Cross The Line - TNA 08.07.08 Analysis

Posted by Wendell Mitchell on 08.08.2008

Kong is back! And the stench of death is sure to follow. Plus we have two, count em two gimmick matches including eight men. Come with me and Cross the Line.



Previously on Impact:Video package for tonight's eight man table's match and eight man weapons gauntlet. Now I'm not one to usually harp on this, but do we really need a weapons gauntlet match on the same show as a No DQ match, three days before a PPV loaded with gimmick matches? I don't care nearly as much about buy rates and giving away matches like a lot of people, but I would like them to spread this around a bit. Give us something to look forward to; build up feuds to the point we're excited to see the next flaming barbed wired ropes, taser on a pole match. Anyway, moving on...

The opening is rendered in game graphics again. I'll give them another week before this gets on my nerve.

Tenay is in the ring and calls Hard Justice the most hardcore pay-per-view. I beg to differ sir. I once saw three women, a horse, two midgets dressed as sailors, a guy in a latex suit with hooped nipple rings, buckets of lubrication, a car battery, and...I've said too much.

So Tenay regales us with anecdotes of Joe and Booker. He then kicks it to JB who is in the audience. He runs his mouth a bit before shooting us to BG James and Lauren, who are also in the crowd. BG Pimps the main event as "big old boys, with bid old toys, bringing a lot of noise. the epicTalks about Joe and Booker. Kicks it to JB in the audience. Lauren and BG are also in the crowd. BG pimps "big old boys, with big old toys, bringing a lot of noise. Let's kick it to the ring with our opening contest.

Match1 - Standard Single's Match : "The Pride of Tennessee "Jackie Moore(w/James Storm's awesome theme music) vs. Roxxi(w/Raven's cart of hardcore plundah)

Traci Brooks is the ref, but unfortunately opts not to wear the HBK's short shorts.
Jackie immediately takes it to Roxxi with punches and kicks because she's awesome and wants to take Victoria's place as my favorite female wrestler. Swinging neck breaker and Disco Inferno would approve. Jackie takes too long taunting the fans and Roxxi dodges a charge that sends Jackie crashing to the floor. Roxxi takes over with some clubbing blows across the back and then one right across Jackie's ample chest. She then whips Jackie into the steps and goes weapon collecting.
After a little stalling,, Roxxi rolls Jackie back into the ring. She bangs Jackie's head into the turnbuckle, but Jackie reverses a whip into the always brutal-looking drop toe hold into the chair. Jackie and Traci exchange fashion tips, then Jackie finds a couple of cookie sheets and goes to town on Roxxi's head. Jackie with a variation of the Ali shuffle and drops Roxxi with an overhead cookie sheet blow. Roxi manages to fight back and gets a side slam. Jackie blocks the Voodoo drop with a knee to the skull and then really states her case for being my new fave with an Exploder suplex! Jackie grabs a chair, but her coup de grace backfires when Roxxi kicks the chair back into her face. Voodoo drop and it's done.

Winner:Roxxi The stalling and short duration hurts the match a bit, but this was much better than the first two go round with Moose and ODB.


To the Back:Lauren is with Christian. Christian will never forget the pain, the suffering. Me either man. Edge and Vicki were beautiful together, but that wedding planner chick is hot. I'd cheat on the woman I'm cheating on my wife with if she asked me to. Christian says the only reason Team 3D can be considered the best is because he decided to be a singles wrestler. Oh snap. I believe the cool kids call that a burn. Rhino brings the bestial intensity and wants to gore someone through a glass table. That's sound so insane and awesome that I know it won't happen.

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And we're back with JB and with Val. Oh great, Super Eric's here. He calls Val Fire head woman and I find myself thinking about Christy Hemme and how good she would look wearing Star Fire's outfit from the Teen Titans'comic. Super Eric believes Sonjay stole the ring. Then he flutters his cape dramatically. No Curry Man = crossing the line. I hadn't thought about this, but I guess the ring he had a couple of weeks back was Val's. In my thought process, I figured he had bought one of his own using the money from his thirty-seven jobs. Oh well.


Match 2 - Standard Single's Match : "The Guru" Sonjay Dutt(w/o silly do-rag) vs Curry Man(w/ the dance that will end world hunger)

Sonjay puts Curry down with a drop kick then dances on his back. Curry recovers, takes Sonjay down and does a jig of his own across Sonjay's lower lumbar. Curry with the arm drag then a scoop and a slam. Oh my God they just explained that two of the most exciting wrestlers on the roster are going to have a tuxedo match! Why, TNA, why? Guru takes over after a drop toe hold sends Jay crashing into the middle turn buckle. Sonjay with a rib breaker. He whips Jay into the corner, looks at Val, then crotches himself. The Sultan of Spice hits his flying booty attack. Guru turns the tables by sliding through the middle ropes, and kicking Curry in the face. He immediately drops a leg across the back of Curry's head as it is draped across the ropes and like good little heel he has become, he uses his feet on the pinfall.. Cheap shot.

Winner: Sonjay Dutt. Way too short to be anything other than angle progression.


After a cheap shot to Curry Man, Sonjay leaves the ring when Val tries to confront him. Sharky is out from the back and punches him a few time until Sonjay stops him with a stun gun. He turns around and Super Eric press slams him. Super Eric retrieves the ring from Sonjay's pants and possibly cops a feel. Val is angry. Guru appeals to her compassionate side. He swears he found the ring after she left his room and like a good little stalker, kept it under his pillow, hoping for the day she would leave Jay. Val buys into it and they hug.

To the back: You know what's boring? Well according to Brother Ray, normal wrestling matches and sleeping with Lauren. Disagree with the former, but I concur with the latter. Sleeping with Lauren would be boring. Now, making hot, sweaty, monkey love with her? That's another story. Bubba reminds us they are the twenty time tag team champions and that Beer Money are the future of tag wrestling. There's goes those singles pushes. The four of them love to drink, fight bleep. You bleeping heard me. They bleeping love to bleep. Storm apologizes for his opponents cursed misfortunes for he and his partners will subject them to grievous bodily injury.

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And we're back with video package: More Abdul Bashir speaking the truth.

Match 3 - Tag Team Match: Motor City Machine Guns(w/Lucha Gras masks) vs. Black Machismo(w/Pomp and Circumstance) and Consequences Creed (w/footage of beating Petey last week)

As they make it to the ring, Don says Jay will finally get Sonjay in a position where he can't run or hide and that makes me uncomfortable when the object is to strip your opponent to his skivvies.

Alex and Lethal Start off fast and furious, but not 2 Fast or 2 Furious. Alex with the pendulum submission, but when he drops Lethal on the mat, Lethal gets a roll up for two. Alex blocks the the Lethal combo and gets a nice, tight roll up. Both of them flip back to their feet for a gratuitous Indy stand off and a hand shake of honor. Sabin and Creed in now and they try to outdo the pace previously set by their partners. Sabin gets a head scissors take down then tries to box with Creed who quickly shows him his folly. Creed back Sabin into the corner, but Sabin escapes, runs up the opposite corner, then eats a rolling thunder clothesline. Lethal in and they perform tandem dancing jabs with Lethal finishing the combo with the old school Macho "point to the sky, turn, and overhead punch" spot. Ohhhh Yeah. I loved doing that on WCW/nWo Revenge for N-64. That and DDP had like three ways of doing the Diamond Cutter. But I digress.
Sabin manages to lock in a high octopus hold and Lethal is forced to get to the ropes to break the ropes. Sabin in control but Lethal hits a nice " float over Sabin's shoulder" arm drag only to get taken down by Alex who sends him to the floor and nails him with a cross body. Sabin drop kicks Creed to the floor and Alex slides Lethal back in. Sabin tags in Alex, who immediately hits a drop toe hold that allows Sabin to drop an elbow to the back of Lethal's head. Alex with a surf board like maneuver and Sabin hits a bull dog on Lethal. Alex and Lethal exchange chops and punches. Alex takes him down with a forearm and grinds it in his face. Both Guns in. Lethal gets dropped after a kick to the back of the head and one to the face. Sabin remembers his time with Coach Nash and chokes Lethal with the boot in the corner. Lethal fights back, avoids the double team, sends Alex to the outside and nails a middle rope leg lariat on Sabin. Creed tagged in and he lifts Sabin off his feet with an uppercut. Alex slows his momentum with a stun gun, but leaps into a TKO for 2. Alex with the jawbreaker and holds Creed in place for a sunset flip from Sabin. Lethal makes the save and back flips out of an attempted double team which leaves the Guns vunerable to a cross body from Creed. Sabin sent to the outside, and Creed does a split as Lethal dives over his head through the middle ropes with a suicide dive. Now that was pretty cool. Alex and Creed slug it out for a second. The CreedDT is blocked, but so is the Shirunai. Alex is shoved sternum first into the corner and just like another wrestler sporting an afro in his first few months, Creed wins with the roll up.

Winners: Black Machismo Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed. Very fun match as these four worked well together and used every minute.

Post match what starts off as a show of mutual respect ends with Alex not too thrilled to shake Creed's hand. No time to ponder if this means a heel turn or not because it's time for Sally Jessie Rafael.

Karen's Angle: Trigg says he's a good friend of Angle, which he reminds her is the man she's cheating on. Trigg talks about how supportive his wife was of his career choices and how she never wanted to steal his thunder by being on t.v. He's known Kurt for a long time, longer than her and Kurt's still the same good guy to him. He posits that perhaps her infidelity has changed how she views Kurt. He then drops hints that she's attracted to him as well. Karen slaps him and Trigg punches out security. Before he leaves, he reminds her that Angle is the franchise and what he says is law. Now get your ass in the kitchen and make us some sandwiches woman. Not exactly "Highlight Reel" good, but better than Carlito's Cabana. Trigg is a natural for this. If he can pick up at least four of five moves he can do really well, he should make a fun addition to the active roster. While Karen fears for her well being for the second time in as many weeks, let's take a break.

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And we're back with a video detailing the Angle/Styles feud.

Card Run Down

World Tag Team Championship: Beer Money vs. ( c ) LAX
X Division Championship: Consequences Creed vs. ( c ) Petey Williams
Black Tie Brawl and Chain Match: Jay Lethal vs. Sonjay Dutt (w/ chain perhaps?)
New Jersey Street Fight: Team 3D vs. Christian Cage and Rhino
Last Man Standing: AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle
World Heavyweight Championship - SIX SIDES OF STEEL (w/ weapons!): Booker T. vs. ( c ) Samoa Joe


To the Back: JB is with Kurt. Kurt is the best ever period. End of sentence. Do not question this man. After all the pain and anguish he believes AJ put him through, he will not be held responsible for what he does to AJ. He took AJ, a nobody and made him a somebody. God I hate that. First Booker, now Angle. I'm pretty sure Christian did it too once, but at least AJ got to correct him. I have no clue why TNA doesn't pay up the fact that not only is the man the first Triple Crown champ, he's done it three times. And I'm pretty sure at least two of those years he accomplished it by winning all three titles in the same year. Kurt informs us that spitting in the face of a gold medalist is like spitting the face of a soldier. Not what I would have went with. I would have said "like pissing on an apple pie right before throwing it at a baseball player." The pain game starts tonight. It's real, it's damn real. Intensity is always a good excuse for...

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And we're back to the back: Angelina takes the mic away from Lauren. She is tired of Lauren's constant disrespect. Lauren is not worth brown bagging. Get to stepping. The Beautiful People anoint Kong, Queen Kong and that Gail and Company will need the military to stop this carnage. Kong is an animal that loves: Chinese(pretty sure she's Korean, though either way I bet she's delicious). Pure white bread (Taylor looks pretty tasty too) and Obnoxious Dirty Beyotches. (I'll pass, even if I'm oddly drawn to her). I love their valley girl trying to sound ghetto girl thing.

Match 4 - Eight Man No Disqualification Match: Beer Money(w/James Storm's awesome music) and Team 3D (w/Devon dancing and flexing) vs LAX(w/Hector Guererro), Christian Cage(w/o hoodie), and Rhino(w/Christian's theme)

They commence brawling. It's a Gore buffet as all four members of the opposing team get cut down by Rhino. Con Hilo from Homicide. Christian with a dive to the outside. Super Mex with the no hands over the top rope dive. That's enough action to warrant a couple of...

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Match Continued and the heels are in control. Beer Money taking it to Homicide. But Hernadez in with the sling shot clothesline. Brother Ray takes Hernadez down then hit a huge corner splash. Goes for it again, but Hernandez boots him in the face and hops up top. Ray stops that and hits a nice superplex. Christian breaks it up and brawls with Ray until Ray sents him clawing at the ceiling with a high back body drop. Homicide steps in to help out and with Ray now perched up top, Christian brings him to the mat with a Frakensteiner. Homicide drops a big elbow but is attacked by Devon. Rhino beats Devon down, but falls to a tandem Beer Money Suplex. Beer! Money! taunt and Hernandez feeds them a pair of clotheslines. Ray with a scoop and slam. Devon gets the head butt to the lower abdominal. Christian and Rhino attack Team 3D. Hernandez recovers and hoist Roode up for a Border Toss, but eats the Last Call. Storm turns around and gets Gringo Cut and that's all she wrote.
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Winners: LAX, Christian Cage, and Rhino: The commercial gutted a solid two minutes of this match, but what was there was fun if not a bit hectic.

Brother Ray is back with the singado stick and whacks everyone. 3D for Hernadez. DUI (suplex into a power bomb neck breaker) on Cage. Team 3D set Rhino up to go through the glass, but Beer Money drill Homicide through it instead with a tandem spine buster. Brother Ray does not look pleased. Play that sweet, sweet country music. Tenay uses his serious voice to send us to commercial.

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And we're back with Rough Cut Still bludgeoning me in the head with that stupid, Upset Queen moniker. This will cease to bother me eventually. This was a better segment than last week. Still didn't reveal much about her prior to her accepting the challenge.

Match 5 - Standard Single's Match: Awesome Kong(w/Raesha Saed and the best booties on the roster, the Beautiful People) vs. Salinas(w/replays of Homicide getting put through the table)

This is going to be quick. Salinas flashes the LAX symbol. She ducks a massive swing from Kong and brings the forearms. Off the ropes and Salinas goes for either a monkey slip or code breaker, but Kong simply shrugs her off. Awesome Bomb and that's just the way it is.

Winner: Queen Kong Squash-tastic.

Angelina mocks Salina's boo boo. Holla. She then tells Gail, ODB, and Taylor that this is a preview. Gail Kim and friends are out to save us from the cool visual of Salinas getting power bombed on a chair. Taylor with some drop kicks that stagger Kong. Taylor goes up top for the missile drop kick but Kong knows it's coming and clotheslines the crap out of her in mid air. Abyss out to save Taylor because she's prettier than Salinas I guess. The clash of the mutha frickin' titans. Saed slaps Abyss! He shares a look of longing with the steel chair. Saed runs. A security guy snatches the chair from Abyss and pays for it with a The Black Hole Slam. That's what you get sucka. I just realized we haven't been to the Pimped out locker room tonight.

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And we're back and hey, it's the Pimped Out Locker Room! JB talks about the upcoming gauntlet and his match at the pay-per-view. Booker calls him Jeremiah and it is glorious! That puts a smile on my face. Booker says he's the champ. Is it a ten man gauntlet match? Could have sworn they said eight at the top of the show. Shatow of a doubt. I love that. JB makes an inquiry about Sting. Booker says the real Batman will be there. They drink to his awesomeness.

Another run down of the card and I don't see a graphic for the women's match. Though there is concern over Homicide and a nice pic of Lethal looking pimp in a white suit.

In the locker room with Lauren Joe dares to call the Icon coward. That's ludicrous. Sting's not smart enough to be a coward. He exemplifies the phrase "Evil always wins because good is dumb."

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And we're back with a hype video for the World Title bout and the gentleman that will be rapping

Another video focused on Sting and like someone said, it sounds very 1996ish with the whole "Whose side is he on?"

To the back Jeremiah is with AJ, who exudes Baby face intensity. AJ brings up helping build this company Finally, they let him somewhat address his founding father status. They could mention the Three World Titles though. Kurt jumped on the bandwagon. It was AJ that befriended him. Kurt got lucky when he got a gold medal and how dare he compare himself to the troops. Told you he should have said something about Apple Pie and baseball. AJ wants him to bring Tomko, Trigg, Dancer, Prancer, and Rudolph too. AJ guaran-damn-tees he will be the last man standing. I love it when they work that stuff into a promo. One of my favorite was a couple years back when Christopher Daniels said his spirit was Unbreakable.

Joe, Morgan, and BG head to the ring and we head to these...

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Back from the break and JB is in the ring He breaks down the rules.

Match 6 - Gauntlet With Weapons Match: Kurt Angle(w/trash can) vs. The Phenomenal AJ Styles(w/baby face fury) vs. Tomko(w/walking papers) vs. "The Blue Print" Matt Morgan(w/chair) vs. BG James(w/chair) vs. Kip James(w/Dead End sign) vs. Booker T(w/Ebony Wood) Samoa Joe(w/Police Baton)

Angle recovers from AJ's initial onslaught only to fall victim to the drop kick that rocks my socks. AJ grabs a ladder, so Angle crushes a trash can over his head. European uppercuts and an attempt at eliminating AJ, who fights it off. Kurt with chops. They run the ropes both are down after they both attempt cross bodies. Tomko and Morgan out at the same time and I guess that's one way to work with the time constraints. They dual chair to 2x4 dual and Morgan's chair wielding skills prove superior.. Morgan chases Tomko away. AJ puts Angle down with elbows and clotheslines. He goes for the Clash, but gets backdropped over the top rope. AJ lands on the apron, then springs back in with the Superman Forearm. AJ sets a chair in the corner but he turns around and Angle boots him in the gut and staggers him with a European uppercut. Angle tries to whip Angle into the chair, but AJ blocks it. Unfortunately, he still gets catapulted face first into the chair.. Blocks irish whip, but gets catapulted into the chair. The Old Age Outlaws are out. Kip doesn't wait to get in the ring and takes it to BG. BG dead ends him with a sign shot to the head. Angle sets up the ladder. AJ shoves the ladder into Kurt's face on the rebound and Angle is gushing blood. AJ with some punches, but Angle pops those hips and hits a huge overhead belly to belly. Joe is out with night baton in hand and Booker bringing the Sting trademark. baton. And Booker with black bat. Joe takes him down with some well placed shots to the mid-section Angle goes after Joe. AJ goes back after Angle. And we go back to the ...

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I like TNA and all, but they still have a ways to go before their commercials look as polished as this Summer Slam one.

Kip James eliminated during the commercial. AJ eliminates Kurt and in turn is immediately tossed by Booker. I didn't see BG's elimination and they didn't mention it. That's weird. Awesome visual of a bloodied, pyschotic Angle administering the tendor tearing power of the Ankle lock to AJ. Tomko knocks Joe to the floor but doesn't eliminate him. Morgan takes it to Tomko and Booker. Big side slam to Tomko. He goozles Tomko but takes too long so Booker hits him from behind. Booker and Tomko muscles Morgan over the top. They focus their attack on Joe. Joe gets a brief flurry but is silenced with a Houston Side Kick. Booker talks trash, then misses a follow up kick, gets straddled, and is eliminated when Tomko is whipped into him. Tomoko in control of Joe until Joe kicks the trash can into his face. Joe hits the muscle buster with ease for the win.

Winner: Samoa Joe: Not nearly as good as it could have been with the commercial break and it lost steam after the eliminations of Angle and AJ.. Wasn't horrible, but they've had much better Gauntlets on Impact.

Joe calls out Booker and tells Sting he's next. Sting's music plays. Lights out. And Sting is in the rafters. That's our show.

Hype video for Hard Justice and well at least the women get a graphic now. I like rap more than some, but I've never seen it used well for a hype video. It works as individual music (Ron Killings comes to mind) but your average rap song doesn't just grab me like the songs TNA has used in the past or that WWE usually does well with.

That's it for this week gang. The pacing for this show just seemed way off and commercials hurt the flow of the two main matches. I'm going a little lower than last week and Don moves one step closer to crossing the line. So that's one step away from being a bad show. Thanks for spending a few minutes of your day with me. Remember, if your signifcant other gives you an ultimatum, Cross the Line