marella vs. D-Lo Brown.
Marella calls out any man in the back, so D-Lo comes out. Looks good. Beth Phoenix comes out to observe – observe Santino getting his ass kicked. D-Lo dismantles him, including a particularly nasty clothesline (the Sudden Impact, says Michael Cole). That sets up the Lo Down at 1:23. Good to have D-Lo back. 1/2*
After the match, Beth slugs Santino, and they exchange waistlocks until they realize… they're in love. Ah, yes, the sitcom kiss.
"I hate you!"
"I hate you more!"
**kiss**
"What was that?!"
"I don't know, but it can never happen again!"
"Agreed."
**kiss**
Studio Audience: WHOOOOOOOOOOO!
WWE Heavyweight Title: CM Punk vs. Batista.
Before the match, Kane comes out and chokeslams Batista. CM Punk makes the save, which is actually as effectual as he's looked since he won the title. We take a commercial and come back to Punk pretty much kicking the ass of the dazed Batista. Batista stays in it with an occasional power move, but he actually gives Punk so much offense that the crowd starts to get restless. Punk gets two off a bulldog, and Lawler acts like that would have been a huge moment in wrestling. Batista blocks the springboard clothesline with a spinebuster. He drives Punk to the corner and drives the shoulder. Batista signals for the end, but JBL runs down and attacks him for the DQ at 8:58. Punk dominated the match, but the ending made it look like he needed to be saved. **1/4
After the match, JBL is destroying both guys. John Cena runs down to make the save but accidentally winds up hitting Big Dave. That leads to a pull-apart between Batista and Cena. Big pop for that, and hopefully they have the good sense to hold off on that one for a while. Well, they have Punk, Batista, Cena, JBL, and Kane. They just need one more for the Elimination Chamber. Undertaker maybe? Jericho?
The 411: Not a bad show, but not exactly heartening. They nicely set up a clusterfuck situation in the main event, and that's almost certainly the sign of an Elimination Chamber. Still no idea what they're thinking of doing with Punk. They already have two huge babyfaces in Batista and Cena (and Shawn Michaels can easily slide right in there too). While I think he's a natural heel, I don't see that having much effect on his push. What Punk has to be if they want to get him over is a more dynamic character. Interesting characters are people who do things. Bland characters are people who have things done to them. Punk is oscillating between the former and latter. Changing between heel and face doesn't change that (see Edge). The same thing is happening with Cody & Ted. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if all of the positive trends over the past month are undone.
Posted By: Matt P (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 01:57 AM
Interesting characters are people who do things. Bland characters are people who have things done to them.
Punk is oscillating between the former and latter. Changing between heel and face doesn't change that (see Edge). The same thing is happening with Cody & Ted.
YOu have a great point, you'd think that if Punk was pro active enough to get the title by GTSing Edge, he might take advantage of the fact that the refs will let wrestlers book themselves (or however the show is organized) and say "I think the match everyone wants to see is me vs (Insert Punk's choice)".
And Cody needs to start exprimenting with the flashier moves if he wants to stay in WWE (I'm cutting ted slack because he hasn't been here a year). Seriously Rhodes, ever heard of a backbreaker? how bout an atomic drop. Hell a freakin moonsault? Dude your the right size to do all the technical moves, learn them!
And Kelly vs Beth was a lot better then I thought it would be, Kelly is far from great, but she managed to do a good job not embarrasing herself.
Posted By: Davis (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 01:57 AM
I thought it was a horrible show. The only thing that was close to interesting was Jim Duggan & Lawler with Simply Priceless. We had the same match as last week in the 6-man, the same scenario with the IC/Ladies belts. The same match from the PPV with the same outcome for the title. The other matches (Cade v London and D-Lo v Santino) were about 5 minutes combined. I was really dissapointed in this RAW, hopefully next week, Regal comes back and gets things "back on track".
I see they are going to keep up this Punk angle of no clean wins, which is dissapointing, and so reminds me of Rey Rey's title run, with maybe a little less punking out. SD is becoming more of a wrestling show than RAW, which is strange, becuase SD is on network TV and should have more "soap" angles than RAW.
I give the whole show a one-star rating, and that is being generous.
Posted By: SuperJeff (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:16 AM
the Cadence was the winner for me.
Posted By: Jackson (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:20 AM
Well the whole *lack of GM* thing plays well into the Chamber to settle who is the man I guess. Your right about Punk... even though he is the champion he's not doing anything, just accepting all these challengers and getting his ass beat.
Posted By: Brad (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:21 AM
I doubt it's the Elimination Chamber. They just had two of those in February, and they wouldn't want to risk cutting the drawing power of No Way Out by having another.
Posted By: Kevin (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:25 AM
Hey! The Cade-A-Pult is a WINNER!
Posted By: All Around Wrestling Fan (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:44 AM
Cody Rhodes isn't anything special. If he wasn't Dusty Rhodes son he would have the opportunity, and you're right Davis, if he thinks he's cool with just learning to smirk and cut fake sounding promos because he's Dusty's son and his brother got his chance he wont last too long.
I can't take that guy serious about the HOF speech when he tried to credit the entire Attitude Era to his brother playing Goldust.
Posted By: Guest#5573 (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:53 AM
How about the Motor-Cade
Posted By: Matt P (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 03:04 AM
OH! Almost forgot.
"And Cody needs to start exprimenting with the flashier moves if he wants to stay in WWE (I'm cutting ted slack because he hasn't been here a year). Seriously Rhodes, ever heard of a backbreaker? how bout an atomic drop. Hell a freakin moonsault? Dude your the right size to do all the technical moves, learn them!"
The whole point of a heel is to not do flashy things to wow the crowd. It's working, controling the pace, beating down the babyface he's fighting to get him sympathy, and selling like a mother fucker to then put him over.
On that note, I wanted to say I really love the way Rhodes/Dibiase Jr. have treated their young blood/cocky heel gimmicks. Guys like Kurt Angle, HHH, HBK, Jericho, and the initial nWo, etc. proved that even if you're a heel, and good at being a heel, doing too many things the crowd likes will sway them to root for the cool, bad ass heel. Going after respected legends is a great way to keep the heel heat. Orton had it way back with the legend killer gimmick, and now to a different extent, Rhodes and Dibiase Jr. are going pretty much the same way. I love it. It doesn't hurt that they're associating with one of the biggest heels on Raw, JBL.
It wasn't a blow away Raw or anything, but it doesn't always need to be. I like the way things are going, and even better, I can't wait to stick with it through the duration of all these storylines. Some of it is predictable, and cliche, but it can't always be ground breaking and new and innovative. It's all darn good right now, in my eyes.
Posted By: All Around Wrestling Fan (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 03:22 AM
Turn CM Punk. When they start going to the hick states again, he's gonna lose more fan support (remember hicks don't have the internet). Plus CM Punk is at his best when he's a heel. Either that or insert Jericho into the title picture. Watching Kane's and JBL's bloated bodies makes me want to puke.
And I can just picture it now, fat slobby smarks all over the world are now start going to clubs and putting waistlocks on women.
Posted By: Guest#0664 (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 04:05 AM
Ok, here are my suggestions for Lance Cade's finisher, in no particular order
1)The "Cade in Manhattan"
2)The "Cade to Black"
3)The "Air-Cade"
4)The "Ace of Cades"
5)The "Cure for Cades"
Posted By: Rufio Rush (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 06:15 AM
The Lancer
Posted By: squirrel master (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 08:40 AM
Man Cena is a joke.By that I mean his non selling of the PPV match on Raw.He acted like he just took a walk in the park while JBL hobbles and sells the match like a pro.Oh yeah,I forgot,he's SUPERCENA.Hurry back RKO!
Posted By: Gary (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 09:23 AM
What about a six man Hell in a Cell for the title at SS. They haven't done one of those in YEARS! I think the last one was in 2001 or 2002, when Rikishi got thrown off the Cell into the dumptruck.
Posted By: sefdog (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 09:34 AM
Cade-a-roonie!!
Posted By: setobakura (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 10:02 AM
Lance Cade finisher suggestions:
"The Mull of Cadetyre"
"Eye Of The Hurricade"
"Cadeplete Shot" (yeah, that one was pretty aweful)
"The Cadecussion"
"The Cade Bottom-Power Flip Monkey Spin"
Posted By: The Rorster (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 10:04 AM
I got it! How about the AVA-LANCE.
Posted By: Evil Frenchman (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 10:40 AM
...Or, as a compliment the Walls of Jericho... THE FLOOR OF CADE!
Posted By: Evil Frenchman (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 10:42 AM
Cure for Cades takes it hahaha
Posted By: Guest#9607 (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 10:47 AM
I think Simply Priceless need to turn on JBL when Orton gets back. Not only are they "borrowing" Orton's gimmick, they're all second (or third) generation wrestlers, and putting the boots to JBL (with Orton orchestrating) allows JBL to return to commentating, which is what he should be doing because of his back.
Posted By: Wyatt (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 11:05 AM
The Lance-a-Lot
Cadearoonie
Posted By: William (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 11:59 AM
Cade-le of Love.
Posted By: Guest#3720 (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 12:04 PM
I dunno. For all the "turn Punk heel" clamoring, I'm thinking the better storyline is turning Big Dave. He played the PPV match as a cocky heel - and well, I might add. It worked. In a perfect world, they'd finally get a one-on-one at Summerslam, with no interference, and Punk would go over clean in a bloody, brutal gimmick match of some sort. And a new main eventer is built.
But that won't happen. Vince is, apparantley, not determined to build CM Punk as a brand. Every show ends with Punk being punked out - by Batista, by JBL, by Kane, by whoever. Doesn't the CHAMP get to - no pun intended - punk out his rival now and then? Guess not.
They will never, ever, ever give him a clean pin over Batista.
Why? Because Batista needs to be "protected" for the obvious upcoming feud with Cena. Cena's so crazy over he can take a loss to JBL and not lose any heat. But management, obviously, does not feel Batista has reached that level. Very few people can lose without losing heat. HHH is probably the only other one right now - as we all recall, he kickstarted Batista's career by jobbing to him clean three PPVs in a row.
It's obvious they'll never let Batista take a clean pin from Punk. Punk will either retain in an EC or a three-way, with Kane or JBL inserted for pin-taking. And Punk's title run will amount to about as much as Benoit's or Mysterio's did. After the initial win, they only defend against second-stringers, and nobody cares.
To paraphrase Ric Flair, "To be a main eventer, you have to beat a main eventer." Beating Kane and Snitsky and JBL won't do. Punk needs a win over one of the three perma-main-eventers: Cena, HHH, or Batista. We'll leave out 'Taker since he's been "fired" and all.
If Vince actually wants Punk to = Money, he has to build the brand. So far he's not doing a very good job.
Posted By: Al Lawson (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 12:22 PM
The Avalance
Take a Lance on Me
Have Your Pet Cade or Neutered
General Agreement on Tariffs and Cade
Posted By: The Minister of Fi-Lance (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 12:24 PM
I notice nobody complaining about Cena making the tag champs his bitch. I guess at least it wasn't a handicap match.
Posted By: DC (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 12:49 PM
The Cade-el Excercise! hahaha
Posted By: FUZEY (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 01:42 PM
The Starr-cade
Posted By: Guest#4360 (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:24 PM
Cade-le In The Wind
The Cade-aver
The Barri-Cade
First Cade
Posted By: Shockmaster (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:31 PM
Ok here's what I would do. JBL vs. John Cena & Batista vs. Kane in tournament matches and the winners face CM Punk for the World Title at Summerslam book it
Posted By: John (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:33 PM
"I got it! How about the AVA-LANCE.
Posted By: Evil Frenchman (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 10:40 AM"
We have a winner.
Posted By: Nandy (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:42 PM
I think Punk going heel would make him a lot more interesting to watch, at least. But I agree with Dunn that it probably won't help his title experiment in a meaningful way. Plus, long haired heel with a rocker style who is smart and an asshole that you'd love to see get beaten up? They already have an Edge.
Posted By: lern2heel (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 02:52 PM
the "Cure for Cades" FTW!
lol
Posted By: Thomas (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 04:10 PM
I must say, Michael Cole, if nothing else, did an excellent job in getting D-Lo over to the viewing audience by giving them a history report and giving his moves gimmick names. You know, the exact opposite of what he did for 'Taker at WM24.
Posted By: Engel (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 04:49 PM
I miss orton in this show!Raw is lacking heel material! Kane looks good as a monster heel but plp are still cheering for him and jbl is not a wrestling heel, he's most of a mouth piece heel
Posted By: yincia (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 05:23 PM
lol @ Cade-el Exercise.
In fact, most of the suggestions are pretty damned funny.
Posted By: J.D. Dunn (Registered) on July 22, 2008 at 05:46 PM
summerslam main event:
championship challenge
punk vs batista vs cena vs kane vs JBL
Posted By: jeff (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 06:10 PM
Katie Lea reminds me of Ornella Muti from Flash Gordon, you know, the evil sexy girl they send to seduce the good-natured hero.
Sorry, not even close bud. That chick from Flash Gordon had the finest set of eyes and the sexiest voice. Katie Lea has a nice sexy voice but her chiseled facial features have me looking for an adams apple.
Posted By: Terd Ferguson (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 06:46 PM
Hey, did you hear they made a new Batman movie? You'd think they would have hyped that or something.
They did. Casts were all over talk shows. Watch it, its very good.
Posted By: mark (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 06:56 PM
Jeeezz! Lance Cade is finally getting some attention(or heat!!) with running gags.
Keep it up guys, it's kinda funny!
Lance Cade is the next JBL: same agressive style, similar size, more muscles...except Cade has a gay haircut. The GayCade.
Posted By: Steven (Guest) on July 22, 2008 at 07:33 PM
Cadel Mutilation
Posted By: Bernie (Guest) on July 23, 2008 at 02:42 PM
How about the Cadelvice?
Posted By: Chrisox (Guest) on July 23, 2008 at 07:10 PM
Seriously, WTF?! JBL pounds the piss out of John Cena in the Parking Lot Brawl, yet the next night Super Cena walks out to the ring as if that whole beating never even happened. This is why John Cena is and forever will be the IWC's most hated wrestler. WOULD IT KILL THE MAN TO SELL FOR HIS OPPONENTS ONCE IN A WHILE?! Don't even get me started on Super Cena jobbing out the World Tag Team Champions with that horrendous looking Double F-U. You think that's what Vince had in mind when he wanted to push younger guys Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr.? If so, WAY TO GO, DUMBASS!
Posted By: Anonymous (Guest) on July 24, 2008 at 06:13 PM
